Page 9 of Dragon’s Revenge (Irresistible Dragons #7)

Chapter Eight

H e hadn’t brought up Delton’s meltdown with him. Adar didn’t think it would be smart, seeing as how Delton never mentioned it or even referred to it. Apparently, he’d rather forget—and Adar could understand that. That had been more than having a good cry. That had been a world of pain releasing, so much that Adar had worried it was too much. It had taken forever for Delton to stop crying and then to calm down again, and when he finally had, he’d been exhausted. He’d barely been able to make it back to his cabin under his own power, and Adar had stayed until he was sure Delton was okay.

What had triggered it? That was what Adar kept pondering. Delton had mentioned feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere, like no one ever chose him. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride—but the male version. It had pierced Adar’s heart, and every time he thought about it, his heart squeezed painfully all over again.

He’d been careless with Delton’s heart, with his feelings. Oliver had been too, but that wasn’t Adar’s responsibility. His own actions were, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the reason Delton’s pain had been so intense was because he had been hurt so badly. By others too, probably, but especially by Adar.

Time and again, Adar had chosen Oliver over him—yet he’d expected Delton to accept that and be satisfied with forever being second choice, with only the sort-of promise of being fated mates as a Band-Aid on a deep wound. And Delton had been in love with him. The beta might’ve denied it, saying it was more the fated mates bond than love, but Adar wasn’t too sure about that.

But it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he wasn’t sure if Delton still felt the same way, if he was still thinking of Adar as his mate. And gods, that thought hurt. Knowing that he might’ve lost something so precious stabbed like a knife.

So he’d have to win him back. He’d made a great start by showing up with flowers and being willing to apologize. Delton’s emotional reaction had been the proof of that. But now he had to see it through, to show Delton he meant it, that it hadn’t been a one-time impulsive thing. And most of all, that he didn’t expect to be forgiven based on a bouquet of wildflowers and the offering of a shoulder to cry on. So he’d texted Delton to see if he wanted to go for an early morning hike, and much to his relief, Delton had agreed.

The cool morning air was always a refreshing start to the day, especially knowing that it would get so much hotter later on. Fall had started, but the summer weather hadn’t abated yet, having her final hurrah. A fragile layer of dew covered the grass and flowers, and wisps of clouds dotted the azure sky. Delton walked next to him on the narrow trail as they headed into the woods. Adar had suggested a lesser-known trail he had discovered that led to a brook where he’d caught a few deer drinking at the crack of dawn before.

“Are you a morning person?” Adar asked. He’d done some research on how to build a relationship, and asking questions was a good way to get to know each other. So he’d memorized a few and planned to ask whichever ones popped into his head.

“Mostly, yes. I can stay up late if there’s a good reason, but I prefer to be in bed on time and get up early.”

“Me too. I can’t even sleep in. Not even when I’m in bed late. I still wake up at six.”

“It’s not quite that early for me, but yeah, same. If I do manage to sleep in, I often wake up with a headache or feel groggy all day.”

“Oliver likes to sleep in,” Adar said, then winced. Shit, had he ruined it by mentioning Oliver’s name?

“I know. He sleeps a lot in general, right?”

Adar breathed out. Apparently, he was okay. “He does. He usually takes a nap in the afternoon.”

“He’s recovering from years and years of trauma. I think it’s his body’s way of shutting down for a bit.”

“You keep saying things like that, but I’m not sure I understand. It’s not a decision he makes himself, then?”

They both halted at the same time. A deer stood in the middle of the path, watching them wearily. When it sensed no immediate danger, it slowly trotted off, and seconds later, a faint rustling of the leaves was the only evidence it had ever been there.

“Beautiful,” Delton said softly.

“I often see them when I make my early morning rounds.”

They started walking again, and Delton cleared his throat. “Anyway, you asked about Oliver’s trauma recovery process.”

“If you want to talk about it. You don’t have to.”

Delton put a quick hand on his arm. “It’s fine. I appreciate it, but you don’t have to constantly walk on eggshells around me, afraid of saying something wrong.”

“I’m trying not to…hurt you again.”

“I know, and that means a lot to me. But despite what you may have concluded after my pity party the other?—”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Emotional breakdown?”

Adar grabbed his biceps and stopped him. “If someone used those words about themselves, what would you tell them?”

Delton’s eyes widened for a moment, and then he chuckled softly. “You’re using one of my own strategies against me. Smart. Okay, I’ll concede. Despite what you may have concluded after I got so emotional the other day, I’m not that easy to break.”

“Maybe not, but I still don’t want to take risks.” He was way too scared of losing whatever fragile bond was developing between them again.

“I get that. Anyway, I don’t mind talking about this. It’s a topic that fascinates me, so you may actually regret asking. I tend to dive deep when it comes to this.”

Adar smiled. He’d found something Delton was passionate about. How about that? “Hit me with it.”

“The brain is a fascinating organ. A lot of what happens there is at a subconscious level, neurons that fire rapidly, reacting to signals we don’t even consciously register. Our brain’s primary task is to keep us alive and, connected to that, protect us. It will go to great lengths to do that, even protecting from emotional pain. That’s why some people can’t remember any details of a traumatizing event they experienced. Their brain is protecting them from the pain it would cause to remember. Oliver’s brain has had to work hard at keeping him alive, and I suspect it’s now recovering by sleeping more.”

Adar let that sink in. “So is it his brain that’s tired or his body?”

“Well, that’s a complicated question because our brain is the central processing unit of our bodies. The pain you feel when you stub your toe, for example, you may feel in your toe, but it’s your brain that sends the signal. So, is the body tired? Or does the brain decide that based on the signals? Not so easy to answer, but the result is the same.”

