Page 5

BAD NEWS

E MILY

I stay locked in my apartment and sleep off and on for two days. Guilt eats at me constantly, whether I’m awake or asleep. Nightmares haunt me—images of staking Donovan only to find out it was really Luke, or killing Donovan and turning to find Luke watching. The horror on his face is burned in my brain, even if it’s only from my imagination.

I know I’ve gotten texts from Jeremy and Will, but I can’t respond. Not yet. I have to pull myself together. Both Jeremy and Will explained that Luke’s father was found dead at their family home, and that it looks like murder. If only you knew, I think, wallowing in my misery. It takes Luke’s text to finally snap me out of it.

I need you.

Those three words both bolster me and tear me apart. Would he still need me so much if I hadn’t killed his father? I can’t answer that. There’s no way to know. But I don’t think he would.

I’ll be there in ten.

I jump out of bed and shower quickly, thankful that I keep my blonde hair short. I don’t bother with makeup or drying my hair.

I hate that I’m going to lie to them all, but I know I am. And they’ll believe me, because I’ve given them no reason not to. I throw on a sweatshirt and leggings and race upstairs. I don’t bother to knock because I know they’re all home.

I rush inside, and three sets of eyes land on me. What I don’t expect is for all three to be bloodshot and red-rimmed. They’ve all been crying. Shit. This is worse than I thought. What I’ve done is unforgivable. There is no way we’ll be able to get past this if the truth ever comes out.

“I’m sorry. I was sick and didn’t want to give it to you guys. I got all your messages when I started to feel better this morning.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue. I’ve had a full forty-eight hours to come up with it, after all.

Luke holds his arms open and I fall into them on the couch. He pulls me into his lap and hugs me as if he’s scared I’m going to get away. I hold him just as tightly, because I actually am scared he’ll get away. If they ever find out—no, I can’t think about it.

“I’m just glad you’re here now. The funeral is this afternoon. Will you go with us?”

As much as I want to avoid the funeral of the man I killed, I can’t say no to Luke’s simple request. I nod, pulling his head to rest on my shoulder.

“Of course. Whatever you need,” I offer.

“What we need is to find out who did this. Then we need to tear them apart for it,” Jeremy growls. I’ve seen his wolf before but never when it’s been rage induced. It’s thrilling and terrifying. I don’t think I could defeat him in a fight. I’m not even sure that shifting would allow me to escape him.

“Revenge is not the answer. Leave the police work to the cops, Jer. Everything happens for a reason, and we may never know what the reason for this is.” Will sounds like the sage older brother, giving advice to his hot-head little brother right now.

“What do you think, Luke? Don’t you want us to go after whoever did this?” Jeremy tries again to rile us up.

Luke shakes his head. “It won’t bring him back. There’s no point. If they find the guy who did it, sure, I’d love to see him get punished. But I won’t be chasing him down myself.”

My heart is breaking for him. I’m relieved that he doesn’t want to hunt me down and tear me apart for what I’ve done. I can’t help but wonder if it would make a difference; knowing it was me.

I don’t have time to worry about it, because we have to get ready to leave for the service. Of course, it’s at Luke’s parents’ house. I’m not worried about pretending I’ve never been there. I doubt they’ll be giving tours. I'm also pretty confident that I’ll be in a part of the house I’ve never seen.

The service is quiet and reserved. Everyone here clearly has money and isn’t afraid to use it for their whims. Luke keeps me by his side the entire time, with his fingers threaded through mine. It seems as if he expects me to run at any moment. Or maybe he wants an excuse not to shake hands with all of these people. I’m not sure. His hand grips mine tightly as people file in, giving their condolences. He nods respectfully, but barely speaks. I find myself thanking them all for him, and it feels weird.

Luke doesn’t bother to introduce me to anyone, so unless they ask, I don’t either. Jeremy walks over with a tall man who looks a lot like him. “Come on, Dad. I just want you to meet her. Then maybe you’ll understand.”

His dad barely looks up from the cell phone in his hand as Jeremy introduces us and I offer my hand. Mr. Franklin glances at it and says, “Yes, yes, very nice. I have to go.”

I can’t stop myself from tapping into his cell phone to see exactly what’s so urgent that he can’t give his son a moment of his time. The message surprises me, and I have to cough to cover my gasp. Someone has texted Franklin about Big_Dick_73’s death. The only reason to do that would be if Franklin was also connected to the trafficking ring.

After he walks away, I turn to Jeremy and Luke. “Do you guys know a lot about your dads’ businesses?” I try to sound casual, but I have to know if my guys are involved. I won’t be able to protect them if they are. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to. And I don’t want to be involved if they end up on a hit list.

“My dad was a banker,” Luke says. “He just helped people invest their money. Nothing too exciting.”

