Page 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

I t’s early when I wake up and shuffle down the stairs. I still sniff the air as I get closer to the kitchen, hoping for breakfast to be ready, but there’s a weird smell instead of the usual good one. It’s all musty, like dirt and mouldy leaves.

My nose scrunches up as I creep into the huge kitchen, where it's strong enough to taste at the back of my throat. It didn’t smell like this yesterday. I look around for answers, but all of the counters are so tall, it’s hard to see anything. I can’t see my nanay, either, but I can hear weird noises, so she has to be here somewhere. I stare at the big table thing…I think she called it an island. There wasn’t one in the last place we stayed, but it wouldn’t have fit in that house anyway, or the one before.

Is she hiding around the other side of it?

There are more noises, and I realise it sounds like she’s crying. Why is she crying again? I know she does it lots when she thinks I can’t hear her, but she always tries to pretend that she wasn’t when I ask later. Chewing on the inside of my cheek while I think, I decide to help make her feel better. She always says it’s good to make people feel happy if we can.

I dart around the island towards the sound so I can give her a hug. Nanay always loves my hugs because I give the best ones, she said so. That will help. I ? —

There’s a loud crash like something’s broken, and I stumble, only just catching myself before I fall over.

“Punyeta!” Nanay shouts.

I freeze at the bad word. Is she angry and not actually upset? There are more quiet sobs again after. It doesn’t help the confusion.

“Three more dead. Why do I bother?” she whispers, and it’s really sad this time, so she can’t be angry.

I start moving again, and as I step around the other side of the island, I see her on her knees by the window. She’s moved two of her favourite plants onto the floor, but they look wrong. Their leaves have turned weird—all dark, wrinkly, and curled in. There isn’t any green on them anymore. Another plant pot is broken. Dirt and pieces of it are all over the floor around her.

This one looks wrong too, in the same way the others do.

They’re…dead. That’s what she said, wasn’t it? Is she sad because of the plants being dead? I hope it’s only that. I really don’t want to have to move again already. This place is nice.

“Are you okay, Nanay?” I ask, already reaching out my arms in her direction to hug her.

“Daion!” She whips her head around, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her eyes as big as they go when she spots me. She quickly stands, brushing dirt off her hands. “Get out of here. Now!”

She’s angry.

Why is she angry now—wasn’t she sad? What did I do?

“But…but I just wanted to give you a hug,” I say quietly, staring up and hoping she’ll change her mind.

“No hugs! Go to your room. Now! Don’t make me tell you again.” She glares back at me sternly for a few seconds until I take a step back. Her hands reach up to rub at her cheeks as she turns away again, breathing strangely.

I try my hardest not to, not wanting to act like a baby, but I start crying while running away from her. I go back up to my room like she told me to, jumping onto the bed and slipping under the covers to hide. Why is she so mad at me? Was it because I got up too early or because I tried to give her a hug?

It doesn’t make sense. Those things don’t make her mad.

I cry until the tears are all gone, until I’m tired again. I wonder if it’s the right time to get up now, but I keep lying there, pulling my pillow into my arms to cuddle close and bury my face in. I’m not sure how long I’m in my bed, hiding from my nanay’s anger, when there's a knock on the door.

Nervously peeking out from under the covers, I see Nanay standing in the light of the doorway. I don’t understand the way she’s looking at me. She looks so scared, but she was the one being scary, wasn’t she? Grown-ups aren’t supposed to be scared, but she is. She’s also really, really sad. Her eyes are all puffy and wet, like she’s been crying this whole time too. There’s an uncomfy pinching in my chest at seeing her this way, and I bite down on my lip so it doesn’t wobble.

All I want to do is get up and hug her to make it better, but this time I don’t try. I don’t want her to shout at me again.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, Iho,” she murmurs, crossing her arms over her chest. She’s staying in the doorway, far away from me. Maybe she’s still mad at me?

“It’s okay,” I mumble quietly, worried I’ll upset her with the sound of my voice.

“You can’t sneak up on me like that, okay? You have to be more careful.” She frowns, staring at me in that way she does when she wants me to answer her.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I’ll be more careful, I promise. Can I have a hug now?” I ask, looking up at her pleadingly.

