Page 27 of Duke of Eccess (Seven Dukes of Sin #4)

“Leave!” Octavius roared.

His paramour, Celeste, stopped, a frown of confusion on her pretty face. “Leave?” she asked, her voice melodic with her French accent. “But you summoned me urgently, Your Grace…”

Every word was true, and it wasn’t Celeste’s fault that he had been yearning for weeks; it was his own seduction of Miss Fields that undid him.

Watching his governess eat strawberries, respond to his touch, then accept his confessions in the study without judgment had aroused him more and more.

He’d denied himself his regular pleasures for weeks, all for the sake of his application to the Board of Trade.

The prime minister’s spies were everywhere…

But it was watching Miss Temperance Fields savor the food and drink he’d fed her, droplets of juice rolling down her skin…

God help him. He’d needed relief from that torture like a drowning man needed air. Bedding women, eating, drinking, and general debauching were things he did well and he needed to feel like himself…just for a moment.

He’d wanted to pretend Celeste was Miss Fields and ravish her, finally giving in and summoning her to wipe out the woman he actually wanted in this room.

When he kissed her, standing there in the mask, part of Octavius knew he wasn’t kissing Celeste but the one woman he could never have.

That part of him, decadent and weak, was ready to take her. To indulge in his true desire.

It was as though he’d conjured her from his dreams, manifested her through the sheer power of his hunger for her.

So Octavius shouldn’t be so rude with Celeste. She’d done nothing wrong. But shock hardened his throat, calloused his lungs and, it seemed, his manners.

He’d never wanted Miss Fields to find out about Celeste.

Embarrassment burned hot, and he didn’t know how not to become a brute. Octavius had never felt as clumsy or short-tempered, as much like an illiterate oaf, like a complete embarrassment as he did then—and there was the wine standing on the table, calling to him.

He didn’t want Miss Fields to see him like this, didn’t want her to know how low he could fall. She’d seen straight through into his soul with just one gaze; she knew the extent of the plague that had lived within him for years.

He’d felt something between them. A connection, a fire, trust.

Trust that was undoubtedly broken now.

“Yes, Celeste, leave!” Octavius confirmed, pointing at the door, aware of how rigid and stiff his body was even with the raging erection that wouldn’t calm down despite the embarrassment. How typical . “Please,” he added.

The shock of realizing who he had actually been kissing had hit him like a wall. The unnaturally quick arousal he’d felt when he’d drawn her to him, how comfortably her body fit against his…

“Oh,” exclaimed Celeste, her curious eyes gleaming. “ Pardonnez-moi , please.”

Miss Fields will know I was about to enjoy another woman’s company.

The thought twisted in Octavius’s gut. He couldn’t bear the thought of her seeing him indulge his baser instincts, of watching him become the rake she must already believe him to be. Still, part of him roared with delight that Celeste would leave; the woman he truly wanted was standing right here.

“ Très bien ,” said Celeste.

Once she finally left, Octavius couldn’t face Miss Fields.

He had to turn away for a moment and calm his raging desire.

He wanted his governess like he’d never wanted anyone or anything else.

Perhaps it was her innocence or the challenge of her being so correct , always so withdrawn from pleasures while he’d lived for pleasure alone.

The challenge of ruffling her orderly feathers and displacing them, making her feel, was thrilling.

It must be that.

He was just seduced by the allure of chasing after forbidden fruit, nothing else. It certainly wasn’t about the way she made him feel like he could be himself.

Octavius had never been affected by a woman the way he was affected by her, and now he was going to lose her completely. Not just as the only governess who’d ever managed his three wards, but as the woman who’d somehow become essential to his very existence.

A scandal of seducing a governess would certainly damage his chances for the presidency of the Board of Trade, but that paled next to the thought of her walking out of his life forever. He couldn’t even look at her, couldn’t bear to see his own devastation reflected in her eyes.

“You have to leave, Miss Fields,” Octavius growled without looking at her. “You must forget this.”

The governess turned to face him, her mask in her hand. She was flushed, her eyes dark with desire. Her lips were swollen and glistening from his kiss, and the pretty pink of her neck and her cheeks—her gown was undone, God help him.

He’d never wanted to claim her more, wanted to ride hard to Archibald right now and proclaim the reason he’d refused him courting her was because Octavius had already claimed her.

But then what? Marriage was impossible. Taking her to bed without offering her marriage would destroy her reputation and her future. He’d never do that.

“How can I ever forget this, Your Grace?”

Octavius exhaled a slow, shaky exhale. “I am not in a position where I can offer you marriage. You may not tell a soul.”

Miss Fields frowned. “What made you?—”

“In such a situation a proposal is expected. I am not going to make you one.”

She blinked, surprised. She wasn’t agreeing. Christ, she was expecting him to propose…as she should, goddamn her. And part of him wanted to…

But he couldn’t marry a woman much lower than him just so that he could sink his cock into her whenever he pleased. He never wanted to repeat his parents’ marriage and the misery the both of them brought to each other, to him, and—no doubt—to his sister.

“How much would you like for your silence?” Octavius asked, louder than he intended. “Would, say, one hundred pounds suffice?”

It was a fortune for a governess like her, young and inexperienced. It would allow her great financial security.

But her head jerked back as though he’d just slapped her. Once again, he felt like an awkward bear in a china shop and that he’d gravely mishandled this.

“You think you can buy me? Think twice, Your Grace. You haven’t bothered to ask me what I want,” Miss Fields snarled, throwing the mask on the floor and leaving.

He’d offended her.

Octavius’s gut wrenched. The pain and anger in her eyes twisted his soul with guilt.

Why couldn’t he have just controlled himself and not kissed her?

Before this, he’d blamed everything on drinking. If he could just control the bottle, he could control himself.

But now, stone-cold sober, he’d still devoured her like a starving man at a feast. The brutal truth hit him. His gluttony wasn’t just about alcohol. It was about consuming everything without thought for consequences: food, wine, pleasure…her.

It was an insatiable hunger that nothing satisfied.

The problem was, he wanted to change, craved for his governess to look at him in approval, ached to be a better man.

If not for himself, then for her.