Page 10 of Escaped (Snowbound with a Stranger #3)

Silent Knowledge

Erin

Glancing out at the frozen countryside, I gripped the edge of my seat as the trees and bushes rushed past my eyeline. The road ahead in my peripheral vision was narrow and dark, perfectly symbolizing the unraveling energy in the vehicle. Eli had made the judgment to leave our hiding place a little over ten minutes before, the consequences of that choice looming over us like an overpowering tsunami as the tension amplified.

First, there were my nerves about our escape. Hawkins seemed to have an endless supply of men prepared to kill for him, and the last thing we needed was to bump into more of them during our departure, but by some miracle, there’d been no more assailants as we left.

That reality hadn’t eased the tangle of trepidation in me, though. The uncertain sense that anything could still go wrong at any moment. Perhaps Eli would drive over an ice patch, sending the car swerving into a tree, or maybe more shooters were waiting up ahead, laughing at the idea that we thought we were safe as they shot us off the road.

Worse than all of that anxiety, though, was the sense of loss blooming between us about Paul. The man Eli had credited for masterminding his escape had failed to show up, creating the worst kind of quandary for the man I was falling for. Either we continued to wait for him, every passing minute increasing the odds that we were found, or we left without him, acknowledging that, one way or the other, we’d abandoned Baron to a dreadful fate.

Eyeing the trees as they flitted past the window, I hoped he was already dead. I knew that sounded awful, but based on what little I knew about Hawkins’ guys, nothing good would come from being left there alive.

Poor Paul.

Dread furled inside me as I considered his plight. I didn’t know the man, but I could see how much he meant to Eli. Even in the limited amount of time the three of us had shared, the connection between Paul and Eli had been obvious. Eli had lit up around him in a way I’d never known before, and I noted that, when the chips had been down, he was the one Eli had reached out to.

Yet, for all of that, Eli had driven away. He’d given Paul the five minutes he’d promised, checking the time on the car’s dashboard, and then, even though it obviously pained him as much as the earlier bullet had done, he’d reversed the car from the lot.

He left Paul.

Even though the man meant a lot to him, Eli had been prepared to leave him behind to ensure we got to safety.

What does that mean?

My hand rose to my temple to massage the tension in my head. It meant Eli had chosen me over Paul. However many years they’d known one another, he’d selected our passion over their shared history.

Forcing out the air from my lips, I turned to appraise his handsome profile. His long eyelashes blinked over high cheekbones, reminding me just how attractive my captor-cum-hero was. His looks shouldn’t have mattered—they didn’t matter—but somehow, the look of him only ratcheted the knotting energy inside me. His aesthetics and our complicated chemistry had instigated the entire sordid extravaganza. It was my desire for him that had led me down the dangerous path to that moment.

Eli, for his part, was quiet, and he didn’t turn my way as I stared at him. He hadn’t said a word since we’d fled Hawkins’ terrain, and while I understood his silent contemplation, his silence worried me. He was always so calm and in control that the new, hushed tension seemed foreboding.

“How’s your pain, sir?”

I didn’t know what else to say. I’d watched him get shot, and even though he’d told me the hurt was manageable, I found that difficult to believe. It was true I’d never been shot before—a fact I was absurdly grateful for, especially in light of recent events—but I couldn’t imagine the outcome was anything other than agonizing and intolerable.

“I’m okay.”

I flinched at his clipped tone, hoping it wasn’t a reflection of his current discomfort. I’d offered to drive, but inevitably, Eli had refused my proposal.

“I’m glad.”

Pulling in another long breath, I considered how to broach the unspoken elephant in the interior of the car. I had to say something about Paul. Someone had to say something.

“I’m so sorry about Paul.”

My voice choked with emotion as I realized I genuinely was sorry. The man had come into my life and offered nothing but help, and what had Eli and I offered in return? We’d left him with Hawkins and driven off into the unknown.

We abandoned him.

“It’s not your fault, little girl.”

Eli’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel.

“None of this is your fault.”

“I still feel bad.”

I sniffed back the tears threatening to collect in my eyes.

Why am I crying?

It wasn’t as though I was the one who’d known Paul all those years. I couldn’t miss a man I didn’t even know.

“Don’t.”

He glanced my way quickly, the hand nearest me shifting to my knee and squeezing it lightly.

“He was glad I found you. He wanted me to be happy. Wanted us to be happy.”

Us?

Was there truly an us? There was no doubt about the desire swimming between us, but after everything we’d been through, could there really be a future for us as a couple?

