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13

CHARLOTTE

A large wooden sign inscribed with “ Camp Dickson” passes overhead as Andi pulls through the entrance. We roll our windows down, and shrieks fill the car as a group jumps off a wooden platform, splashing into the lake where we love to cool off in the afternoons. A hot summer breeze blows through, and rocks crunch beneath Andi’s tires as she rolls into the camper parking lot to find a spot.

“You ladies ready for this?” she asks, putting the car in park.

“Yes ma’am,” Stella says from the back seat.

The familiar scenery brings up a mountain of memories, but I choose to lean into the good ones over the ones with the lying, cheating asshole.

“Yeah,” I say, looking over from the passenger seat with a smile. “I’m ready.”

We grab our bags and make our way to the auditorium for registration. I haven’t seen him yet. Maybe he isn’t coming after all. Or maybe he got cholera and died. A girl can dream.

We check in and receive the keys to our cabins. They’re small, with two campers assigned to each one. Andi and I are paired together, and we say goodbye to Stella, leaving to trek towards our new little abode. On the way, we pass two NFL-sized fields, complete with goal posts, a wall of bleachers, and ample space for us cheerleaders to practice. It’s bordered by a two-story gym and medical facility, which we all have access to during our stay here. Everything is state of the art, except for the cabins. Along the path, we pass a large tree, and I quickly avert my eyes. Jonathan and I used to meet there between practices, and I shake away the unwelcome memory.

We arrive at the rustic structure made of faux Lincoln Logs, and I unlock the door. Inside, I toss my cheer duffle on one of the wood-framed twin-sized beds as Andi claims the other. It’s essentially summer camp… if summer camp were built by football legend and millionaire William Dickson.

“Home sweet home,” Andi says, rifling through her bag.

“Six weeks of camp, food, and football boys. Will we survive?” I tease, unzipping mine and pulling out the bed sheets we had to bring.

“They better have peppermint mocha cupcakes or I’ll riot,” she says, making her own bed in a huff.

“If they don’t, I’ll sneak into the kitchen and bake you some myself,” I promise her.

She pauses, smiling at me. “You’re too good to me.”

With a wink, I turn to my duffle and keep my hands busy by unpacking my clothes and cheer uniforms. I place the CBU tank top we’re required to wear to tonights welcome dinner on the dresser. Once the bag is empty, I lift it off the bed, a rattle garnering my attention. At the bottom of it, I find the tiny toy train whistle Nash had during our camping trip with Noah, and it brings a smile to my face. I must have tossed it in there when cleaning up and forgotten about it. My fingers trail the little object, a twang in my chest at the thought of my three favorite people I won’t be seeing anytime soon.

I set it on top of my dresser next to the picture I brought of the twins, then remake the bed and fold my blanket on top of it.

“You okay?” Andi asks, sitting atop her mattress.

A heavy breath escapes me. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do when I see Jonathan.”

“What do you mean?” Her dark eyebrows pull together. “Do you wanna get back together?”

I shoot her a look of disgust. “I meant if I’m going to punch him, slap him, or portray a mask of indifference.”

“I vote the latter. Show Jonathan you don’t give a shit about him. You’ve moved on.”

I’d hardly call what Noah and I are doing “moving on.” He’s been a beautiful distraction, but I’m unsure what will become of our friendship since I’ll barely see him this summer.

And I’ve definitely done my damndest not to think about Jonathan, only allowing the occasional hurtful thought to pop in here and there.

I groan, throwing my head back. “You’re right. If I explode, he’ll think I still care.”

“Exactly.” She stands, squeezing my face in her hands. “You can do this. You’re a badass bitch.”

“Then why do I feel more like a sadass bitch?” I say with a squished pout.

“Because you’re letting someone steal your joy who certainly does not deserve even an ounce of your brain space,” she says, releasing me.

“It’s just hard to forget sometimes. Especially when I’m in places with memories of him.” I sigh, thinking of our tree rendezvous point. “Of us.”