Jeremy looks at me and grins. “My dad is the CEO of Franklin and Jeffries, the most prominent law firm in the city.”

“Oh, that’s exciting. Do either of them dabble in any other kind of business?” It’s not like I can ask, ‘Do you know what kind of kinky shit your dads are into?’ because that’s not exactly casual conversation. I can imagine their faces if I did ask that. It would not be pretty.

“They go golfing together all the time, with Will’s dad, too. He’s the other half of the law firm. Or they did go golfing together,” Luke says. I don’t want to push anymore because I can tell he’s barely holding it together. Tears fill his eyes, and he turns away.

“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to bring up more sadness. We can go home whenever you're ready. Unless you need to stay for your mom,” I say, squeezing his hand. This is by far the most awkward situation I’ve ever been in, and I’m not sure that I’m helping Luke any.

“Yeah, I think I’d like to go home now. Mom has all these people here; she’ll be fine,” he responds.

After saying goodbye to his mom, Luke and I wait in the car for Jeremy to find Will. Apparently, his father needed to talk to him about a few things while everyone else was paying their respects. It didn’t sound good, and I’ve been a little worried about him.

Once we’re back at the guys’ apartment, Luke decides to lay down for a while. I go with him to his room and help him into comfy pajamas. I tuck him into bed, and he pulls me on top of him.

“Will you stay with me until I’m asleep?” he asks. I nod, wrapping my arms around him and scooting to lay beside him instead of staying on top of him. “And will you still be here when I wake up?”

“I’ll stick around, I promise. If I’m not in here with you, I’ll still be in the apartment.” The promise is easy to make. I have no plans to go anywhere else today. I need to be here as much as he needs me.

“Okay. Thanks for today. I don’t think I could have made it through this without you.” His words are meant to convey appreciation, but instead, I feel more guilt. This entire situation is my fault. If it wasn’t for me, Luke wouldn’t be laying here in his bed with a forlorn expression. Or would he? If I hadn’t taken the position with the guild, who’s to say that they wouldn’t have sent someone else to kill Donovan? I have no way to know that for sure, but it still doesn’t ease my guilt.

“It was nothing, really. I wish I could do more for you,” I answer. I hold him as he finally lets his tears fall. My heart breaks for him. Luke rests his head on my shoulder and I rub his back while he purges his emotions.

I know he hasn’t eaten today, and that he won’t do so willingly. But he needs to keep up his strength. “Luke, you need to eat something. At least drink a little blood. Please.” I hold my arm in front of his face and he shakes his head. “You can’t let yourself suffer. Please, do it for me.”

His eyes meet mine, and he gives me a sad smile. They stay locked on mine as he sinks his fangs into my arm and drinks deeply for a moment. I wish he’d take more, but he only drinks a little. Then he licks the punctures to help them heal and rests his head on me again.

“Thank you for taking care of me. I need you to know how much it means to me that you’re here,” he says. His words are quiet, and I can tell that he’s starting to doze off.

“Shh, hush now and rest. I’ll see you in just a bit.” I brush his hair off his face, gently petting him until his eyes close and his breathing regulates. I know he’s not asleep yet, because he keeps tapping on my leg. After a bit, I recognize the rhythm from a song he’s fond of. I hope it helps him to relax a little. I kiss his forehead and continue to smooth his hair back.

When he finally falls asleep, I wait a few more minutes before untangling myself and heading to the living room. I want to check on Will. He didn’t seem too excited about having to hang out with his dad during the services. I wanted to ask him about it earlier, but Luke needed me more.

I find him in the kitchen, making lunch. “Are you okay? Things seemed strained with your dad.” I don’t want to push, but I will if I have to. It’s ridiculous that I expect them to be honest with me when I can’t tell them the truth about anything.

“I’m fine. Sorry he wasn’t very social. He’s got a lot on his mind with what just happened to Luke’s dad. As for our talk, he just expects a lot from me, and I’m not living up to my potential. It’s frustrating for sure, but I can handle it. Dad’s mad that I won’t join the company. I’d rather not be stuck in a stuffy board room all day.” Will seems annoyed with his dad, but not upset about the conversation.

“Oh, was that all? I guess that’s not too bad,” I admit, relieved that it wasn’t more serious. “I thought maybe you were in trouble for something.”

“He also told me that I could do better than sharing a trollop with my friends. But don’t worry, I punched him for that one.” Will’s tone is so nonchalant that I almost miss what he says.

“Wait, what? Your dads know that we’re all in a relationship together?” My eyes go wide, my chest constricts, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. This wasn’t something I expected to be public knowledge.

“Of course they do. We’re all proud of you. We don’t have anything to be ashamed of, so we told our families about you. Is that a problem?” he asks.

