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“Didn’t what?” Grayson asked softly as he sat beside him.

“Didn’t want to be. And then Lawson was out of control and I could see the damage he’d done, not just to others, but to me ,” Ryder admitted.

His hand tightened on Grayson’s. “And I let him do it. Let him play me for a fool and a weakling. I thought I was better than the others in his House, that I saw through his bullshit and was beyond it. But I wasn’t. I’m no better than Irine.”

“That’s not true. You wouldn’t have stood by when something like that was happening to one of them,” Grayson said.

“Grayson is right.” Demos filled his glass again. “You worked within Lawson’s systems, but that was to keep the peace.”

Tears formed in Ryder’s eyes. They were ones of anger and grief. Grayson stroked his hand.

“You were the only one, Demos, who saw it true the whole time,” Ryder said.

“You were begging me for centuries to act and I…” He shook his head and angrily swiped the tears away.

“I don’t know what I was doing. Trying to placate him.

Hoping if I was good enough that his anger would cool and he would be the man I knew he could be.

Or more that I wished he would be. And now… I’ve done it, but…”

That “but” hung there. He’d threatened to kill all of the Weryn. How could he lead them now? Would they want anything to do with him? Or would they just bow out of fear or run away? Grayson was surprised that any had returned to the house, but they were there. A bunch of them anyways, if not all.

“Do you remember what you did?” Dani asked as she sat next to Grayson.

Her cool silver eyes regarded Ryder with a sort of dispassion. Ryder’s gaze flickered from her to Grayson and back again. An unasked question was in his look. She gave a brief shake of her head. Grayson frowned.

“I remember what I did in the Ring. My familiars offered me…” He stopped and pinched the top of his nose.

“Familiars?” Demos asked.

“Our animal forms. They aren’t without agency. They’re separate from us, Demos. They can think and speak,” Ryder explained.

Demos’ eyes widened. “Truly?”

“Yes, they offered me my memories as Weryn. All of them. But I knew if I did that then I wouldn’t be… me any longer,” Ryder admitted.

“Ah, yes, well, that was my doing. The choice part. They would have overwhelmed you if I hadn’t given you a way to escape,” Balthazar said. He looked rather proud.

Ryder grunted. “I see. Well, thank you, I suppose.”

“You’re welcome!” Balthazar preened a little.

Seeing no one else going to praise him, this time, he moved successfully around Caemorn--who frowned deeply--and took a seat at the table.

“Look, I’ve actually been where you are.

I killed Roan Tithe, my Master, who was also a sadistic son-of-a-bitch.

Oh, and I loved him. It nearly killed me to kill him.

I felt guilty for years about it, even though he had tortured me and my friends forever. ”

Caemorn stood behind Balthazar and looked more miserable than ever. What was going on there?

Ryder looked up at Balthazar. “You didn’t say you were going to destroy your whole Bloodline.”

“No, but the truth was, that no one was really sure what I was going to do next. And destroying the leader--even if warranted, even if for the best--changes the status quo and that terrifies people all on its own,” Balthazar explained with a shrug.

“When we all left the Ever Dark and went into exile, there were a few that didn’t make it.

They betrayed me or each other or simply couldn’t handle it and walked off into the sun. Roan had fucked us up.”

Balthazar smiled then. It was the saddest smile that Grayson had ever seen. He held onto Ryder’s hand tighter.

“Your people are a mess. And you might be right that some of them aren’t fit to go on or to trust. Grayson, here, put it clearer than I could have.

Weryn spoke of them being weak, but he really meant that he couldn’t trust them,” Balthazar said.

“But the funny thing about trust is that sometimes you have to give before you receive. You have to take a chance. We discovered that.”

He gestured at Caemorn.

“Kaly.” Ryder stiffened as it had just occurred to him that Caemorn was Kaly, the one who had killed Ashyr. “How are you trusted by our king after what you’ve done?”

“I’ve done worse than you know,” Caemorn answered softly. “But he has chosen to forgive me and give me a second chance. He is not alone in this.”

“And you’re think you’re worthy of such forgiveness--”

“No, not at all. But I attempt to be every moment of every day,” Caemorn answered with quiet dignity.

“None of the Immortals--except for Ashyr--has their hands clean,” Dani interrupted.

“There is none among you who did not commit atrocities during the War. While Ashyr’s death started it, you all continued it for your own reasons.

You had scores to settle and this was the excuse.

Daemon was not there to stop you and you took full advantage. ”

The Immortals lowered their heads. Grayson kept expecting some kind of reaction from Ryder to Ashyr’s name.

Didn’t he want to go find this Immortal?