“Girl,” she says, not feeding into my pity party. “In the two months you’ve been free of him, you’ve been happier, bubblier, and more confident than ever. You’re that bitch.”

I plaster a smile on. There’re few things better in the world than true female friendships. They build you up when you feel like nothing more than a sad blob of nothingness. Give you a reality check when you desperately need one, and regardless of if you take their solid advice, are still there to hold your hand in the fallout. That’s Andi for me. “Fine.”

“Good!” She pulls me for a hug. “You’ve got this.”

I sure hope so.

We continue our tidying, and my phone buzzes. I snatch it up, hoping for distraction by a certain quarterback, and get frustrated by family instead.

THE BENSON FAM

Dad

Have so much fun this summer! Don’t forget sunscreen

Mother

Make smart choices.

I roll my eyes. It would be physically impossible for her to act like she cares about my happiness or passions . Her single concern is if I’ll do something stupid to embarrass her. Another message pops in, and I rush to open it.

Noah

Fun fact: the heart of a shrimp is located in its head

Me

And the heart of a man is located in his dick

Especially if you’re Jonathan.

Noah

I would like to request not to be grouped into this subspecies of man

Me

And what is your argument?

Noah

My heart is clearly in my stomach

I huff a laugh. This is exactly the distraction I need. Swapping to Google, I do a quick search to up his trivia.

Me

Fun fact: You can’t hum if you hold your nose

After a few seconds, bubbles appear and disappear.

Noah

What the fuck Charlotte

I almost suffocated myself

I burst out laughing.

Me

What can I say, I take your breath away

“What’s got you all giddy, baby cakes?” Andi asks, and I meet her curious eyes.

“Oh, nothing,” I say, fighting a smile. “Just trying to be that bitch.”

“Good.” She beams, satisfied. “You seem in better spirits. Should we go grab lunch?”

The heavy weight on my chest returns. “Or we could starve instead?”

She raises her brows. “Come on.”

I groan. “Fine, let’s go.”

On our journey through camp, I keep my eyes peeled for any sign of Jonathan. The blue doors of the cafeteria appear before us, and a sigh of relief escapes me. Once I’m inside surrounded by the CBU football players, I’ll be safe.

“Charlie.” Chills scatter from my neck down my spine. I keep walking. “Charlie!”

The voice is louder, and I glance towards Andi for salvation. “Mask of indifference,” she whispers before he reaches us.

“Hey,” Jonathan says with a smile, as if the last time we spoke wasn’t when I caught him dick-deep in another girl.

“Hi,” I clip, folding my arms over my chest.

“How’ve you been?” he asks. How have I… Is he for real?

“Dandy.” My skin crawls at the way his eyes wander over my body, and I point behind me. “Well, we’re gonna?—”

“Wait. Can you give us a minute?” he asks Andi, finally acknowledging her existence. She folds her arms over her chest and smiles, unmoving.

Atta girl .

“What do you want?” I ask, already irritated by his mere presence.

“Come on.” He steps toward me, and I back away. “It doesn’t need to be like this.”

My body flushes with heat. “How about it’s like this : I pretend you don’t exist. And you go fuck yourself.”

“Wow.” He rolls his eyes. “And here I thought we could be adults about this.”

“Adults?” I scoff. “You cheated on me for months, and I’m supposed to what? Act like it never happened? Like she never happened?” I ask, voice cracking.

“Indifference,” Andi grits through her teeth in my ear.

“It wasn’t all my fault,” Jonathan says, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Just let me explain.”

“Keep telling yourself that, buddy.” I grit my teeth together, jaw aching. “You can keep your bullshit explanations.”

Kendra walks up beside him, snaking her arm around his waist and flattening a hand on his chest. What the hell is she doing here? My eyes drop to her Andrews University Cheerleader T-shirt.

He didn’t screw some random college girl. He screwed a cheerleader. How stereotypical.

Kendra smiles up at him. “Ready for lunch, babe ?”

