Page 39 of Ebbing Tides (The Lighthouse Duology #2)

The room fell silent. God, you could hear a mouse fart in that living room.

Not even the game on TV could rival the deafening quiet that had befallen us.

Sid turned his gaze to Ricky, who looked right back at Sid, and I wondered what silent conversation they were having and keeping me out of, but, no, fuck it.

I didn’t want to know. Didn’t want to hear.

Didn’t fucking care because everything I had ever known was now somehow different and they couldn’t possibly understand that.

“What in the actual fuck?” Sid finally said. “The hell does that even mean?”

I swung my eyes to his and asked, “What do you think it means? My father had an affair. I was the product of it.”

“And nobody thought to mention this to you?” He looked bewildered, shocked. His head shook as he dragged a hand over his mouth. “Christ … no wonder she hated you.”

“Sid,” Ricky reprimanded. “Fuck, come on.”

“And your dad …” Sid stood up to pace the floor in front of where I sat, clasping his chin in his hand. “You … you’re the physical evidence of his failure. His fucking mistake. He always called you weak, but … you’re proof that he was weak. Holy fuck.”

He was working through the puzzle, throwing down facts I knew to be true, but didn’t give a single shit about because what the hell did it all matter?

“Are you okay?” Ricky asked as Sid continued to walk the length of the couch and back again.

I shrugged. “Guess I have to be, right?”

“You know it’s okay if you’re not,” he said.

Sid stopped pacing in front of me and wagged his finger in my face. “He hated you because he hated himself. You realize that, right?”

I looked up at him, past his finger and to his eyes.

“He hated me because my existence ruined everything. Ruined his marriage, ruined his plans, ruined his whole little picture-perfect family dynamic. That’s why they were so happy when I wasn’t around.

Because they could be whole and complete without the bastard son getting in the way. ”

Sid’s hands met my shoulders, and he leaned forward until our eyes were level. “Listen to me. He hated you because he hated himself. That’s all there is to it, man. It’s as simple and as shitty as that. And it’s fucked up. But you did nothing wrong. You never did anything wrong.”

“Whether I did anything or not, it doesn’t change how things were,” I countered as my chest began to crack open and every bottled-up emotion began to pour out.

“He made my life a living hell. And who suffered for that? Certainly not him—that’s for damn sure.

He beat me. He tortured me. He sent me to fucking die in a goddamn sandbox, and all because he, what, couldn’t keep it in his goddamn pants? ”

Sid nodded. “He’s a sadistic motherfucker.”

“He wanted me to die,” I went on. “Did you know that? He told me he wanted me to fucking die over there.”

“But you didn’t, Max,” Ricky chimed in quietly, laying his hand on my back. “You made it back.”

“But Mom killed herself because I lived . Fucking hell, all the opportunities I had to end this shit, all the people that would still be—”

“Knock it the fuck off,” Sid said through gritted teeth, giving me a shake.

“Hey.”

The sound of Grace’s voice interrupted the tumultuous moment, and the three of us turned in unison to watch as the three women entered the room. Melanie’s eyes met mine instantly, and I knew she knew I’d just told them about my recent findings.

“What’s going on?” Lucy asked warily.

“Well,” Sid said, standing with his hands on his hips, “your brother just decided to drop a bomb on us.”

I shook my head as I slumped against the back of the couch. “Thanks a lot, asshole.”

“Oh, you don’t think they should know too? They’re your sisters, asshole.”

Grace came to stand beside her husband, her face blanketed with concern, and asked, “What is he talking about, Max?”

I wiped a hand over my mouth, uncomfortable and wishing I hadn’t said a damn thing. “I—”

I had started to speak when my phone began to ring.

“Hold on,” I grumbled, pulling the device out and seeing the name of one of Dad’s nurses, Felicity.

My heart took off at a gallop as I answered right away, standing to move away from every pair of eyes now pinned on me.

“Hello?” I asked, holding back my panic.

“Hey, Max, sorry to bother you while you’re out,” Felicity said softly. “I don’t mean to ruin your time—”

“No, it’s fine. What’s going on?”

“Your father isn’t doing well,” she said.

