Page 56 of Enemy

My only consolation is that he seems to believe me.

“Hey, hey, hey! Careful. Breaking your fingers isn’t gonna help,” I tell him, breathing in the aroma of sap, which somehow reminds me of the soap we use at Clyde’s.

All I hear for a while are deep, shivery breaths. I wish I was there to hold him through it even though I don’t wish his club well.

“You know this will be war, right?” Clyde says while I worry about his knuckles. It’s enough that some fucker hit him in the face hard enough to leave a bruise on his jaw.

I shut my eyes, wishing that the world would stand still around me. I don’t want to make any difficult decisions, but that’s not an option when I’m just one feather in a vulture’s wing. “What will we do?”

He swallows so loudly I can hear it. “You want to… end things?”

I can’t force words out fast enough. “What? No! No… I mean…” I wrap my free arm around the tree, and while it’s colder and harder than Clyde would have been, its presence is a comfort. “I— uh… you still need that insulation installed in your attic, right?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood, even though my insides feel as if I was punched over and over.

“You can’t come here, Road. I’m not kidding. With this new situation, I’ll never know when someone needs to visit. Only my uncle has a spare key, but that doesn’t help. I’ll need to be at the club more too.”

Like four days apart from him wasn’t enough torture to drive me to stupid shit like breaking into his house. How long until I lose my patience this time, and how badly will that end?

I groan and dig my fingers into the bark until my nails feel as if I’m removing them with pliers. “Perfect birthday gift from fate. Why does something always happen during this time of year?” I complain, increasingly annoyed as I look back toward the clubhouse and see the guys unloading the van.

I wanna set it all on fire.

Why do they get to be so happy when joy is slipping out of my grasp? I’ll be thirty soon and I only now got my hands on a man whose scent makes my blood run faster. Just my luck it had to be Clyde Turner. An enemy. A snake.

The ripest fucking fruit on the table had to be the one that’s poisoned.

“It’s not fate. It’s consequences,” Clyde says.

“Because you know everything about me and my life,” I say bitterly and turn my back to lean against the tree, eventually sliding down, until my ass hits the ground. I feel empty, but in that achy way, as if some invisible hand scraped my insides.

Most of the shit that’s happened to me has nothing to do with my actions and everything with me picking the shortest straw.

The silence on the other side stretches for a moment, but I don’t mind as long as I hear his breath. Finally, Clyde speaks.

“I like that my sheets still smell of you.”

Is he trying to… cheer me up? Even though he was the one calling to yell shit at me?

And what do I have other than the scent of soap, which will be gone when I take my evening shower? His mugshot that hangs in our clubhouse to throw darts at? “When do I see you again?”

“I don’t know. The next few days are out of the question. I’ll be on call all the time. Our other chapter might be summoned, so… we’ll have to play it by ear.”

He’s telling me more than he should, and we both know it, which means he must trust me enough. It doesn’t make hearing it any less painful. I don’t want to see him next time with a gun in my hand. Even though our meetings were sparse, their certainty gave me something to look forward to. Now? Everything feels scattered.

“What about calls?” I try, refusing to go and help with the unloading, because fuck that. I am already working for my own doom, and I’m not gonna do anything that speeds up the inevitable.

“Only pre-arranged. I can’t always have this phone on me. But I wanna hear from you. I wanna hear… you. We’ll make it work.”

Just carve me open and slice my heart into pieces while you’re at it.

What did I get myself into? I was never like this with anyone I was sleeping with. Possessive, greedy, and out of control. Is it just because he’s a man, or—

“I’ll try not to shoot you if we run into each other with others present.”

Clyde chuckles and the sound gives me a semblance of peace. “I’ll only stab you where it won’t kill you.”

Too late. He’s already stabbed me in the heart.

Chapter 23