“Sure,” he clips. She stands on her tiptoes and angles his face to hers, and he kisses her as if I’m not standing here. As if the girl he made years of promises to marry and build a family with isn’t directly in front of him, still recovering from watching that fantasy be demolished firsthand. As if the last time I saw them together wasn’t when he was inside of her!

Nausea creeps up my throat when he slides his arm around her waist, tugging her close. My eyes fall to his thumb rubbing circles on her hip. The same way he used to do to me. The ghosted memory of the sensation dances over my own skin with awareness.

I’ve spent so much time being angry. Almost so much I forgot to let the hurt in. But seeing him holding her the way he used to hold me, giving her the same affection that used to be mine? It fucking hurts. It’s taking everything in me not to shatter like the cup I broke on Noah’s floor. But Jonathan doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.

Andi coughs loudly and exaggeratedly.

“Oh,” Kendra says, turning her attention to me with a condescending smile. “Didn’t notice you there.”

“Can we not do this whole ‘I’m gonna pretend I didn’t fuck your boyfriend’ thing?” I ask, all traces of sadness gone, replaced by a dragon-sized flaming anger.

She blinks at me. “Well, he’s not your boyfriend anymore… so…”

“You’re right. Congrats,” I say, huffing a laugh. “Got yourself a real prize.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone else,” she says, patting Jonathan’s chest. “Eventually.”

“What part of this conversation makes you think I’m single?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“You’re seeing someone?” Jonathan asks, disbelief flickering in his expression.

My hands tremble, anger thrumming my veins. “Not that it’s any of your business,” I snap, my heart pounding ferociously against my rib cage. “But yes , I am.”

His jaw clenches. “Who?”

“More like who cares?” Kendra grumbles, tugging him to leave.

Jonathan stands firm. “Who?”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Folding my arms over my chest, I snap, “I don’t have to answer to you.”

Good. Vague.

“It’s Noah, isn’t it?” he asks through gritted teeth, and my muscles freeze.

How did we get here?

“Who. Cares?” Kendra says louder, tugging on him, but she may as well be the invisible woman now.

“I knew you slept with Noah on Halloween!” His tone grows louder. Andi takes a step forward, but I put my arm out, holding her back.

“First of all, the only cheater in our relationship was you,” I say through gritted teeth, flicking a look towards Kendra. “And yes. I am dating him.” A mischievous smile spreads across my face as I say the one thing I know will piss him off more than anything. “And he fucks better than you ever did.”

I spin around, bolting for the cafeteria before he can respond. Pretty sure he shouts something about me being a stupid slut, but I choose to ignore him, pushing through the double doors and holding my head high all the way to the cafeteria.

“Damn.” Andi catches up and falls into stride. “I always knew there was some molten lava inside that chocolate cake.”

I let out a shaky laugh. My smile falls. “Holy shit.”

“What?”

“Did I tell him I was dating Noah?”

“Yep.”

“And implied we’ve fucked?”

“Implied? Girl, you made it real clear what you’ve been doing with that Italian sausage.”

“Oh my…” Placing a hand on my pounding chest, I suck in a breath. My stomach is heavy, like a dense batch of dough too overworked to rise. Andi grabs my arm, shoving me through a door. “ Oww !”

She drops my arm, quickly scans under the stalls in the women’s bathroom, and turns, placing her hands on my shoulders. “Get a grip. If you’re gonna sell this, you need to be confident.”

My eyes widen. “Sell what?”

“That you and Noah are dating !”

Thump. Thump. Thump. There goes my heart. “But we’re not!”

“Shhh,” she says, motioning her hands down. “Damn, baby cakes. Be cool. No one needs to know that.”

“Noah’s gonna know when one of his friends calls asking when our relationship status changed!” If I thought asking him to fuck me was embarrassing, wait till he finds out I pimped him out as my fake boyfriend because I was too shitty of a lay to keep one. How mortifying.

