Page 13 of Desire and Discipline

Joseph

Following his father into his study brought back all sorts of memories from Joseph’s childhood.

It was hardly the first time, and he still vaguely felt the little bit of apprehension that he had gotten himself into trouble.

Though he could not think of why… if his father was annoyed at the shouting, he would not have singled Joseph out.

He would have scolded Evie and Josie as well.

Yet Joseph could not shake the feeling he had done something wrong.

Moving around his desk, not using his cane at all, the Marquess leaned it against the heavy wood and sat down in his chair. Behind the closed door, he was moving much more easily than he did when he was walking through the house, confirming Joseph’s suspicions.

Taking the seat across from his father, Joseph did his best not to fidget.

He had sat in this chair many times, just like this, while his father explained the facts of life—and often the error of his ways—to him.

Of course, there had been plenty of other conversations had in these exact same seats, but those were the ones standing out in his memories right now.

Since he had no idea what his father wanted to talk to him about, he sat down and waited. His father also sat and leaned back in his chair, meeting Joseph’s gaze thoughtfully, though he did not speak.

The silence stretched.

Not squirming in his seat was becoming more difficult. He could not say why he felt like a naughty schoolboy at this moment, only that he did.

Finally, just when he was about to cave and ask what his father wanted, his father broke the silence.

“Priscilla was at the Society of Sin last night.” It was not a question, but Joseph nodded anyway. “And you and Lady Cross have parted ways.”

That was not a question either.

“How did you know?”

The look his father gave him was almost scornful.

It did not matter that he had handed over the reins of day-to-day business to Anthony and Evie, clearly he was still keeping his fingers in the spying game.

Joseph could still remember how lowering it was every time his father revealed that he knew what Joseph had been up to all through his school years and even after he went to Oxford.

His father always knew.

“I could not help but overhear what you were saying to Evie and Josie, which is why I wanted to talk to you.”

Joseph winced. His father could not help but overhear because they’d been shouting at each other.

“I am sorry you had to hear that.” Though he did not understand why he’d been called away while Evie and Josie remained apart.

Unless his father did not want to embarrass Joseph by giving him a dressing down in front of the ladies.

After all, one did not raise one’s voice at ladies, even if they were family and particularly vexing family at that.

His father waved the apology away.

“That is not what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to talk to you about yourself and Priscilla and your relationship.” His father leveled him a stern look, and the dread that had mostly dissipated over the past day slammed into his chest.

Here it was. The reckoning he’d been waiting for. The disgust, the disillusionment, the scorn, and judgment he’d known was coming.

The Marquess cleared his throat, his gaze skating away as he stared at a point over Joseph’s shoulder.

“I think it’s time I shared with you the truth of mine and your mother’s relationship.”

Wait, what?

Joseph blinked, sure that he had misheard.

The silence hung between them, his father still not meeting his eyes.

“What?” he finally asked, still not sure he’d heard his father correctly.

The Marquess cleared his throat again, his gaze dropping to his desk.

“My relationship with your mother. Our… marital relationship.”

Oh, bloody hell.

Joseph did not want to hear this.

“I do not need to hear about that,” he replied immediately, horrified.

“No, you do. I will not go into detail, but suffice to say, your relationship with Priscilla is… similar.” His father finally met his eyes as the words came out in a rush, his gaze holding Joseph’s and keeping him from clapping his hands over his ears the way he wanted to.

It took a long moment for his father’s words to penetrate his horror and make sense.

When they did, it rapidly reordered his entire worldview.

Was his father—his confident, self-assured, in-control, respected father—saying he had been like Joseph in the marriage bed? That he had submitted to Joseph’s mother?

That he had been punished by her?

“Similar to mine and Priscilla’s?” he repeated. Even saying the words aloud felt unbelievable.

His father nodded in confirmation.

“Your mother liked to take turns with who took the lead. Sometimes she did, sometimes I did, but I only did it for her. My own preference was to follow hers.”

