Page 36 of Devoted (Love and Burlesque #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

KNIGHT

Christmas with a crank.

T urmoil. The last week and a half has been pure turmoil without Vivian. Christmas has approached, and I’ve been the Grinch in everyone’s holiday season. Trying, but failing, I’ve done my best to stay out of The Garden of Eden, but the temptation of getting just a glance of her always wins.

And of course, being the dick that I am, I have been particularly terse with everyone at the office and the club.

It hurts to see the disappointed looks of those I’ve grown close to.

They must have thought I hit a new turning point after the ‘Talk Turkey to Me’ performance. And I thought I did, too.

Vivian and I haven’t spoken, mostly due to my hiding from her, and it feels like those first few weeks when my infatuation with her started. Yet, now I know she loves me back, and I’m stupidly staying away from her because of my own hangups.

I want to tell her everything, she already knows so much more than anyone else who isn’t my mother or my cousin. But it’s been so long since I’ve let anyone in, and I am frightened that she will not accept what she sees when I tell her my truths.

However… She’s already accepted so many facets of me that I never deemed to be lovable. The imposing tattoo and the darkness it hides don’t scare her. She kissed my scars as I cried silently on her bed. My obsessive tendencies fucking excite her.

Vivian is the perfect woman for me and I very well might lose her if I can’t get my shit in order.

She will be within arm’s reach again tonight at my mother’s Christmas party.

A lovely vision in a maroon dress, dark as blood, from the post she uploaded to social media.

Stalking her profile is the closest I’ve allowed myself to be to her since the day she came into my driveway, asking me to let her love me publicly and proudly.

How the fuck could I have said I couldn’t provide that for her when I am already so madly in love with her that I cannot breathe when she is gone?

My hands tighten on the steering wheel as I pull up to my mother’s mansion, and I know I’m only minutes away from seeing Vivian. The fucking car in front of me is taking too long and in anger, I honk at the driver and his passenger.

Oh, fuck me. After my obnoxious honk, I realize it’s Alek and Ezekiel.

In retaliation, Alek glares at me while he closes the car door as slowly as he can.

Thankfully, a young woman is waiting for my car keys as I step out.

I didn’t see her there before, so she must have come to help me after my commotion.

Fuck, why do I have to be such an ass?

I exit the car just as I hear Ezekiel begin to scold Alek, and in turn, me. “You two know better than to start anything tonight,” he sighs.

“I don’t know what you mean, cousin,” I reply as I round the front of my car to step beside the two men. “There wouldn’t be an issue if you two weren’t taking your sweet time kissing and holding up the line.”

In truth, I am jealous that they can present their love so openly and tenderly in front of others while I’ve kept my love hidden in the shadows.

“Someone sounds jealous,” Alek teases me. “You hit a dry spell, Knight?” he mocks, and the question hits me harder than I’d like to admit.

“As if that’s either of your concerns,” I grit, righting the sleeves of my suit and choosing to leave the conversation at that. There’s enough troubling my mind. I don’t need Alek or Ezekiel joining the noise.

On the way to the open bar, I notice Emma and her boyfriend, Caleb, off to the side and looking miserable for being in attendance at a Christmas party.

I’m not one to insert myself in others’ business, and I am well aware I do not look like the embodiment of cheerful either, but with a gorgeous and caring woman at his side, Caleb couldn’t look more uninterested in her.

I stare in their direction for more time than is appropriate.

Perhaps it’s my own shortcomings in love that make me hate the man even more.

I don’t know, but I stare and wait until Emma notices me from across the room.

She grants me a kind smile, and I silently mouth Everything okay?

to her. She simply shrugs in reply, her demeanor so different from the cheerfulness she displays at the club.

Getting off his phone, Caleb finally takes notice of me too and waves hello—a greeting I completely ignore, choosing to continue my way to the bar instead.

The first hour at these events is always taxing, typically filled with mundane business conversations and people bragging about their accomplishments for the year.

But as I make my rounds as I am expected, my body buzzes with the anticipation of seeing Vivian in her gorgeous gown.

She must be in a different part of the house altogether because I have not caught sight of her or any of the Delgado family.

A swish of maroon fabric from the corner of my eye has me eating my words. There she is, too far away for me to properly admire… And way too fucking close to whoever has his arm wrapped around hers.