Wasn’t this Immortal the love of his life?

Why was he holding onto Grayon’s hand like it was his only lifeline?

And why did Grayson not want him to let go?

“So what happens now?” Ryder asked.

“My little mind-work in your head will hopefully allow you to integrate your memories from your past life with your current ones and not become overwhelmed,” Balthazar explained.

“In the end, it will be your choice what you do,” Caemorn said.

“Do you have your memories?” Ryder asked Caemorn.

“Some. I could have more. But I… choose not to,” Caemorn answered. “I strive to be someone different than I was.”

“Same here!” Balthazar held up his hands as if in surrender. “I’ve remembered myself doing really scary things. I don’t want to be that person. So I choose not to be even if knowing that would make me stronger.”

“Can you really avoid your pasts forever?” Grayson asked.

He hadn’t meant to say that out loud and, for sure, he felt a bit like a hypocrite saying it. He had tried to outrun his past.

Dani put a hand on Grayson’s shoulder. “Perhaps not. But we can help each other deal with it.”

“Oh, I’m not… I meant… I’m worried about Ryder. Not me! My past is like an inch deep compared to all of yours!” Grayson grinned uncomfortably.

Again, there were glances all among them that were about him. Grayson frowned and squeezed Ryder’s hand to get his attention. Except he didn’t have to do that. Ryder was very much focused on him.

“What do you want to do? What are you going to do?” Grayson asked. “I know you likely just want to hunker down here and hide from everybody, but you can’t do that.”

“No, but I’m not sure that anyone wants to see me right now either,” Ryder admitted. His thumb ran over the back of Grayson’s hand. “But you’re right that I can’t let this fester.”

“What if I do some reconnaissance?” Demos suggested. “Find out what people are thinking and then we have a pack meeting?”

“Will they come if they think Ryder’s going to kill them?” Balthazar asked.

“I said I’m not,” Ryder answered.

“Are you sure?” Balthazar pressed.

Ryder’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Even if they’re--”

“I’m sure! They don’t deserve to die! Grayson was right about that,” Ryder said. “They can leave, if they want. I won’t stop them. Or they can stay and we can rebuild. Isn’t that what you offered your people, Balthazar?”

“Yes, I just wanted you to be sure about what you actually want,” Balthazar said and spread his arms wide. “It’s just that you’re of two minds in so many things. Well, except for one thing.”

Balthazar smiled at Grayson. Grayson frowned.

“Okay, so we hang out here while Demos gets intel. Although, couldn’t you just read all their minds and tell us what they’re thinking?” Grayson pointed out.

“I could!” Balthazar admitted and looked towards Ryder.

Ryder grimaced. “Trust needs to be given. I have to offer it first, don’t I? Having you read their minds doesn’t show a lot of trust.”

“Some say po-tay-to, some say po-tah-to. But fine, do it your way. They are your Bloodline. Your responsibility,” Balthazar said with a sniff. “While you’re doing that then, we need to go to a very overdue interrogation.” He pushed his chair back and stood up. “Grayson, shall we?”

“Wait! He’s not leaving! Or I’m going with him!” Ryder practically launched to his feet, but then groaned yet kept his feet. Grayson tugged him down.

“You’re in no state to go anywhere and Grayson shouldn’t be here for Weryn business, now should he?” Balthazar gave Ryder a hard look.

Ryder appeared stricken at this. “I… I want him to be safe. He has to be safe…”

“What interrogation is this? And why would Grayson be there?” Dani asked, one eyebrow rising imperiously.

“There’s a Vampire who killed my friend, I impaled her with a door,” Grayson explained. “I want to know who she’s working for and who else is with her.”

Dani’s eyes went from him to the others. That arched eyebrow arched more.

“It’s a long story,” Demos said. “Grayson saved our lives. Now he’s helping find the other traitors.”

Dani closed her eyelids, pinched the top of her nose and breathed. Finally, she released her nose and stared at them all. Grayson was amused how everyone seemed to quail under her gaze. Until she did it to him, too.

“Grayson, do you wish to go to this interrogation?” she asked.

“I do, but I don’t want to leave Ryder if he needs me,” Grayson admitted.

“I want you to stay, but… Balthazar is right,” Ryder growled that to the table.

Grayson drew Ryder’s hands to his chest. “How about if we meet up after? At the dorms?”

Ryder’s head lifted. He stared deeply into Grayson’s eyes and, for a minute, Grayson thought he would say something else, but instead he simply repeated, “I will find you.”

“Then we, four , will be going to the interrogation,” Dani said to Balthazar firmly. “I would assume no one has any objections to that? None. Good . Let’s go.”