“That does explain a few whispers and stares today." I pause for a moment, considering. "It’s fine. If you guys aren’t worried about it, I’m not either.” I try to mean that. I don’t care what other people think of me, but I don’t want anyone talking shit about my guys. “Did you really punch your dad?”

“Of course I did. No one talks shit about our girl. He’ll either respect you or I’ll keep punching him. I told him as much, too.”

“That’s insane. But thank you for defending my honor,” I tease. He winks at me and hands me a plate.

Will and I take sandwiches into the living room where Jeremy is just getting off the phone. “Did you hear about Steve?” he asks.

“No. What about him?” Will asks in response, handing Jeremy a plate.

“Who’s Steve?” I ask at the same time.

“He was a PI who worked for my dad. He got killed last night, just a little while after Luke’s dad, apparently. I wonder if their murders were related,” Jeremy explains.

Well, if Steve went by Big_Dick_73, they were. And from the sound of it, I believe that’s the case. Fuck. How did I not realize that my guys are so close to all of this? I need to do more digging to make absolutely sure none of them are involved.

That’s ridiculous. Of course, none of them are involved with the sex trafficking ring I’ve been slowly taking down. If they were, I would have already uncovered the connection. That thought doesn’t stop me from tapping into their computers and double checking while Jeremy and Will discuss Steve and how great a guy he was.

I feel a little guilty for searching their computers, but when I find absolutely nothing that ties them to the ring, relief settles in my chest. And what’s a little more guilt to go with what I’m already feeling for hurting Luke?

“Do the cops have any leads on either case?” I can’t force myself to say the word ‘murder’ because that’s not what these were.

“Nothing. There was no physical evidence at either scene. No evidence that ties them together, except that Steve worked for my dad, and Luke’s dad was his banker. So, I guess the only connection is my dad,” Jeremy explains. “Honestly, if I didn’t know better, I would think they were both professional hits.”

“Really?” I ask. Jeremy nods as he takes a bite of his sandwich. Fuck. I could be closer to getting caught than I realized. Oh, shit. This is bad.

Jeremy connecting Steve, his dad, and Luke’s dad makes me wonder. What if Jeremy’s dad is the one behind the ring? I’ll have to do some research and see what I find. I doubt he’d be stupid enough to have the stuff on his personal computer, but stranger things have happened. If I’m lucky, he won’t have anti-virus software and I’ll be able to get in without a cam call being involved. Especially since he's seen me and could recognize me.

“I just found an article about Steve. Apparently, there was evidence at the scene that he’s been involved with that big sex trafficking ring the cops have been trying to pin down,” Will says, turning his phone so we can see the article.

This is an interesting development. I wonder if they’ll connect the dots. “Wow,” I respond, unsure of what else to say. I search their faces to gauge their reactions to this news.

“That’s insane. How would he even get involved in something like that?” Jeremy asks.

“I don’t know, but if that’s what got him killed, I’d say he deserved it,” Will says.

“Definitely,” Jeremy agrees. “Do you think that Luke’s dad—?” He doesn’t finish the question, but now that the thought is out there, they both seem to consider it. I didn’t know the man prior to all this, so I have no idea how he portrayed himself to the guys.

“Before today, I wouldn’t think so. But it’s possible, I guess. My dad is always getting weird messages and taking cryptic sounding calls when I’m around. I wouldn’t put it past him, either. That’s one of the reasons I refuse to work for him. I don’t want to be involved in whatever he’s got going on,” Will explains.

“Same here. But my dad is more secretive about everything, not just his phone, so it’s hard to tell what he’s doing. He doesn’t take calls in front of anyone or check messages. It’s like everything is a high priority confidential case, and no one but him has clearance.” Jeremy’s statement makes me suspect his dad even more. Without proof, there’s nothing I can do. I’ll just have to bide my time and do some research.

“Do you guys really think your dads could be involved in something like that?” I ask, desperately searching my mind for some way to change the subject without alerting them to me being connected to everything.

Will shrugs, and Jeremy takes another bite of his sandwich. “It really wouldn’t surprise me. I don’t want to be connected to that, but I can’t control my dad.”

Jeremy looks at me intensely. “I wish I could say I’d be surprised, but after Mom left him, I know Dad went through some sick stuff. It was all in the name of ‘finding himself’ as he put it. He swore none of it was illegal, but who knows?”

I have no idea how to respond to that, so we sink into silence. I’m not sure if it’s awkward or comfortable, but I can’t say anything that could tip them off to my secret. After we finish our sandwiches, I decide to try changing the subject.

“I wonder how long Luke is going to sleep. He made me promise to stick around. I have things I need to do, but I don’t want to leave when he needs me.” It’s not a lie, but guilt still pangs at me.

