Page 47 of Father Knows Best (A Family Affair #1)

twenty-seven

. . .

avery

The Admission

Obviously if you push alcohol on someone or try to get them to drink because you prefer them drunk, you’re a scumbag.

I drag the comb through my hair, staring at my reflection in the mirror as the steam from the shower dissipates.

“You’re not a scumbag,” I tell myself. Then I remind myself that I didn’t even like Brandon’s insinuations about Sutt and I marrying so soon, and I felt protective of my relationship and my man then, obviously I’m not a scum bag.

Sutton steps into the bathroom, reaching around me to turn on the exhaust fan. “Makes the mirror less foggy,” he says, pressing a kiss to my cheek. He’s tying his tie, because the three of us are getting ready to go into the office.

Geo is already downstairs. He’s on a health kick, and he’s decided to pack us lunch for a while to see if he can raise his good cholesterol.

With a moment of privacy, despite the nerves, I place my brush on the counter and face my husband.

I really liked drunk Sutton, and how much he wanted to explore.

And I get that I fell head over heels in love with a vanilla man, but that swirl that I got the other night was hot.

And if any of that exists in him, I want to do what I can to bring that out.

Because I think he enjoyed himself more than usual, too.

“Sutt,” I start, sliding my hand up his bicep, hooking it over his shoulder. He turns, facing me, his sharp jawline and stunning eyes still making me a little breathless. “The comment you made yesterday morning, when you came downstairs.”

He slept most of the day yesterday, so if he doesn't remember, I won’t be surprised. Yet there’s zero hesitation in his face when he says, “Yeah, about you and Dad looking like a married couple.”

My eyes fall to the ring on my finger, the one Sutt picked out when we’d been dating only six months.

Suddenly, feeling giddy about the comparison he made makes me feel terrible.

Wanting Geo to be a permanent part of us makes me feel guilty and selfish, and despite the fact I’d started this talk with every intention of finding out how Sutt feels, an emotional landslide wipes me out, and tears suddenly spring to my eyes.

Sutt lifts me onto the bathroom counter immediately, and instinctively knocks the door closed with his foot. My face is in his hands in a matter of seconds, and that doesn't surprise me at all. Sutton has always taken such good care of me.

“What’s going on, sweetheart?”

My bottom lip trembles and tears spill down my cheeks.

I realize now that this isn’t just about wanting more of Sutton’s kinky side to come free.

This is about what we look like as a couple, and how we move forward.

I know what I want, and suddenly living in this house with these men without them knowing is too hard to bear.

“I love you Sutton. More than anything. You know that, right?” I don’t bother swiping at the tears, because they’re falling so fast, there’s no point.

He nods his head, kissing my cheeks and nose, that look of concern on his face making my insides hot and weak. “Yes, and I love you, too.”

I nod. “Well, that comment you made at breakfast yesterday, it made me realize that… I want your dad to stay. Not just in the house but I mean like… with us. Be part of us.”

Now Sutton is nodding. “Okay, tell me what else you want.”

I shake my head. “No, Sutt. It can’t just be about what I want.

I don’t want you to live a life of giving me what I want, at your expense.

You have to tell me what you want.” I swipe under my nose, and make one last admission.

“I’m scared we’re at an impasse where we may not want the same thing. Again.”

Sutton lets go of my face and steps back, and fear throttles inside me.

I reach for him but he takes another step back and drops his gaze to the floor for the most intense moment of my life.

I’m on the brink of screaming for him to come back to me, thinking he’s going to tell me what he wants is to call this whole thing off when he looks up at me.

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately,” he starts, his soulful eyes searching mine.

“I always thought I knew what I wanted.” He shrugs.

“You.” Tension fills the space between us, and I want so badly to hold him right now, but he needs space to get through this, and for once, I need to give Sutton what he needs.

“I thought agreeing to my dad being part of things for a while was to scratch a curious itch for you, and I was willing to let that happen, because I wanted to keep you happy, and the idea of you leaving because you are not fulfilled made me sick.” He smiles slightly, and I press my hand to my belly, nervous and sick feeling.

“After our honeymoon, I realized that I enjoy watching you be pleased by him. And in the last few days, I’ve kind of struggled with that truth.

Two nights ago in the office, when I got drunk, it wasn’t to celebrate that property.

” He shoots me a wink. “That property was always in the bag for me.”

I smile at his confidence, and he continues.

“I realized that sexually, I thrive in two places. With you, being inside you, intimately, making love to you, cherishing you. And… watching you be his. Be slutty for him, be easy and adventurous for him—all of that, I really fucking like it. And I thought I knew myself so well, and now I find myself feeling like if we can’t make this work… ”

I take his hands in mine, tears of relief cascading down my cheeks. “Oh my god, Sutton, you have no idea how relieved and happy I am to hear you say that.”

He pulls me into him, and rubs my back as he kisses the top of my head, making me feel safe and loved, but also alleviating my worries.

“I love that you’re opening up more,” I tell him.

“I love all the ways in which I get to be intimate with you, Sutt. Even if it’s just being watched by you when he pleases me.

It feels like I’m getting closer to you, too. Somehow.”

He nods his head. “I feel the same way.”

I slide off the counter and rock to my toes and find his lips, feeling the urge to kiss and be as close to him as I can.

He tucks hair behind my ear. “Avery, are you in love with him, too?” he asks, taking me off guard. His voice is soft, and his focus is gentle, and his hands continue to touch me in soothing ways–one rubs my knee, the other tenderly cradles my neck.

I swallow against the nerves and fear, and choose, like Sutton, to be brave. “I am.” I lick my lips and say, “I am in love with him, too.”

For a second, he says nothing, but then he kisses me, strokes his fingers through my hair and says, “I love you, baby.”

“You’re not mad?” I whimper, emotional again.

He shakes his head. “I’m happy. Because if we’re going to make this work, it’s pretty important that you give him the same love you give me. That’s what he deserves, too.”

I nod my head, completely in awe and taken aback by my husband’s progressive evolution. “You.. think we can make it work?”

I can’t see a life without Geo.

He touches my lips with his thumb. “I do. Let me work on things a bit, okay?”

I nod, and then he swipes his thumbs below my eyes, stealing the traces of our intense and emotionally heavy conversation. “Now we go eat breakfast and get to work, okay?”

I’m not a scumbag. Just a woman with confusing needs.

Thank god for my understanding husband.