Nanay has her thinking-too-hard face for a moment before stepping into the room and opening her arms. I jump out of the bed, almost tripping on my covers as I throw myself at her. Her arms wrap around me tightly, and I choose not to complain when she covers the top of my head with kisses, too happy she’s feeling better again. She kneels with me still in her arms and sets me on the ground.

“Bibe ko,” she says, her voice all warm and soft as it ruffles my hair.

“Not a duck,” I mumble in a weak protest.

“You’re my little duckling,” she disagrees, pulling back to smile at me while keeping her hands on my shoulders. “You tried so hard to follow them into the pond. We almost both ended up swimming.”

“I don’t remember,” I lie, turning away from Nanay’s face to look at the wall as she quietly laughs.

“Mahal kita,” she whispers, pulling me into another cuddle, and I bury my head into her shoulder.

“Lab kita, Mama.”

Everything blurs when I try to look around again. All the old scents fade away, the warmth of her touch vanishes, and I’m alone. Head spinning, I grunt as I pull myself fully back into the present, shaking off the old memory and all of the unpleasant emotions associated with diving into my past.

Using my magic to relive memories of my mother isn’t something I’ve done before, but given recent events, I felt like I needed to. She always had this sadness to her, but seeing the past, feeling it as I felt it then, really drives it home. Normally if I think about her, most of what I remember is cloudy, not picture-perfect the way the meditative spellwork allows them to be. That felt real, too real. It was so much that I’m unsure if I want to try it again, no matter what I could learn by seeing the past through more mature eyes.

The second I feel grounded enough in the here and now, I jump to my feet, compelled to move. There’s a gnawing demand in my brain for something to use as a distraction, a longing for an escape away from the too intense emotions of my childhood self. I pace across the floor a few times, eyes scanning my surroundings for something to take up my thoughts. Only, I’m in my bedroom, and there’s nothing in here that’ll offer me the kind of diversion I really need right now.

Deciding to seek out company, I stop pacing and head for the door.

On my way out of my room, my eyes catch on the only photograph I have of us together. It’s placed alone atop the small shelf, and the empty space at either side of the frame is damning. The photo was taken outside of the last house we’d lived in before she was…before she died. I pause for a moment, fingers reaching out to brush over the image, tracing across her face. We look somewhat alike, both with dark hair and eyes. She also shares the same warm-toned skin, but her features are much softer, the angles of her face far less sharp than my own.

Her affection for me is obvious in the way she smiles down at my face, rather than at the camera. Her arms are wrapped around my little shoulders from behind, and it feels like a stab to the chest how much I wish she were still here. It borders on being physically painful if I think about it for too long. It seems like a weakness to still miss someone this much after nearly twenty-eight years of them being gone, but I do.

If I gained anything from my little dive into the past today, it’s the confirmation, the reassurance, of what I already knew. My mother loved me. Despite everything that should have made her hate me instead, I know she truly did. She also loved me the only way she knew how, and sometimes her fear and paranoia made her care feel harsh and painful despite her intentions. As a child, it confused me, the constant moving around and her mood swings. I was too young to understand the reasons behind her fears and clueless to the fact she’d obviously wanted me to leave the kitchen because she was afraid for my safety.

“Mahal kita,” I say softly to her picture, hoping she’ll feel it somehow. Wherever it is souls go, hers had gone there too soon. She did the best she could for us and deserved better than the cards life dealt to her.

With a final glance back at the image, I step out into the hallway and pass right by Rio’s closed door. Torrin’s door is thankfully open, so I step inside and wait for him to finish his pushups, knowing he’ll have heard me come in.

“We have a gym, you know,” I point out offhandedly after a few minutes of waiting somewhat patiently.

“I know,” Torrin replies with a groan as he lets himself flop onto the ground, quickly rolling over to look up at me with a lazy grin. “Just wanted to do another quick set. What's up?”

“Nothing’s up, muscle-brain,” I reply, shoving off his concern, even if it is concealed with a smile.

Torrin always smiles so easily. Not only at me, but at everyone. What would it feel like to be so free with my happiness? Maybe he’s right; maybe I do need to lighten up. Not as much as Rio needs to, though. Then again, no one needs to lighten up more than he does. He’s so tightly wound it’s only a matter of time before he unravels, not that he’ll listen to either of us when we try warning him.

