Page 15 of Depths of Obsession (The Emerald Dagger Mafia #2)

CHAPTER 15

I let the water hit me, so hot it almost burns my skin. I want it as scalding as I can stand, maybe even hotter. I can't bring myself to look in the mirror. I keep thinking that at any moment, someone will jump out and tell me it was all a joke, or I'll wake up and find out it was just a nightmare. The heat sears my skin, but it grounds me, reminding me that this is real. All of it.

I scrub with the soap, my hands moving frantically, hoping to wipe away any trace of last night—every lingering touch, every horrifying memory. I shouldn’t have slept with Luca. Shouldn’t have let him touch me no matter how much I wanted it. And, God, I wanted it. Loved what he did to me at the same time I hated myself for letting him. I swallow hard, fighting to keep the lump in my throat from becoming tears on my cheeks. I should be with my mother. She needs me. I need to get to Switzerland and make sure she's okay. Then I need to rebuild my life—our lives.

My father is dead. The thought hits me like a rogue wave, and I sway in the spray, my knees nearly buckling. The image of him standing over me, hitting me, is ingrained in my memory. Every time I close my eyes, I see it—his fury, the anger in his eyes, the pain that followed. Everyone talks about trauma, but I suspect most of them don’t realize what real trauma is.

The sting of his hand, his rage, that was my reality. Worse still, him beating Mama when I wasn't around, when I was safe far, far away. That was my reality. And God help me, I was happy about it. Happy I was nowhere near him. I made sure I stayed as far away as possible when I was home, and once I moved back, I left for Milano as soon as I could.

I rub my face with both hands, trying to scrub away the guilt. I left my mother at his mercy so I could escape and not have to deal with it. I lean against the shower wall, my palms pressed flat against the cool tiles. I knew Marcello was shifty. I knew he hired me not because of my skills but because of who I am. I fucking knew it, but I lied to myself. Lied, because if I admitted the truth, then I would have to say no, and I wanted to be out of that house more than anything.

A sob escapes my throat, the sound echoing off the walls. It’s my fault my mother was hurt so badly. Mine. I should have been there with her. I should have protected her. Instead, I ran. And now she’s seriously injured, and I’m here—having sex with the man—the vampire—who killed my father. How fucking messed up is that?

I straighten, forcing myself to breathe, to focus on things that are normal to help steady me. I start to wash my hair. The only thing I can do now is leave. Go. I know Mia will take care of my mother. I know it even if she believes all this vampire shit. She won't let my mother down—not like I did. I can send for my mom once I'm established somewhere else. Once I have a job and a place, I can bring Mama to me.

I’ll have to keep it low-key, though. Gazzago is still lurking, and he says my family still owes him. Now it’s a matter of pride and reputation. I know my father agreed to the marriage not because he believed we owed Gazzago but because he wanted the job that came with it. He also told the world about it. He had to prove that Danillo Dominici always pays his debts, mostly because there was no way in hell he’d ever be able to pay off the five million he owes.

Ohmygod, who does he owe the money to? Shit. Fuck. Damn. I have to find out. That person will come knocking once word of my father’s death is out there. Debt like that doesn’t die with the person. It just transfers. Someone has to pay. I think I’m going to be sick.

The door opens behind me, and I whirl, shrinking back against the cold tile, my heart leaping into my throat.

“Little one, did I frighten you?” Luca asks, his voice deep, almost gentle. He steps into the shower, and I feel his presence like a shadow engulfing me. “Sorry.” He puts his hands on my waist, his touch warm and possessive. “The water is too hot. What are you doing? Your skin is bright red. You’re burning yourself.” He adjusts the handle, and the water cools, steam dissipating in the air.

“No, I like it hot. I need it hot,” I say, reaching for the handle again, desperation tightening my chest.

He grabs my hand, his grip firm, and stares at me, his gorgeous emerald eyes narrowing. “What is going on, Pippa? Why are you trying to scald yourself?”

“I… I just… I need to be clean. I… I should be with my mother… I should… I need…” My voice cracks, and the words stick in my throat, refusing to come out right. My knees turn to jelly.

I’d have sagged to the floor, but for Luca catching me under my arms.

His body pressed to mine, he holds me up. Luca lifts my chin so I have to meet his gaze. His eyes search mine, and I see something there—concern, maybe even pain. “What’s wrong?”

“I left my mother alone, and my father hurt her. It’s all my fault.” The words tumble out, raw and broken. “And then I’m here having sex with the… mo… man who killed him. It’s all… so…” Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

Luca’s expression hardens, his hands dropping away from me, and he steps back and folds his arms across his chest. “You think all of this is your fault? Your father beating your mother, and that sleeping with me is somehow a betrayal of your family? Or is it that I’m a monster, and you’re disgusted that you slept with me?”