Adar had never looked at it like that, and it was a fascinating realization. Of course for him, it triggered a different type of question. “How is it possible then that my brain has decided it likes pain?”

“Oh, good question. Our bodies release hormones when we’re in pain. Those endorphins are meant to help us process the pain, but for some people, they have a stronger effect. Runners, for example, often experience what they call a runner’s high after about half an hour of running. Their body’s endorphin rush makes them feel almost high. That’s what your body is doing as well in response to pain.”

Adar frowned. “So why do I hate it and fight it at the same time? I know I will love it, yet it’s always hard before and afterward.”

“That’s the battle between your conscious brain, which decides that hell no, it doesn’t want pain, and your subconscious, which knows it’ll be worth it. It has experienced the award before and wants that again. And afterward, your conscious brain takes over again, which is why you fight the aftercare.”

The way Delton explained it was so logical. It reminded Adar of that well-known saying about there being two wolves inside you, a good one and a bad one. Except in his case, it was more a case of a wolf who knew what was good for him, what he needed, and one who fought it every step of the way…because he didn’t want to need it. “I don’t like that I need it,” he said softly. “It makes me feel vulnerable.”

Delton nodded. “I can completely understand that, especially from a badass alpha like you. Admitting a weakness isn’t easy, especially not a weakness that puts you at the mercy of someone else.” Then he cocked his head as he studied Adar from aside. “Was it easier for you with your friend because he was a fellow alpha? Or harder for that same reason?”

“Easier, but not because of that. Because he’s always been my friend and never judged me for it. With others, there’s always that fear of them judging me.”

“Even with me?”

“No.” Adar’s answer had come instinctively, but on its heels came the deep realization of its truth. “I know you won’t judge. You’re the most nonjudgmental person I’ve ever met.”

“Thank you.” A smile spread across Delton’s face. “That’s a wonderful compliment.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.” Delton patted his arm again. “You’re a man who’s economical with his words, but you mean what you say.”

Oh, Adar liked hearing that. And he liked Delton touching him even more. Feeling bold, he reached for Delton’s hand, and when the beta didn’t protest or pull away, he laced their fingers together. When Delton accepted his touch, a thrill rolled down Adar’s spine. More progress.

“Does that also mean you’ll ask me again?” Delton asked after a little while.

“Ask you for what?” Adar’s brain had gone offline, too preoccupied with the sensation of Delton’s hand in his.

“For a session.”

Adar’s brain screeched back online. “Oh. I didn’t… I wasn’t sure if… You’re still willing to do it?”

“Yes.” Delton bit his lip. Then he said more quietly, “I really liked it.”

“Yeah?” The joy Adar had felt at their hands touching was nothing compared to the sheer spike of pure exaltation that now filled him.

“Very much so. So if you want to do it again…”

“Yes. Fuck, yes, please.”

They had both stopped and were now facing each other, still holding hands. Delton’s smile was shy, almost careful—another reminder of the fragility of what they were building. “Just tell me when.”

“Today. Tomorrow. Whenever you have time.”

Delton’s smile widened. “Okay. I can do… I could do tomorrow. I have sessions today that prevent me from preparing well, so tomorrow would be better. If that works for you.”

“Yes. Absolutely yes. Also…” He swallowed. “I’m also open to…to sex. To you fucking me. If that’s what you want.”

Delton’s mouth dropped open before he caught himself. “Oh. I was not… I didn’t see that coming.”

“That was what Oliver, however misplaced, suggested to us as well.”

“I know, but…” Delton took a deep breath. “I guess I’d conveniently forgotten that part.”

“Or your brain did, subconsciously,” Adar suggested, which earned him a smile from Delton.

“Perhaps, though I think it was more a case of me pretending we never discussed that.”

“But we did. I told you I like bottoming…and you told me you preferred topping.”

“I know, but… Wouldn’t it muddle the waters even more to bring sex into the equation?”

Adar shook his head. “Sex is already part of it. You watched me help Oliver through his heat, and he gave us permission to have sex.”

“That was under very different circumstances.”

“So we ask him again. He’ll say yes.”

“I agree, but will it be for the right reasons? Will he say yes because he’s truly okay with it or because he’s afraid that if he says no, he’ll hurt or push me away even more?”

Adar scratched his beard with his left hand, his right still entangled with Delton’s—and damned if he’d be the one to let go first. He’d hold on to him for as long as Delton let him. “I don’t know, but we can ask him? If we are open with him, he can make that decision himself, no? We shouldn’t decide for him.”

Delton chuckled. “You have really been paying attention to what I say, huh?”

“I may have been late to realize the truth, but I have been listening all along,” Adar said softly.

“Yes.” Delton squeezed his hand. “Yes, you have been, and thank you for that.”

“I don’t think that’s something you need to thank me for.”

“Okay, then I won’t. But you’re right. We shouldn’t make decisions for Oliver.”

“So we will ask him? Because I really want to…” How did he say this the right way? Yes, he wanted the sex, but it wasn’t about that. He could get a physical release by himself. What he wanted with Delton was so much more than that. “I want to share that with you, to feel that close to you.”

Delton’s eyes softened. “Okay. Okay, we can ask him.”

“And if he says yes, you’ll do it?”

Delton slowly nodded. “If Oliver is on board, then yes, I’d love to give you that sexual aspect as well.”

Wait, hold up. Adar didn’t like the way Delton had worded that at all. “It has to be something you want for yourself. Not just for me because you want to pleasure me or whatever. You have to want this too.”

Delton met his eyes dead on. “I’ve been wanting to have sex with you for two years, Adar. I’ve literally dreamed of it. So yeah, I’m doing this for me too.”