Chapter Thirteen
Jax
Damn, I hope I can live up to her faith. I wasn’t kidding. I have never wanted a woman like I want her. I’ve had my share of women and sex. But now I realize it was only the natural need for release, not any real engagement.
This is so much different. I want to see the light in her eyes when she’s excited, the joy in her voice when she accomplishes something. The pride when she shares her beautiful sketches. Her pleasure in the carved animals.
I want her love. Her heart. I want everything.
I lived and would have died for my position in the Rangers. My teammates. Same for Grams and Gramps. Before I left the last time, Gramps told me I had to accept that I was enough just the way I was. To open my heart and trust and I’d find the life I was meant to have.
I thought the Rangers were my whole life. Now I want more.
She leans forward, cupping my face between her palms and kisses me. I clutch the headboard spindles. This is her turn to take what she wants. I’ll have my way again. Because this is not a one and done. She’s mine.
“Babe, come sit on my face and let me get you all worked up and juicy then you can slide right down on my hot rod and take us both for a ride.”
Slipping my arms under her thighs, I cup her buttocks and bring her to her knees right over my face. “Hold on to the headboard, babe.”
I suckle and lap until she’s almost there. “Take me, babe. Take me now. Slide down this pole and take us both to heaven.”
Working her way down my body she kneels above my groin. I slip two fingers in her channel, gathering her essence to bathe my cock. I notch it at her entrance. “Take all the time you need, babe. Slip on down when you’re ready.”
“Jax, you’re… Uhm that feels good. You’re so hard…and thick…and long.”
“Take all the time you need. This isn’t a speed race. Slow and steady.” I’m surprised my voice doesn’t shake. I’m trying my hardest to keep control.
Finally, she’s seated. “Just relax, babe. Give yourself time to get used to the feel.”
“I feel so full, but at the same time it feels so good.” She wiggles a little and moans. “Umm, that’s better.”
I’m struggling for control. “Ride me, babe. Take what you want.”
Slowly she begins to move. Damn, this feels so right. Like we were made for each other. Between her sweet little moans, the pressure is building. I know I can’t hold on much longer. “Babe, wrap your arms around my neck, I’m going to roll us.”
Once I have her under me, I nuzzle her neck. “You are so beautiful. You feel so good. You were made for me.” I slide my forearms under her shoulders so I can cup her head and look down on her as I thrust into her. “Look at me. Look in my eyes, babe. You see my love? You see what you mean to me? You’re mine and I’m yours. I’ll take care of you, love you, always. Do you believe me?”
“Yes, Jax. Yes, I believe you. And you’re mine. Do you hear me? You are just mine. I don’t share.”
“Neither do I, babe.” I’m losing control. I thrust harder, deeper. Claiming her. Owning her. Giving myself to her.
“Oh my god, Jax. I’m…I’m…something…”
“Let go, babe. Take it. Take your release.” And she does. Exploding around me, she takes me with her.
I rouse myself to get a cloth to clean her up. Her eyelids flicker when I press the warm cloth to her. “Jax?”
It’s then I realize we didn’t use any protection. The thought of her full with my child fills my chest with something I haven’t felt in a long time. So long I’m not even sure what to name it. Hope? Joy? Contentment?
“It’s okay, babe, I’m just cleaning you. Close your eyes and rest. I’ll be right back.” After cleaning myself up, I study my image in the mirror. I’ve never done this before. Never not taken precautions, even when a woman told me it was safe. I’ve always suited up. So why this time? Why with the most precious woman I’ve ever met?
Because you want her. You want her and you want her to stay. You’d bind her to you any way you could. You didn’t forget, you chose not to remember.
I hang my head over the sink. I’m a selfish bastard. Somehow, I’ve got to make this right. Walking out of the bathroom I see she’s already asleep, curled on her side. So innocent and sweet. My chest tightens thinking of what was done to her and how resilient she is. I’m going to catch the bastard who hurt her and he’ll pay.
Next, I do something I haven’t done since I installed it. I lock the doors and set the battery-operated alarm. I can’t shake the feeling that my woman is still in danger.
I sleep for a couple hours wrapped around her. Then lay there just watching her sleep until she finally rouses. She rolls toward me, placing a hand on my chest. “It wasn’t a dream.”
“No. It was heaven.”
“You know, for as tough as you try to act, you’re really pretty sweet.”
“Only with you. I’m a nightmare with everyone else.”
She kisses me and I instantly want her again. But I know I need to wait, give her more time. She was basically a virgin. “Getting hungry?”
“Mmm, anymore egg casserole? And coffee.”
“Coming right up.”
I give her a quick kiss.
When she joins me in the kitchen, I pull her in for a hug. She wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my chest.
“You’re always so warm. Like my personal heated blanket. Sleeping with you is the best. All cuddly and snug.”
I force a smile and hand her coffee. “Sit down, I’ll bring the food over.”
I sit across from her and she studies me for a long moment. I can’t meet her eyes. I’m not eating, just pushing the food around my plate.
“You’re regretting it already. Look—I’m not going to be all clingy. I know it didn’t mean anything.”
I lock my gaze with hers. “I’m not regretting a goddamn thing. Not the best connection I’ve ever had in my life. But I forgot protection. I never forget.” I huff out my self-disgust. “Are you on anything?”
Her face pales. “I—I ah get the shot, but I don’t remember if I’m still current. I haven’t really needed it. The info is in my phone, and it was in my backpack. If I could call my doctor they’d know. I’m sorry.”
“This is on me. My responsibility.” I reach out and cover her hand where it trembles next to her plate. “That said, I won’t lie. When I realized, and that you could be pregnant, a part of me was happy, excited. You’ll be so beautiful pregnant, and I know you’ll be a great mom. You know everything not to do.
“I already know I want to marry you. But we’re just getting to know each other. I want to court you like you deserve.” I pause, pulling my hand back and running it over my head. My heart is racing, I feel on the brink of losing control. I want this so bad. “Damn, I’m fucking this all up. I’m saying everything wrong.”
Maura reaches over and covers my other hand. “Jax, take a deep breath and look at me.”
When I do, she smiles.
“You’re saying everything you’re feeling and that’s never wrong. You’re saying everything I want to hear. You’re right, neither one of us acted responsibly. But I feel just like you. I want you, too, Jax. I know it’s quick and there are things we’ll have to work out, like where you’re comfortable living. I can do some work from here but I need reliable connectivity to the other businesses.
“I have to believe that two intelligent hard-working people like us can figure this out. I think you’d be a great dad. Dependable and ever present. Neither one of us had that from our parents. We’ll do it right.
“All of that said, it could be that we’re fine. We’ll use protection until we can get to town. If I’m pregnant we’ll deal with it then.”
“Maura, I wasn’t kidding. I want to marry you. I wanted to marry you before and I still do. I’m not leaving you when this is over, unless you send me away. I know it may sound crazy, but I feel like I was meant to find you. That it was more than your voice that guided me to you.
“I’ll always protect you Maura, no matter what you decide.”