Page 18 of Estelle’s Ardent Admirer (The Bookshop Belles #1)

CHAPTER 18

Cross Purposes

F elix whistled merrily to himself as he swung down from Hannibal’s back and gave the horse a pat before handing him over to a groom. “Make sure he gets a good rub down and plenty of oats. I took it easy on the way back from London, but it’s been a warm day,” he instructed.

“Right you are, Mr Yates!” The groom touched his cap respectfully, leading Hannibal away, and Felix took the steps up to Ferndale Hall’s front doors two at a time.

“Welcome home, sir,” Thorne intoned as he took Felix’s coat and hat.

“I was only gone one night, Thorne!”

“Yes, but to London, sir, and we all know what a den of iniquity that is.” One eyelid fluttered in the ghost of a wink, and Felix laughed.

“You aren’t wrong, Thorne. I can’t bear the place. Too many people and not enough air, especially on a hot summer’s day. A cool tankard of ale would be just the thing while I wash off this road dust…”

“I’ll have one sent up directly, sir.”

A large ale, a cool bath and some clean clothes later, Felix felt duly refreshed. Making his way back downstairs he popped his head around the library door, smiling as he saw his grandfather seated in a comfortable chair with a book on his lap.

“What a surprise to find you here, Grandfather! May I join you?”

Lord Ferndale looked up, smiled, and removed his glasses. “Cheeky pup, where else would you find me? Of course, come in, come in. How was your trip to London? Productive, I hope?”

“It certainly was!” Felix took the seat opposite his grandfather. “Thank you for your note of introduction to Lord Ellesmere; I’m sure the bank would have kept me kicking my heels quite a lot longer without intervention from one of their trustees.”

Lord Ferndale nodded a little smugly. “Pays to keep up correspondence with one’s old friends, Felix, let that be a lesson to you.”

Felix thought guiltily that there were several friends he owed letters to, not least to inform them that he was getting married, and nodded penitently. “Your point is taken, Grandfather.”

“And was your business with the bank concluded successfully?”

He beamed with success. “Indeed it was, I settled the loan payment as I promised Estelle I would, and when I showed the bankers the last letter the Misses Baxters received from their father, which they were kind enough to entrust to me, it turned out to be dated on the exact same day the bankers had received intelligence of Mr Baxter’s passing. Proving, of course, that their intelligence was so much codswallop.” Felix smiled in satisfaction. “They wouldn’t tell me who had provided the information, but in my opinion it could only have been Joshua Baxter.”

“That one’s trouble,” Lord Ferndale grumbled. “Should have done more to keep him from being appointed magistrate.” He shook his head in disgust. “But it was the year after your grandmother died…”

“You were in mourning, Grandfather, don’t blame yourself. I shall keep a close eye on Joshua Baxter, I promise; he means no good to Estelle and her sisters and I won’t have him tormenting them.” Felix had kept to himself the matter of Joshua Baxter’s attempted interference in his and Estelle’s wedding; no good would come of his grandfather becoming angry over the matter, and if Joshua Baxter failed to do the right thing and walk Estelle down the aisle, well, Felix knew Lord Ferndale would be happy to do the honour.

“Anyway, the bank agreed to revert the loan payments to the original schedule, allowing the Misses Baxters to skip the September payment due to the large payment I made.” Felix smiled in satisfaction. “I also got them to promise they won’t take any further actions without more positive proof of Mr Matthew Baxter’s demise. And to agree to come to me first, so that Estelle isn’t worried by any sudden demands.”

“Indeed!” Lord Ferndale gave an approving nod. “That was very well done, Felix; well handled throughout. A solid negotiation; you walked in with your paperwork in order and left with the outcome exactly as you desired.”

A warm feeling spread through Felix’s chest at his grandfather’s praise. He ducked his head, feeling a little bashful, but Lord Ferndale wasn’t finished.

“I’ve been thinking it’s time I handed more of the financial matters of Ferndale over to you, after your marriage, of course. Once you and Estelle are settled here, you and I can spend some time going over the books.”

“Of course, sir! Anything I can do to ease the burden from your shoulders.”

Lord Ferndale smiled warmly at him. “You’ve grown up into a fine young man, Felix. I’m very proud of you. I want you to know that.”

Felix’s cheeks were burning and his eyes felt oddly hot. He managed to mumble a thank-you, and then, blessedly, his grandfather changed the subject, leaning over to a side table and picking up a letter, which he held out towards Felix.

“This came for you today.”

“Oh!” The letter was still sealed, Felix saw as he took it, and then he turned it over and saw the direction written in his mother’s firm hand. There would have been just enough time for his letter informing his mother of his betrothal to reach Ireland and a response to come back, he calculated as he broke the seal and unfolded the letter. He smiled as he read.

“She’s inviting me to take Estelle to Ireland for a visit. A honeymoon.”

“That sounds like a grand idea,” Lord Ferndale said approvingly. “Leave soon after the wedding and go in the autumn, before the weather gets nasty and you have a rough sea crossing. Spend Christmas with your mother and come home in the spring.”

“Estelle wants to travel,” Felix said happily. “What a marvellous plan! As long as you can do without me for so long?” he checked.

“Of course we can. And it’s been, what, six or seven years since you last saw your mother? You should take your bride to meet her. In fact, I insist upon it!”

“I shall talk to Estelle about it tomorrow. It’s Saturday; I plan to take a maid or two and a couple of footmen and go and have them clean their residence. Give the Baxters and Mrs Poole a break.”

