Page 23 of Ebbing Tides (The Lighthouse Duology #2)

My eyes were pinned on the computer screen.

My hearing aids were charged and now tuned in to any sound the cameras picked up.

My fingers drummed a staccato beat on the desk, and my legs bounced an out-of-tune rhythm with every erratic beat of my heart.

My nerves hummed with Christmas Eve-level anticipation as my stomach twisted and turned into thousands of microscopic knots that even a jeweler would find impossible to untangle.

Time passed differently in moments like these. A slow, crawling agony that felt never-ending.

It was nearly midnight.

Where was she?

I could’ve shot her a text, but I hesitated to bother her.

I understood what it was like to have kids.

Routine was only routine until one kid had a nightmare, or one needed fourteen drinks of water, or one couldn’t fathom the thought of sleeping before a minimum of six stories were read.

Yet still, my eyes burned with the need to check the clock every ten seconds, and my fingers itched to dial her number, and with stubborn self-control, I ignored every single one.

At ten minutes to twelve, Lido lifted his head abruptly, his ears pricked and tail thumping. I glanced at the camera feed, certain Melanie’s car was there and I’d just missed her driving through the cemetery, but it wasn’t.

Instead, my phone rang, and Sid’s name and picture lit up the screen.

With a glance toward Lido, I answered the video call.

That was weird. How did he know the phone was going to ring?

“Hey …” I said, my voice lilting with question.

“What’s that for?” Sid asked.

“What?”

“ Hey .” He mocked my questioning tone. “What the hell was that?”

I looked at the screen, my chest tightening with a platonic longing at the sight of my sleepy-eyed friend. It was late for him to be awake, and judging from the look on his face, he shouldn’t have been.

“Why the hell are you awake?”

He sighed, pushing the hair off his forehead. While my hairline had only receded over the years, his seemed to only get fuller. Lucky bastard.

“Because for some fucking reason, I can’t turn my damn brain off long enough to sleep,” he grumbled. “So, I figured you were awake. Might as well call and find out how things went with that chick.”

I huffed a chuckle and opened my mouth to speak when Lido lazily clambered to his feet, gave his forelegs a little stretch, then lumbered toward the door, wagging his tail wildly.

“Uh …” I stammered stupidly, glancing quickly at the camera, only to realize that I’d missed Melanie pulling up in her car in the minute or so since I’d answered Sid’s call. “I should—”

“What?” he asked as I looked over my shoulder, watching as Lido bounced excitedly.

“I should … probably …”

I didn’t have the chance to get my sentence out when the door opened, and in walked Melanie, her windswept strawberry-blonde hair falling over her shoulders and her cheeks a shade to match.

Lido panted noisily, whining with a desperate need for her attention, and she seemed to scrub her palm against his head absent-mindedly while she closed the door behind her.

All the while, she stared ahead at me.

Her eyes were set, her face like stone, and I could swear for a minute that she was mad at me.

For what?

I furrowed my brow, ready to ask, when she charged forward, her leather jacket open and dripping off her shoulders as she hurried those few steps, and I realized that look of determination in her eyes wasn’t derived from anger, but hunger .

I swiveled in my chair, noticing that I myself was suddenly famished, and prepared for impact as I sat up straighter, dropped my phone on the desk, and raised my hands to meet her.

She walked into my arms, between my spread knees, and clasped her palms to the back of my neck in time with the swooping of her lips, engulfing mine in an open-mouthed kiss that swept me away with a rush of blood headed directly south.

Tongue met tongue; teeth clashed against teeth.

Her gasp joined the deep, guttural groan that scraped against my throat.

My fingers tunneled through her long blonde hair, tangling, getting caught, like a fly intentionally flying into a spider’s web.

Emotional suicide—that was exactly what this was—and I didn’t need to jump off the side of a bridge to find it.

All she had to do was come here, find me in the cold, between the headstones, darkened in the gloom, and I was all but gone.

Or was it that I’d been finally, finally found?

Her hands left my neck as she shrugged the jacket off her arms, letting it pool on the floor.

Desperate fingers fell to my shirt, wrenching and tugging, when a sound from the desk pulled us both away from the urgent task at hand.

The sound of someone clearing their throat loudly.

Melanie jerked her mouth from mine, and I opened my eyes to find her staring back, startled and spooked.

“What was that?” she whispered, her voice taut with worry.

