Page 67 of Fangirl

He shakes his head, exhaling. “God, you have to stop dissociating. Fine, you were Jacob. You’ve been Jacob until you were, what, twenty-one? And yeah, part of you is still that kid. Part of you is still Eli or whatever the hell you want to call yourself. But at the end of the day? You are JakeHollander.”

I open my mouth, but he doesn’t let me interrupt.

“You’re not playing a role. Not always, notcompletely. You’re both.” His voice lowers slightly. “And you can’t have one without the other. Not unless you walk away from this life.” He lifts a brow, almost daring me. “Which, let’s be honest, you like too much to do.”

The words sit heavily between us.

Because he’s right.

I do like this life. I like the power, the privilege, the access. I like that I get to make movies and build something bigger than myself.

And Amy? She likes Eli, the version of me that isn’t in the tabloids, that doesn’t live under the glare of flashing cameras. The one who exists without PR teams controlling every move, without press junkets shaping my narrative.

The part of me I smothered for years, never letting it breathe, not even in private.

But now? Now, that part of me refuses to be caged again.

“You need to come clean to her.”

The words hit like an attack, and I bristle, immediately defensive, because I know.Of courseI know.

“Since when are you Mr. Honesty?” I shoot back. “It’s rich for you to be giving moral judgment.”

Will sighs, rubbing his temples. "You don’t get it, kid. That’s the thing." His voice is quieter now. "I don’t want to be the voice of reason. It’s boring, it sucks, and I’m rotten. You’re not. Not yet. You haven’t let this industry taint your soul the way I did.” He leans forward, his expressionuncharacteristically serious. “And this girl? She’s a good one. Agoodperson. And pretty too. And she smells good?—”

“Keep testing me, Winters,” I warn, my jaw tightening, “and I swear we’ll get to test your plastic surgeon’s skills in real time.”

He leans back, grinning. “She’s a unicorn.”

There it is again, histheory.

The worst part? I agree.

“I know she is.” My shoulders sag, my gaze dropping to the expensive rug under my feet. “It all got out of hand, really. I started talking to her because I was bored and she was feisty. But then… she surprised me. She’s kind and funny and so damn smart. She wants to be a novelist, and honestly? She has the talent for it. But she lives this carefully controlled, slightly boring life. And when we talk, I see her break free just likeIbreak free. It’s like we… I don’t know.” I exhale. “Like we find freedom in each other.”

Will hums. “Freedom in each other. Sounds like a solid porn title.”

I shoot up from my seat, glaring. “Oh, fuck you, Will! Can you takeanythingseriously for once?”

He doesn’t even flinch, just tilts his head. “Can you?”

I freeze.

“Because right now?” He shrugs, utterly unimpressed. “All I hear are excuses.” He rolls his eyes. “Oh, poor little movie star who can’t find love.”

My glare sharpens, and my fists tighten. Ireallywant to hit him. “We both know most of the women we meet are in it for our looks, our money, or our clout.”

Will snorts. “Please. Don’t sell them short. They’reusually here for all three.”

“So why is it so hard to understand that I want to hold on to the one person who actually wants me?”

“But she doesn’t!” His voice spikes with frustration, his hands thrown up in exasperation. “The good onesneverwant us!”

His words hit me like a gut punch, forcing me back a step.

“Or maybe she would,” he continues. “Maybe youdidfind that one-in-a-million girl. But how the hell would you know? The longer you wait, the worse you’re making it—for you and for her.”

I shake my head. “Why does this even matter to you? Why do you care? You have no dog in this race.”