“That’s very kind and thoughtful of you, Felix. I’m sure Miss Baxter will appreciate that, just as much as she’ll appreciate you dealing with the bank for her.” Lord Ferndale put his glasses back on and opened his book again. “Now push off, there’s a good chap, and leave me to read. I want to finish this chapter before dinner.”

Laughing, Felix left his grandfather in peace. He had plenty to do, anyway, not least of which to begin planning travel arrangements to take Estelle to Ireland!

The following morning Felix arrived at the bookshop bright and early with a couple of footmen who entered the shop with a travelling case. Estelle was sitting behind the counter, writing in a ledger, and she looked up and gave the most beautiful smile when she saw him, making his heart leap with joy and his step quicken as he hurried towards her. Before taking the last step, though, he quickly looked down to check for anything dangerous and squelchy on the floor.

“That is a good habit to have,” Estelle said with a laugh, “but I did already collect Crafty’s morning offering today.”

He adored this woman so much. Felix delivered her a broad smile followed by a quick kiss. “I know Saturday is usually your clean up day, but I have brought some help and plan to give you, your sisters and Mrs Poole a reprieve.”

“Oh, you are too thoughtful, thank you!” she said, with another of those heart-melting smiles, which disappeared from her face far too quickly for Felix’s peace of mind.

“But you seem sad. What is the matter?”

“We still haven’t heard from my father. It is vexing.”

Felix took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles. “I am sorry. But in lighter news…” he let go of her hands and reached into his pocket, where he produced his mother’s letter. “I heard from my mother. She sends her heartiest congratulations and best wishes.”

“That’s lovely!” Estelle said, her eyes brightening.

“She says she cannot wait to meet my new bride, and that we must visit her in Ireland soon. I was thinking we could leave no later than autumn, and perhaps spend some time with them and then visit the countryside, remain for Christmas and winter, and then return in the spring.”

Estelle pulled her hand away, her expression turning doubtful. “That is … a lot.”

“But she has invited us, and I have not seen her in a great many years. You will love her, I know it. And I’m sure she will adore you.”

Estelle’s voice pitched to a higher register. “We’d be away for six months!”

“It would need to be,” Felix frowned, uncertain why this seemed to be distressing her. Estelle wanted to travel, didn’t she? And here was a golden opportunity! “It would be dangerous to sail home in winter.”

She cried, “It’s impossible. I can’t be away from the bookshop for that long!”

Felix truly didn’t understand what she meant. “You won’t be running the bookshop. You’ll be my wife.”

Estelle swallowed, looking stricken. “I have to give this up?”

Everything tumbled inside Felix’s head. How was this good news landing so poorly?

“I thought you’d accepted that?” How could she possibly be the new mistress at Ferndale Hall, and still manage Baxter’s Fine Books? It was logistically impossible.

“Dear God, Felix, No. I can’t!”

His brain shut down so fast he could only blink for a moment until he caught his breath again. “What… what are you saying?” Felix thought his heart might give out. He could not for the life of him work out where this blissful road to happiness had taken such a terrible turn.

Estelle wanted to remain working in the bookshop even after they married? What madness was this?

“I thought I was taking you away from this drudgery?” he said.

“Drudgery? This is my life. I love it!”

His world came crashing down. He’d told Estelle how much he loved her, and she had not said those exact words back. He was hoping they would come soon. But she loved the bookshop?

“Do you love it more than me?” Heat prickled his eyes and he might very well fall to pieces if she said she did.

“What?”

“You heard me. I think it’s important we know this as we are about to become married and that’s a rather large step.” He waited with bated breath for her answer.

Every second more that he waited was a knife in his gut. The silence hung thickly between them. How had they come this far and not discussed what their marriage truly entailed?

He couldn’t cope waiting any more. “When we marry, we will live at Ferndale Hall. I have responsibilities to my grandfather and the estate. This is why you needed to meet the staff, as you’d be mistress of the hall.”

“But not straight away, surely?” she shot back.

He had nothing to counter that.

“It is too much,” she said as tears fell from her eyes, ripping at his heart. “You do too much and … I think you ask too much.”

It took all his strength not to wipe those tears away for her. He wanted to do everything for her to help, but he’d obviously overdone it. “It’s how I help,” he said with a croaky plea.

A heavy sigh sagged her shoulders as she said, “This is my life, and you are asking me to give it up.”

“You also wish to travel. You’ve said as much. I can facilitate that, but logically that would always mean months away from Hatfield, no matter whether it’s Ireland or the continent. I don’t understand your reticence. I sincerely hope this is merely a case of last-minute nerves because otherwise you make no sense. Did you honestly think I would come and live here after we -”

“Be quiet!” She slapped her hand over her mouth at the shock of her own words.

He clamped his jaw shut as well, and waited. The silence ate away at him like rust.

“This is my fault,” Estelle said finally, shaking her head slowly. “This has happened too fast. I hadn’t given it enough thought and it’s all a rather large shock. But I had, in a strange way, thought we could split our time between here and Ferndale. Just, not so soon.”

He opened his mouth to speak and she held her palm up to stop him.

“It’s not just about us, Felix. There are so many other people involved. My sisters and Mrs Poole, and young R- Miss Millings needs us and Cousin Brutus needs refuge and…”

He could no longer hold it in. “I have responsibilities too. To my grandfather and great-aunt and Mrs Sykes and the entire staff at Ferndale, and, in time, the people of Hatfield.”

“But this is my home !”

“Which will still be here. I don’t understand. When people marry, they live together.”

“And what do I do? Become a lady of leisure and spend your money?”

“You’ve had no problem so far!” The moment the words were out of his mouth, he knew he’d done badly. So horribly badly. He wished with all his might he could take them back, but they hung over them like a sword of Damocles.