Page 6

CHAPTER 6

Alice couldn’t be sure whether it was a lingering effect of the drugs she’d been given by Madame Cecilia or some aspect of the simulation, but she had great difficulty determining how long they walked. Minutes, hours, days ; it all seemed the same, one way or another. Despite being barefoot—with only one stocking on thanks to Shadow—she never once stepped on anything rough or painful, and she felt surprisingly good even though her brain told her she should’ve succumbed to exhaustion long ago.

The trees and other plants remained mostly uniform throughout the journey, though a few different varieties popped up here and there. All of it was massive, all of it was a little alien, and Alice might’ve paid it more attention were it not for Shadow.

Her eyes drifted to him frequently. Though he never strayed too far, it was always difficult to say just where he’d be at any moment. He could be walking five feet ahead of her only to appear beside her in an instant without ever having moved. A few times, he roved a little farther ahead—twenty or thirty feet, maybe—only to suddenly walk past her from behind as though he’d been lagging the entire time. Whenever she saw him from the corner of her eye, his features were shadowy and indistinct—just like they’d been when she first glimpsed him at the Hatter’s. It was like he really was a walking shadow and not a man—an alien man—at all.

Even stranger was his size. Again, she couldn’t be certain of anything, couldn’t tell if it was a strange trick of the inconsistent lighting, an effect of her odd surroundings, something to do with Shadow himself, or her own delusion, but his size seemed to…fluctuate.

Whenever he was near, he towered over her—she guessed he stood around seven feet tall. But when he was farther away, she found it increasingly difficult to judge his size. Sometimes, he walked beneath branches—without ducking—and had room to spare above the top hat, and when she walked beneath the same spot a moment later, the branch brushed the top of her hair. Other times, his hat bumped into foliage that she swore she wouldn’t have been able to reach if she climbed an eight-foot ladder.

To say it was disorienting would’ve been an understatement, especially when he always seemed a consistent size while he was close. Her mind insisted there was a rational explanation—dips and rises that she couldn’t see but which he was adept at traversing—but she knew that applying logic to anything in this place was a likely path to madness.

Nothing here made sense, and she would never be able to force it to make sense.

Despite the matter of his possible size-changing, she found herself captivated by his body and the way he moved. He was tall and lean, with long limbs, but he wasn’t gangly or awkward; his movements flowed with preternatural grace, so smoothly that she sometimes had the impression he was more floating than walking. For much of the time, he hummed softly, occasionally demonstrating dance moves directly out of an old Earth musical. His tunes were sometimes familiar, and sometimes seemed to be inspired by the various alien bird songs from the boughs around them—though she’d yet to spot a single bird.

An alien in Victorian clothing who phases around like a ghost and has the grin of a madman, but I’m the crazy one?

She was the one seeing it…maybe she was crazy, after all.

Alice was suddenly aware of the darkness that had settled over the forest. She came to a halt and frowned, surveying her surroundings. When had it grown so dark? She hadn’t even noticed the sun setting, hadn’t noticed the light fading, hadn’t noticed the sky changing color through the gaps in the leaves high overhead. She’d arrived in Wonderland at night and had emerged from the Hatter’s during the day—though she had no idea how long she’d been at Hatter’s Tea Party, no idea how long she’d been following Shadow through the woods.

Surely an entire day couldn’t have passed already.

She turned in place. A cool, gentle breeze brushed over her skin. The birds had ceased their singing, and unseen insects had begun their night music. Tiny glowing specks drifted through the air nearby, looking like little lightning bugs, but as one drew near, Alice realized they weren’t bugs at all—they were free-floating orbs of yellow light. She reached out her hand, fingers outstretched, to touch the orb.

The light passed through her fingers, creating a faintly tingling warmth as it did so.

“Curious…” she whispered.

It was like magic.

The orb’s light bathed Shadow’s face as he leaned in close. Alice started; he hadn’t been in front of her a moment ago, but there he was now, grinning, with that soft yellow glow highlighting his features.

“Curious indeed,” he said. “What do you suppose they taste like?”

“Um, nothing, I would guess. They’re just light.”

“ Just light , Alice? One touch and you think you know everything about it?” He cupped his hand around the orb and swept it into his mouth.

It had been insubstantial when she touched it!

The light shone briefly through the tiny spaces between his fangs before he swallowed. His brow creased in a thoughtful expression as he smacked his lips. “A bit more sunshiney than I’d have liked, but I should’ve known.”

“They taste like sunshine?”

“To me . I can’t account for your tastes.” He reached up and curled his hand around another orb, guiding it toward her. “You try it and tell me how it tastes to you.”

Alice frowned. “But it’s just light, Shadow. Light doesn’t have a taste. It…it can’t even be held.”

And yet, here he was, holding one out to her.

“You keep going on about how none of this is real, Alice. Why are you holding yourself to such rules if you don’t believe in any of this, anyway?” He held the glowing orb closer; it hovered in the air just above his palm, flickering. “If this is all fake, like you say, embrace it for a little while. It can’t hurt, can it?”

Alice stared at the light.

Why not embrace it? Why not enjoy herself? She’d always been so proper, had always been so worried about the rules, so worried about what others thought of her, about what they whispered behind her back. Why not let go and have a little fun?

She cupped her hands over his, easing her face just a little closer.

Indulge yourself, little dolly.

The Hatter’s voice echoed through her mind, and she recoiled from Shadow; for an instant, he was the Hatter in her imagination, poised over her with a knife at her throat.

“No! No, no, no, no!” Alice turned away from Shadow, plunging her fingers into her hair as she clutched her head between her hands. She dropped to her knees and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t belong here. This isn’t right. This isn’t real .”

