Page 62

Change of Heart

Seventeen Years Old, Virginia

Bernie and Connor host a brunch reception after the ceremony at a nearby restaurant called Café Americana. They’ve reserved a private room, starring a buffet of quiches, pastries, chafing dishes full of eggs, breakfast meats, and platters overflowing with fruit. I follow my parents through the line, filling my plate with pineapple, bacon, and a glazed Danish, then join them at an empty table. Bernie, Connor, and the twins sit nearby, with Nana, Bernie’s mother, and Grandpa and Grandma Byrne.

Dad gives me enough time to finish a piece of bacon before saying, “What’s—” he clears his throat “—Isaiah up to this morning?”

I poke a chunk of pineapple with my fork. “He’s waiting for me at Macy and Wyatt’s.”

Mom smiles. “It was good of him to drive all this way with you.”

“I think so, too,” Dad says. “I’m glad you decided to come. Having you at the ceremony made Beck’s absence easier to bear—for Mom and me, but especially for the Byrnes. It wouldn’t’ve been right, the both of you missing.”

It’s true. Watching that eagle fly over Mount Vernon affirmed that I’d made the right decision, returning to Virginia. Witnessing the Byrnes’ joy at my arrival, I wish I would’ve visited them sooner, but I’m proud of myself for coming when it counted the most. “I wanted Connor and Bernie to know how much I care,” I tell my parents. “I wanted Mae and Norah to know how much I love them.”

“They do,” Mom says.

“I love you too,” I say. “I’ve been the worst about showing lately, but I do.”

She leans in to hug me, smelling of jasmine and comfort. She holds on a few extra moments before straightening, dabbing away a tear with her napkin.

Dad says, “When we get home, we hope Isaiah will come by the house. Supporting you in making this trip…he must be a good kid. A good friend. We want to get to know him.”

“Okay,” I say, although after last night, I’m not sure Isaiah’s going to want to have anything to do with me, let alone make nice with my parents.

Today, though, I can spark change. I can start to repair my relationships. I can reroute my course. I meet Mom’s eyes, then Dad’s. “I have something else to talk to you about... I don’t want to go to CVU anymore.”

Dad releases a breath that sounds like relief.

Mom asks, “Why the change of heart?”

“Isaiah and I stopped in Charlottesville on our way here. Being there without Beck…it wasn’t what it once was. It never will be. I just wish I hadn’t applied early decision. I screwed up so bad—my whole future, probably.”

“No, lovey,” Mom says. “This is not a mistake that’s unfixable.”

Dad nods. “We’ll contact CVU. Help you explain the situation.”

“But the deposit.”

He grimaces. “I’d rather lose the money than leave you on that campus knowing you won’t be happy. Don’t worry about the deposit, Millie. Focus on what comes next. After graduation. After this summer.”

“Not college,” I say. Watching his face fall, seeing Mom’s eyes go round, I add, “Not yet. I need to figure some stuff out, just be me for a while. I need an adventure.”

They look at one another. Education is important. College has always been assumed. They might tell me I have to go, which would lead to more conflict.

Or they might support me. They might trust me to set out on a path of my own.

When they look back to me, I find approval in their eyes.

“What kind of adventure?” Dad asks, and my heart overflows with love.

“I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I want to do more. See more. Be more.”

“I can get on board with that,” Mom says.

Dad smiles judiciously. “I’m not opposed.”

“Opposed to what?” Connor asks, coming over to thump Dad on the shoulder. Bernie joins us too, taking the chair next to Mom, leaving the twins to finish brunch with their grandparents.

“Lia’s going on an adventure,” Mom tells them. “After graduation.”

“Oh, a gap year!” Bernie says. “I wish we could have done one, Hannah. Imagine the trouble we would’ve gotten into!”

Connor snorts. Dad laughs, rolling his eyes.

“Too late now,” Mom says, grinning. “We’ll have to live vicariously through our girl.”

“Yes! Then CVU—so exciting!”

“About CVU,” I say, hoping Connor and Bernie will be as understanding as my parents have been. “I just…I can’t. Not without Beck.”

Connor tweaks my ponytail. “You’ve gotta do what’s right for you, kiddo.”

“Absolutely,” Bernie says. “We’re in your corner no matter where you end up—so long as it’s not Mississippi State.”

Dad laughs. “She knows better.”

They fall into reminiscing about their Ole Miss days, as they so often do.

I sit back in my chair feeling, for the first time in many, many months, excited about the future before me.