Page 8 of Depths of Obsession (The Emerald Dagger Mafia #2)

CHAPTER 8

I wake up slowly, blinking at the unfamiliar dark gray walls that loom around me. For a disorienting moment, I don’t remember where I am. The slate-colored room and the heavy velvet drapes create an almost oppressive stillness. Then it hits me—yesterday. Fear and dread settle in my chest as their icy fingers clutch at my heart. The dead body and then failed sex with Luca. The realization of just how deeply horrible everything is makes my chest tighten. Anxiety crowds out humiliation and fright.

Be careful what you wish for … I always wanted Luca, but last night was yet another embarrassing encounter. He seemed to lose interest in having sex with me after I told him what happened. Damaged goods, I guess. I thought nothing could make me feel worse, but boy was I wrong. My cheeks burn with mortification. My life is shit.

I glance around. I am like a princess in a gilded cage. The bed I’m in is too big, the mattress softer than I’m used to, the sheets so silky that they feel foreign against my skin. Everything here whispers money. The heavy cream-colored drapes across the window, allowing only a thin strip of morning light to slip in, cutting across the black and silver rug that feels too soft beneath my bare feet when I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Everything seems perfect on the surface, but it’s all fucked up underneath.

I press my palms against my eyes, trying to block out the memory of Edoardo’s body, the rush of adrenaline and the sheer terror. I don’t want to think about it, but it’s impossible to escape, the edges of the memory always there, pressing in.

I let out a slow breath, my eyes catching the armchair by the window. Deep mahogany leather, creased just enough to suggest it’s been used—probably by Luca. He’d gotten a call and left after our aborted encounter. I’d heard him moving around after that, but he hadn’t come back in. Probably for the best. I’m not ready to face him yet. Luca’s presence is... overwhelming. One minute he’s my savior and the next he’s angry with me, putting me in my place. He’s flirting and then pushing me away. The way he’d held me and told me he would keep me safe and then threw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, like I’m just something he’s saddled with for the time being. I feel like I have whiplash. Everything with him is black and white but I am all shades of grey.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I breathe in and out, trying to steady myself. No damn good. I may never be steady again. My hands drop to my sides, but my fingers brush the velvet drapes. I grip the edge and part weighty fabric to look out at the city beyond. Milano. It has been home for months, but it doesn’t feel like it anymore. I’m done with this city. I need to escape. As safe as Luca makes me… made me feel, now I just feel embarrassed. I want this all to be over. I need to start somewhere new. A clean slate. I should gather my things and go.

Thinking back to Gazzago showing up at my place, the reality of the situation dawns on me. I can’t go back there again. Not without a ton of protection. Gazzago backed down once, but I know he won’t do it again. That means I need to make other arrangements. I only have clothing for a couple of days, and it’s a stark reminder of how unsettled my life has become. A chill runs through me, and I pull my arms tighter around myself.

I flash back to Luca standing up to Gazzago. My heart clenches at the thought. If anything had happened to him while he was protecting me, I wouldn’t forgive myself. It was one thing for some foot soldier who was paid well for his time, but Luca isn’t being paid. He’s looking after me because Mia asked and because Renzo told him to. There’s a warmth to that knowledge, but it’s tinged with guilt. He doesn’t owe me anything, yet he’s here, putting himself in danger for my sake.

Or he was. Now, God only knows what he thinks of me. Definitely time to go. I don’t want him to be saddled with me anymore.

My cell phone goes off, and I glance at the screen. It’s my mother. I want to continue to ignore her, but I know I’ll have to deal with her sometime. At least if I talk to her now, I’m alone. I don’t want to have this conversation in front of Luca.

“Mama,” I say as I answer the video call.

“Phillippa!” My mother always uses my full name when she’s annoyed at me. Her voice goes up several octaves as she yells at me in rapid-fire Italian. I only catch a fraction of what she’s saying, but it’s not hard to get the gist. Tension is obvious in her face; her lips pressed into a thin line, her eyes sharp with worry.

“Mama,” I finally cut in. “You don’t know the whole story. The fact that you just assume what you’ve been told is the truth without even bothering to check with me is hurtful and wrong. I did not have anything to do with Edoardo Gazzago’s death. Marcello, my boss, did that. He had a dispute with the man. I merely went to check for a pulse and slipped in his blood. That’s how I got it all over my clothes.”

“But Phillippa, your father, he said that you helped Marcello. That you knew all about some deal he had with Edoardo. That you had been doing all kinds of deals at the gallery.”

