Page 31 of Drive Me Wild (Owl Creek #2)

I print out my business plan and tuck it into a new binder.

My hands are sweaty as I put everything in a tote bag and get dressed.

I want to look as professional as possible, so I opt for black trousers and a cream blouse.

I don’t own a suit jacket, so I shrug on a cardigan that doesn’t have too many pills on the sleeves, then slip into my shoes and coat.

Caleb left last night after dinner so I could fret over my plan without disruption.

That man is a serious disruption to everything.

It’s hard to be within ten feet of him without wanting to rip his clothes off.

Even when I’m dead tired and need to focus what little energy I have on making this dream come true.

I walk down the stairs to my car and catch Renée loading up her car with a few tools.

“New job site?”

“Yeah. I’m leading my first crew. Got a new employee who starts today.”

“That’s exciting. Congrats!”

“What’s up with you? You’re missing your usual spark.”

“I’ve got spark.”

“Zoe, I’ve known you longer than I haven’t. Your spark is not sparking.”

“Fine.”

I drop my bag on the ground and lean against her car. “Yesterday at the race track, someone who Caleb used to um…have sex with confronted me.”

“What the fuck?”

“She just asked if I was his new girl, and then she said, “Don’t get too attached.” Like he’s not going to stick around, and when I pulled money out of his wallet, a note fell out talking about Saturday night. He told me it was from Cody, but I just don't know.”

“Don’t know what?”

“What if this is a mistake? What if I’m not going to be enough for him? The woman who confronted me was seriously hot.”

“You’re hot.”

“Thanks, but she was hot, hot. Like—”

“Zoe, you didn’t trick him into liking you. He chose you. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“Yesterday, you wanted me to root for the two of you, and today, you are doubting yourself. But the woman I saw yesterday morning was sure this was a good thing. Are you sure you aren’t just afraid of having what you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s easier to convince yourself you don’t want something instead of admitting you are afraid of what it means to have it.”

“Ouch.”

“Look, this is who we are for each other, right? The truth-tellers?”

“Yeah.” I worry at my bottom lip.

“If there is one thing I’ve learned from my relationship with Cole, it’s that relationships require continued commitment.

You have to keep choosing the relationship over and over.

And sometimes that means facing the beliefs you have about yourself, which is scary.

It’s easier to push someone away than to look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m insecure with myself. ’ Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so.”

“You told me you’re insecure about performing in bed. Maybe this hot chick brought up that insecurity, and now you doubt the relationship itself. But it’s not the relationship. It’s you.”

“Again, ouch.”

Renée pulls me in for a hug. “I am going to believe in you and your relationship as long as you do. I’m on your side. But he didn’t do anything wrong. You have to choose to trust him until he gives you a solid reason not to.”

“Thanks.” I pull away from the hug. “Being with Cole is good for you.”

“I know.” Her eyes tear up for a moment. “He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Oh, hey, we’re going out of town this weekend, so if you want to use the house for any reason, feel free. Just lock up when you’re gone since we won’t be around.”

“Oh, a weekend with no band practicing underneath me? That’s exciting!”

“Enjoy the break. We have some shows coming up that we have to practice a lot for. New songs and all.”

“Cool. Listen, I have to head out. I’m going to the bank today to ask for that loan.”

“Holy shit. It’s happening.”

“Well, fingers crossed. After reading some books Caleb gave me, I’m not sure they will give me any money. And if they don’t, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.”

“If I were a banker, I’d bet on you.”

I lean into Renée again. “Love you forever.”

“Love you always.”

I climb in my car and drive the short distance to the bank. The lot is nearly empty, so I take my time psyching myself up, but thoughts of Laura keep invading my mind.

What if I’m not afraid? What if I’m just being realistic about Caleb’s needs, even if he isn’t?

I shove the thoughts away, sigh, and then march into the bank with my shoulders back. If I’m not confident, at least I can try to look that way.

A smiling blond woman greets me from behind a desk.

“Welcome to Creek Community Bank. How can we help today?”

“I would like to apply for a loan.”

“Alright. Personal or Business?”

“Business. But it’s also for buying a building.”

“Why don’t you have a seat over there? I’ll alert our loan officer.”

“Thank you.”

While I wait in the scratchy blue fabric seat, I watch her walk over and talk to another woman. They both look over at me, and then the blond woman nods and heads my way.

“Brenda will see you now.”

She directs me to a glass-walled office. I walk in and shake hands with Brenda, then pull out my binder and place it on the desk in front of me before I sit down.

Brenda smiles warmly at me and starts typing on her computer while I sit in silence for a moment. My teeth lock with anxiety.

“What is your name, dear?”

“Zoe Adams.”

“And are you a customer of ours, Zoe?”

“Not yet. I’m new in town.”

“Okay, before we offer any loans, we do ask that you become a member. Would that be a problem?”

“Not at all. Do I need to do that now?”

“Why don’t we look at your proposal? Then I can let one of the other staff open the account for you.”

“Okay.”

“I see you brought a plan with you. Why don’t you tell me about this business of yours?”

“I want to buy the bookstore in town.”

“Mabel’s place?”

“You know it?”

“I do. Buy all my books from her.”

I sigh, releasing the knot in my gut. This has to be a good sign.

“Then you probably are aware she wants to sell the business and the building it is housed in. And I want to buy it.”

“Do you have experience running a bookstore?”

“No. But I built an online business from the ground up.”

I open the binder and turn it toward her, pointing to the relevant page. The more I talk about my current business, how it relates to the bookstore, and what my plans are, the more confidence blooms in my chest.

Brenda nods, asks loads of questions, and looks over the numbers before finally folding her hands over the top of the pages. I take it she is done listening, and my heart thunders like a late summer storm.

“This is a very impressive proposal, Zoe. But I’m afraid with your lack of credit history, small down payment, and inexperience running a business of this scope, we won’t be able to extend an offer to you today.”

My cheeks are burning. All that work and the door just shut in my face.

“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”

“Build your credit and bring a more substantial down payment, and then we can talk. But as it stands, no bank or credit union is going to offer you enough to cover what Mabel is asking. Maybe she’d be willing to sell you just the business, which should be a much smaller loan request.”

I gather my binder and shake her hand while holding my breath to hold back the tears.

“Thank you for your time.”

“Thank you, Zoe. And if you want to start building your credit starting today, you can open an account and apply for a low-limit credit card with us.”

“I appreciate that, but I want to come back another day to do that. I have to go.”

I speed-walk out of the bank, nodding to the blond woman as I pass her.

By some miracle, I keep the tears at bay until I’m in my car. As I fumble with my seat belt, a sob erupts from my body, which starts an avalanche of tears, wails, and shaking.

I don’t think I knew how badly I wanted this until now. Maybe I’d been keeping this dream at a distance out of fear, just like Renée said.

I want to see Caleb. I want to curl up in his arms until my tears are dried and I can think straight. Because right now, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life.