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G regory paced along the ballroom, hands behind his back as he mentally berated himself for all the stupidity he allowed for the past eight months.

Surely, there was not a bigger idiot in all of England than he.

He had broken Emily’s trust and he doubted she would ever forgive him. But then, he didn’t even deserve it.

She had disappeared after their interlude on the beach and though her mama had repeatedly assured the Ashleys that she would attend that evening’s ball, Gregory suspected that Emily wouldn’t come.

Particularly because of the drawn expression on Mrs. Corning’s face as she stood next to the refreshments table, wringing her hands together.

Had Emily told her mother what happened?

The dowager duchess had, in her infinite generosity, invited all the gentry living within fifty miles of Sandspring House for her sons’ homecoming.

She appeared to revel in situations where she was the center of attention and while she certainly appeared self-possessed, there was a rigidness to her posture that made Gregory wary.

She and Mrs. Corning kept eyeing one another and Gregory suspected that they had both learned that Emily no longer had any hopes of marrying the duke.

God, was there a bigger fool than he? Of course, Mrs. Corning would be depressed to learn that. She had likely been daydreaming about her daughter becoming a duchess for months now.

Taking a crystal flute from a passing servant, Gregory downed the liquid in a single swig, causing the elderly couple standing next to him to glare with judgment when their stares shifted beyond him. Confused, he turned to see what they were staring at.

There, at the entrance of a small stairwell that opened up into the ballroom, was Emily, dressed in a cream-colored gown with a flimsy plum overlay, adorned with seed pearls.

Her tawny curls were piled atop her head, held in place with a dozen or so pearl hairpins.

She was like some sort of Grecian sea nymph, freshly risen from the salty brine, and Gregory’s heart spasmed in his chest.

He had never seen such beauty. Nor had he ever truly known the fury of jealousy. For in the next moment, as she stepped gently down the stairs, her gloved hand came up and fitted perfectly into Allister’s as he greeted her.

Gregory’s insides were suddenly gripped by some invisible fist. The love of his life was being escorted to the dance floor by his brother, while a sea of people smiled knowingly at one another.

Did they think Allister and Emily fit well together?

It seemed the entire world was happy to see them in each other’s company and Gregory couldn’t stop himself as he moved about the room as the musicians began to pluck at their instruments in preparation.

Having always been the sensible sort, Gregory had prided himself on always being in control. Which was why he was disgusted by what happened next.

“Ah, Gregory,” Allister said as he approached, just as he and Emily fell into place. “I was just telling Emily here that—”

“Leave.”

Allister’s brows lifted, seemingly surprised and yet, amused.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said leave. Now.”

“Gregory—”

“No, no, Miss Corning, I believe my brother has something important to discuss with you. Finally.” Allister lifted Emily’s hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to the back of her knuckles. Gregory nearly growled at the act, before his brother turned and smirked at him. “Another time perhaps?”

Allister dropped her hand into Gregory’s before drifting away from the dance floor. Gregory was aware of the stares he had garnered, but he didn’t care. All his focus was on Emily.

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

“I’ve something to say to you.” Placing a hand at her waist as the musicians began to play a waltz, Gregory noted her eyes widened at his touch. “About what we spoke about earlier.”

“I don’t wish to hear anything else from you on the topic.”

A hit to his heart, but he would not censor himself. Not any longer.

“I have not said my piece.”

“Haven’t you? You’ve already made a fool of me and I am—”

“Emily, I love you. I have loved you always.”

Startled by the confession, she missed a step, frozen in the middle of the dance floor as she stared at him.

“Excuse me?” she whispered.

Aware of their audience, Gregory pulled Emily off the dance floor as the crowd moved back to allow them through. He knew how the entire thing appeared, but if he was going to continue, he needed to speak freely to her without the entire party privy to their conversation.

Reaching one of the north-facing bay doors that opened up onto a large, half-circle stone patio, Gregory felt Emily’s grip tighten. When they were finally alone, he saw her worried expression and he was sorry for it. He had caused a scene.

“I know you think everyone is talking about us, and while I don’t doubt it, I—”

“What did you say?” she interrupted him. “Before, on the dance floor?”

“I said that I have always loved you.”

She shook her head.