I hope so. My focus fell to watch his hand applying gentle pressure at my knee. I want that, don’t I?

There was no need to even ruminate on the question. I did want that, but the latest melancholy in our adventure had pushed our potential romance down the agenda.

“I would have liked to have got to know him.”

I wanted to ask Eli about the man I’d never know, wanted to know more about how the two of them had met, but that moment didn’t seem to be the right one to ask.

“I would have liked that too.”

He released the words in one long sigh.

“He was a great guy.”

Pain etched into his features when he turned my way, but not the physical sort I’d seen him recoil from in the recent past. The expression then spoke of emotional hurt, the kind he’d try to bury. There were no fast fixes for that hurt. That kind of pain lingered.

“Remember who the asshole is in this situation.”

Resolve echoed in his voice as he looked back to the road.

Even though I longed to talk, I was thankful that was where his attention had returned. The ‘road’ was really little more than a farm-track, and it was eerily quiet. I half-expected to be ambushed at any moment, imagining the ghost of Hawkins laughing as either his men or the weather made us pay.

“It’s not you and me, little girl.”

“No, sir.”

I closed my palm over his hand, pleased for the show of affection even as I pondered whether his hand would be better served on the wheel.

“It’s Hawkins.”

“That’s right.”

Eli’s jaw clenched.

“It’s fucking Hawkins and you dealt with him.”

An involuntary gasp escaped my lips at the way he’d expressed that.

I did that. My throat dried. I fired the gun.

“He might still have been alive when we left.”

I didn’t know why I’d chosen to press that agenda. Even if the moron had been alive then, unless someone had come to help him, he’d likely have bled to death.

“Maybe.”

His tone was brooding.

“But I hope he’s dead now.”

“Eli, don’t…”

Yanking my hand from his, I turned away from his cold stare.

“It’s true,”

he insisted.

“He deserved to die, and you took care of the problem for me. I’m forever in your debt.”

How could he talk so callously? Whatever Hawkins had done, he was still a person. A man who must have had a family and people who loved him. Frowning, I tried to wrestle my disgust alongside my burgeoning feelings for Eli.

“I don’t really want the reminder of what I did, sir.”

I squeezed my eyes closed for a long moment, unable to square my actions with the moral woman I’d always considered myself to be. Could I still call myself a good person knowing I’d probably ended Hawkins’ life? Was there any coming back from what I’d done?

“If you’re right, then that makes me a killer.”

“Welcome to the club.”

His tone was somber.

“It’s not what I wanted for you, Erin, and I’m sorry you’ve had to join, but the moment Hawkins gate-crashed the cabin, there was only ever going to be one ending. Somebody had to stop him. I just didn’t expect that someone to be you.”

He made the entire thing sound so inevitable and dismal, but something about his choice of words jarred inside me. He’d mentioned my entry to a club, his vocabulary both disturbing and intriguing in equal measure.

Twisting toward him, I watched his responses carefully. His comment had been so flippant, as though killing men with guns was par for the course, but then I remembered, perhaps it had been for Eli? I didn’t truly know the man. His past was still a mystery, but he’d inferred there had been dangerous elements to his old profession.

Perhaps slaying men like Hawkins had been an everyday occurrence. Maybe the man I was falling head over heels for had actually been a killer long before Hawkins had bowled into the tiny cabin in the wilderness.

Apprehension stiffened in my chest at the suffocating thought. I’d had my suspicions about his prior employment when he’d held me in the wooden lodge, but nothing he’d done or we’d talked about then had prepared me for the cliff edge I teetered on.

How can I love a killer? My throat tightened, limiting my air supply. If he can take someone else’s life, he might hurt me, but then, I’m hardly blameless, am I?

Heart hammering, I considered the conundrum. He could have harmed me at any time, could have easily taken my life on more than one occasion in the woods, yet aside from the spankings he’d bestowed, he hadn’t lifted a finger to injure me. I recalled the accusations I’d leveled his way after the first spanking, my indignation at the perceived hurt, and his explanation that he’d never truly harm me. I’d believed him then, but had that been another foolish error on my part?

“What club, sir?”

My voice wavered as I plucked up the strength to ask him the query that refused to wane. If there was a guild I’d inadvertently joined, then I wanted to know about his experiences in it.

His attention darted to me for a moment before his gaze returned to the road, and in the delay, I heard his words in my head, already knowing what he would say.

When he finally spoke, his voice was even.

“If Hawkins is dead, then we’re both killers now, little girl.”