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Chapter

Twenty-Seven

B utterflies tickle my nose, making it twitch. The little pests need to leave me alone in this utterly peaceful and perfect state. I’m warm, a little achy in all the right places, and utterly relaxed. My stomach rumbles in disagreement. Okay. Food first, then I can return to this slice of Idylican.

“Daphne,” Gwyneth whispers. Her minty breath washes over my face. Is Gwyneth a butterfly? My eyes flutter open. Nope, she’s still my sister.

She lies next to me, but my Hart-shaped cuddle pillow is absent. I glance around, noting all the knights are gone. “Where is everyone?”

“Bathing and getting ready for whatever comes next. The foxes are adamant we are part of some prophecy.”

I groan and swipe my hands down my face. “I cannot be part of any more prophecies. There has to be a limit on how many things one is destined for.”

“I don’t think destiny works like that.”

“Destiny can bite my ass.”

She snorts. “I think you have enough ass biting happening without adding more into the mix.” There’s no judgement in her words.

“And what about you and Charming? Do I sense some floof action of your own? Do I need to remove his little charming?” I pause and tilt my head. “Is it little?”

My sister blushes. “No, I have not had any floof action, and nor will I anytime soon. I need to be sure his motivations are true, that he’s not just chasing me because I’m the one maiden that turned him down.”

“The man jumped down a rabbit hole for you. As much as I find him irritating, no magical floof will make a man do something so stupid unless he is truly into you.”

“Are you on his side now?”

I shake my head. “No, but I don’t want to stand in your way if he’s truly who you want.”

She sighs and kisses my forehead. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re okay with this. But for now, I need to keep focused on finding these Grimm brothers and extracting you from this fatal narrative.”

“Sisters before dicks?” I check.

She grins. “Always. Now it’s time to get up and out of this bed. The foxes found some more appropriate clothing.” She points to a pile on the end of my bed. “We’ve got a quest to fulfil and a thousand prophecies to dodge.”

She rolls off the bed and makes her escape down a dark corridor. I get dressed in the warm, woolen sky-blue dress and pull the wrap-around sweater over the top. There’s a pair of flat leather boots on the floor, which I slide onto my feet and lace up.

There—ready for battle once more.

My mouth waters as I follow the scent of something both sweet and savory. The all-in-one living space comes into view, jam-packed with foxes, knights, a prince, and now two maidens. A man with curled horns on his head sits beside the foxes at the table, laughing at something Malachi says.

Hart catches my eye and nods to the empty seat beside him. My heart races a little in memory of what we were doing earlier as I drop onto the chair and survey the various plates offering a variety of goodies.

“Daphne, meet Mr. Yak,” Malachi says.

I smile at the man with dark unruly hair, a matching beard, and a slight reddish glow to his skin. He offers me his hand, which I shake. “Pleased to make your acquaintance,” he greets.

Gwyneth glances at me like she’s waiting for me to react. But I see nothing out of the ordinary here, except for the fact he’s not wearing a shirt and he’s got horns. He must run hot. Maybe that’s why he has a little red glow going on?

“Are you hot?” The words tumble out of my mouth as always.

“Daphne,” Nash scolds with a frown.

“I don’t mean sexy. He’s just missing his shirt in a frozen forest.”

“You arrived in a ballgown,” Theo points out.

“I didn’t realize my destination, so that doesn’t count.”

“I hate it when her nonsense makes sense,” Hart grumbles as he slides a full plate containing a little of everything toward me.

I dig into the strawberry-topped stack of pancakes and groan in delight. “This is delicious,” I call out to Mrs. Fox, who is busy cooking up a storm in her kitchen. Sir Sweeps-A-Lot attempts to help her by sweeping away any stray bits of food and making her giggle.

“Mr. Yak here is going to help lead us through this land and into the next,” Theo informs me.

“That’s amazing,” I mumble between bites of food. Everything here is so freaking good. Will she send us off with supplies? I’m not even sad there’s no sausage.

“I’m trying to figure out why we should trust you,” Charming says.

We blink at him and Malachi leans over the table. “You are a stowaway on this crazy adventure, not a main character. You have exactly zero influence or power over what happens.”

Charming huffs and folds his arms, but he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

“However, he makes a good point,” I decide with a glance at Mr. Yak.

He jumps to his feet, and I gasp. Oh my Idols. “Why are you naked?” I screech.

“You owe me a gold coin,” Hart says to Theo.

“You are concerned about his state of undress more than his bottom half being a yak?” Malachi asks.

“The name gave it away. Also, we’ve battled aggressive giant flowers, dined with crazy rabbits, and played games with a tyrannical queen.

I am not surprised by half animal people, and if you are, then frankly, I am disappointed.

However,” I point at Mr. Yak’s sausage, just swinging around for everyone to see, “no one needs to see that.”

“Why is it growing?” Theo asks as he blinks at the elongating penis.

“Stop looking at it,” Mr. Yak snaps. “It responds to attention.”

“Dude, are you not in charge of your dick?” Malachi asks, incredulity threading his voice.

“Language,” Mrs. Fox shouts.

“Sorry, ma’am,” he responds.

My magical broom creeps closer. I point at him. “Don’t even think about it. Your incident with Percy is still embarrassing.”

Mr. Fox hands Mr. Yak a towel, who huffs as he folds it around his waist.

“When you’re quite done ogling my nether regions, I can lead you across the realm and to the portal that leads to where the brothers reside.”

“You’ve heard of them?” I ask. Because I’ve been starting to worry the All Knowing sent us on an unachievable mission.

“Of course. I’m invited to their quarterly shindig.”

“Their what?” I wonder. Shindig? Like the digging of one’s shins? These Grimm brothers are dark.

“Shindig. It’s like a party.”

Oh, that makes far more sense, even if it is an odd word for it.

“Like a ball?” Charming wonders.

“Not everything is about balls and feet,” I remind him.

“Feet?” Mr. Yak asks.

Nash slaps Charming’s back. “This guy searches for his one true love by accosting the feet of maidens throughout the land until the mysterious magical slipper he carries around with him fits the foot. Then he marries her.”

“You’re oversimplifying it,” Charming says.

“Don’t forget the part where the birds peck out the eyes of the chosen maiden’s sisters,” I grumble.

“And you mock my naked genitalia?” Mr. Yak grumbles.

“It was a shock. I apologize. If you want to let the meat swing free and proud, don’t let me stop you,” I say.

“I still don’t trust him,” Charming mutters.

Gwyneth links his arm. “Let’s gather our cloaks. It’s time to face the next part of our adventure.”

Hart stands and backs Mr. Yak into the wall, and the foxes stare at them in shock. “If you are lying to us or leading us into danger, I won’t hesitate to slice your weird shaped dick off.”

His dick is weird shaped? Why didn’t I notice that before? I tilt my head, trying to take another look now that he’s dropped the towel. Hart shifts, shielding him. No fair.

“I hate to break it to you, but you are in a realm under the Snow Queen’s rule. The very nature of this land is danger. I don’t need to lead you to it—it will find you.”

As if on cue, a loud drum beat thunders through the cottage. The windows rattle and Gwyneth and Charming rush back into the room, their arms full of fur cloaks.

“What is that?” Gwyneth whispers.

The pair of foxes stare at each other for a beat. “You need to leave now,” Mr. Fox declares. “If you stay here, she will find you.”

“This is why men should rule. Queens inspire terror,” Charming says.

We shrug on the cloaks before rushing through the thick falling snow into the forest and away from the ominous hoofbeats.

A feeling of doom washes over me. A wisp of a nightmare. A caress of fate. I clench my jaw and move faster. No. Destiny will not dictate my future.