Page 8 of Fatally Yours

The unfilled silences were deafening, besides the exacerbated voices coming from the TV, crying out about extraterrestrials and people being different.

It would be nice if I were different, wouldn’t it?

Then I could pretend I hadn’t kicked my boyfriend—if that was really what I wanted to call him—to the curb for a corpse.

A corpse that was still currently in the ground, unaffected by the desecration we committed.

Maybe we could move on and be happy if I were different. That was all I ever wanted, right?

“Listen, I know things have been tough between us recently, and I’m sorry about that,” I said.

“It’s been tough for me. I’ve never had anyone that significant in my life die, especially in front of me.

” I kept my gaze down, unable to make eye contact with him since we attempted to resurrect August. The emotions I felt were terrible, even if I knew he didn’t treat me right.

Even if I doubted he cared, I still felt that creeping guilt.

“I hope we can move past this and have a happy life together, even if it’s going to be difficult.

I hope you stick by me,” I said, trying to hide the crackling in my voice.

It hurt to say. I wanted this with August, not someone who held such resentment towards me.

This should’ve never happened, but here we were.

I didn’t think I would ever be normal again.

“And you’re a strong girl,” he said. “You’ll get through this. I know you will.” My eyes fell. Why was I being so sensitive? This was supposed to give us a fresh start, but my stomach was still in knots.

“T-thank you.” I only said it to pacify him. I couldn’t continue to agitate him like this. It would only end in misery. I would have to leave him if things didn’t get better because this wasn’t healthy for either of us.

My eyes were still averted when Devin placed his hand around my chin, drawing my mouth to his.

My heart skipped, but not for the same reason as when I used to kiss August. There wasn’t that spark I felt before, but I continued, only to make him happy.

Maybe it was my fault he was always acting so rotten because I felt so awful showing him affection.

Maybe if I did something different tonight, then things would actually change.

So I kept my lips to his and pretended like I didn’t feel like my insides were dissolving, keeping up the facade that I was into this when I was the opposite.

I wished he were August and that I could feel his lips against mine again.

The last time I kissed him, I tasted his blood.

It wasn’t fair for that to be my final memory of him.

I dug my nails into my palms in hopes of distracting myself from his invasive tongue.

It felt like I was committing a sin. I was betraying him, wasn’t I?

First, I betrayed Devin by trying to resurrect August, and now I was betraying August by kissing Devin.

By letting Devin kiss me. Would August even want me after he knew I had betrayed him like that?

I didn’t realize how aggressively I was balling my fists until a noise echoed through the house, making me jump.

It wasn’t thunder, and it wasn’t the movie.

Devin pulled away from me, and we glanced down the hall.

Most of the time, I could ignore the various disturbances that plagued this place, but that was much louder than usual.

“What was that?” he questioned. I shrugged, relieved that something had taken his attention away from me.

“This house makes noise all the time,” I said.

“It’s probably nothing.” Using the opportunity to return to the movie, I locked my eyes on the TV, hoping that was enough to make him happy.

I couldn’t help but feel like August could see this, like he was watching me and fuming.

And he would want to destroy him at the very least, and maybe me.

Wouldn’t he?

“Natasha.” Devin’s voice interrupted my spiraling. My body felt stiff, but I turned to him, hoping to pretend everything was okay. He set his hand on my thigh, and my toes coiled, but I kept my thoughts to myself.

“Kiss me again,” he demanded. My gaze fell, but I nodded.

Just make him happy.

I pinched my eyes shut and pressed my lips to his again, hoping to get it over with.

If this was what it took to make him act happy again, then so be it, even if it made me want to strip the skin from my body and pour acid over my pulping organs.

But that was nothing compared to the hurt I would be inflicting on August. That was the worst part, even if he wasn’t alive to see it.

Devin’s hand ended up in my lengthy hair, and I felt myself sweat with anticipation. I never felt nervous kissing August, except, of course, for the first few times. Why was this so different? I knew the answer already .

He wasn’t August.

He would never be August.

And I was just going to have to live with that.

His hands began to wander, and I felt myself suppress a scream beneath his lips.

August would obliterate him if he saw this.

But that was my issue. That was why we couldn’t be happy.

Because all I thought about was what I lost. I felt his fingers wrap in my hair and his breath heavy against my face.

My stomach looped like death himself was tying my intestines in knots with his spindly, skeletal hands, but this would lead to something better if all went right—if I stopped being so insufferable.

My nails were biting into the tender flesh of my arm.

I felt stiff. This didn’t mean anything to me.

This was just… transactional. If I gave in, then he would be nicer.

And that was all I really wanted, right?