“No, Mama.” I shake my head. “Lies, all of it. I was just a bystander. Edoardo cheated Marcello and paid for it with his life. I had no involvement.”

My mother lets out a small sob, her face crumpling. “Then why is Gazzago demanding we let him marry you?”

“Because he was ripped off by Edoardo too, and he wants to save face. We don’t owe him anything, Mama. I will not marry him.”

“Your father says we do owe him. He will be a good match for you, cara . You don’t have many suitors since your father is no longer a capo. He says this will set you up for a good life.”

I choke back a sob, my throat tight with the effort. “I don’t want to be set up for a ‘good life.’ I want my own life. I will not marry Gazzago. We don’t owe him anything.”

“Your father says our family name is being dragged through the mud. You have to marry Gazzago.”

“Did Papa also tell you that Gazzago offered him a job as his capo? Did he mention that?”

My mother breathes out, her voice trembling. “ Dio mio . He didn’t mention that. Are you sure? Maybe you misunderstand.”

“I don’t misunderstand, Mama. Papa is selling me for a position with Gazzago.”

“No! Your father would never do that,” my mother protests, her eyes widening in shock.

“He’s in debt again, isn’t he?” I steel myself against the pain I know is coming, my heart pounding in anticipation.

“No,” my mother says, but I can tell she’s lying. Her voice always takes on a breathy quality when she lies. “Mama, tell the truth. How much is he in debt for?”

“ Cinque milioni ,” she says, her voice a mere whisper.

I can’t breathe. That amount of money is insane. My chest tightens, and I feel lightheaded. “How…? How could he be in debt that much?”

My mother’s eyes fill with tears, but she just gives a small shrug. “ Non so …”

“But don’t you have the money to pay that off? I know Papa made a lot of money through the years. He should be able to pay that off, no?”

“ Cara , it’s not so easy… now that your father isn’t working the same way. There’s no money coming in.”

“But surely he saved for retirement. He had to know that he couldn’t work forever.”

“It’s not so easy,” she says again, her shoulders slumping.

My stomach plummets to my knees, a hollow ache spreading through me. “He’s gambled it all away, hasn’t he? There’s nothing left is there?” I know it in my bones. My father has bankrupted us.

Tears fall down my mother’s face as she nods her head. “ Non è rimasto niente. Niente . Nothing. He sold the summer house. Said we don’t need it anymore.”

“Oh, Mama, that was your favorite place,” I say, my voice breaking as tears start to fall down my cheeks as well. I have so many fond memories of the summer house on Lake Lugano. It was also my favorite place. We went every summer, and I learned to swim there. Mia, Luna, and I came back to spend the whole summer in Lugano every year. It was full of boat rides and barbecues. The most fun, carefree place on earth for me. It was the only place my father didn’t abuse my mother and me. He had been happy there as well. And now it’s gone.

My mother frowns at me. “Where are you? Why do you look so brutta ?”

And just like that, a lot of my empathy for my mother dries up. Nothing like being called ugly by a parent. “I’m safe, Mama. I just woke up and haven’t had time to get in the shower yet.”

“Just woke up? It’s the middle of the afternoon.” She shakes her head as if I’ve been out partying all night. “You need to be careful, angioletta . Don’t do anything that will damage your reputation. Even if we can stop this marriage you still have to find someone. Men won’t like it if you have a reputation.”

“Oh, my God. What is this? Nineteen fifty? No one cares, Mama.”

“Yes, they do. If Aldo had just given us a bit of notice, we could have had you married off first, before Mia. Then you would have had a better choice. Luna, too. But he made the deal with Valdici without telling your father, and then it was too late. You don’t have the pedigree you did.”

“Just stop talking. You are making this worse. I’m not a prize horse up for auction. I’m not marrying Gazzago or anyone else. Just…no.” I can’t believe I have to have this conversation with my mother again and again. It’s like she’s stuck back in time.

She looks over her shoulder and then back at me, her eyes weary. “ Qualcuno viene alla porta . I will do what I can. Gazzago is a beast, but,” she gives a small shrug, “it’s out of my hands. Ti amo, angioletta ,” she says and then blows a kiss before she kills the call.

I stare at the blank screen. My mother has been keeping secrets from me. I want to be angry, but honestly, I don’t blame her. If she told me, I would yell at my father. Last time I yelled at him about his gambling, he hit me. Then he hit her for telling me. And not just once. He beat her. That was the end of me caring about my father. The anger I feel now is cold, settled deep in my bones, an ache that I don’t think will ever go away.