“Then what are you doing lurking in my bedroom? I know you didn’t come for the view of me working out,” he teases, likely poking at what I’d said Eden asked me during her first training session.

Speaking of the witch…

“I want you to call Eden and ask her to come over.”

“Shit. Did you find something? Did you find the baby daddy?” His eyes are bright as he immediately straightens up into a sitting position. There’s nothing he enjoys more than solving a case, yet there’s also a slight crinkle to his lips, making me think he’s disappointed too. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but the hint of discontent makes me wonder if he’s gotten a little bit attached to her already. He obviously enjoys her company, and the physical attraction itself is blatantly obvious.

Are my feelings as transparent to him?

I shake off the thought, then answer his question, “Not yet. Just ask her to meet us here.”

Torrin slowly stands, crossing his arms over his chest when he leans back against the wall. Apparently he’s too lazy to stand on his own, despite working out every damn day and sneaking in extra reps in his room.

“Okay, I can do that,” he agrees after a moment, though he narrows his eyes at me. “But why am I doing it? And what should I tell her?”

“Tell her we want to talk. Don’t be specific.”

“What are you planning?”

I shrug back at him, amused by the fond, exasperated huff he lets out at the motion. “Make the call, and then you’ll find out.”

“I’m not doing this,” Rio grumbles yet again. I’ve already tried explaining why I’m doing this for Eden several times, but Rio isn’t the most open person. Not by a long shot.

“Eden’s feeling alone. She needs our help,” I grouse back at him, wondering what it will take to prove to her that we won’t leave her alone with this situation. She doesn’t have to handle it all by herself; the nature of her problem makes it impossible, actually. I’ll be damned if I watch her die because she won’t accept the help she’ll need soon. That’s if we can’t find the damn demon who impregnated her, anyway.

She obviously took my initial offer to help her with her vitav issue poorly. I hadn’t meant to make it sound like such a burden, for it to come off like a pity offer. The topic had just been…awkward to approach. I didn’t want to take advantage of her situation or for her to feel like I was either. Instead, I managed to make her feel like shit for a whole different reason. When I realised how it had come across, it clearly wasn’t the right moment to explain it wouldn’t exactly be a hardship on my part to sleep with her.

Far from it, honestly.

I can’t help but feel like if we’d met under other circumstances, things would be different. Simpler, if nothing else. However, she’s pregnant, with another man’s baby— a demon’s baby. Somehow, the thing that allowed me to meet her is now what’s making the situation so precarious. It’s a complicated, messed-up set of circumstances, but if she doesn’t find Ash soon, she could die from the energy drain. She needs help, and while I don’t fully understand this need in my chest to be the one to provide it yet, it’s there. I won’t turn my back on her because it would be easier.

No matter how much shit Rio gives me for it.

I won’t watch Eden die, not without doing everything in my power to save her. I started hunting demons because of their victims, the voice in my head questioning, demanding, that if I won’t do it, then who will? How is this really any different? Is it conventional? Fuck no. I don’t think offering to have sex with a pregnant woman so she doesn’t die due to her demon baby bleeding her energy dry is ever conventional. I don’t see a problem with doing what’s necessary for survival, though.

Eden, however, has made it crystal clear how she feels about needing to be fucked in an obligatory way. She’d hate it. She would feel like she was forcing the other person into the situation, so we need to show her that she can trust us to be honest. We have to let her get to know us and truly feel comfortable in our presence so she’ll believe me when I say I’m more than willing to help. She needs to believe the truth, which is that I am attracted to her.

This can’t be seen as being motivated by pity or sympathy.

I glance across the kitchen at Torrin, happily helping to prepare, having been on board with the plan the moment it was suggested, even without knowing all of my motivations behind it. I’m sure he’ll want to assist with the vitav problem too, but if he does, will he be able to handle his emotions when we do eventually find Ash? When Eden doesn’t need us anymore?

Regardless of my concerns, he's had one right idea from the very beginning: feed the pregnant witch so she’ll relax around us.

