Page 116 of Endgame

No way. No. Way.

This has to be my panic speaking.

Right? Right?

“Mrs. Alder.”

A hushed voice less than two feet away.

Gina is back. She’s talking to me. Me, Mrs. Alder.

Of course I’m her. Everett’s wife.

My face goes numb as a twisted question bubbles up.

In another life, could I have been Miss Alder?

“I’m back now.” Gina smiles. “Five minutes, what do you say? After that, I’ll pretend to teach you some more about newborns.”

I stare at her, my eyes bulging.

I’m supposed to hold a baby for the first time when I’m in this state?

Incest. Betrayal.

Lies. So many of them.

What the fuck.

Breathe. Just take a second and breathe. You can’t be sure that any of this is real.

Cormac clears his throat a second time.

Between deep breaths and a near panic attack, I open up my arms. I accept the baby into them, extremely careful of his head.

I’m doing everything in my power to steel the shivers, pushing all the disturbing thoughts to the back of my mind. I lock them there while looking after the precious baby.

Okay. Okay. I’ve got this.

My goodness, he feels even smaller in my embrace. Fragile. Lonely.

Desperate for warmth.

My heart aches for how he won’t ever know that while I was supposed to offer him exactly that, he’s the one who’s been warming me from the inside.

Little by little, this baby sneaks into my heart, soothing it.

Air floods into my lungs. Light filters into my soul.

The baby’s trusting eyes give me some of my sanity back.

There’s something in his gaze, even though he can’t actually see me. The innocence, I think, that settles my nerves more than anything else could.

I’m able to think clearly. To reconsider my fucked-up theory.

Especially the incest part.

I…I think I’m wrong. Pretty sure I am.