Page 25

“I had my suspicions. I was going to beat him senseless. Though it seems you beat me to it.”

I wanted to keep punching Maddock’s face in, but I couldn’t deny we might need him. Especially if he could harness the Alcreon Light and help save Luneth.

“You will find a way to repay us but know this: it might be with your life,” I said, knowing it was an awful threat, but I wanted to scare him. Incite the fear in him that he once instilled in me.

“Then my life is yours. Both of yours, however you need it,” Maddock said as he stood and walked to the door. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

Rowen turned to me, seething.

I wanted to run to him and calm his raging storm. But I couldn’t, and the constant ache of being unable to touch my soul flame was becoming unbearable.

“Keira,” Rowen said, pain strangling his voice. “You went to see your mother. Without telling me you were leaving?”

“I know. It was stupid. I wasn’t in my right mind,” I replied, catching a glimpse of myself in Takoda’s mirror.

The bags under my eyes were stark against my pale skin, my hair was tangled in knots, and a bandage was wrapped around my arm.

I’d been avoiding my reflection, and the sight almost took the breath out of me.

I looked bone-weary, as if I carried the weight of the world.

“I can’t bear to see you like this—the pain and hurt in your eyes.

The guilt.” I flinched as his words struck a chord.

“I see you hurting, and how I wish I could take that pain away. But I have no such power. I can’t even touch you.

Can’t offer a reassuring hand on the shoulder or a comforting embrace, not even the mind-numbing fuck I’ve been so desperate to give you since your return. ”

His words stopped me short.

“Please try talking with Takoda.”

“I can’t,” I barely whispered.

Rowen nodded, but his body deflated, almost too imperceptible to notice. But I did. And it broke my heart.

I needed to get my mind off everything: my thoughts, my feelings, my inability to touch Rowen. I especially didn’t want to think about Maddock and how he stole my Light and bond.

I should have suspected, but I was a fool. I let him get too close. I’d even begun to trust him. I was no longer worried about panic attacks but rage attacks .

So when Dyani agreed to train with me today, I gladly accepted.

I walked along the organic pathway to the training grounds when the earth trembled beneath my feet. The earthquake was so powerful that I lost my balance and fell.

A familiar voice echoed down the path as I stood and wiped the dirt from my pants. “Star-touched, are you hurt?” Takoda asked, running up to me. “That was a pretty bad one.”

I felt the sharp splinter of guilt. I’d been avoiding him.

Rowen encouraged me to see the healer and talk, but I had decided long ago that therapy wasn’t for me. Even Takoda himself had made comments about me visiting him. But going there was just something I couldn’t do.

“I’m all right,” I said, eying the healer. He wore his tan linen pants, a sage green vest, and an open smile. “What about you?”

“I am all right as well,” he replied as he reached for me instinctively before remembering my touch was hazardous. I may as well have a flashing neon sign on my face that said, “Danger. Don’t touch.”

I dusted myself off, eying for an escape.

“I heard what happened in my dome earlier today. I was just outside, but I thought to give you privacy.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” I replied awkwardly. Takoda was a dear friend and talking with him had always come so naturally, but now, under the guise of therapy, I completely shut down. “Did Rowen say anything?” I asked, suddenly nervous about how Takoda might see me.

“He worries for you. That much is clear. But we discuss and work on his healing. What you wish for me to know is up to you to tell me.”

An idea suddenly struck me. The last time I felt lost, I’d found myself in a sacred ceremony. “Can I go into the Hymma?”

“There are no shortcuts, star-touched, if that’s what you’re looking for.

The Hymma may help with inner reflection.

But if your mind is not ready, the answers will fall on un-listening ears, or worse yet, you could go mad searching for something that is right in front of you.

It is too dangerous for you to enter the Hymma with the current state of your mind. It is not safe.”

I shifted my weight. “Isn’t it based on intention?”

