Page 76 of Fangirl

And the man who took his place? The one standing in front of me, his lips parting, his hands twitching like he wants to reach for me?

I hate him.

He flinches. “I?—”

“Why tonight?” My voice is rising, the words spilling out in a whisper. “Why now? Why let me walk in here thinking I was meeting him? That I was meeting the man I?—”

Ichoke, pressing my fingers to my lips as nausea roils through me.

His throat bobs, his Adam’s apple dipping with the force of his swallow. His face is open, stripped bare of the practiced Hollywood ease I’ve always seen him wear like armor.

“Amy, love, please listen to me,” he pleads, stepping forward.

I step back again.

He stops, his expression twisting. “No, you’re not—please.” He shakes his head, his jaw tightening. “I never meant to play you. I swear. It wasn’t like that.”

“Not like that?” A short, bitter laugh bursts out of me. “Then what was it like, Jake? Tell me. Did you think this was fun? That I was some idiot who wouldn’t put it together? Did you laugh at me every time I sent you a message? Were you just sitting there, playing a part, waiting to see how far you could take it?”

Jake’s voice cracks. “I never meant to hurt you. I just… I didn’t know how to tell you. And then I was afraid?—”

I laugh, the sound hollow.

“Afraid?” The word is a whisper, my breath coming too fast. “Afraid of what?”

“Of losing you!” He stares at me, something wrecked in his gaze. And then, he breaks. “I love you,” he chokes out. “I love you. I love you. I love?—”

I flinch.

His hands are clenching and unclenching like he wants to grab me, like he needs me to hear him.

“I nevermeant to play you. I never— I love you. Please. Just… please.”

His voice cracks, but it’s too late.

I feelnothing. Or maybe I feeleverything. And it’s killing me.

And suddenly, I see it.

He’s telling the truth.

But it doesn’t matter.

Because he stole something from me. He took something precious—something I will never, ever get back.

Tears burn down my cheeks, but I don’t wipe them away. I hold his gaze, my voice steady.

“I love Eli.”

Jake’s breath hitches.

I lift my chin, each word deliberate.

“And you killed him.”

He flinches. His entire body jerks, like I physically punched him.

“You made me love a lie.” My voice wavers, but I don’t stop.