I try to form a lie, try to deny it, but I can’t get it out in time. He reads the truth on my face, and something darkens in his eyes.

“So, that’s it,” he says, his voice low, almost a growl. “I disgust you. You’re in here trying to burn away my touch.” He moves closer, his body pressing against mine, the icy shower wall at my back. “I told you there were consequences if you wanted to sleep with me. I warned you. You didn’t care. Now you’re mine. There’s no going back, so you better get used to liking my touch, little one, because there’s no escaping it.” With that, he turns and leaves the shower. He pauses long enough to grab a towel, and then exits the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

I sag against the wall, my chest heaving, tears finally spilling down my cheeks. The cold tiles bite into my back, grounding me, reminding me of how trapped I am—trapped in this life, in these emotions. I thought I could control everything, thought I could protect myself, but I was wrong.

So wrong.

I slide down the wall, the water still running, cooling now, almost cold. I wrap my arms around myself, the tears coming harder, sobs wracking my body. Everything is too much. I don’t know how to fix any of it, don’t know if I even can. But for now, all I can do is let the water wash over me, wash away my tears, my fears, and maybe—just maybe—a little bit of my guilt.

Luca is sitting at the monitors as I enter the living space. He’s wearing a black shirt and dress pants. His hair is damp, but I can tell he finished showering in the other bathroom because I can smell the shampoo. He smells like citrus. I suddenly long to go over and bury myself in his arms. Stupid. It’s just the shock of everything I try to tell myself, but I know that’s not true. Luca makes me feel safe and I crave the security he represents. Only now I’m so fucked. I’ve burned that bridge as well.

He seems to be watching the screens as they are shifting in front of him but his back is to me, so I can’t be sure.

I clear my throat trying to build up the courage to speak to him. “Luca,” I say, “I need to find out who my father owed money to. My mother said he was five million in debt. I have to find out the details. I don’t want anyone coming to my mother about the money.”

He turns slowly in his chair and looks at me with a gaze so cold I shiver. “I will look into it.” That’s all he says and then he turns back to the screens.

“I would like to go home to my apartment,” I say. “I asked Mia and she says Renzo put Gazzago off about the wedding so I should be okay.”

Luca swivels his chair once more. “No,” he says simply and then again turns back around.

I stare at him. “What do you mean, no? Did you hear me? Mia and Renzo think it should be safe. I just need some…space,” I finish lamely. I don’t add, distance from you which is the reality of it. Being around Luca just twists me in knots. I just need to be alone to figure this all out.

Luca’s cell rings. He picks it up and launches into rapid fire Italian, but not any Italian I know. I can’t make out more than the odd word and they don’t make any sense. I wait as he continues speaking. Then he stops, says, “ Si ,” and hangs up.

“Luca?” I say, waiting for an answer to my request.

He spins around and rises off his chair. “Pippa, you cannot go home. Gazzago is still a threat, but as you just pointed out, we don’t know who your father owed money to and word of his death has gone out. I have guards posted by your mother in Switzerland. You will have to stay here for the time being. I promised Renzo I would keep you safe. I will keep that promise even if you don’t like it. I’m going to work.”

“But I don’t want to stay here,” I all but whine.

“Fine,” Luca says then looks down at what I have on. A pair of sweatpants and an oversize shirt. Very American looking. “Then change and you can come to the club with me. Or you can stay here. I have several men stationed downstairs to make sure you will be safe. Entirely up to you which option you pick, but to be clear… Those are your only two options, Pippa. You choose.”

I grind my teeth. I want to argue with him. I want to tell him to fuck right off but I know he won’t care. “I’ll stay,” I snarl. Then I turn on my heel and go back to the spare room. I’m sure as hell not going to share his bed again. I need my own space.

The freight elevator door clangs loudly as he leaves. Only then do I venture out to the main living space. I flop down on the sofa but realize I’m hungry. I go over and open the fridge door thinking I can rummage something up but the only thing in there is several bags of blood. I slam the door and swallow hard. As if I needed a reminder that Luca’s a vampire.

I scroll through my phone and decide to order Thai. As I wait for my food I start to wonder about escape. I know if I can get out of here, I can get out of Milano. Out of Italy. But how do I get out of here? I reach for my phone.

“Luna?” I say when my best friend answers.

“Oh my God, Pippa! I’ve been so worried about you. Mia said you were recovering and needed some space, but I’ve been so concerned. How are you?”

I blink back tears. My friend’s voice brings up all the feelings I’m trying to keep tamped down. “I’m okay,” I say but my voice cracks.

“Oh, honey. I am so sorry about your mama and your father and all of it. I just wish you’d said something sooner. But I totally understand why you didn’t. Being part of this world, it fucks you up in ways you don’t even realize. The truly bizarre becomes the norm and we don’t even realize it.”