His grasp on me tightened as we separated, and I drew in a breath like I hadn’t taken one in years.

His eyes stared past my soul, but we both remained silent as he fumbled with the button on his jeans, making me grimace. I hoped he didn’t see me do that.

If he did, he didn’t say anything. I averted my gaze for a moment as he revealed his member to me, and I swore I was going to throw up right then and there if I had anything in my stomach besides crude acid.

This is wrong.

And it still felt wrong as he forced my head down by my hair, and, out of pure instinct or panic, I opened my mouth to accept him.

His hands wove through my locks as he pressed himself further into me, and I felt tears well in the corners of my eyes.

This wasn’t assault, but it sure felt like it.

It was uncaring and aggressive. Even when August’s strength got out of hand when we were doing the deed, there was never a time when I felt unloved.

He always kissed me, always cared for me, and never insulted me.

And I never once felt like he hated me. That was the worst part.

I was doing this with someone who despised me.

Something that should’ve been sacred and beautiful, an act between two people who dedicated themselves to each other, but this was cheap. This was nothing.

But I endured, even if he smelled a little off, and my throat ached, and I felt like my stomach was going to empty itself over his lap, only because I wanted this to fix everything.

I prayed it would mend us, but I feared it would end up as fruitless as resurrecting August. Devin curled his nails into my scalp and let out a groan. At least one of us was enjoying this.

“With the way you’re sucking me off, I’d say you like me more than August,” he said.

At that moment, I had a hard time not bringing my teeth together and taking his precious manhood from him.

Immediately, I grabbed his filthy hands that were holding my head in place and ripped them from my hair.

A few strands went with them, but that was nothing compared to the pain of his statement.

I shot up from my seat, almost feeling the urge to hit him. Maybe if I weren’t so weak, I would’ve.

“Why the fuck would you say that?!” I screamed, balling my fists at my sides. My entire body felt rigid as red-hot rage coursed through my veins. I swore if someone else were there with me, I really would’ve hit him.

“I-it was just in the heat of the moment, Natasha.” He was clearly taken aback by my outburst. “It didn’t mean anything.” It wasn’t often that I screamed at someone, let alone him, because if I was being honest, a small part of me was wary of him. With good reason, too.

“It means something to me!” My blood was boiling in my veins as I watched him fumbling with his pants. Once he was done, he stood and approached me, and he was lucky I wasn’t a psycho who gave in to impulse and smashed his stupid face in like he deserved.

“Tash—”

“Get the fuck out!” I pointed to the door.

He tried to step towards me, but I backed up, not wanting to feel his slimy touch ever again.

This was it. There was nothing that could bring us back now.

Once upon a time, there might have been good in him, but in one simple sentence, he made me despise him.

“Natasha—”

“Fuck off!” I snapped, finally pressing my palms against him and pushing his body towards the entrance. His feet stumbled along the floor, but I didn’t care. As we reached the door, I pried it open and shoved him over the threshold into the rain as he deserved. He glanced back at me with a scowl.

“You’re such a bitch,” he said as I slammed it in his face.

Once I heard his car pull out of the driveway, the knot in my stomach unfurled, but that emotion was replaced with something much more familiar.

My eyes blurred with tears as I sat down again, drawing my knees to my chest and letting out a wail.

Why did he have to die?

There was no reason for any of this to happen.

August wasn’t a saint, but he didn’t deserve to die.

And I didn’t deserve to have him ripped away from me and be given some replacement who hated me.

Because that’s what it was. I realized that now.

Devin hated me. August was gone. And I would never be happy again.

My forehead met my knees as my tears dampened my clothes, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t bother to wipe my face or wash out my mouth, even though I felt like I needed to.

I wanted to scrub out my maw with steel wool until I could gargle my blood and have the memory plucked from my brain, but my legs wouldn’t allow me to move.

My entire body trembled with emotion as the movie hummed on, and the rain mocked my sorrow.

As I continued to sob, between all the noise, I could’ve sworn I heard footsteps, but I was too distressed to care.

I kept my head buried in my arms and stayed on the couch, knowing that even if there was an invader and it wasn’t just the house creaking, my legs wouldn’t support my weight with how much they shook.

The steps grew closer, confirming that there was something more going on than just the storm making the house rock.

My head raised slowly, and I wiped away a tear, hoping to prepare my speech for whoever was here to take my possessions or kill me.

I couldn’t think of the proper way to beg for my life, or if I even wanted to continue living at all.

What I saw made my face pale, and I leaped to my feet, somehow regaining my bravado despite my unsteady legs.

“Natasha,” August said, his face dark. His tone was grim, and I knew then that my suspicions were correct. He really was going to destroy me.