“No kidding,” I attempted to joke. “He’s been dying for months now.”

She hummed the softest laugh. “I know. But, um, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s coming soon.”

“How long?” I asked.

“Could be a few days,” she said. “Or it could be a few hours. It’s really hard to tell. I just wanted to tell you, he’s pretty out of it, but if there’s anything you wanted to say or if you just wanted to be with him … now would be the time.”

A culmination of rage and pain tangled violently inside my heart as I said, “Okay. Thank you, Felicity.”

My voice was eerily calm in spite of the emotions coursing through my bones.

The call was ended, and I pocketed the phone, keeping my eyes on the carpeted floor.

I felt all of them—Sid, Grace, Ricky, Lucy, and Melanie—staring at me, waiting, yet I couldn’t find it in me to utter the words that needed to be said.

Dad is dying.

“That was Felicity,” I said, my voice hoarse. “We should probably get over there.”

“What?” Lucy gasped, a sob rushing past her lips.

“I can drive you guys, if you want,” I said, already heading toward the door to grab my jacket.

Don’t forget Melanie.

I stopped in my tracks and turned around, finding her eyes in the midst of the chaos that had ensued in my sister’s living room as Grace and Lucy hurried to collect their shoes, purses, and coats.

“I’m sorry,” I said to her.

She shook her head with the sweetest smile. “Don’t you dare apologize.”

She didn’t come to me though. Didn’t close the distance between her heart and mine.

It struck me then that this would likely be the last time I saw her.

She would be leaving in the morning, and I would be with my father if he was still alive.

And if he wasn’t, I’d be making arrangements for his funeral with my sisters.

Oh God, how I wished things were different.

If they were …

“Text me, okay?” I said, slipping my arms into my jacket.

She nodded. “I will.”

“Don’t let me go another twenty years before I hear from you.”

She laughed, even as her bottom lip began to tremble. “Not a chance.”

I said nothing about us seeing each other.

Because what good would that do? My life was here, and hers was in Connecticut, and although the distance wasn’t all that far, I knew we couldn’t go on forever that way.

Something would have to give, and hearts would be broken.

Far, far worse than they were right now.

“You ready?” Grace asked me, zipping her coat.

I nodded in reply, but couldn’t tear my eyes from Melanie.

I had let her walk away once, and now, I was walking away from her.

But this time, I knew her. In less than a week, I had memorized every inch of her body, allowed her into my life, and grown to love the boys she had brought into this world.

I thought it had been a good idea to pretend she wasn’t leaving, but nothing about this cold, hollow ache felt good.

No, it felt like death.

CJ ran upstairs from the basement and grabbed his mother’s hand, tugging urgently.

“Mommy! You gotta see this!” he cried excitedly.

She nodded erratically. “O-okay, honey, give me … give me one second, all right? Max has to leave, so just … just let me …”

She released the little boy’s hand, abandoning him in the center of the living room as she plowed forward, her fists clenching at her sides. When her toes touched mine, she reached up to press both palms to my cheeks, pulling me down to meet her lips halfway.

She kissed me right there, surrounded by my sisters and brothers-in-law and the few kids who had trickled up the stairs for one reason or another.

She kissed me, and I kissed her back, and all the while, my heart bled out on Sid’s brown carpet.

Every beat held another plea to hold on, to not let her go, to stop allowing these good, precious moments to slip away while the torment was permitted to hang on like a soul-sucking leech.

But I was helpless, and my sisters were waiting, and my father was dying, and I had to fucking go.

I always had to go.

I wrapped my hands around Melanie’s, pulling them away from my face as I touched my forehead to hers.

“I’m going to miss you,” she whispered, eyes shut. “I’m going to miss this .”

“If things were different,” I muttered, reminding us both of that night twenty years ago.

She sniffed and nodded, pulling away and taking a step back. She opened her eyes, forced herself to smile, and replied, “If they were.”

I looked toward Sid, resigning myself to making a quick getaway, and asked, “You’re good if I leave Lido here?”

He nodded, a sorrowful expression in his eyes. “Yeah, man. You know it.”

Then I turned and headed for the door, leading the way for my sisters and leaving my heart behind.