Page 19

Killian

I definitely wasn’t inexperienced when I met Joey. I won’t claim to be, but not one person before her made me feel like this — made me crave them in any capacity. I wouldn’t say I didn’t feel anything, but it was never how I expected it to feel. I thought I’d meet a girl and get butterflies, slowly fall for them as I learned more about their personality, and instead it was always the opposite. The more time we spent together the less I cared, and I had begun wondering if there was something wrong with me. Was I capable of the emotions portrayed in songs? Or was I... defective?

I find now that I was always able to feel what should be felt when you begin dating someone, I just wasn’t with the right woman.

I’m also learning that finding the one for you doesn’t automatically make you the one for them. I want to be, but after what she’s been through and what I’ve done to her, I don’t know I can ever deserve it.

She’s offered me her body and nothing more, but each and every time I slide inside of her, I feel myself take a little more of her. The wall she built up between us is thinning, cracking and crumbling brick by brick with each shared kiss, and I honestly don’t know if either of us can fight it at this point. I can’t fight anything when it comes to her.

Even now she consumes me as she sleeps.

Each deep breath she takes draws me in more, her beautiful, relaxed expression in the moonlight making me crave her so much I don’t think I can wait until the morning to have her.

It’s become a delicious routine to make her come every night before bed without expecting anything in return, and usually it makes me feral for her when the sun rises, but the hunger I feel tonight is different. It’s probably because she told me she was ovulating earlier, but I swear I can physically feel her body sending mine signals.

It’s a good thing she’s on birth control, because even without my condition, I feel like I’d truly breed her without any thought of consequence. Who even am I anymore?

I’m hanging on by a thread, my hands twitching desperately as I hold myself back from touching, but when she rolls an inch to the side and lets out the tiniest moan I’ve ever heard, that thread snaps.

I don’t need to wake her. I can just take what I need without bothering her at all, right? She’s made it clear I can have her whenever I want to, so that applies to times she’s unconscious... right?

Fuck it.

She can yell at me tomorrow.

Her brows wrinkle slightly at my first touch, her breathing losing rhythm for a brief moment before she’s falling right back to sleep. She seems to feel safe and secure here with me, like she’s allowed to sleep so peacefully because I’m not a monster to fear in her story.

And she should.

I’d never do anything to hurt her at this point and she knows it, but that doesn’t mean I won’t use her body like a sex doll and fill her up with my cum her without permission.

Deep down, I know she’ll love it.

She’s been sleeping naked the last week and letting me clean her up after those orgasms so she doesn’t have to get out of bed. It’s been torture, but right now I’ve never been more thankful. I can still smell her arousal, still feel it as my fingers slide along her center, and when I touch her clit and make her hum I have to pause again.

I don’t want her awake yet. I don’t want her to wake up until I’m balls deep inside of her, so I find the last bit of patience I have and slowly maneuver myself between her legs. Gently, I slide her legs up one by one, bending them so there’s enough room for me. My cock is aching by the time I have her right where I need her.

“Fuck, baby. You turn me into an animal,” I whisper, stroking myself once... twice... three times before ghosting the head over her wet pussy. “An animal addicted to the scent of you, to the sounds you make as you fall apart for me, and the way your cunt squeezes every drop out of my balls.”

I inch my way inside, my jaw dropping as she naturally clenches around my crown. It feels so good I forget she’s sleeping and push in further a little faster than I intended, eliciting a whimper from her parted lips. “You feel me, Roo? Feel me taking advantage of your vulnerable body?” I’m still whispering, but it’s coming out much more growly than I meant it to. “Yeah, you feel me. You just know taking it is all you can do.”

With my next thrust I bottom out, grunting in satisfaction when I immediately give in and begin truly fucking her. I smile down at her when her eyes fly open in shock, my hand flying up to cover her mouth even though we both know she isn’t going to tell me to stop. “Be a good girl and listen to me closely. The only word I want leaving your beautiful lips is my name.” There’s one word she could say to end all of it, but that goes without saying. “You’re sleeping, and my name is the only word you know. Understand?”

She nods with a whimper, her pupils expanding further in the dark before her eyes close altogether.

Fuck, her pussy is strangling me.

There’s nothing but pure devotion on her face as she surrenders to me, nothing about her changing as I lower my hand away. “There’s my girl. Your body was begging for this.”

I snap my hips hard, watching her tits bounce and her breath hitch as she whispers my name.

“Killian.”

It sounds like a plea, like a prayer.

One I need to hear more of, so I sit up a little more and reach down to pinch her clit. “Say it again.”

Her eyes flutter, but don’t quite open. “Killian.”

God, that might be my favorite sound. It’s one thing that’s solely for me and me alone, holding all the promises we’re too scared to freely give, and I don’t know how I went so long without it.

