Page 17

Ellie

Ha-joon was trying to drive me crazy.

No, I was driving myself crazy denying us both what we wanted. It wasn’t to be petty. I swear it wasn’t.

I just… The stove burned me.

Funny how I’d let Tommy burn me, walk all over me, and emotionally abuse me, and now the slightest hiccup and I turned into one of those women who couldn’t make up her mind about a man. Or maybe that was being too harsh on myself.

Renee said it was, and we weren’t friends, so I was pretty sure her advice was legit and not just what I wanted to hear. To be fair, Joyce wouldn’t have just told me what I wanted to hear either, right?

Maybe not best to test it.

No, I knew her better than that. It depended on the situation. Something easy and could still be changed? Yeah, Joyce would have been honest with me and even offered help to fix whatever.

Renee… I really didn’t know, but I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her. It didn’t feel like a session, but it was. I would be deluded if I didn’t acknowledge that, and I even thanked her for the session.

She’d simply chuckled at being busted and said she was glad that I was open to it as long as it involved food, wine, and distractions.

Especially since she wanted to keep having them. She was honest that I needed to talk to someone for real besides Alan knowing my secrets or I was going to implode. Everyone needed that, and it was to take the leap and trust at least her since we’d known each other for so long.

Like decades.

Yeah, that was fair.

I couldn’t even deny I needed help, though probably not for what Renee thought. No, it was for being a sadist.

Wait, it was a masochist when it was self-inflicted?

Except I didn’t enjoy it. It was just torture.

What was the term for that?

Awesome, I was a doctor, board-certified in several different fields, and I didn’t even know the basics of idiocy. But it was getting embarrassing.

Mostly because trying to turn the tables on Ha-joon made it abundantly clear that I had no game. I was… I wasn’t super old to be this lame.

My first attempt at being sassy and I hurt him. He wasn’t faking or milking it. I saw the genuine hurt in his eyes that I would treat him as food.

I really and truly hadn’t meant it like that. I’d meant… I wasn’t sure. To be sassy. He’d left me hanging and I wanted to leave him hanging. Yes, it was games but more forcing him to wear the shoe on the other foot.

Not demean him.

Leaving the food at his door on Friday night was almost painful because I knew he would tend to every fucking need I had.

And several I didn’t even think to ask for.

So why did I hesitate and just leave it at his door? That hadn’t even been a game. I’d planned to have dinner with him and a few kisses.

Probably fear because I knew it wouldn’t stop there and I… I just kept replaying how mad he’d gotten when he’d found out I was a doctor. I had so many more and way worse secrets than that.

I didn’t want to get burned again.

Funny because that reaction and him ghosting me after hurt worse than maybe anything Tommy had done. Well, besides that last blowup, but that was probably because my eyes were finally open to what was really going on.

Ignorance wasn’t actually bliss, but it was less painful. That was for damn sure.

But Ha-joon did not let up on the full-court press to get on my radar.

Saturday he came in on his day off to help the emergency department and get some OR time… And made sure I saw him in a casual sleeveless flattering top along with black cargo pants that just—fuck, he was fine.

Like droolworthy fine .

Sunday I had a reprieve, but he picked up again Monday with his new running club. He wasn’t the only one shirtless then, but he was the eye candy of the group for sure.

Definitely the only one I checked out.

Though I did do a double take when I saw Alan in the group.

He simply shrugged. “I need to move my ass more.” He groaned and caught a bottle of water from someone. “That was glaringly obvious.”

“We’d love if you’d join us, Ms. Reed,” Ha-joon offered sweetly.

I snorted. “I don’t run.” I felt bad when people gave me a range of looks. “I mean, I’m not a runner. Some of us are—I get my cardio other ways.”

I swallowed a groan. Even I caught the innuendo and flirt there.

“She means swimming, you idiots,” Alan chuckled, helping me out. “Ellie’s vampire genes evolved from fish, she’s such a fast swimmer.”

“Maybe now that the board isn’t all over me constantly about bullshit, I can find time,” I muttered, accepting that we could all do better. “It would be nice.”

“You still need to keep your step count up, Ms. Reed,” a petty nurse who used to be all over Tommy said with fake concern.

I shared a look with Alan and we burst out laughing. I waved him off when he went to say something and unlocked my phone and pulled up what I wanted. I waved it at her when she frowned… Then her eyes flashed shock when she saw what it was.