“But why not be honest with me from the start? Why use you brother’s name as an alias?”

“When your letters first arrived while we were abroad, I was perfectly happy to continue on as we always had. But then Allister’s letter went unopened for nearly a fortnight, and I felt compelled to take up his pen, if only to dissuade you from writing since my brother had no intention of writing you.

But as soon as I began, I felt untethered.

I was essentially a stranger to you and suddenly I thought, what an odd little gift.

I could ask you things I always wondered about but couldn’t ask you because of propriety.

I’ve always thought about you, Emily. You’ve always been a point of fascination in my life, and I was finally free to speak to you without hindrance. ”

“But you could have spoken honestly with me, Gregory. I never would have kept any truths from you.”

“Unfortunately, it was the truth that I feared the most.” He gazed into her eyes. “But not anymore. Now, I’m hopeful.”

“Hopeful?” Emily nearly choked. “Hopeful for what exactly?”

“That you might find it in your heart to love me.”

Emily put her hand out to steady herself and Gregory took it, always eager to be there for her.

“But… But how can you say that? We never… I mean, before you left—”

“Before I left, I was a man with a single purpose. I thought my life would consist of beetles and books. Of science journals and lectures. Things I was quite happy to do for the rest of my days. But even in all my hopes for the future, I was never there alone. You were always there, in my future. Until I left for the continent, I just assumed that we would continue on as we always had. But even before I started writing to you as Allister, I knew something was wrong. The day we left, I felt like a ship without a sail. I was suddenly lost in the world. It had happened before, only in smaller ways. For instance, whenever I returned to Eton, I would be maudlin for weeks. I believe it had something to do with leaving Sandspring House, but it was never this place that kept me up at night. It was always you.”

“Me?”

“Yes. And it only became more prominent during my time abroad, but even then I didn’t understand it.

Your letters were a balm to an injury I did not understand.

And then, when I was free to write to you as someone other than myself, I realized just exactly what that injury was.

” He paused. “It was the feeling of being separated from you. I hated not being near you, being close to you.”

He squeezed her fingers in his hand and brought them up to his chest, just over his heart. Emily’s gaze fell to where they were joined.

“Only when I wasn’t myself did I discover what was most important to me… And it’s you, Emily. It’s always been you.”

Though the music drifted out into the warm night air, Gregory’s only focus was on Emily. The expression on her face was one of concern and when she didn’t speak right away, he felt his courage slip.

“I don’t want you to pretend to be a stranger, Gregory,” she finally said after what felt like an eternity. She looked up at him. “I’ve never wanted that.”

“I was a fool and a coward to have deceived you. I regret everything I did—”

“No,” she said, lifting her hand to his lips. “No. Do not say that you regret it.”

The pressure of her fingertips on his mouth caused his pulse to jump and he was certain that if they were quiet enough, they could hear his heart beating.

“Why not?”

“Because if you hadn’t deceived me, you might never have found the courage to tell me all this.” She gazed up at him. “And I only want us to be truthful with one another from now on.”

Gregory’s throat tightened as hope erupted within his veins.

“From now on?” he repeated, and she nodded. “Does that mean…”

A faint blush on her cheeks appeared and for the first time that evening, Emily smiled at him.

It was like the bells of Notre Dame had suddenly sounded all around them and she took a step towards him, closing the small gap between them.

“I should like you to only write to me as Gregory from now on.”

“I promise.” Gregory marveled at her. “But I thought you said it was too difficult. Imagining me as the man you fell in love with?”

Emily ducked her head.

“I did say that. But there was a line you wrote in one of your letters. One that’s been a constant in my mind. You said that were it ever possible to love someone so close that you couldn’t see them, and I think that’s exactly right. You were too close; I only saw a portion of the bigger picture.”

Emily inhaled as his arms wrapped around her waist.

“Tell me more about this picture.”

“We spend all our time walking through the meadows. Well, you’re walking. I’m on horseback and you’re studying beetles for your paper, and I bother you endlessly with questions and comments… For as long as we both shall live.”

Gregory smiled as he leaned down and kissed her with a mix of gratefulness and ferocity. This was what he had been searching for and now, he finally understood what had been missing from his life.

He spoke against her lips.

“Yes. For as long as we both shall live.”

The End