Alice heard a gentle rustling of cloth but did not open her eyes; she sensed Shadow was crouched in front of her, and felt that strange, intense energy radiating from him. His hands, warm and gentle, settled on her shoulders.

“Whether or not you belong, you’re here, Alice. If it’s not real…why not use that to become whatever you want to be while you’re here? Become a queen, if you wish it. You can’t do any worse than the one who calls himself the king.”

“How can you just accept this, Shadow?” She opened her eyes and looked at him, brows drawn low. “We’re prisoners here! This is a simulation. Nothing is real. Not the grass we’re standing on, not the clothes we’re wearing, or even…even your touch . It’s all fake. A…a shadow of reality, driven by memories of feelings, smells, and tastes. While we’re inside this make-believe world, our real bodies are out there dying!”

Shadow frowned, tilted his head slightly, and curled forward. He settled an elbow on his knee and propped his chin on his palm. “Okay.”

“That’s really all you have to say? Okay ?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “If none of it is real, my words don’t matter. I can say or not say anything I want, and it will have no effect. I’m not telling you to embrace this as your reality. Only as your… present . You’re here for now, aren’t you? Play the game a while. Enjoy yourself while you’re here.”

His words reminded her of what awaited in reality, beyond the asylum—the loneliness, isolation, and pain that had consumed her after the death of her father, the people who’d called her friend and acted devastated after learning that she’d inherited his fortune, the bleakness of not knowing what to do with herself now that there was such a huge hole in her heart. None of those so-called friends had ever cared about her—they’d only cared about her money. They’d been the same people who whispered behind her back in school, the same people who’d been nice only when it suited them, the same people who’d deemed her not good enough because of the rumors about her mother.

And their support after her loss had only intensified her sense of being lost and alone.

“You don’t understand, do you? You don’t understand how tempting that is,” she said quietly. “Do you know how tempted I was to eat the cakes the Hatter offered me? To forget everything and just feel good , like that drug they forced upon me made me feel? To play the game , as you say? Should I have let him do whatever he wanted with me?”

Shadow’s features darkened. He lifted his index finger and said in a guttural tone, “You do not eat his cakes, and he does not get to touch you.”

“Why not, Shadow? You’re asking the same of me. Weren’t you just telling me to do what I want? To enjoy myself while I’m here? I could have done that with him, couldn’t I have?”

“No”—he flattened his palms on his knees and leaned closer to her, his eyes burning like teal flames—“you couldn’t have. People like the Hatter are not concerned with the pleasure of others. He would only take from you.”

“But none of this is real. So why not play anyway?”

“ You are the one who doesn’t understand, Alice. You don’t understand what I mean. The game is not about submitting to this world. If none of this is real and you know that, then you have the power to make your own rules. You do not have to bend to this place, make it bend to you!”

“Is that what you did, Shadow?” Alice asked. “Or did you let it consume you?”

He pulled back, expression strained for an instant. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Alice stood up. “I think you do. There must’ve been a reason you were brought here, a terrible reason, a reason you might’ve wanted to forget. Why go back to the real world when you have this one, where you have nothing to worry about? No rules, no consequences. Why wouldn’t you embrace it? To you, this is reality because it’s easier.”

Shadow shoved himself to his feet and spread his arms wide. “Yes, Alice, this is my reality. The only one I’ve ever known. Why wouldn’t I make the most of it? Why wouldn’t I do as I please here?

“But it’s not the only reality you’ve ever known. You just chose to forget the other one.”

“There is no other one.” He waved a hand dismissively, turned away, and sat down.

To Alice’s surprise, he simply lay down on his back, stretching his long legs out and sliding the hat forward to cover his eyes.

She glanced through the canopy above, letting her gaze linger on the dark sky for a few moments, before looking in the direction in which they’d been traveling—or at least in which she thought they’d been traveling. The darkness between the trees was deepening at an impossible rate. She sighed.

“Since we’re having such a logical conversation, it only stands to reason that we rest for the night,” he said. “It will be full dark soon.”

“Isn’t it already full dark?”

He settled a single finger on the brim of the hat, tipping it back just enough for his glowing eyes to meet hers. “Can you still see the things around you?”

Since she could, she had to assume that full dark meant exactly what it implied.

With another soft sigh, Alice lowered herself onto the grass a few feet away from Shadow and lay on her side, facing away from him. She curled up and bent one arm, using it as a pillow.

This place wasn’t real, after all, so why not just lie down and sleep in the middle of the woods? It wasn’t like they’d come across signs of any predators during their journey. She hadn’t even seen a single animal, bird, or insect—she’d only heard them.

But if it wasn’t real, why was her exposed skin so chilled by the night air?

Too much had seemed real since she’d woken up in the woods. She touched her fingers to her neck, where she’d felt the bite of the Hatter’s blade.

A shiver coursed through her, and she curled up a little tighter. Tears filled her eyes. She sniffled; in that moment, she felt incredibly, wholly alone.

There was a whisper of moving fabric behind her. A second later, something warm and soft settled over her—Shadow’s coat. In her position, it was large enough to cover her entire body.

She lifted her head and looked over her shoulder. He was laid out just as he’d been when she last saw him—on his back with the hat covering his eyes—but he was no longer wearing his coat, and he was a foot or two closer to her.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Mmhmm,” he purred.

Alice laid her head down and clutched the coat, drawing it tight around her and burying her face in the fabric. She inhaled. It smelled of damp earth and springtime air, but beneath that was another scent, a scent belonging only to Shadow—oakmoss and amber.

Snuggling into the coat, she closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. The tension in her muscles gradually faded.

As she was drifting to sleep, she was distantly aware of a solid body pressing against her back and long, strong arms wrapping around her, drawing Alice into the shelter of a warm, hard body.

“Whether you believe or not, I will keep you safe, Alice,” Shadow whispered.