“Yes, but also by your mood, your subconscious, and countless other factors. Even what you had for breakfast. Much less everything else you have been through. Your consciousness is interwoven with the threads of the universe. It can easily bend and fray to the whims of the fabric. I’m not saying that you are not strong, that you do not know your own mind,” Takoda continued, and I knew a but was coming.

“But you know firsthand there are many worlds, many realities that you could fall into and not find your way out of. Not to mention, you are susceptible to panic and astral tearing.”

“And breaking,” I added.

“Keira, we are all a little broken. It is the cracks that let the light in,” he replied, his eyes softening. “What is it that is bothering you? Aside from the obvious.”

Suddenly, it felt like boulders were collapsing on me, like I was back in the Crystal Crypts.

I couldn’t speak; the words were trapped behind a stone in my throat.

Why couldn’t I talk about it? It was as if my heart wanted to, but my mind didn’t.

Tears pooled in my lower lash line. Having someone take a genuine interest in my health made my voice and hands shake.

How was I to prepare for a battle when I was at war with myself?

“I need . . . I need to meet with Dyani. I will see you around,” I stammered before I sped down the trail and didn’t look back.

After cleaning up from another training session with Dyani, I returned to Rowen’s dome, eager to collapse from exhaustion.

But as I whirled through the rotating door, my gaze fell upon Rowen smiling, standing in the middle of the room with a simple rucksack over his shoulder. “How about a little getaway?” he asked with a wide grin, patting the thin bedroll strapped to the pack.

“Where?” I asked skeptically. I deserved for him to hate me and yell at me or even look at me with disappointment, but there was only love in his gaze.

“It’s a surprise. Are you up for it?”

“Why are you being so nice to me? Especially after I almost royally fucked up?”

He readjusted the pack. “Believe me, I have many ideas in mind for punishing you, even though they all ultimately end in your pleasure. So until I’m able to touch you, I thought a night under the stars might help. Give you a little space to think. Breathe.”

I swallowed at the thought of my punishments . “You think camping is a good idea right now?”

“It couldn’t hurt to try.”

“The earthquakes are getting worse,” I said, brushing loose strands of hair away from my face. “And I’m not improving at all. I’m nowhere near prepared if Erovos escapes.”

“That’s exactly why we should go. We’ve tried everything here. Maybe we need a change of scenery with no distractions.”

“What if something happens while we’re gone?” I asked, pacing the room and biting my nails.

He stalked up to me, commanding my attention and halting my back-and-forth. “Breathe, Copeland. No harm will come to the village. Not tonight. I swear it.”

Rowen’s words loosened my breathing like an inhale of eucalyptus, and my chest eased. “What about Maddock? You know he will follow us.”

“I have him taken care of.”

“What did you do to him?” I asked, a tinge of concern lining my voice.

“Don’t worry, he’s fine. Just heavily threatened,” Rowen replied, the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt revealing his muscled forearms.

“We both heavily threaten him every day, and he never listens. What makes this time any different?”

“I offered him some moonstones to help with inner reflection.”

“That worked?” I asked in utter shock.

“No. He told me to shove the stones up my ass,” Rowen replied with a forced yet amused smile. “Thus began our negotiations, during which he proved quite shrewd.”

“Oh my god, please tell me we don’t have to endure some candlelit dinner with him,” I moaned. I still couldn’t bear the thought of looking at him.

Rowen made a face somewhere between a grin and a grimace. “I told him he could train with us.”

“Seriously?” I groaned.

“You were pretty spot on with him wanting the candlelit dinner. At least this way, you can kick the shit out of him.”

“I don’t need an excuse to kick the shit out of him,” I said matter-of-factly.

“I know, but what about Dyani?” he asked with a mischievous smirk.

“You’re negotiating skills are impressive,” I said, immediately perking up at the prospect of Dyani rearranging Maddock’s face. I eyed the limited supplies Rowen had packed for our getaway. “I guess we’re going camping.”