Page 10

CHAPTER 9

CASSIAN

I t was too cold for Nova to be outside, let alone all the way out in West Welding Park. Still, I didn’t retract my statement from before, that I wanted her to be there.

The truth was that I needed her to be there. I needed to feel her strength and her affection for me through our bond. I needed to know that my brother and I weren’t completely alone at this moment.

A moment I should have been celebrating—our grandmother was dead.

This was what we’d been waiting for since we’d left. Nothing was ever that simple though, and Valerio’s message about our mom had me feeling both guilt and a heavy dose of uncharacteristic anxiety as we made our way toward the funeral.

The others had offered their support, but they understood this was something we needed to do on our own with Nova. So rather than come with us, they had stayed back at our house, preparing for the journey to come—both to the God realm and to Earth.

Not all of our stops would be as simple or easy as the Horde, a place where we had many friends and allies. In fact, I predicted our next stop would be the exact opposite of easy .

“It feels like it’s going to rain. Really hoping it’s not because of me,” Nova commented, looking up at the sky with a scowl.

Nova was cloaked in a dark coat and her hair was braided back, showcasing her beautiful features in the evening cloudy twilight. As I looked down on her, I noticed the tension she held in her frame, a response to how the two of us were feeling—essentially unavoidable with our bond. I still hated that we affected her negatively at all.

Before either of us could respond, she teased, “With that being said, I could make it rain, if that’s what you guys want—just in case you decide you want to provide one last ‘FU’ to this lady.”

Fox chuckled as I squeezed her hand in appreciation. I had no doubt she would throw a lightning bolt down on the casket if we asked her. Nova was just fucking perfect like that.

“Don’t want to give her any of your magic,” Fox said.

“She doesn’t deserve it,” I agreed and let out an exhale. “Thanks for coming with, baby girl. I know we probably aren’t the easiest to be around right now.” As it was, we had spent most of the walk trapped in our own thoughts.

“Of course,” she murmured. “I keep wanting to make stupid jokes to lighten up the mood, but I know I can’t, so if I seem super awkward that’s why. I’ve realized I’m not the best with death.”

Except when she was killing someone—then she was fantastic with death.

“I like your stupid jokes,” I assured her, kissing the top of her head.

“I wouldn’t mind hearing them either,” Fox agreed.

Nova huffed. “Well now I can’t think of any! The pressure is too much.”

I cracked a smile, feeling momentarily better until I saw the entrance to the park ahead. I wasn’t sure why they called it a park when it was actually a cemetery, but I was entirely unsurprised that they were burying her here. It wasn’t where our family’s plot was assigned—as far away from it as possible, come to think about it. Rather, this place existed for those who didn’t have a family plot to be buried in.

I loathed the idea of her being buried with the rest of our family, and clearly Valerio and our aunt were in agreement.

“Not many people here,” Nova said softly, my gaze shifting to where a small group was gathered. I could have gone through each person, dissecting if I recognized any of the faces, but instead my focus was on the casket suspended above a hole in the ground, the black wood glinting under the firelight that surrounded the gathering. There was a ceremonial officiant saying some words over the casket as the others listened, but my pathway took me toward the casket, not caring if I interrupted. When I came to a stop at the side of the casket, I felt memories of the past try to pull me under. The sky cracked above as rain began to fall onto the dark wood.

My eyes shut as the metal cross against my throat grew uncomfortably hot. Flashes of experiences, of pain, began to move across my visual space. My body responded in kind as my magic burned beneath the surface. The amplified magic nearly burst from under my skin, but I managed to restrain it while reliving each of the experiences I could remember—each moment of abuse I suffered under her hand.

Every unexpected hit.

Every forced religious practice.

Every cruel word.

All of them screamed in my head, loudly—so damn loud that my head spun.

The metal around my neck turned into an inferno, and I opened my eyes to see the casket beginning to sink into the ground, my vision blurring because of the rain. Or maybe because of tears. I wasn’t sure at this point.

Reaching up, I took off the cross that adorned my neck. One that reminded me day after day of what we had survived because of her. It was time to let it go. It was time to let that be buried with Dosia.

I dropped it on top of the casket as it sank to its resting place six feet below the ground. To anyone watching, it may have looked like a symbolic or emotional act of grieving, but it was anything but. It was a true goodbye, not for her sake, but for mine and my brother’s. Closure that was absolutely necessary for our future.

Fox stood next to me, staring down at the casket, disbelief and relief echoing equally between us. She was truly gone. Nova stepped between us, and when her hand slipped into mine, I felt something settle in me.