“So, hey, uh, Serg …”

I licked my lip, the taste of her coming away on my tongue. “Fuck. Sid.”

Melanie’s brow furrowed. “Who’s Sid?”

I reached around me and grabbed the phone, the screen still lit with the video call.

My friend stared out at me, biting back a smirk.

I was reminded of times when one of us would stumble upon the other at our base in Afghanistan, walking away from another random romp with an agreeable partner.

That knowing twinkle in his eye, the twitch at the corner of his mouth.

It was nostalgic, and though I wouldn’t wish to be back there in a thousand years, I couldn’t say it had all been bad.

Hell, most of it hadn’t been.

Melanie’s face was flushed with embarrassment as she stepped away quickly, turning around and rubbing her palms against her thighs.

I sighed, sorry I’d forgotten to hang up the moment she walked in, and began to say, “Hey, so I’m gonna—”

“Is that her?” he whispered too loudly, as if the her in question couldn’t hear.

I flicked my eyes away from the phone in time to watch Melanie glance over her shoulder. “It is,” I confessed without another moment’s hesitation, wanting her to know that I had been thinking about her, talking about her.

“Oh man.” He wiped a hand over his mouth, looking downright giddy as the corners of his eyes crinkled and the smile lines around his mouth deepened. “You gonna introduce me or what?”

I shook my head, looking back at Melanie. She had turned around, the shame in her face fading as she bit her lip.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, so you’re just gonna be rude. I gotcha. Smooth, Serg.”

“I—” I cut myself off with a groan, scrubbing my hand over my mouth as I rolled my eyes in her direction, looking for help, backup, something .

And silently, she answered as she came over to stand beside my chair, bending to fit her face in the camera frame beside mine.

She smiled at Sid, flooding the darkness in my soul with her bright and colorful light, and he grinned in response.

My eyes fixated on that little image in the corner of my screen, the one showing me and her side by side, and without a moment to stop myself, I thought, Wow, we look good together. We fit .

“Hi,” she said, offering a little wave. “I’m Melanie.”

“Melanie,” he repeated, nodding, his smile never diminishing. He was always so much better at this shit than me. Being friendly. Warm and welcoming. “Corporal Sidney Sprague, ma’am. It’s lovely to finally make your acquaintance.”

I fought an eye roll at his formal introduction, but allowed myself a sigh and a shake of my head.

Melanie glanced at me sidelong as she asked, “Finally, huh?”

I hardened my glare at my friend, hoping he’d catch my silent drift, but of course, he was incapable of keeping his mouth shut. As usual.

“Oh, I’ve known of your existence for a long time now,” he said. “God, how long has it been, Serg? Fifteen … no, twenty years? Holy shit, has it been that long already? Fuck, we’re getting old …”

A noise similar to a growl rumbled from my chest as I turned from the phone to address Melanie.

Her eyes met mine, only a centimeter or two between our noses and lips, and I sucked in a deep breath, my lungs filling with the earthy scents of snow and flowers and the wintry world she’d come in from.

My brain hiccupped, tripping over itself in a frenzy to remember what I was supposed to be saying as I parted my lips, closed them again, and begged my dry tongue to rehydrate and stop fucking sticking to the roof of my mouth.

Sid snickered.

I cleared my throat, blinking away the urgent need to touch her face, her hair, her lips, and said, “Sid and I were in the Army together.”

“He hated me until I didn’t give him a choice but to fall in love with my charm and wit,” Sid said. “Then I married his sister, and now he’s stuck with me for life.”

“Ah,” Melanie said, tearing her eyes from mine—a small torture—to nod and address Sid. “One of the best friends.”

“Yes,” I clarified, dragging my eyes back to Sid’s grinning, knowing eyes. “One of the best friends.”

He chuckled softly, his gaze bouncing between Melanie and me. The way his teeth dragged over his bottom lip, I knew there was something nagging at the tip of his tongue. Something he was just dying to say, and I begged him with my eyes— pleaded —that he wouldn’t.

“Well, I guess I should try to get some sleep,” he said before feigning a yawn. “Seven a.m. comes fast.”

“Tell me about it,” Melanie replied.

“Honestly, most days, I’m not even allowed to sleep that long. One of my kids usually has me out of bed at the ass crack of dawn.” He blew out a breath that sent the hairs lying against his forehead flying. “You have kids?”