“Make me feel like a fucking fiend, woman. Fuck!”

I lose all sense of everything that isn’t her in this moment, dropping down again so I can leave claiming marks on her throat as I wreck her pussy like it’s the last time I’ll ever have her.

She breaks just enough that her fingernails dig into my back and her legs wrap around my ass. She’s definitely not asleep anymore, or even faking it, but it’s still only my name dripping from her lips.

The way her body molds into mine is indescribable. Better than anything I’ve ever felt before, and when she comes from this alone, I feel my resolve snap further.

I’m fucking her so hard now the bed slams into the wall, creaking under us like the frame itself is about to give out. Good. Let it. Let her scream while it happens.

Gripping the headboard with one hand, I lose myself to the chase, to the fact that this gorgeous woman is mine whenever and however I want her. The power she gives me spurs me on until I hear it — the first splinters of wood cracking.

I don’t stop. Just like our sanity, it can fall apart and stay that way, because if this is how it feels to lose yourself in someone else, I never want to be found. “Never want to fucking stop.”

I nearly slip out of her when it finally cracks and we tumble to the ground, but her grip on me is strong. The way she screams my name in exhilaration has my cock pulsing and desperate for release, and when she clamps down on me I’m a goner. The growl I release as I come is borderline animalistic, as is the desperation to ensure every single drop of my cum stays inside her beautiful body.

“Oh my god,” she whispers finally, after our breathing settles and reality sets in again. “You broke the bed.”

“I think that was a collective effort,” I respond with a sated smile.

It’s past two AM and now we have to figure out where we’re going to sleep for the rest of the night, but surprisingly she doesn’t seem annoyed with me.

I guess that means I did my job well.

But as we settle into my bed and she curls against my chest, she throws me a curveball. “Do you think you’ll get sick of this?”

“I mean eventually we’ll run out of beds to break,” I joke, regretting it instantly, because for the first time she’s allowing me to get a glimpse inside of her mind while she’s feeling raw, and it isn’t a time for me to cheapen it. “No,” I try again. “I don’t think I will. You?”

“I don’t know,” she says honestly. “It’s good. Great, really. But we keep one-upping ourselves with the sex. We went from fighting it and teasing each other to fucking like rabbits, then escalated to you using me like a doll. Even that... it started with you just taking me on the couch or while I was cooking, now when I’m asleep. It seems to keep getting better and... kinkier, but what happens when you can’t top yourself again? When the novelty wears off and it’s not exciting anymore?”

Shit.

I’ve been so focused on how good everything feels and how nothing has ever compared that I didn’t even think about the fact that she might get bored after a while. What happens when she’s over it... over me?

We’re already to the point where I trust her implicitly with my secrets, but that doesn’t mean she will want to stay here forever. We’re hiding from reality, frozen in time, and one day she will want to move forward again. I have no one, and she has her whole family to return to. It’s impossible to keep her distracted with good sex forever. “I... don’t know.” I know it isn’t enough, but what else is there to say? “Will you do me a favor? If that day comes, will you tell me?”

“Huh?” She sits up a little, long hair falling over her shoulder. “Of course I will, but I’m not the one I’m worried about.”

I bite back the argument that I responded with the fact that I don’t think I’ll get sick of this and she’s the one that said she doesn’t know, and take a deep breath. She isn’t trying to argue with me like her fears are the only ones that matter, so I can’t take it that way. She’s just expressing her thoughts, and she has every right to. “Then I promise to tell you too. But like I said, I don’t see that happening. Even when we do have what others would consider vanilla sex, I’m far from bored, Roo. I just lose control sometimes. I can’t get enough of you.”

She nods, glancing down at my lips. “Okay. Thank you.”

“Did it ever feel like this for you? With... other... people?”

The question alone has jealousy licking its way along my skin to the point that I’m clinging to her tighter, but I have to know. I just wish there was a way to ask without my damn brain picturing another man’s hands on her.

“Do you think I’ve ever asked another man if he thought he’d get bored of me?”

I don’t, but is that because she didn’t fear it or because she didn’t care? “No.”

“Then that should answer your question, but I’ll do it anyway. No, it’s never felt like this. Not even close.”

“I feel the same,” I admit. “I honestly didn’t think I was capable of wanting someone this much this often. And it’s not even just the sex, Joey. I just like being with you and hearing your voice.”

She settles back down against my chest, silent for so long, I think she’s fallen asleep. “I told you this would get complicated.”

She did.

Too bad I don’t care. Even if I fall flat on my face in a prison cell in the end, this time with her is worth it. I’ll take complicated after the months of emptiness that came before her. I finally don’t feel alone.