Page 58

Ezra

The next morning, it was clear to all three of them that Scarlett was struggling.

She didn’t say anything, even going to great lengths to hide it, but she dreaded Vince’s and Mateo’s departure.

To give her more time with Mateo, they offered to wait a little longer before continuing their hunt.

Scarlett, grateful, spent most of her morning clinging to Mateo.

He bathed in her attention, the pain of leaving her behind a second time becoming clearer through the bond as the morning gave way to afternoon.

They had lunch together then Ezra and Vince traded packs, making sure Mateo and Vince had enough rations for their trip.

“What if you run out?” Scarlett asked as he counted the ration packs Vince had put together.

Mateo laughed and pulled her close to kiss her temple. “Hunting skills don’t just apply to the supernatural, and Vince has quite the lucky hand when it comes to fishing.”

Scarlett melted into Mateo’s side. “I’m being dramatic, aren’t I?”

“You worry about our wellbeing. That’s what mates do.”

She turned into Mateo’s chest and hid her face. “I do know you’re capable of taking care of yourself. I just seem to forget that at times.”

“It’s okay.”

With his chin on her head and his arms tightly around her Mateo closed his eyes.

He succeeded at masking for Scarlett, but he couldn’t hide his turmoil from his friends.

Vince started to pack up the tent while Ezra collected Scarlett’s belongings and added them to her bag, making sure to save the heavy stuff for his.

Vince waited patiently until Mateo decided it was time for them to leave, and Scarlett stared after them until they were out of sight. Once she could no longer see them through the trees, she sighed and laced her fingers through Ezra’s.

“Ready?” he asked, waiting for her call to start back to the cabin.

With a nod, she followed Ezra back to the trail. Scarlett visibly fought tears for quite a while before her face crumpled and they broke free. Ezra made her sit down, kneeling in front of her and searching her backpack for the tissues.

It was the only thing he knew to do. He sure as hell didn’t know what to say.

He’d never been good at dealing with emotions—not his own and definitely not others.

Instead of fumbling for words, he dabbed her tears and took her hand, his thumb stroking her smooth skin.

Scarlett focused on her breathing, so he slowed his to match hers and after a while, her eyes dried.

She took in a deep, shaky breath, then stood from her makeshift seat.

“ Now I’m ready.”

They were able to cover half the distance before they set up camp. Scarlett insisted on setting up the tent herself, so Ezra happily sat back and watched with pride as she did so.

“Vince said maybe we can go on longer hikes once we’re back home,” Scarlett said, clicking the last piece of the tent into place.

“You know we’ll do anything you want, princess.”

“But would you enjoy it?”

“Of course we would.”

“What about you ?” she insisted.

“I’d be over the moon.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to sit next to him on the ground. “Seeing you out here, claiming the world for yourself is my greatest pleasure.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Ezra?”

“Mateo might have rubbed off on me. Spending so much time with him wasn’t good for my dark and broody personality.”

Scarlett threw her head back and laughed, straddling him and letting her hands fall to his shoulders. “But you got along well?”

“Mateo is a people pleaser, getting along with him is the only option.” She crooked her brow at him so he added, “Yes we got along, but I’m glad I no longer have to bathe in his optimism.”

“He is a ‘glass half full’ kind of guy, isn’t he?”

Ezra snorted. “Unfortunately.”

Scarlett leaned her forehead against his and cupped his cheeks.

Soft fingertips tickled over his jaw and when she closed her eyes, her serenity seeped into his soul.

He’d never longed for a woman’s presence—for any intimacy that didn’t involve an orgasm—but over the past two weeks, his frustration over the sluggish hunt was only made worse by not having her around.

Being in her presence was like the eye of a storm, a brief moment of calm before all hell broke loose.

“I know what he does for us, that we wouldn’t be here without him.” He laid his hands over hers loving the tingles that spread from the feeling of her skin on his. “He’s likely the reason we have you now. I’m not blind to his obnoxious, gracious heart. It’s just not who I am.”

That made her laugh, at least. “It’s accepting who your friends are that makes great friendships. Everyone brings something different to the table, but they all come together to form something amazing.”

Even though her words had meant no harm, they stung like a needle to his heart. Was Mateo right? Would she truly accept him for who he was? Or would she turn and run into the others’ arms, making him resent her for not loving him as his true self?

Love . The word was so strong. How was she supposed to love him at any given point in time if he couldn’t even love himself? Yes, he had learned to be true to himself, but did he truly love the man he was? That answer always depended on the day, but most of the time it was a strong no.

“We should rest,” he said, bringing a stop to the gathering clouds before they became a downpour. “We have a long day ahead of us.”

But despite finally having Scarlett in his arms and being utterly exhausted, Ezra spent the night tossing and turning.

During the next day’s hike he occupied his mind by asking Scarlett to tell him all she’d done with Vince in great detail. He asked about her hikes and the trips to the village. He smiled when she admitted that she already had breakfast dates planned for them.

“We seem to have a full agenda.”

She shrugged with a bright grin, taking the hand he offered to help her over a fallen trunk. “A little, but they are just ideas. You can veto anything you don’t want to do.”

“I want time with you, I don’t care about much else.”

“Maybe a pottery class then,” she teased.

“I believe you underestimate the lengths I would go through to make you happy.” With the log cleared, he pulled her into his chest and lifted her chin to look down into those stormy grey eyes.

When Scarlett attempted to bite her lip, Ezra tugged it free with his thumb. “Your happiness is everything to me.”

Scarlett looked up at him, eyes wide and lips parted, her breathing so slow that her chest hardly moved. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling a sigh from her lips so soft that it made his skin pebble. He would fall onto a sword if that meant she was safe and sound.

