Page 32 of Ever After Between the Lines (Montgomery Ink Legacy)

“What is this? And who is Laura?” She shook her head.

“Maybe I don’t have the right to know. Maybe I’m just overreacting.

But this isn’t just about that woman touching your face.

This is about you pulling back. This is about you not telling me a damn thing when you are inside me and we are naked.

So please, just tell me something. Anything at this point. ”

“She’s my ex.”

Kate studied my face for a moment, even though I did my best not to show a damn thing, but her eyes filled with sympathy. “And you loved her.”

“I did.” I shook my head, my throat growing tight. I didn’t talk about this ever. Gus and my parents were the only ones that knew. Jennifer didn’t even know. I had done my best to bury that so well that I wasn’t even sure I could say the words aloud.

“I’m sorry.” Kate shook her head and wiped away tears.

I made her cry. I had done the unthinkable and made Kate, the woman who tried not to show too many emotions, cry.

She met my gaze as she rolled her shoulders back.

“I’m clearly touching on something that I shouldn’t have.

I’m sorry. You’re right. We don’t have any expectations, and I don’t deserve to poke at something that clearly hurts.

So I’m just going to go. Because I don’t think whatever situation this is… it isn’t working anymore.”

“Laura and I were together in high school,” I blurted.

“We loved each other in the way that high schoolers love each other. And while sometimes that could be the deepest of things that grows into adulthood, we were fourteen when we got together. We were each other’s firsts and only for years.

And then we were seventeen when that little test turned positive. ”

Kate’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. For that I was grateful because I needed to get this out before I broke.

“Seventeen and pregnant. We were juniors.” I let out a rough chuckle that held no humor.

“We still had another year of school, and Laura was walking around the halls pregnant, with everybody judging. Guys would slap me on the back and call me virile or judge me behind their whispered hands. But they always judged her. People were worrying about their next class, AP courses, where to go for college. We were trying to figure out birth plans and what the hell we were going to do with the baby. My parents were supportive. They were pissed off, but supportive. Laura’s parents?

Not so great. They kicked her out during the first trimester. ”

“That’s terrible.”

I let out a hollow laugh. “Yeah. Terrible. So Laura moved in with us, and we got married.”

Kate’s eyes widened. “You were married?”

Just one more secret, after all. “We got married in the summer before our senior year, when Laura was seven months pregnant. It was ridiculous. You don’t get married when you’re seventeen.

When you’re still in high school and having a baby.

There were so many other decisions we could’ve made, but we made those.

My parents were pissed off. They had been supportive through everything because they knew we needed that backbone.

But we went behind their backs to get married.

They didn’t kick us out, but the look of disappointment and worry on their faces still haunts me. ”

“They must be really good people to have been there for you though.”

“They are the best.” And she had never met my parents because it wasn’t as if I introduced anyone to them anymore. I didn’t do serious. And yet, Kate had slipped through the cracks, and I hadn’t even known.

I was silent for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. Because I knew what I needed to say next. And since Kate could do the math, she probably knew some of it too.

“On our way home from the first football game of the season, a drunk kid from a rival school veered off the road and slammed into us. I was driving with Laura in the passenger seat. Her due date was in four days.”

Tears fell down Kate’s cheeks. “Oh Sawyer.” She might not know the details of the rest of the story, but she could guess.

“We didn’t lose the baby then. She went through childbirth, while each of us had stitches and she had a broken arm, and I had broken my foot. And the baby never took a breath.”

“I’m so sorry. There aren’t any words for that. I’m so sorry you both went through that so young or even at all. Sawyer...”

“We stayed married until our junior year of college. Though she had dropped out by then. Everybody who would say such crappy things to us when she was pregnant became the sweetest, most caring people. They brought food, flowers. The donation center where we took all of our baby’s items we had accumulated over time was grateful for us.

Even though they knew the story. Everyone in our town knew the story. ”

Kate pressed her lips together, still crying softly, and I reached out to push her hair from her face. I needed to touch her, needed an anchor. Because I was selfish.

“Laura started doing drugs our freshman year of college. First to stop the pain, then just because she needed that new pain. She tried to hide it but was never good at that part. She would take our money and buy more pills. In the end, I wasn’t strong enough to help her.

” My voice cracked. “Her parents took her away. The divorce papers came quickly, and I filed them. It was the best thing they could’ve done for us. ”

“Sawyer. It’s not your fault.”

“I was the one who wanted to go to that football game. Laura wanted to stay at home with her feet up because her ankles were swelling. But I was the one who had to go.” And the two of us had fought terribly over that.

Because she was afraid I was going to flirt with one of the cheerleaders that constantly flirted with me.

None of my reassurances had helped. But we had been teenagers.

Those were the feelings that you had. That was the normal part.

Kate reached out and put her hand on my arm, that touch cementing me in the present when the past screamed at me. “It’s still not your fault. It was that drunk driver.”

“That kid paid with jail time and memories that he can’t get rid of.

I don’t even think about that kid anymore.

He was sixteen. He ruined so many lives.

But we all had to deal with the consequences of our choices.

Laura is doing fine now. It’s why she came here.

Because for the past fifteen years we keep sliding into each other’s orbits just to say we’re okay.

We lived a half life and we didn’t realize where our lives could be.

I had nothing left. Or so I thought.” I met her gaze, my hand shaking. “She has a life now.”

“And she’s the person tattooed on your skin.”

I nodded and undid the buttons on my flannel.

I pushed it to the side to show Laura’s name and Megan’s.

“My first tattoo. I did the one thing that you’re never supposed to do and put a person’s name on your skin.

But it was after we had divorced. I was only going to put Megan’s.

Our daughter.” I swallowed hard. “But I felt like Laura had died that day too. At least the Laura that I knew. I didn’t do this because I loved her.

I did this because I failed her. I failed our baby girl. ”

Tears fell down her cheeks. “Sawyer.”

“I’m not good enough for you, Kate.”

“Sawyer. You went through the worst thing possible. But that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for me.

That’s not fair to either one of us. I was standing here because I thought you were never going to open up to me.

Because you thought we were better in the shadows.

And I love you.” Her eyes widened as she said it, and I had a feeling she never meant to utter the words.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen. But it did.

I love you. And even if it takes you a while to come to that point, I’m here.

Don’t give up on us, Sawyer. You are good enough.

I promise. If you can try. I’ll be here to try too. ”

Every ounce of me wanted to say yes. To reach out to cup her face and tell her I loved her. To let myself feel for the first time in far too long.

But when I closed my eyes it wasn’t Laura in that car.

It was Kate.

It was Kate bleeding out.

It was Kate screaming my name.

And it was Kate lying lifeless in my arms.

“I can’t,” I whispered, and Kate’s face blanched.

“Sawyer.”

“I lost something of myself before. I’m not the man for you. You deserve someone that can love you with their whole heart. You deserve the world, Kate. And that’s not me.”

And with that, I turned on my heel, knowing I was doing this for the best. Kate would get over it. She would realize exactly who I was.

And she would find happiness.

Just not with me.