He knew she did; I had told him. But he was a good guy and was trying to make conversation. Trying to get to know her. As if it mattered. As if she wasn’t leaving. Playing along, just like I’d asked her to, pretending this wasn’t going to hurt. Pretending it wouldn’t break my heart all over again.

Shit . I sucked in a deep breath and turned away, looking toward the frosted windowpane.

“Three boys,” she answered. “Eight, five, and three. You?”

“Hey,” he said, his voice lilting on the happiness of someone who’d found common ground. “I have three too. My oldest son is ten, and my daughter is eight, and my baby boy just turned a year old a few weeks ago.”

“Oh wow,” Melanie replied. “That’s a big gap.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he said with a guffaw. “Trust me, we were surprised too. But it’s all good. Hey, Max told me you were here for a little bit. When do you leave?”

“We’re heading home on Sunday.”

“Hmm …” He rubbed a hand over his chin and flicked his eyes toward mine. “Either of you have plans for Saturday?”

Saturday. Her last full day here. It was also the one night a week I had off.

Sid knew this, and I glared at him, fire and brimstone shooting from my eyes through the phone screen.

He was trying to make plans, trying to meet her in the flesh, and why ?

I might’ve been trying to play a trick on my heart, but why play one on us all?

I began to shake my head and say, “I don’t know—” when Melanie cut me off and said, “Nothing I can think of.”

“You guys wanna come by and bring the kids? I can call up Lucy and Ricky, see what they have going on.”

I widened my eyes with a warning. He caught my expression and answered with a wink.

Asshole .

“I’ll have to make sure Charlie and Stormy don’t have anything planned, but—”

“Bring ‘em,” Sid said. “The more, the merrier.”

Melanie laughed, taken aback, but still, she smiled. “Okay.”

“Excellent.” He glanced at me again and nodded affirmatively. “I’ll see you on Saturday, brother.”

My eyes were slow to blink as I sighed and said, “Saturday.”

“Bring your mutt.”

“Always,” I replied softly, a strike of gratitude piercing my heart. Remembering that day he and Grace had brought that squirming black puppy to my door years ago.

“Love you, man.”

His fist pounded his chest, and I sighed before pounding mine.

“Love you too.”

He offered Melanie a smile, and then the call ended.

I groaned and threw the phone to the side, letting it clatter against my desk.

My palm rasped over my scalp as I began to agonize over this woman and her kids meeting my sisters and brothers-in-law.

The hope she’d bring them, the answer to a prayer they’d had for years that I’d find happiness once again in this cruel life, only for it to be torn away less than a day later.

God, what the hell had Sid been thinking? Was there even a brain in that thick skull of his? The man wasn’t stupid—I knew that much—but holy—

“Hey,” Melanie whispered, pressing her palm to the side of my face, guiding my eyes to look into hers. “Pretend I’m not leaving.”

Sparks ignited where her skin touched mine, and I lifted my hand to lay it over hers. I leaned in to graze the tip of my nose against hers, dropping my gaze to her full, parted lips.

“That’s right,” I muttered in reply, my voice gruff, choked by an ache already swelling in my chest. “I almost forgot.”

She swallowed, her breath hitching as a barely noticeable tremor passed through her bottom lip … but I saw. These trivial details that would’ve slipped by the eye of anyone else, all so important and crucial to me, as if every one of them meant something … because they did.

How often did I long to remember exactly the way Laura had sighed after taking a sip from a good cup of tea?

How many times did I beg my brain to recall exactly what she’d said on our wedding night, the moment we were finally alone?

None of them truly mattered in the grand scheme of this great big, wild, horrible world, but they all seemed to matter so, so, so much in mine …

yet I couldn’t remember a single one of them.

What if I’d just paid closer attention? What if I’d made it a point to catalog each and every one of those tiny, insignificant moments, knowing that one day, far too soon, they’d all be stolen away from me with her last breath?

I hadn’t known when Laura would be taken from me.

I hadn’t known to pay attention. But with Melanie, I did.

I had her departure from my life down to the fucking minute, and, dammit, I was going to memorize every single one of her tiny moments.

Dammit, I was going to try, try, try to remember this time.

“You’re not leaving,” I murmured, closing the distance between our open lips for a single beat of my heart before tearing them apart, only to thrust my fingers into her tangled hair and press my forehead to hers. “In my heart, I’m keeping you forever.”