Page 5

Killian

The second the rustling noises from her room go quiet, I rush outside to unplug the battery in her car. I can’t take any chances right now, and although I’m positive I haven’t left a trail here, I know all of my efforts to disappear will be ruined if she goes back on her word and runs to the cops. To be safe, I’ll be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.

Based on her attitude and what she said, I know she’s running from something she doesn’t have any intentions of returning to. I can tell that cops are the last thing she wants to deal with because of her past, but I still can’t take that risk.

It’s a weirdly nice reminder that I’m not alone in this world though. That there are others out there desperate to escape the hell of their previous lives and start anew, but I can’t let sentiment get in the way here. She came here to escape... and now she’s my captive.

Ma would kill me for this if she wasn’t already gone. I was raised to respect women, to go out of my way to put them at ease — not to instill fear into them like those bastards that got all pissy at girls saying they’d choose the bear. Yet, I pointed a gun at one who was just trying to escape her life because I don’t have a choice here.

I was careful. I planned for fucking months so this whole thing would go off without a hitch, and now I’m holding some girl here against her will, and instead of trying to think of a way out of it, I just keep wondering if she wants to fuck me.

Sorry, Ma.

I blame it on the fact that it’s been too damn long since I’ve gotten laid. It’s been over a week since I got off at all, and much longer than that since I fucked someone, but my head’s been all over the place since the accident.

Sex fell to the back burner, the flame underneath it nearly nonexistent as vengeance and anger corrupted everything inside of me, and now that I’ve freed myself of those chains I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know where my head is, and before I could even take the time to figure it out, this beautiful, tattooed goddess barged in here and started bossing me around.

Right when I was trying to jack off too.

I didn’t fully lie to her. I was sleeping, but when I woke up throbbing in my sweatpants, I didn’t hesitate to pull myself out and try to release all the tension inside of me. I was alone after all, and in the heat of the moment, the mess felt like it’d be worth it. I heard the fucking car door slam just as I felt my balls begin to tighten.

Now they’re blue, and they’ll probably stay that way for a while.

Pushing all of that from my mind, I run back over all the information she gave me on her and try to be a decent human. The last thing she needs is me making her more uncomfortable after what she’s been through with that Ryan asshole, so as I make myself comfortable on the couch, I vow to try my hardest not to come onto her.

The vow is the easy part. Sticking to it is something else entirely.

––––––––

When I wake to the sound of movement in the kitchen the next morning, I instinctively grab for my gun and jump up. Memories of last night come rushing back as I take in Joey with a thick, messy bun and a grouchy frown on her face. I swear she looks even more beautiful like this. I can tell she’s groggy from whatever sleeping aid she took, but her naturally rosy cheeks and full lips look even better without makeup.

“Thought you were sleeping for three days?”

I set my gun aside and run my hand down my face as I grab a shirt.

“Turns out it’s hard to sleep when there’s a madman in your house waving a gun around,” she mutters. “Sit. I’m making breakfast.”

Okay, so she’s even more bossy today than she was yesterday. Didn’t know that was possible. “Do I have permission to go take a piss?”

She looks shocked for a minute, then her body language relaxes. “Sorry. I’m not much of a morning person, especially since the meds haven’t completely worn off yet. I’ll be better after a pot of coffee.”

“You’d think it was you with the gun,” I tease, leaving it on the table when I walk away to show her she can trust me. It’s a gamble I shouldn’t take, but I have a feeling she isn’t going to grab it and try to shoot me.

Hopefully.

I wash my face and brush my teeth before I go back out there and I find her on her tiptoes trying to reach a bowl. The way her tank top slides up her body makes me ache, but it doesn’t distract from the amusement of watching her struggle.

I’m just about to offer to help when she shimmies up onto the counter and grabs it herself, cussing under her breath about cabins made for giants.

“Need help down?” I say teasingly, startling her enough that she slips.

She lands on her feet as that giant bun bounces, but it’s the blush on her cheeks that holds me hostage. “Very funny.”

“That’s me, the funny madman. What are we making today?”

I walk over with every intention of helping, but it seems she’s been awake longer than I thought. There’s a stack of french toast already made and the eggs look just about done.

“The bacon’s on the table already. Syrup and butter are in the fridge still.”

I can’t remember the last time a woman that wasn’t my mom cooked me something. It might have been never, and yet this one has done it twice now. “Thanks. Do you like to cook?”

“I like to live, which means I like to eat. I kind of have to cook to do that. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it, either. I guess it’s better when it’s not just me.”

“Well it looks good. I’ll do the dishes when we’re done,” I offer, then allow myself to be lured in by the smell of food. “I have to ask. You wouldn’t try to poison me, right?”

“I did come here to become a bog witch, so you never know,” she says a little too seriously. “I guess you’ll have to trust me the same way you’re asking me to trust you with that gun you won’t seem to put away.”

“I don’t have it out because of you if that helps, and what the hell is a bog witch? Is that one of the witches that bake cookies to attract children so they can suck out their youth?”

