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EMMA GOES QUIET for a moment, forgetting that she’s live. The chat’s going crazy.

what’s happening

lol she realized she forgot the matches

I’m scared

don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it

It’s hard for Emma to think right now.

You weren’t born weird, okay? Rhaina said. So take it from someone who was: it’s not any fun.

Emma hadn’t paid attention to Rhaina in the hallway, had she? She’d been too busy yelling facts about the climate crisis.

She looks at Rhaina’s text again. I’ll catch the bus right behind you. Only now does she understand what that means.

“Sorry,” she says to her viewers. “Hang on. I just need a second … to think—”

If they both set themselves on fire, the story would go viral beyond Emma’s wildest hope. A protest movement that began at Ridgemont would spread throughout the world, faster than any flames.

But Rhaina would be dead, and it would be Emma’s fault.

Some of the disturbing comments people made on her videos come back to her now.

What about that other kid who’d written about catching the bus?

And the ones who said they wanted to be as brave as she was?

The one comment just today about taking a toaster bath?

What if they, like Claire, felt they couldn’t bear to live another day? Then their deaths wouldn’t be about protest. They’d be deaths of despair. Deaths that she ushered into existence.

The banging on the door gets louder. She can hear shouting. The doorknob’s twisting. The barricade of desks won’t keep them out for long.

Emma gathers herself. Turns her attention back to her live stream.

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “It turns out that it’s kind of complicated to try to kill yourself in front of thirty thousand people—go figure.

There are people online telling you to do it.

And there are people pounding on your door, screaming at you not to.

And then there are others—friends, maybe, or total strangers—who are telling you that they want to do the exact same thing.

” She swallows. The aching lump stays right where it is.

“I don’t want anyone to copy me. I want to be the reason the world changes, not the reason a bunch of kids die. ”

ME ME IMMA DO IT TOO

god is the only perfection repent