Page 47 of Feared

“He said it made it more fun but I used to tease him because he never really smiled when he did it, he just becameabsorbed, and anyway, this one time, I forget which game, one of the players hit a home run, and the cannon went off and the scoreboard went crazy, and he was so happy, he hugged me and he said, ‘God, I love you.’”

“That’s so cute.”

“He was cute, he really could be.” Judy gestured at the couch, and tears brimmed in her bloodshot blue eyes. “You see Anthony over there, with the dog?”

“Yes.” Mary didn’t know where she was going.

“It’s just so nice to be in this house, with your sweetheart of a husband and a great dog, in a really nice, quiet room. And now you’re going to have a baby, and I’ve been sitting here, and I have to tell you this is all I really wanted in my life.” Judy’s eyes filled, and she gestured around the room. “What you have here. What’s in your living room. And not that I’m jealous of you, I would never be, and you know that, but I want these things, this is all I really want, this happiness, this quiet, thispeace. A family of my own. And I almost had it, this time.”

Mary’s heart went out to Judy all over again, understanding the depth of what her best friend had lost. Not only John, but the possibility of what could be, their future.

“I’ve had great boyfriends in the past, like Frank, he was great, but he wasn’t the right one. I didn’t have it with him, butI had it with John. I know I did, and I would’ve loved to have been married to him. I could see it happening. We would’ve been so happy together, we were really happy.” Judy sniffled. “We really were, and now he’s gone. Really gone, for good.”

“Oh boy.” Mary put her arm around Judy, and Judy rested her head on Mary’s shoulder, wiping her eyes with the soggy Kleenex.

“It just really sucks.”

“I know.” Mary hugged her closer, and Judy shifted in the seat, straightening up.

“Oops, I almost forgot. I have something for you.” Judy bent over on the far side of the chair, reached down for something on the floor, and straightened up with a gift in her hand, wrapped in wrapping paper covered with daisies. “Open your present.”

“My present?” Mary had almost forgotten. “From the baby shower?”

“Yes.” Judy rallied, with a crooked grin.

“You are so nice. You want to do this now?”

“Are you too tired?”

“No, but it’s a sad time.”

“All the more reason.” Judy smiled bravely. “That’s The Way of the Tao.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. The Tao is full of paradoxes. The Sage would tell you that there is no better time to open a gift than in a time of sadness.”

“In other words, cheer up?”

Judy smiled. “Exactly. Maybe it’s not so paradoxical?”

“Whatever, just don’t join the cult.”

“It’s not a cult, it’s a world religion.”

“I know, I’m just kidding. Meanwhile, were you really going to become a Buddhist nun?”

“I thought about it.”

“You never told me.”

“Because you think it’s a cult.” Judy smiled.

“And they have nuns?”

“Yes, and priests too. But no guilt.”

“Too bad.” Mary smiled back, unwrapping her gift, quietly, so as not to wake Anthony. Ordinarily, she would’ve shared it with him, but no matter how good the marriage, a girl still needed alone time with her best friend, especially on a night as sad as this one.