Page 62 of Everything All at Once

“And you saw Sam?”

“Yeah. He was there. I don’t... I don’t know if he liked it.”

“If he liked what?”

“My lesson plan. Or my plan-less lesson, actually.”

“What do you mean he didn’t like it?”

“I mean he just didn’t seem engaged or something.”

“What did you talk about?”

“Time. Eternity. Immortality. Life.”

“Oh, so you kept it real light?” Em said, smiling, putting her hand on mine. “I wouldn’t read too much into it, Lottie. It freaks a lot of people out to talk about that kind of thing, you know? Especially when they’ve just lost someone. But don’t tell me you got like this just because of Sam?”

“No, not at all. I think it was a lot of things. Thenervousness of teaching a class, of being in front of all those people, of not knowing what the hell I was going to talk about... I started feeling panicky before I even went in, but I just tried to get past it.”

“This hasn’t happened for a while, right? At least that you’ve told me about.”

“Not for a while. There’s just a lot going on right now,” I said.

“Of course. Have you talked to your parents about it?”

“Not yet.”

“But you will, right? If it gets worse? Or if it happens again?”

“I will. I will. Now can we please watchThe Fellowship of the Ring?”

“We most certainly can, once we finish this episode ofThe X-Files.Come on.”

I didn’t look at my phone until I got home. It was around eleven, and my parents and Abe and Amy were playing Monopoly at the kitchen table. As usual, Dad had a thick pile of money and property cards and a smug expression on his face.

I snuck past them with just a fewhellosandhow are yousexchanged between us.

Upstairs, I read four text messages from Sam.

Did you make it home OK?

I really thought you did a great job today.

I’m sorry I was kind of out of it.

Are you mad at me?

I wrote him back:

Hi. Yes, home. Thank you again. I’m not mad at you at all.

Then you’ll see me again?

Of course I’ll see you again.

Sunday? I can come to you or you can come here or we can meet somewhere or whatever you want to do?

Whatever you want to do.