“I’m not sure, but if you need to go because of work, I know he’d understand,” Will says, rubbing my arm.

I shake my head. “Work can wait. I won’t leave Luke when he’s this upset.”

Luke ends up sleeping for three more hours before he finally emerges from his room. Jeremy, Will, and I are watching a movie when he walks in and sits on top of Will to get near me. “Hey, man. I love you, but you cannot sit on my lap!” Will objects and scoots over to make room for him. I know he’s teasing, and Luke gives him a small smile.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, hoping that the nap helped at least as much as his tears did earlier. Luke rests his head on my shoulder and threads his fingers with mine.

“Eh,” he says with a shrug. That tracks. I don’t expect him to be feeling better yet. This is hard for him, and it’s my fault. I have to do whatever I can to help him heal.

“What can I do?” Guilt burns in my chest again. Each breath feels like I’m fanning the flames. I feel as if I’ll spontaneously combust at any moment. I have to make sure they don’t catch on to my inner turmoil. So, I breathe normally, even though every breath hurts more than the last.

“Just be here,” he answers quietly, turning his attention to the movie. Okay, I can be here. It’s the very least I can do to make up for what I’ve taken from him; for the pain I’ve caused one of the men I’m falling for. Tears fill my eyes, and I fight to keep them from falling. If they see me cry, they’ll feel bad for me. I don’t deserve their sympathy.

This feeling is so much different from the usual melancholy that hits after a job. This is more akin to actual regret. I’ve never second guessed my job before. I am ridding the world of scumbags who deserve to die for what they do to young women and children. I can’t feel bad for that. But this time, I do. Maybe I’m not cut out for this kind of work after all.

I can’t help thinking that it’s a little late for a career change, especially since I just accepted membership in the guild. This is their fault. I wouldn’t have killed Luke’s dad if not for their stupid contract with no loopholes. Fuck.

That’s not fair, either. If I continued taking out members of this sex trafficking ring, there would have come a point where I found out about Donovan on my own. And I would have taken him out anyway. I can’t stop the guilt, but I can try to help Luke feel better, no matter how hard it is for me.

The movie plays, but my mind is elsewhere. I can’t focus on anything but what I’ve done and what I still need to do. I reach out with digital tendrils to see what I can find online about Jeremy’s dad and Will’s dad. I need to know if they’re connected to all this or not. No matter how badly I want them to be innocent, I can’t get past the nagging feeling that they have just as much blood on their hands as Donovan did.

I should be at least a little upset about Steve, too. But until the guys showed me who he was, Steve was nothing but a random name on a screen. Even though I took his life for what I found on his computer, in addition to the contract that was taken out on him, he still wasn’t real to me. Now he is. Steve had an ex-wife and two kids that he saw once a month. They’re better off without him, but they don’t know that. The kids are too young to understand that sentiment.

I wonder if I should have left some evidence of Donovan’s role in all this for the cops or his family to find. I hate the thought that Luke might have seen it; that’s what stopped me. I can’t let that happen again. I have to do the job and separate that from personal ties.

I’m good at my job; it’s my mission. I have to take this ring down, no matter who gets hurt in the crossfire. They have to be stopped. No matter what the personal cost is. Even if I lose everyone I love, I have to save these women and children who are being exploited. They’re depending on me. It doesn’t matter that they have no idea I exist. I’m the only one who can save them. I have to keep going. I can’t let this speed bump stop me. But am I prepared to walk away from happiness if that’s what it takes?

I have to be. Knowing it and doing it are two very different things. I’m not sure that when push comes to shove, I’ll actually be able to leave. I hope I don’t find out.

By the time the movie is over, Luke is asleep again, with his head resting on my lap. I don’t have the heart to wake him up. “I can carry him to bed so you can head out,” Jeremy offers.

“I don’t want to wake him,” I say.

“He won’t wake up.” Jeremy proves his point by hoisting Luke into his arms. My sweet vampire doesn’t even seem to notice.

“I’ll be back first thing in the morning,” I insist, kissing Luke’s forehead before pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s lips. Will stops me at the door and kisses me.

“He’ll be okay. We’ll keep an eye on him tonight. Get some rest so you can recover, too.” I’d nearly forgotten my excuse for avoiding them for two days.

“Yeah, I’m feeling pretty run down right now.” It’s not a lie, but I can’t explain why I feel that way, either.

I head back down to my apartment, stopping to lean against the door after I close it. Tears stream down my face. I feel so loved and so alone at the same time. Each of my guys expressed concern about my health today, making the guilt over lying to them worse.

I have to figure out how to handle this before I end up doing something stupid and confessing. There’s no way to finish what I’ve started from behind bars, and I don’t want to give up what I have with the guys. I hate myself for being so selfish, but I can’t help it. I’ve been through so much in my life already.