It did not matter that his father was couching his confession in euphemism, Joseph knew exactly what he meant. Appreciated the weight of the revelation. Relief flooded through him.

Because if his father could have been in such a relationship and still be the man he was today, that meant Joseph…

“There is nothing wrong with not wanting to take the lead,” his father said gently.

“You and Evie were both right, and you were both wrong. She should not have interfered with your relationship, but you should not have chosen to put society’s expectations over your own relationship.

It put Evie in a very hard position, just as it did you. ”

A well of emotions pummeled at Joseph’s insides, making his eyes water, and he pressed his lips against the roiling relief, happiness, and apprehension. Because now he feared his father might disapprove of him for another reason entirely.

“I did not betray my marriage vows.” Not really. He might have toed the very line, but he had not gone over it.

“That is not my business. Even if you had, that is between you and Priscilla.” His father gave him a wry smile. “That is one of the ways in which you are right. What happens between you and your wife is none of our business… unless you make it ours.”

Joseph had a feeling his father would qualify meeting Lady Cross at an event hosted by one of Priscilla’s friends, where his cousin, brother, and friends were members, to be making it their business. Equally, shouting about it when he was standing partly in the hallway, so everyone could hear him.

At least he knew the servants of their household were discreet. His father knew the value of a good gossipy servant and also the value of keeping those within his own home very happy.

“The important thing is to know that your preferences for marital activities have nothing to do with what kind of man you are. They are not the measure of your worth. What matters is how you treat others, that you strive to make the world better, and help those in need.” His father raised his eyebrow.

That last line had been oft repeated throughout Joseph’s life.

Those were the tenants his father upheld.

He had certainly never said anything about being the dominant force in marital relations or anything like that.

And he was just like his father. If Joseph had guessed anything about his parents’ relationship, he would have assumed his father took the lead—that Elijah was the one following in his father’s footsteps. But no… Joseph was.

The revelation was both humbling and reassuring.

Priscilla

Coming home from Catherine’s house, Priscilla felt as though her head was overstuffed with new knowledge and ideas.

Things she wanted to do. All the advice Catherine had given her on navigating this new reality.

What she might expect as she and Joseph explored these new desires.

Things to try for both punishment and pleasure.

There were voices coming from the drawing room, which drew her in without thinking. Josie and Evie were clearly enjoying an afternoon together, with only each other for company. Priscilla’s lips quirked as she entered the room and saw them there.

Evie was sprawled out on the couch, shoes on the floor, feet on a cushion, her head propped up on one hand as she popped a biscuit into her mouth.

Going by the crumbs on the tea tray, there had been quite a few, though they were down to the last couple.

Across from her, Josie had also taken off her shoes and was curled up on the chair, feet tucked up beneath her, slumped against the back of the chair.

Both of them startled as she came through the door, then relaxed again, back into their positions. Priscilla could only shake her head. Though they were both adept at putting on the appearance of being proper ladies, it was certainly not their first instinct.

Which, after her conversation with Catherine, made her wonder what she might be like if she went by instinct rather than the manners that had been drilled into her.

But she was comfortable with those manners, and thinking of sitting as Evie or Josie currently were made her feel uncomfortable, so that was an answer on its own.

She did not have to change everything at once, and she was her own person. She might never be as relaxed as they were outside of company, and that was perfectly fine as well.

“Priscilla! There you are.” Evie sat up, her knees bending and making space on the couch, which she gestured to so Priscilla could sit. “We were wondering where you had got to.”

“I went to visit Lady Cross,” Priscilla replied as she sat down, spreading her skirts neatly about her so they wouldn’t wrinkle.

Both Evie and Josie’s skirts were already a lost cause, she noted with amusement.

They would not venture out of the house in their current attire, and the butler had already informed her that Lady Josie had decided she was not at-home to visitors, so it was doubtful they cared about the state of their skirts.

“You did?” Josie’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Why?”