Page 102 of Ebbing Tides

I thought about running, thought about taking off before she could say a damn thing, but before I got the chance, she whispered in a warbled voice, “Papa?”

My lungs emptied with a gasp as Jane—who looked so,somuch like her mother—stepped forward, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I hugged her back, breathing her in to remind myself that she, us, this moment was real.

She was crying, releasing soft, gasping sobs against my shoulder, as her fingers clung to me with all the strength in the world.

“Hey.” I spoke softly, stroking my fingers through her hair. “Hey, sweetheart. It’s okay, it’s okay …”

She stood back abruptly, wiping at the tears, leaving streaks of makeup over her cheeks.

“You … you disappeared,” she whispered, her bottom lip wiggling. “Mommy was gone, and so were you, and … oh my God, wait.” She turned and shouted into the house, “Liz! Lizzie! Come here!”

I didn’t want to disappear, I wanted to say.

I didn’t want to be gone.

But it was in that moment, as Lizzie ran down the stairs, that another familiar voice joined the mix, and it was one I was hoping I wouldn’t hear.

“Hey, kiddo. What’s going on over—”

Brett’s voice was cut off when he looked through the open doorway and saw me standing on his front stoop. The kindness faded from his eyes, and all I saw now was the man who’d pummeled my face on the day Laura and my son were buried.

“Max,” he said in a flat monotone.

“Hi, Brett.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, “but what the fuck are you doing on my porch?”

Before I could answer, Lizzie pushed past her father and promptly squealed as she leaped into my arms.

“Oh my God, Papa!” she cried as I caught her.

“Elizabeth,” Brett scolded.

He wasn’t going to let me visit with them. I knew he wouldn’t. It didn’t matter that ten years had passed. It didn’t matter that his daughters were, at the end of the day, legal adults. He had made a threat years ago, and he was going to keep his promise.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him, releasing Lizzie from my arms. “I just wanted to see them one more time.”

The smile fell from Jane’s face as she looked from me to Brett. “What do you mean? What’s going on? You just got here. Why don’t you come in?”

“Yeah, come in!” Lizzie said, still grinning as she tugged on my arm. “You could have dinner with us. We were just about to start cook—”

Brett put his arm between his daughter and me. “I think Max—”

“I have to get on the road,” I told her with a smile I hoped said that I loved her and her sister just as much now as I had back then. I hoped they knew I’d never stopped. “I’m heading to Connecticut tonight. But I was in the area, and someone told me I should stop by and see you girls. I’m glad I did. But I do have to get going.”

It hadn’t been the plan. I was thinking of asking them to join me for a quick dinner or maybe a cup of coffee to catch up before I really did head south. But from the murderous look in their father’s eyes, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Maybe another time. But not today.

Baby steps, I told myself, as if that could make this hurt any less. But at least I’d made the first one.

The hopeful glint in both girls’ eyes was extinguished. Deep sorrow drowned it out quickly, and I wondered if maybe I should’ve stayed away, as planned.

“You’re going to disappear again? Just like that?” Jane asked, her voice bordering on shrill. “Why did you leave in the first place? Where did you go?”

Lizzie frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. God, how they looked exactly like their mom … it should’ve hurt to look at them, but, no. It made me happy, knowing such bold, brilliant pieces of her remained in this world. I wished I could’ve known them all this time. I wished I could’ve known them now. But their father …

He thinks he’s doing the right thing. But he doesn’t have the right to control them. Not anymore.

My eyes turned on him to find he’d aged considerably over the years—but hadn’t we all? Yet he looked older somehow. Exhausted. Sad.Sosad.