Page 38

I spent the rest of the day in a fog of indecision, my mind a battlefield of conflicting emotions.

Every time I resolved to tell Anderic the truth, fear would grip my heart, paralyzing me.

The memory of my past life, of the horror and pain I’d endured, threatened to overwhelm me.

How could I possibly explain it all without sounding utterly mad?

As night fell, I tried to convince myself that it was too late, that I should just let Anderic go without burdening him with my impossible story. I crawled into bed, pulling the covers tight around me as if they could shield me from my own thoughts.

But sleep eluded me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Commander Maxwell’s cold, merciless face.

I heard the sickening sound of his sword piercing flesh and saw the light fade from Sebastian’s eyes.

The guilt and shame of my past mistakes warred with the terror of what might happen if I didn’t warn Anderic.

What if Commander Maxwell has been working with the enemy all along? What if he harms Anderic too?

No. That couldn’t be possible. By all accounts, Commander Maxwell was known to be fiercely loyal to the crown. Anderic was the Crown Prince of Aetheria, not a traitor from a fallen house like me. Even now he could suspect me and kill me easily, but not Anderic. Right?

But what if…

Commander Maxwell’s blade flashed, and Sebastian’s eyes went wide with shock. He looked down at the crimson stain spreading across his chest, then back up at me. His lips moved, forming my name, before he collapsed.

But this time Sebastian’s face changed into Anderic’s.

My gaze zeroed in on Anderic’s limp, lifeless body. His golden locks stained in red, his eyes wide open from shock or fear or both. Those lifeless eyes stared at me accusingly. You did this. You are a murderer. You deserve it.

No!

The thought sent ice through my veins. I sat bolt upright, my heart pounding. Anderic was walking into danger, and I was the only one who knew. Could I really let him go without warning him, just to protect myself from potential ridicule or disbelief? Or possible death by Maxwell?

Come on, Ilyana. In this life he doesn’t even know you. Stop being a coward.

I thought of Anderic’s golden curls, his dimpled smile, and the warmth in his eyes when he looked at me. The thought of losing him, of seeing that light extinguished like Sebastian’s had been, was unbearable.

With a shaky breath, I forced myself to confront my fear of Maxwell. Yes, he terrified me. The memory of his brutality still haunted my nightmares. But Anderic… Anderic was worth facing that fear. He was worth everything.

“Laurel!” I called, throwing off the covers and rushing to my wardrobe. “Laurel, wake up!”

My maid appeared, bleary-eyed and confused. “What’s wrong? Did anything happen?”

“I need to go to the city gate,” I said, pulling out my riding dress. “Now.”

Laurel’s eyes widened. “Now? But it’s the middle of the night! Why do you need to go? What would you even do there?”

I paused, realizing I hadn’t told Laurel about Anderic’s letter or his journey to the northern mines.

“Laurel, I forgot to mention. Prince Anderic is leaving for the northern lands tonight. I need to go with him.”

Laurel’s eyes widened in shock. “My lady, you can’t be serious! It’s dangerous, and… and you’ve never been there. I’ve heard only exiled criminals go there. It’ll be very dangerous there.”

Yes, I know. I was one of them. “Laurel, it’ll be fine. Remember I’ll be going with Prince Anderic, and he’ll have guards. No harm will come to me.”

“But my lady, it’s madness! They’ll be on horseback for sure. You’ll fall and break your neck before you reach the mines! You don’t even know how to ride!”

I winced, realizing the flaw in my plan. “I’ll take a carriage to the city gates. I’ll… I’ll figure out the rest from there. This is important.”

“My lady, please,” Laurel protested, wringing her hands. “Let me at least come with you—”

“No,” I cut her off, softening my tone at her hurt expression. “I need you here, Laurel. To take care of things. Please.”

She hesitated, then nodded reluctantly. “At least let me go with you to the city gates.”

I agreed, grateful for her loyalty even in the face of my apparent insanity.

The next hour passed in a blur of frantic activity. We hailed a carriage, and I spent the entire ride to the city gates fidgeting anxiously, praying we weren’t too late. As we approached, I saw two riders in the distance, their cloaks billowing in the night wind.

“Stop!” I cried, practically throwing myself out of the carriage before it had fully halted.

I ran towards the riders, my heart in my throat. “Anderic!” I called, my voice carrying on the night air. “Anderic, wait!”

The group of two slowed, and a familiar figure turned his horse around. Even in the darkness, I could make out Anderic’s golden curls, glinting in the moonlight.