The agony we suffered would never be completely removed, but for once I felt an easy breath come to me, as if my body knew that we would never suffer under our grandmother again.

After a long moment of reflection, I turned to find Valerio and his mom standing beneath an umbrella, the first supporting the second. Aunt Caressa was far more frail than I remembered, but her eyes were filled with a warmth and light that I had never seen from my own mom.

Speaking of which…

“Mom.” My voice came out rough as I looked next to my aunt to find the woman in question.

This wasn’t the mother I remembered. The one who walked around our house looking half-dazed. The one who couldn’t even remember our names most days. The one who had all but handed us off to our grandmother, despite the abuse we suffered.

She looked as fragile as I remembered, sitting in a wheelchair with a hooded cloak tucked around her, but her eyes were sharp and focused on the two of us. There was life to those eyes that I had never seen before.

“Boys, it’s so good to see you,” she said, her voice filled with strength despite the obvious emotion present.

“It’s been a few years…you seem different,” Fox provided. Nova stood quietly, not saying anything yet, but I could feel her bristle defensively in our mother’s presence. She may have never raised a hand to us, but she’d also never stopped our grandmother.

“I am,” she said, her eyes moving past us to the grave. “If you’re able, I’d like to talk to both of you—well, all three of you—at Caressa’s house. I have things to discuss with the two of you, preferably privately.”

With a nod of understanding and agreement, I felt like I’d sealed some unspoken fate.

The mother we hadn’t seen in years seemed changed, and I had a premonition we were about to find out what had truly happened all those years under our grandmother’s roof.

* * *

“Y ou two bring some life back into this place,” my aunt said lovingly toward Nova and Maize, both of whom were helping prepare tea in the kitchen. My aunt’s place was small, consisting of two bedrooms and a living area, but it was quaint and had a roaring fire that pushed away the chill. It was clear that despite my aunt being in the medical wing of the hospital for a few years, Valerio had kept this place clean and maintained.

When our aunt had first gotten sick, I hadn’t fully understood what was going on, and Valerio hadn’t done a very good job of explaining, either. Over the years, though, I’d been able to gather that she suffered from an illness that was comparable to Earth realm’s lung cancer.

She seemed to be relieved to be home, which let me know that her condition was stable, if not improving. Even the healer, who stayed with her around the clock and had just gone out for dinner, seemed in a positive mood despite the new addition of my mother to her responsibilities.

My mom sat across from us with my aunt and Valerio paced behind them, making me feel a bit on edge. I could tell Fox felt similarly, but he was doing his damn best not to show it, instead relaxing back into the couch. The picture of indifference.

“I’ve been told that,” Nova teased. “Although you would think with death magic it would be the opposite.”

“And I’m poisonous,” Maize added, making my aunt laugh.

As the tea was placed on the table in front of us, I could almost imagine that this was a normal situation. That we were having a get-together, and our mom was meeting the woman we loved for the first time. Unfortunately, we were all aware it was anything but normal.

“What did you want to talk about?” Fox asked as Nova joined us on the couch, snuggled between us.

“Right.” My mom nodded, her frail fingers nervously playing with her hair. “I should explain from the start…”

Her hesitation had me sitting forward, watching as she gathered her thoughts. When she spoke, I was surprised by her words. “Your grandmother wasn’t always the way you remember.”

“It’s true,” our aunt said. “Until your mother and I left to make our own paths in the world, she was as normal as you could imagine. Pretty strict, but in keeping with the times of the Horde then.”

“So why did she change?” I asked, wondering for the millionth time what could have turned her into such a monster.

“We don’t know for sure, but we suspect that she fell under the influence of a minor cult that has since moved out of the Horde. But at the time, the influence of the group was very strong. They worshiped one of the minor gods from the God realm, although I can’t recount the name. Their deity’s influence latched onto her, and when the group moved on, she still kept with the practices day in and day out.”

“Which is why I could never come back to the house. We had one lunch and I realized there was no way I could live the way she expected, so I made my own way in the world,” my aunt provided, her expression filled with guilt over her admission.

“I wasn’t as smart.” My mom sighed. “In fact, her anger may have been in part because she couldn’t follow her little cult—all because of my situation , as she called it.”

Her situation . Our mother’s eyes were sad at the reference, and I couldn’t help but feel anger at our grandmother’s effect on her, even now. I’d always felt a bit messed up over how we’d come to be. I know our mom probably didn’t regret having Fox or me—although I wasn’t positive about that—but I knew why our grandmother had hated us.