I slowly pull on a pair of jeans and a lightweight black sweater. I pull my hair into a messy bun and stare at myself in the mirror. My mom is right. I look like hell. Too fucking bad. I just don’t have the energy to bother making myself look better.

“Pippa, are you alright?”

“Luna?” I say as I walk over and open the door. Luna is standing there with a mug of coffee in one hand and a pastry in the other. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tightly, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

“Easy. I don’t want to spill the coffee.”

“How did you get here?” I demand, pulling back, my voice shaky.

“Mia said you might need some cheering up.” She offers me the coffee. “From your favorite cafe. They don’t love doing the to-go thing, but I convinced them it was an emergency. And here… Breakfast.”

I take the pastry and the coffee and follow Luna out to the living area. I take my first sip of coffee, and I swear I can hear angels singing. It’s rich, warm, and the bitterness grounds me, giving me a moment of peace amidst the shitshow my life has become.

“This is some place,” Luna says, her eyes wide as she looks around before parking her butt on a stool at the breakfast bar.

“Yeah. Gorgeous,” I say, glancing around. The sun is streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the view of Milano is amazing. For a moment, I allow myself to appreciate the beauty of the city, the warmth of the sun on my skin. It’s fleeting, but it’s something.

“So, what’s going on? Mia said you were upset. She said you were in trouble.” Luna’s brow wrinkles, her voice full of concern. “Is there anything I can do?”

Tears fill my eyes again, but I blink them back, drinking the hot coffee to hopefully melt the lump in my throat. “Get comfortable,” I tell Luna, who is drinking her own coffee. And then I fill her in on everything, only leaving out what happened with Luca. I’m not ready to talk about that. I may never be.

“Jesus. Well, that explains you being upset. I’d be upset too. Hell, I’d be on the floor curled up in the fetal position. I’m so sorry, Pippa. What the hell are you going to do?”

“That’s a good question. I have no idea.” Just telling Luna everything solidifies how incredibly screwed I really am. It’s hard to breathe, as though I’m sandwiched between a rock and a hard place. My new reality feels like a suffocating weight pressing down on me.

I frown. “How did you get here? Did you drive?” An idea suddenly occurs to me, a spark of hope amidst the darkness.

“No. Mia had Nico drive me over. I offered to drive, but she said something about security. Apparently, they don’t want anyone coming here uninvited.”

“It’s not about being uninvited,” Luca says as he enters the room. “It’s about making sure Gazzago doesn’t just decide that grabbing you would help his position. We’re going to keep an eye on all of you.”

I stare at Luca as heat fills my cheeks. He’s wearing jeans and nothing else. His chest is a chiseled masterpiece, and I find my jaw hanging open. The sight of him is both a comfort and a reminder of everything that’s wrong. He offers Luna a smile, and she waves back at him, her mouth agape too. Jealousy rears its ugly head, and I want to tell Luna to stop staring.

Instead, I force my voice out. “What’s going on?”

Luca is standing in front of his screens. “Nothing, just checking something.” His hair is tousled from sleep, his eyes half-lidded with exhaustion. He stretches as he waits for the screens to boot up, his muscles rippling beneath his taut skin. A minute later, he’s leaning over, studying something. Surreptitiously, I admire his ass. He looks amazing, and the heat pools between my legs as I imagine what he would be like in bed if we’d finished what we started, his hands on my skin, his lips on mine.

Luna smacks my arm, and I turn to look at her. She shakes her head. “Close your mouth and wipe the drool,” she whispers.

I grin and then fight to keep the heat out of my cheeks. Hopefully, he didn’t hear any of that. I’m already mortified to have to be here with him.

“So back to the question of what you are going to do?” Luna asks me again, her eyes softening with concern.

“I have no idea,” I admit, the hopelessness creeping back in.

Luna nods, her expression serious. “Your mom is freaking out. She called my mom, and the two of them were on the phone for hours. My mother then got off and told me I wasn’t to leave the house. I nodded and then walked out the door. Seriously, those two need to come into the twenty-first century.”

“Yeah. I spoke to Mama just before you arrived. She’s upset. My father… well, he’s at it again.”

Luna leans over and squeezes my arm, her eyes filled with empathy. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s bad this time, Luna. Really bad. He’s five million in debt.” I can barely get the words out; it’s so incredible to me. The number feels insurmountable, like a boulder crushing me.

“Oh, honey,” Luna says and squeezes my arm again, her eyes misting with tears.

“He sold the summer house,” I whisper. “It just breaks my heart. I loved our place on Lake Lugano. He just sold it without telling me or my mom. Told her that they didn’t need it anymore.”