“Then call him first and explain what happened. I guarantee he’ll have no problem with it.” She cocks a brow, and a bit of the bricklike batter dissipates in my stomach. “The only person who hates Jonathan more than you is Noah.”

I shift in place, allowing her words to surround me. “That’s probably not true.”

“Seriously?” she deadpans.

My mind wanders to how concerned Noah was after I destroyed his favorite cappuccino cup post shitty ex talk. He was upset, but maybe it didn’t have anything to do with the broken memory.

Gripping the sink, I take in my appearance in the mirror. My makeup is flawless, hair tied back and a pink bow perfectly in place. How can I look so put together when my life is falling apart?

“Char,” Andi says, pulling me back to the conversation.

“How do I even bring this up to him?”

“Just try.”

“Okay,” I find myself saying, when in reality my body is an anxious ball of yarn with no chance of being untangled. “I’ll call him after lunch.”

We return to the cafeteria and grab food, sitting down with Theo, Elijah, Julian, and some of the other guys. I push the salad around my plate as anxiety threatens to explode me like that poor tiny bird in Shrek . I’ll be nothing but a fluff of pathetic feathers falling to the ground.

Here lies Charlotte Benson.

A dumb, pathetic little idiot.

RIP me .

NOAH

Me

Fun Fact: when faced with the possibility of seeing my ex, I will one hundred percent do something absolutely stupid

Noah

I do not like that fun fact.

that is a FUNLESS fact.

Me

But it is a fact

Noah

Did you break our promise?

My chest aches, mind swirling.

Me

I didn’t

But I’m not sure you’ll like the alternative

Noah

Call me

Me

I’m eating, can I call you in twenty?

Noah

Make it fifteen.

Ten minutes and an abandoned Caesar salad later, I excuse myself from the table. Andi mouths “good luck,” and my heart pounds against my rib cage. My eyes catch on Jonathan, who’s eating with an arm hooked around Kendra, and his fiery gaze burns straight through me. If he’s moved on, why the hell does he care so much? I shiver at the unwelcome attention and exit the building.

I yank out my phone and find Noah’s contact. The cafeteria door slams open behind me, and a breath catches in my throat until a group of guys walks past me, babbling about their first practice.

This definitely isn’t the place to talk. If one of Jonathan’s teammates overhears this is fake, it’ll blow the whole thing before it even starts. Not to mention I’ll look pathetic as fuck. I head towards my cabin to have privacy for this conversation.

When I’m less than a minute away, I tap call.

Noah answers immediately. “Charlotte.”

“Wow, no hi?” I tease, heart stuck in my throat. “Or how are you?”

“What did you do?” he asks with a sigh, obviously not buying my decoy tactic.

“Give me a sec.” I groan. “Want to wait till I’m at my cabin.”

“Are you almost here?”

“Yes, I’m around th…” The words evaporate off my tongue as I spot a dark-haired, handsome man leaning up against my door with a phone to his ear.

“Surprise,” Noah says, grinning, and I rush forward, leaping in his arms. He catches me easily as I sigh into his neck, absolutely relieved to see my best friend. Especially after the day I’ve had. He smells like basil, cedarwood, and home.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I mumble into his neck, holding tightly. “I thought I wasn’t gonna see you for at least a month.”

He chuckles, setting my feet back on the ground. “I couldn’t wait that long.”

Me either.

After unlocking the cabin door, I lead us inside and away from prying eyes. “Did you already hear the fuck-up I made and speed here?” I groan, dragging a hand across my face. “Is it really that bad?”

“Char.” His tone is unamused. “Please explain before I have a coronary.”

My legs take on a mind of their own, pacing the small room. “Basically what happened was I ran into Jonathan, and he was all, ‘Let’s talk’ and I was like, ‘No thanks,’ and then he was like, ‘Why not?’ and I was like?—”

He grabs my arm and softly tugs me toward him. “The CliffsNotes version.”

I look into Noah’s steady eyes and take a deep breath. “I told Jonathan to go fuck himself.”