“She was furious that I had ‘allowed’ myself to get pregnant, despite the violent circumstances.” My mom shook herself, seeming to try to clear her mind. “All because I wasn’t married. That was big in her cult.”

“I should’ve reached out and made sure you were okay,” my aunt said sadly.

“You were so young and busy with a new family.” My mom reached over to squeeze her hand. “Besides, I doubt she would have let you see me. The minute I had both of you”—her eyes went back to Fox before looking at me—“she began to talk about how I didn’t look well . She said it so often that I began to think she was right, and by the time you were a year, she had me taking so many different tinctures I couldn’t keep track of what they did.”

I fucking hated where this was going.

“Maybe it was a punishment for my ‘wrongdoings,’ or maybe it was because she truly thought I was sick, but the medicine she gave me acted as a sedative. I was barely conscious most days.” Her eyes welled with tears. “I don’t remember anything from your childhood. I don’t even remember the day you left.”

Fuck.

“I can never make up for what happened to you. I may not remember it all, but I could feel the heaviness in the house, and I can see on each of your faces that she hurt you badly.” Emotion clogged my throat as she continued, her voice pitching with her own grief. “I am so incredibly sorry. I hope, Fox and Cassian, that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me one day, but until then I will continue doing everything I can to right the wrongs that she and I incurred on our family.”

A heavy silence filled the room, and I absorbed it fully before speaking.

“I wish we had known. We wouldn’t have left you, or we would have at least come back?—”

“No.” She put up a hand to stop that train of thought. “This is not on you. You were mere children, and she did a very good job of creating a narrative about me. I found a few of her journals where she talked about how sick I was—almost as if she believed it herself—so I can only imagine what she said to the two of you. It was only after finding a few more of her journals where she talked about what she was giving me daily that I realized what she’d been doing.”

“Fucking bullshit,” Fox muttered.

“I never meant to cause guilt over this,” my mom expressed, looking suddenly panicked. “In fact, I don’t expect this to mend any anger you have toward me. Still, I wanted to offer my story so that today can bring closure to you in more than one way. And I understand if that includes me as well. If seeing me causes you stress or guilt, then I would rather you didn’t feel the pressure to visit me at all.”

“No.” Fox shook his head. “We aren’t going to remove you from our lives just because of her actions. I don’t know what we are going to do, but not that.”

I didn’t say anything, conflict growing heavy in my chest. I had a feeling that my brother would be far more willing to forgive my mother than I would be. We had closure over Dosia and understanding on how she treated our mother, but that didn’t excuse her actions. I wouldn’t trade the closure and peace I had over our grandmother’s death to be potentially hurt again.

My mom’s eyes welled with tears. “I can’t tell you how good it is to be around the two of you. I’d really like to get to know both of you as the amazing men you’ve grown into.” Her gaze darted to the woman between us and added, “You as well. You’re Nova, right?”

“Yes.” Nova offered. “And I can vouch for them being pretty awesome. I mean, they’re even helping with saving the world.”

My mom’s eyes widened as my aunt laughed and squeezed her hand. “Nothing to worry about, Imre. Valerio tells me they have it all sorted. Besides, our time for such adventures is over.”

“You promise to be careful? All three of you?” I could tell Nova was surprised she included her, but I nodded. I couldn’t completely promise we would be ‘careful,’ but I’d already made a pledge that we would survive, and that was close enough.

“Don’t worry about us too much,” Fox tried to joke. “We’ve become pretty unbreakable.”

“And after we go kick some ass in the God realm, it should be a straight shot to defeating the big bads,” Nova agreed. “In fact, maybe we should find the god that caused your grandmother to join the cult…can’t be that hard to track down.”

“The God realm?” my mom asked in alarm.

“Nova is a goddess,” I explained, not bothering with the ‘demi.’

My mom seemed surprised by the revelation, her words soft. “So much to learn in what feels like so little time…would you be willing to stay for dinner? Just for a few hours? I know that’s a lot to ask.”

I could feel my brother’s indecision and I didn’t want to mess up our timeline for leaving, but Nova’s expression was filled with understanding as she directed her thoughts toward me. “We’re on our own timeline, Cass. Whatever the two of you want.”

I looked back toward my mom and aunt. I almost felt like we were in some alternate dimension. I thought I would never see my mother again, at least not without my grandmother, and now we were considering staying for dinner to break bread.

“We can stay for dinner.”