“Lya?” he called, surprise evident in his voice. “What are you doing here? At this hour.”

I stumbled to a halt beside his horse, breathless and disheveled. Looking up at him, I realized I had no idea how to begin. How could I possibly explain everything?

But as our eyes met, I knew I had to try. For him. For us. For the future I desperately wanted to change.

“I’m coming with you.” The words tumbled out before I could second-guess myself.

Anderic’s eyebrows shot up. “I beg your pardon?”

“You said I know everything, remember?” I squared my shoulders, trying to look confident despite my racing heart. “Well, you were right. And that’s why I need to go with you.”

Anderic’s face darkened. “You’re an idiot, Lya. I asked you to give me information, not accompany me on a dangerous mission to the northern borders.”

“I know it’s dangerous—”

“No, you don’t.” His voice cut through the night air like steel. “That place isn’t just dangerous—it’s a wasteland crawling with exiled murderers and thieves. There’s no law, no order. Just desperation and the kind of hunger that makes people do unspeakable things. You think you’ll be safe there?”

A bitter laugh escaped me. “Believe me, I know better than anyone how dangerous it is.” The memory of starvation, humiliation, and death flashed behind my eyes. “But I’m still going. There are things I can show you in that place. Things I can’t just simply tell you.”

“Show me?” His incredulity would’ve been comical under different circumstances. “What could you possibly need to show me in a mining town filled with exiles and criminals?”

“Trust me,” I pleaded, hating the desperation in my voice. “If I could explain everything here and now, I would. But we don’t have time.”

Anderic opened his mouth to argue further, but Lennox, who had been silent until now, cleared his throat loudly.

“If you two are done with your lover’s spat,” he drawled, “we need to leave. Guard change happens in a few minutes, and I’d prefer not to attract the wrong kind of attention. We need to move. Now.”

I felt heat rush to my cheeks. “We’re not—”

“Fine,” Anderic sighed, rubbing his face with one gloved hand. His eyes, when they met mine again, held a mixture of resignation and something else I couldn’t quite name. “Since you’re so adamant, you’ll have to ride with me. We don’t have a spare horse.”

Before I could respond, he extended his hand. I hesitated for just a moment, then placed my palm in his. With a strength that surprised me, he grabbed my waist and lifted me onto his horse as if I weighed nothing at all.

“Oh!” I gasped, suddenly finding myself astride his mount.

“Scoot forward,” he instructed, his voice low and close to my ear.

I did as told, and then he swung up behind me in one fluid motion. Suddenly, I was enveloped in his warmth, his broad chest pressing against my back as his arms came around me to take the reins. My heart stuttered traitorously, and I found it difficult to breathe with our bodies so close.

“Hold onto the pommel,” he murmured, his breath stirring the hair near my temple.

I gripped the front of the saddle, acutely aware of how our thighs pressed together with each subtle movement of the horse. The night air seemed impossibly warm now.

“Ready?” Anderic’s voice was low in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. As we prepared to set off, I caught sight of Laurel standing by the carriage, worry etched on her face.

“I’ll be back, Laurel,” I called, trying to sound reassuring for Laurel’s sake. I really didn’t want her to worry. “Take care of things until I return.”

“Please be safe, my lady,” she replied, wringing her hands. “I’ll pray for your safe return.”

I nodded, touched by her loyalty. Then Anderic clicked his tongue, and the horse began to move.

“Ready?” he asked, his voice vibrating through my body.

“As I’ll ever be,” I replied, trying to ignore how perfectly I seemed to fit against him.

As we rode away, I felt a pang of guilt for leaving her behind. But I pushed it aside, focusing on the task ahead. I had to change the future, protect my family’s fate, and now, keep Anderic safe, no matter the cost.

The city gates loomed before us, tall and imposing in the moonlight. Two guards stood at attention, their armor glinting as they surveyed the empty road with bored expressions. My heart hammered against my ribs as we approached—then veered sharply left.

“What are you—” I started to whisper, but Anderic’s hand clamped over my mouth.

“Quiet,” he breathed against my ear, so close I could feel his lips brush my skin. “I’ll answer everything later.”

I nodded against his hand, and he slowly released me. We skirted the main road, guiding the horses through a narrow path that wound behind a cluster of abandoned storehouses. The shadows swallowed us whole as Anderic led us deeper into what appeared to be a long-forgotten section of the outer wall.