A smug smile graces his lips. “Good.”

“Yes.” My jaw clenches. “But then he got all condescending and shit. And that girl he slept with showed up.”

“Why’s she here?” he asks, as surprised as I was.

“Apparently, she’s a cheerleader.”

“Oh.” His lips press together. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that this summer.”

His reminder that it’s going to be for the entire camp is not comforting. “Me too.”

“So I’m not really seeing the fuck-up part?” he presses, rubbing a hand along my back distractingly.

“Well…” I shift on my heels. Here we go. “I also told Jonathan you and I are dating.”

Noah fights a smile and fails spectacularly. “Oh yeah?”

“Mm-hmm,” I hum as he lets go of my hands and they drop to my sides.

“Why’d you do that?” His amused eyes narrow on me, making me squirm.

“That girl.” I toy with the hem of my shorts. “They’re dating. And it made me feel so inferior.” For a moment a flicker of sadness stings my chest, and I douse it with my rage. “And then she said something about something. And I just, I said I wasn’t single, and Jonathan asked who. I wanted to piss him off, and I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry. Shit. I didn’t mean to bring you into this. I just thought?—”

“Take a breath,” Noah says, lips parting as he sucks air in slowly. I copy his movements, inhaling deeply, chest rising opposite his. He counts down from three as I exhale, the movement calming me. “Charlotte.” He shakes his head with a soft laugh. “I will happily fake date you to throw a middle finger to your ex.”

My eyes snap to his, oxygen stuck in my lungs once more. “Really?”

“Of course.”

I stare at him in disbelief. “People are gonna have questions, Noah. It has to be believable or it’s pointless.”

His eyes dance with amusement. “Then we’ll make it believable.”

What the hell have I gotten us into?

“You make it seem so easy,” I say, exasperated.

“It is easy,” he says, running a hand down my arm in reassurance. “Char, we’re best friends. We talk every day. We spend plenty of time together. What’s the difference?”

“The difference?” I scoff, pacing again. “You’re going to have to do boyfriend stuff . Like, I don’t know.” I throw my arms in the air. “Hold my hand and shit.”

“And shit?”

My muscles freeze. “Or just the hand-holding?” I wave him off, stomach tight. “I don’t know.”

“Please, relax.” He takes a step forward, tugging me into his arms. “It’s going to be fine. As far as everyone knows, I’m your boyfriend and you’re my girlfriend.”

“Oh my god.” My heart rate skyrockets. “You have, like, a hundred thousand followers. People are gonna start talking about it, and fuck !”

“I don’t care about that. Posting you as my girlfriend will hopefully keep the thirsty girls out of my DMs.”

My gaze snaps to his. “Is that really a problem you have?”

“I get an unsolicited tit pic a week. At least.” He shakes his head in disbelief, and an uncomfortable feeling settles in my stomach. “Yes, it’s a problem. So as I said, I get the fangirls out of my DMs, and you get to piss off your ex. It’s an even exchange.”

“An even exchange?”

“Yes,” he says, tucking a hair behind my ear, and I shiver. “An even exchange.”

“Have you really thought this through?”

“I think everything through.” He grins, and it’s the truth. Noah Caruso doesn’t so much as pick what he’s eating for dinner without thinking it through. “It’s going to be fine.”

Accepting his thought-out reply, I concede, my muscles relaxing for the first time in an hour. “Thank you.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to thank me for doing things I enjoy?”

“You’ll enjoy fake dating me?” I ask, unable to stop the smile now spreading across my face.

“I might,” he says, cheeks blushing pink.

“Fine,” I say, trying not to read too much into his response. “Then you’re welcome for evicting the punt bunnies in your DMs.”

“Punt bunnies?”

“Yeah, like puck bunnies but for football.”

“Well, thanks for rescuing me from the punt bunnies,” he says, pulling me in for a hug.

“Any time.” I lean into his chest, breathing him in.

Basil. Cedarwood. Home.