I break a bite off the pastry, but it sits in my mouth like dust, the flavorless crumbs choking me as I try to swallow. “He’s such a bastard. The only reason he’s letting Gazzago get away with this is because Gazzago has promised him a capo position. It’s just insane.”

“Does Mia know your dad sold the summer house?”

I shrug, my shoulders feeling heavy. “I have no idea. What does it matter now? It’s gone. He sold the best part of my childhood.”

Luna nods, her eyes filled with sympathy. “I had no idea it was this bad. Why didn’t your mother tell you all this before?”

Guilt washes over me, a sickening twist in my stomach. “That was my fault. Last time she told me he was in debt because of his gambling, I yelled at him, and he hit me. But then he hit her for telling me.”

“Oh my God. Was that how you got the black eye?” Luna’s voice is full of shock, her eyes wide with horror.

I nod. I hadn’t told Luna and Mia about the abuse because it had happened infrequently when I was a child. I was with them at boarding school, so I had been safe. Once I was here and he hit me I was so embarrassed that I kept silent. That’s what my mother wanted. Now I’m beyond that kind of embarrassment. I have too many other things to worry about, and the shame has been replaced by a deep, simmering anger.

“Your father hit you?” Luca is suddenly standing next to me, his presence towering over us.

I glance up, startled. “Um… it… well… yeah, but the last time was a while ago. It’s a long story,” I finish lamely, my voice barely a whisper.

“Your father gambles, and when you confronted him about it, he beats you and then your mother?” Luca’s voice is cold, his jaw clenched, his eyes darkening with anger.

I blink. So maybe it’s not a long story. I swallow hard, my heart pounding in my chest.

“Did I get that correct?” Luca asks, his deep green eyes pinning me to the chair, his gaze unwavering.

“Um… y-yes. That’s what happened that time, but?—”

“That time. He hit you before?” Luca’s voice had gone so low it sends shivers across my skin.

I bit my lip. “Yes but?—'

Fury snaps in his eyes. “There’s no buts. No man should ever hit a woman in anger. Period.”

His anger washes over me in waves, raw and powerful. I’m speechless. No one but Mia and Luna have ever been mad at my father on my behalf. The fact that Luca is so upset touches me in a way I didn’t expect, a warmth spreading through my chest. It’s both comforting and terrifying.

“I agree, but there’s a lot going on and?—”

“Your father is a gambling addict, and he is bringing down your entire family. That’s what’s going on. You and your mother need to stay away from him.”

“That’s easy for you to say. It’s not your family,” I argue back, my voice rising. I don’t know why I’m defending either one of my parents, but Luca’s tone and attitude has me on the defensive.

He stares at me, his expression hardening, and then cocks his head as if he’s listening to something. “I have to go get dressed.” He disappears down the hallway without another word, leaving me feeling unsettled.

I look at Luna, and she seems as shocked as I am. “Okay, that was weird.” I sigh. Can my life get any more fucked up? “My life has turned to merda overnight.”

Luna offers me a tight smile, her eyes filled with understanding. “He’s right, you know. There’s no excuse for your father’s behavior, and if we’re being honest, your life turned to shit a while ago. This is just the lowest point.” I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off. “I’m not criticizing. Mine is shit as well. It’s like once we hit our mid-twenties, life decided to throw us a curve ball…or five. Seriously, you and I and Mia have always wanted out. Mia is happily married now, so she wants to stay. I admit, I did not see that coming.” She shakes her head and then drops her voice. “But you and I, we still want out. I think we should go. Take the leap and make a run for it.”

I stare at her, my heart pounding. I’ve been thinking along that same line, but hearing her say it out loud makes it real. “You’re right. I’ve been thinking the same thing. It is time to go.”

Luna grins, her eyes lighting up with excitement. “Thelma and Louise.”

“Yeah, they died, so no. I want to live. But yeah. Let’s get working on a plan.” My mind starts to race, the adrenaline kicking in. “I have?—”

The sound of voices and the freight elevator rumbling startles me. We both turn to see who is in the elevator as it rises, but I hear a voice say, “I have a right to know,” and I know instantly who is coming.

My heart drops, and I look at Luna, and she’s gone pale as well. My father is not a man you want to face when he’s angry, and right now, he’s pissed as hell. “How the hell did he find me?”

“I have no idea,” Luna says, her voice shaky, as the freight elevator comes into view. My father’s face is twisted with rage and he practically vibrates where he stands next to Nico.

“Oh shit,” I say, my voice barely a whisper, as Luna squeezes my hand. My heart pounds in my chest, fear clawing at me, as I brace myself for whatever is coming.