She opens her mouth twice before she says anything. “No one will come here. I don’t know what you did that makes you so on edge, but I’m sure you noticed this cabin isn’t on any map. You have no connection to my family, you clearly walked here so they can’t trace your car... you covered your tracks.”

“Yeah, I know. I planned this for months. But I also didn’t expect you.”

“No one ever does.” She winks as she plates the eggs, then sits with a sigh. “It’s a little hard for me to be around an angry man with a gun right now. I’m trying to make the best of this... situation, but I haven’t given you a single reason to mistrust me. Please just put it in a drawer or something? You can still get to it if something happens.”

I see it. The pain, the fear in her gorgeous, hazel eyes. Watching her douchebag ex pull the trigger on her fucked her up more than she’ll admit.

“Okay,” I say simply, unable to argue with her after what I’ve already done to her peace. I know how it feels to live in chaos, so the least I can do is bend here. “If someone else pulls up I’ll get it, but I’ll put it away for now. I left it out here when I went to the bathroom and you didn’t grab it, so I think we’ve established we don’t want to harm each other.”

She nods softly, glancing down at her food. “Thanks. I came here to get away from violence, not start more of it.”

“Me too.”

Again, I feel solidarity between us with another thing, and I have to stuff some food into my mouth to keep from spilling all my secrets.

I can never tell her.

It doesn’t matter if the secret is crushing, I’ll find a way to hold it up on my own.

“How old are you?” It seems dumb to ask something like that in a moment like this, but seeing as we’re going to be trapped here a while, I take the opportunity to get to know her better while she’s feeling open. I looked at her family’s information, but I didn’t retain every detail I read. I probably should have looked a little closer at their kids though.

“Thirty.” She makes a face, then shoves a bite of french toast into her mouth and squirms. “You?”

“Thirty-three... as of yesterday.”

Her eyes widen. “Shit. Well, happy belated. Sorry I bullied you on your birthday.”

I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me. “It’s fine. Only fair seeing as I had a gun. Plus, you fed me, so I think we’re even.”

“And you stole me kind of, so I’m like a really terrible birthday present.” She takes a sip of coffee as she watches me intently. “Most guys just want video games or power tools.”

“Pretty sure guys want blowjobs more than power tools, but what do I know? What do girls truly want since we’re sharing secrets from the other side?”

“Any man who has to ask for a blowjob as a birthday present isn’t with the right woman.” Her eyes drop to the table, right over my crotch. “And women just want to be seen. Sometimes that means orgasms we don’t have to reciprocate, sometimes it means being gifted something someone noticed we needed or wanted without having to be told. Sometimes it means just being taken care of for once. Every woman is different. Best to pay attention to yours.”

Great advice. I shift in my seat and wonder which type of woman she is. Probably all of those things. “Noted. So was Ryan your only partner?”

“Not even close. I had my fun — maybe too much — and I had two sort of serious relationships before him. He’s the only one I considered marrying, though. He completely hid his true personality from me, and I don’t know how to come back from that. I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to trust anyone again.”

“I get it.” I don’t, not fully because I can never really know her struggles, but I know how it feels not to trust. “Maybe that’s something that only comes with time?”

She shakes her head. “Maybe. What about you, Killer? Tell me about your girlfriends.”

“Ah, there’s not much to tell there, Jojo. I dated a girl in high school, then another one in my late 20’s, but I was mostly just passing the time. It usually only took me a couple dates to know they weren’t what I was looking for. None of them bullied me,” I joke, but she still seems stuck on the fact that I called her Jojo.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

I can’t help it, I smile so damn wide my cheeks hurt. How long has it been since I smiled? Weeks? Months? And yet she’s already made me do it more times than I can count. Goddamn, I was lonely.

“Do what?” I know exactly what she means, but her expression is too cute for me to relent this soon.

“Quit trying to find nicknames for me. They’re all terrible, and you’re terrible for trying.” Yet as she raises her coffee cup to take another sip, I swear I see a smirk behind the mug.

“That’s not fair, you call me big boy. I don’t think you’d like it if I called you little girl so I figured I’d have to try a few out until I found one that stuck. We can’t all get it on the first try like you, Joseph.”

It takes her a few seconds, but it’s worth it when she finally reacts. Her nose scrunches up and her French-tipped middle finger finds its way in front of her face. “Okay, Jillian.”

“Jillian? Don’t like that one. Eat your food, grouchy.” I can tell she isn’t someone who likes being told what to do, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. “You can mainline your coffee after.”

“And you complain about me being bossy.” Yet, she obeys me. Her grey mug ends up back on the table and she eats half a piece of bacon in one bite, making it impossible for me to look away.

Her showing up here and changing everything is karma for my sins, but the more time I spend with her, I find myself confused as to what type of karma it is. I did something undoubtedly wrong, yes, but I did it to someone who deserved worse than that, so is it possible the universe might actually be rewarding me?

Or am I just fucking delusional at this point?

I guess time will tell.