“Plan whatever comes to mind. My only requirement is you wear at least a dress or two during our time together.”

“I can do that.”

He gave her another kiss on the forehead before nudging her down the trail again.

The drive back to the cabin nearly killed him.

The near five hours in the car made an already long day borderline excruciating.

They arrived late at night and although Scarlett seemed tired too, she’d stayed awake to keep him company and make sure he didn’t drift off before getting in bed.

When Ezra collapsed on the couch, she knelt and untied his boot.

“Scarlett, no,” he protested, though he couldn’t make his body move.

“You do it for me all the time. Let me.”

He didn’t have the energy to fight her, so he could only sit there and let her. She helped him out of his dirty clothes, and Ezra gratefully accepted the fresh comfy ones. He should’ve showered, but he just couldn’t be bothered. Once she tucked him under a blanket, he passed out.

His eyes only opened again when the smell of bacon and eggs crept up his nose.

Pulling himself off the couch, he found Scarlett standing in the kitchen, dressed in nothing but one of Vince’s shirts that covered her down to her thighs.

Dark liquid already dripped from the coffee machine and two plates sat loaded with pancakes, waiting for the eggs and bacon to join them.

When Scarlett heard him shuffling, she turned and gave him a bright smile. “Good morning. Feeling better?”

“Much.” With aching muscles, he joined her in the kitchen.

“I was going to run you a hot bath but thought you might like to eat first.”

“Will you join me?”

“I would love to.”

He made sure to wash his hands, even scrubbing some cold water over his face before joining her at the table, where she waited with his mug of coffee. He stuffed himself, unable to contain his greed. This was a thousand times better than the food he’d eaten on the trail.

Scarlett insisted on scrubbing him clean before their bath, and Ezra was under strict instructions not to lift a finger.

He knelt under the stream and watched the dirt-tinged water swirl down the drain.

He didn’t have the words to tell her how much this meant to him.

How much he enjoyed her full attention, and yet part of him couldn’t fully relax.

Even once they were fully submerged in hot, soapy water with Scarlett comfortable in his arms, he couldn’t shake the fact that all of this might vanish once he revealed his true nature.

Throughout the day, the need for pain intensified.

No kiss, no touch of hers could ease the urge to cut.

He held her close, making sure she was distracted and only dropping his facade when he knew she wasn’t around.

She busied herself with unpacking the old backpacks and washing the dirty clothes, keeping her safe distance from the weapons.

Ezra took those, setting them in the spare bedroom where he knew she was less likely to go.

That evening, he held her until she was fast asleep before he carefully rolled out of bed, retrieving one of his daggers.

Though his lungs functioned just fine, he’d hardly been able to breathe all day.

She wasn’t suffocating him, but his conversation with Mateo lingered in his mind.

The longer it festered, the more he knew he had to do as Mateo suggested.

Ezra stepped out into the cool, night air, finally feeling his lungs expand. He sank the dagger deep into his thigh, feeling as if the pain kicked his lungs into gear again. He sat on the porch stairs and stared up into the star-filled sky. The moon was bright, though not entirely full.

He focused on the cool air burning his lungs as he inhaled deeply and let the pain take control.

He was so lost in the sting and the blood dripping down his outer thigh that he didn’t notice Scarlett until she sat next to him on the stairs.

He froze, following her gaze down to his thigh, where the tip of the dagger was deep in his flesh.

Fuck.

“You didn’t come back to bed.” Her voice was soft, though laced with concern.

“I’ll be right there.”

She laid her hand softly over his, and he surrendered the knife without a fight. She rested the blade onto her bare lap, his blood staining her precious skin. He wasn’t sure why, but it made him sick to his stomach.

“Scarlett,” he breathed, reaching for the blade, but Scarlett stopped him.

“Have you been hiding this from me? I mean I haven’t seen you cutting yourself since that day in your room. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”

“I haven’t cut myself since then.”

“But you have suppressed the urge, haven’t you?”

“I have.”

“Why?”

“You,” he stated plainly. How was he supposed to put into words that he was scared to lose her? Or even worse—that he was scared to disappoint her.

Scarlett sighed and turned his hand over. One thumb circling his palm, her other running over the ridges of his forearm. “You don’t have to change who you are for me.”

“What if you don’t like that version of me?”

“I would rather learn to love every side of you than to never know your true self at all. I want you , not the person you think I want.”

Scarlett picked up the weapon, and his heart nearly burst out of his chest as she ran the tip of the blade hesitantly over his skin between two old scars. It barely drew a drop of blood, but watching her cut him and satisfy a need she didn’t understand made him woozy.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to hide yourself.

I’m not saying that it will be easy for me, or that I will enjoy seeing you hurt.

” She took in a deep breath, holding it for a few beats before releasing it.

Her thumb ran over the mark she’d left on his skin, and the irritation from it only made it that much sweeter.

“I will do my best to meet your needs. I might not do it like any of the other women you’ve been with, but I hope you can forgive me. ”

Why in the hell was she asking for his forgiveness? After all, it was him who was asking far too much of her. “There is nothing to forgive.”

“You are too sweet and so very patient with me.” Scarlett looked up, and he let himself drown in the storm behind her eyes as she laid his hand on her lap and reached to cup his face. “I love you, Ezra, and I can only trust in Isis that she will help you see that I will do my best.”

He blinked, his vision blurry. He didn’t understand why until salt hit his lips—he was crying. “S-Scarlett,” he stuttered, trying to form his thoughts into coherent words. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Nothing compares and nothing will ever compare to you.”

“I love when you say my name,” she whispered.

Ezra’s lips twitched into a smile, and he could no longer resist her. He leaned down and softly stole a kiss. “I love you, Scarlett, with every piece of my broken, scarred soul.”