Did she bring a date?

Were her words about waiting for me a lie?

Has she moved on with someone else?

Before I have the chance to think rationally, my body rushes through the groups of guests, and they part when they notice I have no problem bulldozing them to get to where I need to be. I need to be with her.

I only lose track of the pair for a moment, but knowing this part of the house, there’s only one room that would be open to guests, so I run to the spare room.

Not having a single idea about what I’m going to say or how I will handle this confrontation, I grab for the door handle but quickly realize that it’s locked.

Fine, I’ll fucking knock until this door is broken down.

My hand thuds over the door over and over.

Within seconds, I hear a click as the door unlocks, and I’m preparing to face whoever thought they could lay a hand on my queen.

“Knight?”

“Ezekiel?”

Our questions overlap. Our confused stares must match each other as well.

After a moment, I try to explain myself.

“I thought I saw Vivian come in here with a man,” I comment, trying to keep my tone casual.

“I mean, now I see it must have been you .” My relief is audible, but I’m still perplexed as to why she and Ezekiel were sneaking away to one of the guest rooms. “What are you two doing in here?” My eyes are set on the room behind him, hoping to see Vivian.

Suddenly, Ezekiel’s hand is on my chest as he pushes me out of the doorframe and into the hallway.

I smack his hand away when we reach a stopping point.

All he does is cross his arms and glare at me in that specific way of his.

I squirm under his eye as he takes me in, reading me like when we were kids and he caught me doing something wrong.

“You’re interested in Vivian, and that’s why you’ve been at The Garden of Eden more often—and why you’ve been very odd with Alek,” he states, and I don’t have it in me to lie to him. Not after everything we’ve been through together.

“I won’t deny it,” I reply, attempting to keep some details to myself. Ezekiel doesn’t need to know how I’ve fallen madly in love with Alek’s younger sister.

He shakes his head at me. “I don’t believe you could deny it after that Neanderthal display, Knight.”

“I didn’t know it was you. I thought you were some random man, and I only wanted to know that she was okay.” And I wanted to fucking punch his face in, but I don’t say that part.

“I will support you in the path you choose to take with Vivian, Knight, but I cannot stand by your attitude as of late. I understand that becoming attached to someone after what’s happened to you may be difficult.

” His words cut into me—always so precise, my cousin.

“But it is no excuse to treat the Delgados the way you’ve been treating them lately.

They are family, and they soon will be in name, as well,” Ezekiel lectures and stares me down.

“You’re proposing?” I ask once my brain has caught up. At this moment, I feel something softening within me. My cousin, the only friend and confidant I’ve had for all my life, has found true happiness, and I am here almost ruining the moment for him with my shitty behavior.

“Yes, Vivian and I were in the room going over last-minute details of my proposal. She even assisted me in choosing a ring for Alek.” Ezekiel reaches into his coat, taking out a wine-colored box.

Staring at the box brings back memories of my failed marriages, but I can’t find the usual bitter and resentful feelings that surface when I think about marriage. I only feel happiness for my cousin and my friend—two people who should not work on paper but are perfect for each other.

“You deserve this happiness, Ezekiel,” I comment before reaching toward my cousin and squeezing him into a hug. As he hugs me back, I murmur, “I am sorry, and I will figure this all out, cousin. I ask that you keep it between us for now, please.”

Ezekiel hugs me back tightly, his hand flat against my back as he pats me reassuringly. He’s one of the only people in the world who knows what lies there under the layers of clothing.

“Please figure it out soon. You know I cannot keep a secret from Alek for long. He will wrestle me until I tell him,” Ezekiel pleads, true concern in his voice at the torture tactic.

Knowing Alek and how playful he can be, I completely believe it.

A laugh escapes me, mixing in with Ezekiel’s laugh as we stay embraced.

We release each other after a few more seconds when we hear the sound of the bathroom door in the guest room opening and Vivian calling for Ezekiel.

“Thank you, Knight. Please know that you can come to me for anything,” he reassures, tucking the ring back into his pocket.

“Same and always, Ezekiel.”

My interaction with my cousin has me thinking. Maybe this can work out, maybe I can be the man Vivian deserves, and maybe I can let myself be loved.

My feet lead me to the patio, and I take the steps down toward Harriett’s garden as an idea of a plan begins to form.