Page 35 of Drive Me Wild (Owl Creek #2)

I end up staying a whole week with my mom, and every day that I don’t reach out to Caleb is another day I think I should walk away, even though my chest feels carved up.

My heart is like a Thanksgiving turkey.

After the bank turned me down, I called Mabel to let her know the situation and to ask if she’d be willing to sell me the business without the house.

She said she’d think about it, but I don’t want to go part way on something like this.

And the truth is, I don’t know that I want to be in Owl Creek if I’m not with Caleb.

I’m standing on uneven ground.

My mother encourages me to go back and talk to him, and I know she’s right. I also know that the longer I wait, the harder this becomes.

Did I just blow something up because I’m insecure?

Why would he want me after I did that?

Renée has called a couple of times and threatened to come out and get me if I don’t return soon, and I know why she’s doing it—the same reason my mom is urging me to go back. I’m avoiding the results of my first attempts at doing what I’m not good at. I’m avoiding facing my discomfort zone.

I’m lying in my old bed, tracing my finger along a crack in the wall, thinking about the moment I met Caleb. Full force gut punch with a side of melting vag. Not an easy thing to forget.

And as I lay here, I hear my phone chirp, alerting me to a text.

Avery: Whatever you did to Caleb, you need to undo. Please come home and fix him. He’s making everyone in town miserable

Me: I’m afraid

Avery: No offense, but that’s part of being a grown-up

Me: You’ve been spending too much time with Renée

Avery: lol, yeah

I turn over on my side and scroll through social media to distract myself.

I come across one of those relationship influencers I love to follow.

She’s talking about fear, failure, and learning, and something about what she’s saying hits like a perfectly aimed arrow right in the one spot of my armor that is missing, jolting me upright.

I’m acting like a fool.

Everything that my mom, Renée, and Avery have said is true. If I want to be a grown woman with a business, husband, and family, I can’t act like a teenager sulking when her boyfriend used to date the pretty cheerleader.

I’m in the wrong here.

I slide off the bed and pack up a bag of things that I want to bring back with me to Owl Creek, then text my mom to tell her I’m leaving.

Then I call Caleb and leave him a voice message, asking if I can come over to talk after he closes up the shop.

As I’m pulling onto the highway connecting Downsville to Owl Creek, he texts me an all-caps YES.

I have to apologize. I have to let him know that I’m sorry I doubted him and how much of a fool I’ve been. I have to let him know that I’m going to work on my insecurities.

And maybe finding my father will help me with that.

When I get back to my apartment, I strip down and take a long shower.

I wash my hair, shave, and scrub my skin thoroughly.

When I emerge, I’m pink and squeaky clean, and then I lather up with my favorite vanilla lotion.

After choosing a cute sweater and jeans that hug my figure, I style my hair and put on a touch of makeup.

Though I want to look good, I don’t want to show up looking like Laura. I’m not a bombshell with perfect everything. I’m averagely pretty, and I want to show up that way.

Just me.

I grab a coat and drive the short distance to the garage, parking in the lot. He’s closed up shop for the day, and I gave him enough time to shower before I came.

My stomach is dancing the tango, and my hands are slippery as I release the steering wheel. This is it—time to be a real adult.

The air is chilly as I walk between his building and the hardware store next door, standing waiting for him to answer my knock. Nightfall is earlier now, and the sun doesn’t quite warm the air enough when it’s out.

I hear his heavy footsteps, and then he opens the door. Before I can say anything, he reaches for me and pulls me in. His arms wrap around me, and I feel the heat of his breath on my forehead.

“You’re back.”

“Yeah. You’re not mad at me?”

“No. Not mad.”

My throat is dry, and I scratch out my words. “We need to talk, Caleb.”

He grabs my hand and walks me up the stairs to his apartment. The light is dim, but as we approach the living room, I see he’s added a few candles, creating a soothing atmosphere.

He takes my coat and lays it over a chair before leading me to the couch.

My hands clench in a ball, tension shooting pain down my wrist. I release my hands as we sit in silence, and I can feel his gaze on me.

I look up and catch his eye. He’s patiently waiting for me to begin, and I feel frightened and grateful.

He’s letting me do this how I need to do it. Slow.

“Caleb, I’m sorry. I doubted you when you told me about the note from Cody and when I saw Laura come out of the shop.

The truth is, I’ve been insecure about you, about us, and I let that be the reason I saw you as someone I couldn’t trust. You’ve been upfront with me all along, and I chose to ignore that, listening instead to the story in my head, which is a story of being left behind. Of not being good enough.”

“Zoe—”

“Please let me finish. I have work to do. On myself. And I am making a promise that I’m going to do that work. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you and doubt you. It’s not fair to you and quite miserable for me. But I can’t promise I’m going to be better overnight.”

“Does that mean you want to wait? For us to be together?”

“Do you want to wait? For me to be…different?”

“No. And I want you to know something, too.”

My stomach bottoms out. I feel like he’s about to drop a bomb on me, and I realize this is how my body responds to my fear.

Chalk that up to some self-awareness. Thank you, relationship influencers.

“I’m listening.”

“I’ve been afraid of screwing this up. Every second I’m with you, I think I’m going to do something wrong. That I’m not good enough to be with you. That I’ll do something that would drive you away from me and into someone else’s arms. And I don’t want that.

Zoe, I’ve told you how much my life changed because we met.

The thing is, I’ve never been happier. But I’ve also never been more scared.

I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend.

Or a partner. Or whatever we want to call this.

But I want to try. I want to build something with you.

And to show you how much I want this, I did something while you were gone. ”

Caleb walks over to the table, picks up a piece of paper, and then turns to me.

“You can say no to what’s on this paper, but I hope you won’t.”

He hands me the paper, a letter from the bank where I tried to get the business loan. The letter is a preliminary loan approval, given the increased downpayment to twenty-five percent of the asking price.

“I don’t understand. What—how?”

“I sold my race cars and deposited all the money in my savings account at that bank. The loan officer has been a friend of my mom’s since we moved to town, so I asked her if that would be enough combined with your offer.

She said, given the level of detail in your business plan and the house as collateral, they’d be willing to take the risk. ”

“Caleb, I can’t—”

Caleb sits next to me, pulls the paper away, and grabs my trembling hands.

“I know how bad you want this, and I know how bad I want you. The bookstore is your dream, and you are mine. I’ve never been in a relationship before now, but you’re the only woman I’ve ever met who makes me want to try.

To be more than what everyone expects. Zoe, you drive me wild.

Wilder than anyone or anything I’ve ever experienced.

I know we haven’t been together very long, and maybe I’m being crazy, but that’s what I want to be if it means I get to have you. ”

“Can…What…I…this feels like too much.”

“Will you accept it if I loan you the money? We can draw up a contract and everything. It’s not the romantic gesture I was aiming for, but I want you to have this. I want you to have the bookstore and that house. I want it for us.”

“Us.”

My heart swells as I repeat that one tiny word.

Us.