Page 35 of Devoted (Love and Burlesque #2)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

VIVIAN

I’m done with secrets.

T here’s less than two weeks left until Christmas, and of course, Alek and I decided it’s the perfect time to look for some outfits for Harriett’s Kitschy Christmas party.

I’ve tried my best to argue against Alek’s choice of a hideous sweater, but I can’t reveal why he should consider dressing a little better that night.

My brother is going to be proposed to while the words ‘I’m So Good, Santa Came Twice’ are written across his chest. Well, at least Ezekiel knows what he’s getting into, I guess.

He needed my help choosing a ring for Alek a couple of weeks back, and with how excited he was, I thought he might have let the proposal slip by accident.

“You gotta try this on.” Alek appears behind me in the dressing room mirror, holding up a maroon evening dress with a large slit on one leg. It’s gorgeous with elegant silk in subtle ruching, something you might see on a red carpet.

Biting my lip, I nod at him to toss it over the dressing room we’ve been trading off using.

It might not be exactly on theme for Harriett’s party, but that’s just the theme of the decorations, right?

The Adlers are probably going to have a bunch of their stuffy associates there in suits, so a nice dress like this won’t be too out of place.

This dress was made for me.

My hands skim down my sides, admiring the way the fabric hangs off my body. It’s stunning. As I stare into the mirror, it’s way too easy imagining Knight standing next to me in a black tuxedo with a perfectly matching maroon bow tie and pocket square.

We’ve made progress in our relationship, but the more I think about it, the more I want him to truly be mine, and for everyone to know he’s mine.

Don’t take me the wrong way, I have loved these past few months in our secret bubble, but I want more.

What’s between is us true and more than just a few secret fucks.

“Holy shit!” Alek screams, hanging off the top of the changing room door before he hops down to join me in the room.

He’s gonna get us kicked out, Jesus Christ.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” I look at my brother through the mirror, and his bright smile and enthusiastic nod in return pull at my heartstrings.

Guilt seeps into the happy moment quickly.

There’s another reason I’ve been wanting to talk to Knight about our relationship.

I’ve hated keeping it secret from my friends and family, except for Emma.

She’s dragged into this now, too, though, and I can’t deal with the fact that Alek will be upset at her for it.

Truth be told, I know my brother. I know he’ll be more upset that I felt like I couldn’t tell him, versus the fact that I am with Knight. With everything he’s been through and the bumps he and Ezekiel had to face, Alek is the most understanding guy I know.

I just hope he also won’t hate me after I see our parents later today.

Knight came to me one night when he was spiraling; I guess it’s my turn now.

Knight Adler - Boss Text

Vivian

[attached voice note] I’m coming over, I need to see you.

Knight

The front gate will be open.

As expected, my secret dinner with my parents was a disaster. Among demands for me to “come home” and backhanded compliments about my appearance and line of work, I fucking had it.

Causing a commotion is the only thing that I could do for them to realize I was serious about never going back to their loveless home. A home where nothing was good enough, and any little affection I received was in exchange for what I accomplished. A home where they neglected me and my siblings.

I was done, and I made it clear I was not to be used as a pawn in their lives, and they were not to use my brothers as blackmail to keep me in their grasp.

Immediately after leaving the restaurant, I drove over to Thomas’ house, where I knew he, Rhett, Alek, and a few other guys were playing basketball in the backyard.

Pulling my brothers aside, I let them know what was going on.

How our parents had been contacting me nonstop.

How they had been threatening to practically upend my brother’s lives if I didn’t meet with them and discuss my going back to Utah with them.

What our parents intended to be a wedge in our sibling relationships made us even stronger.

T started looking into restraining orders while Alek held me and talked me down.

He recounted how our father had shown up at his house a few months back and how he was grateful for thinking to protect him and T, but it should never be my job.

“We’re your older brothers, Viv. You shouldn’t have to hide anything from us. ”

Alek’s words ring through my head as I pull up in Knight’s driveway. It was a huge relief to get the situation with our parents off my shoulders, but even after all that, my shoulders still feel heavy.

I can’t be a secret or keep secrets anymore. Not from the people I love, and I realize Knight is in that category now. I love him, and I’m his secret.

Knight races down the front steps, coming to hold me in his arms as he looks me over, barely giving me a chance to get out of my car.

“Vivian, what’s wrong?” he blurts the question, his eyes wildly roaming my face and body. I place my hand on his chest, trying to relax him a bit, when I know I’m about to drop a bombshell on him. His heart picks up pace underneath my palm.

Staring into stormy blue eyes, I whisper, “I love you.” I can feel Knight freeze.

I can see his panic overtake him, but I need to continue.

“I love you, and you aren’t required to say it back, but at least say we have a future together, Knight.

One where we aren’t a secret. One where I can love you proudly. ”

Knight looks like he’s in pain, eyebrows pinched together, and a long breath leaves his mouth, still open in shock. “I don’t know if I can be the one to provide that for you,” he murmurs, and I feel his hands begin to let go of my arms.

All I can do is nod and clear my throat of the urge to start crying. Sliding my hand down his chest, I take a step back toward the open door of my car. “If you can find a place for me in that grumpy heart.” I smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “You know where to find me.”

Knight stays in place, silent as I start my car and drive off. Unfortunately, when I decided to drive up here, this is exactly how I imagined our interaction going.

He’s a man of secrets and doubts, not quick to open up and let anyone in… and I fell for him. But despite what he just said, there’s a bright spark of hope that he will let me in.