“You can say that again,” I comment, but I immediately feel better. I suddenly realize Mia is more like them now but Luna is like me. Thank God. “Look, what we talked about? I want to do it.”

“Are you sure? I mean your mother might need you.”

“I’m sure she will but if we don’t do it now, we may never find a way out. My father owed a lot of money, and you know how that goes. If I can get out, I can bring my mother. She’s going to be recovering in Switzerland for a while. That buys me a bit of time.”

“Thank God you still want to go,” Luna says, relief flooding her voice. “My parents are killing me— I am so sorry. That was a thoughtless thing to say.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know what you mean. Are they on you about marriage?”

“Marriage, children, keeping the family name going, honestly there’s no break. They’re keeping something from me, Pippa, I can tell, and it worries me.”

“Something like what?” I ask.

“I don’t know but I see guilty looks flash between them and they’re increasing the pressure. Something is up and I need to get the hell out of here before it explodes.”

“Okay, so we’re going. I’m stuck at Luca’s. He has guards here apparently. I haven’t looked but I don’t doubt it. He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.” My phone beeped. I glance at the screen. Luca. Shit. Does he have the place bugged? Does he know what we’re talking about? My heart hammers in my ears. “Hold on a sec,” I say and then take a deep breath while I switch the call to Luca.

“Did you order Thai food?”

“Er…yes.” Is that all he wants?

“Warn me next time.” Then he hung up.

I blow out a breath of relief and then go back to Luna. “Sorry about that.” The freight elevator starts to move. “Tell me about your new job,” I say in a chatty voice.

“Shit! Is someone there?”

“Uh-huh.” The elevator comes into view and this mountain of a man is standing there holding my bag of Thai food. He lifts the gate, hands me the bag and then pulls the gate down and hits the button for the elevator again. He slowly disappears from sight as I stand rooted to the spot.

I finally go over to the breakfast bar and sit down. “That was surreal.”

“What?” Luna asks.

“The guy Luca has watching me is massive. I’m not even sure he’s human.” The words slip out of my mouth, and I freeze.

But Luna laughs. She thinks I’m making a joke. I can’t tell her I wasn’t, that I am literally not sure he was a human.

“Anyway,” I say, “any ideas of where we can go and how we can get there?”

“Yes,” Luna says, a note of triumph in her voice. “Royce Dunbar is in Europe.”

“Royce from school?”

“Uh-huh. His jet is here. I know he will give us a lift anywhere we want to go, and he’ll keep it off the books if I ask him.”

“He always had a thing for you.”

Luna makes a dismissive noise. “I figure we get him to drop us somewhere and then we take a flight using our new IDs from there to wherever we want to go. Thank God you had those made. Two new passports each. Fucking A. I’m so glad you were thinking ahead.”

“Yeah, well…I thought Mia was going to use hers but that didn’t work out. You have the locker key?”

“Yup.”

I think about everything for a minute. “I like your Royce idea. Any ideas where we can go?”

“I was thinking the States, but it might be too obvious. What about Canada?”

“Ooh, I like that. Toronto? It’s a big enough city that we can get lost in it.” I think about it some more. “Yeah, I think that will work. Or we could do Vancouver.”

“We can choose once we get Royce to drop us somewhere,” Luna offers. “When do you want to do this?”

“As soon as possible.” I can’t stay here. Can’t stay with Luca. I need distance so I can feel normal again.

“Okay, I’ll reach out to Royce. He’s here in Milano for a few days but he’ll be in Europe for a while.”

“What about tonight?” I am making a break for it. I just don’t have it in me to stay.

“Wow, okay. Do you need me to pick up the paperwork?”

“Yes. Go to the locker and get our IDs. And I’m going to need you to bring a me a dress.”

“A dress?” Luna asks. “What kind of a dress?”

“One that will make me fit in in Luca’s club. He’s there and I know he will let me come. I can make my escape from there.”

“Sounds good to me.” She pauses. “Are you sure about this?” she asks.

“I’m sure,” I say with far more confidence than I feel.

“Okay. I’ll bring you an outfit and then wait for your call. I’ll make sure Royce is on stand by.”

Sweat breaks out between my breasts as I try and get my brain around what I just agreed to. “Can you pack some clothes for me?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks for everything, Luna,” I say, and I mean it.

“Ride or die, girl. Ride or die.” Luna clicks off the call.

I put my phone down and stare at the Thai food bag. My stomach is doing flip flops. I know if I go, there’s no coming back. Luca will be beyond pissed but more than that, so will Mia. I’m breaking away from la famiglia which has been my family since before my birth. This is a whole new world and it’s not going to be easy. La famiglia will not forgive or forget. When I go, there’s no coming back. Not ever. Not if I want to live.