“I race around here for at least ten hours a day putting out this fire or that one. I think the lightest day I’ve ever had was fifteen thousand steps and I had eaten something bad.” I smirked as I took my phone back. “And I do it all in heels.”

“Which as a doctor you know isn’t smart and something we should actually address,” Alan muttered, losing his amusement.

“Admin is the only department wearing professional attire like that. I’ve gotten some good research from two hospitals in Europe that when they relaxed the dress code and allowed sneakers with business casual—”

My sigh echoed around the open space. I smiled at him with love when he chuckled but like… Come on. Give a woman a break. “Send it to me and add it to our next meeting’s agenda.”

“Yes, boss,” he teased. He glanced over at the nurse I’d shut down. “Plus she has a walking pad in her office for meetings. Ellie always does the best she can. She has the job of like six people.”

“That just makes me sound like I cannot delegate,” I said with a frown.

We both kind of shrugged. That wasn’t unfair, but also things had been too messed up to trust who to delegate to. Hopefully, that was going to change.

Hopefully.

But Ha-joon thought my comment about walking so much in heels was a hint for him because he showed up with dinner that night and an offer for a foot rub. I knew where that would lead and told him I had a foot massager, but I could do dinner.

I felt like I’d slapped a puppy with the pout and disappointed look he gave me.

The next day, he was dressed to the nines because he’d had breakfast with his Mum and had to come by and drop off food from her. I had to honestly check if there was drool he looked so fucking good.

The food was amazing, but he was what I really wanted to take a bite of.

In several ways. Mostly dirty.

Then he happened to spill on his last pair of scrubs and came to ask if I knew anyone who kept extras… And took off his shirt. I gave him a look that might be a bit much while reminding him YouTube could teach him how to do his laundry if he wasn’t a real adult.

Again, I got puppy eyes.

If he was going to keep pushing my buttons, he was going to get snapped at. That was how life worked.

And yes, he did keep pushing my buttons. I honestly lost track of why he kept being around me shirtless, without sleeves showing off his fabulous arms, or dressed up.

I was just dripping in lust because of it.

Over a week of that and I was losing my fucking mind and mad at myself for not just giving in. Like… What was holding me back? What was I really waiting for?

To completely crack it seemed.

Monday, Ha-joon was having his lecture to discuss how his forcing a shift was much different than what we were used to and how it was done wrong—bastardized by too many weak Alpha shifters who couldn’t admit they didn’t know their limits.

He said it nicer than that, but that was really what he was saying.

Gerald had a few choice words about that when we were alone that I wasn’t a fan of, but he kept it professional when we reached the auditorium. I also received a disapproving frown when I split up from him to go by my friends.

It was probably time to talk to him.

Probably past time to talk to him if I was honest. And if nothing else, the way he handled situations like right then was enough for my choice to be crystal clear. If things didn’t pan out the way Ha-joon wanted, he gave me puppy dog eyes and said he hoped I had fun or a nice night.

Gerald gave me disapproval. Was I sensitive to it after Tommy?

Yes.

Undoubtedly yes, but it was… There was judgment always. I wasn’t an idiot. It was looks of disapproval like I didn’t jump at the chance to spend more time with him or when I might go sit with Joyce instead.

Why the fuck did he get to disapprove of that? Judge it?

So yeah, that—it would never have worked.

He was a pushy Alpha. Not bad, but he needed to be Alpha.

I wanted no part of that. Ha-joon always knew that I let him be Alpha.

Just like he let me take charge. It wasn’t a need for one of us.

It was a need to not be a pain in the ass with each other. It made sense in my head.

“Is she allowed to join us?” Carla teased as Joyce sat down with us.

“I’d pick her over you,” I drawled… Shocking all of them and others who overheard. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “That was uncalled for.”

“Don’t you dare apologize for sticking up for—”

“I wasn’t going to,” I interrupted. “I was just acknowledging it was uncalled for.”

Carla blinked at me a moment and then burst out laughing, the noise echoing in the large lecture hall.

She leaned in and lowered her voice. “Okay, you are too adorable when frustrated and pent up. The sassy pants you’re wearing are sexy and I’m here for it but…

” She trailed off when I turned and looked at her like I’d never seen her before.