“If you can’t do this, then go back upstairs, Rio,” Torrin says, meeting my eyes with an expression of unease before looking over at our brother. He’s standing stock-still by the counter, his hands tightly clenched, clearly not happy about any of this.

“We want to show her that you aren’t a threat, but if this is a hard line for you, I understand. Just don’t ruin this,” I add.

“Well, I don’t understand how this is something that even needs to be done. She hired us to help her with a demon problem. We’re not here to be her new friends. Once we find the stupid demon she fucked, she’ll be out of our lives for good!” Rio snaps.

Fuck. I can’t listen to him snarl about Eden for another damn second. I grab his shoulder and haul him out of the kitchen, ignoring both his protests at being dragged along and Torrin’s eye roll when we pass him. It’s past time for our youngest brother to accept the situation. He doesn’t have to be happy about it, but he’s either going to behave or go upstairs. She hasn’t done anything to earn his irritation. He’s just placing all of his emotional baggage onto her. While I’ll always protect Rio with my life, she’s not a danger to him, and I won’t let him hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.

I release him once we’re in the main office space, more of an illusion of privacy than the real thing, as I’m sure Torrin is doing his best to eavesdrop. I step back to stare right into his eyes so that he can see the resolve in mine. “Look, I don’t really care if you understand or not, Rio. I’m not asking you to understand. What I am asking is for you to restrain the shitty attitude while she’s here. I’m not forcing you to be her new best friend. Just don’t be such a dick. Got it?”

“Alright, fine. I can hold it back, but I’m not leaving.”

I sigh, hearing what he isn’t saying. He doesn’t trust her, so if he can keep his eye on her, he’s going to, even if it’s unpleasant for everyone else involved. He bitched me out for eight minutes when I explained my exercise sessions with Eden, hardly pausing to breathe the entire time, the prickly bastard. His ranting had veered off on several tangents, but the ultimate message conveyed had been some shit about not being alone with her in private spaces, like she’s actually a danger to me.

It’s not her fault he’s afraid. It’s not his, either, but it is on him that he’s allowing his fear to control him, to fuel the anger he’s now directing at her.

“If you fucking?—”

“I won’t.”

I scoff, not at all reassured of his agreement to be on his best behaviour, but then the door behind him opens.

Eden steps inside before I can worry about it further. She clearly senses the tension, giving us both an odd expression, so I try giving her a reassuring smile. “Hey, come on in.” I nod toward the seating area, a bit of nervous energy flowing through me.

“Sure. Torrin said you wanted to talk? Immediately. Did you find Ash?” She looks so hopeful. I cringe internally. Shit. I should have told him to tell her we haven’t found the demon yet so she wouldn’t be disappointed. Of course she would assume that’s why we called her over; it had been Torrin’s assumption too.

“We need to ask you some questions, but we thought you might be hungry.” I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to ask her that we haven’t already, but I’ll think of something relevant. Hopefully.

She approaches, pausing with an unsure frown when she spots the food laid out. We brought in a folding table so we would have more space to set everything up for her to choose from. Torrin had grabbed three kinds of pie: apple, cherry, and blueberry, seeing as she seems to particularly enjoy them. There’s fried chicken, salads, a pizza, and even a turkey leg with potatoes and gravy. I also prepared a board with different cheeses, meats, and crackers.

Now that I look at it all, I’m feeling very unsure. Maybe it’s too much. I mean, I never expected her to eat or even like everything, but maybe it’s too much to pick from. Too much effort made on our part to not come across as suspicious. Rio may have bitched the entire time, but he did go pick up the tacos he likes to add to the feast. Of course, he ate three as soon as he arrived, but there are still some left she can pick at if she wants to.

“Are you having a party or something?” She stares at the food, still not moving.

“No, we thought you might be hungry,” I say again, feeling as dumb and unsure as I sound. “You’re usually hungry when you come here. I just…I wanted to show you we care about your well-being. Professionally speaking. I mean, personally too, of course, but I’m not trying to?—”

“Hey, you’re here! Nice to see you again, Eden. Are you hungry? We’re having a feast, so we made sure there was more than enough for you to join in. Let me fix you a plate. What do ya want first, pie or the turkey leg?” Torrin asks loudly, blessedly cutting off my rambling.

I let out a long breath, thanking him with my eyes. The more I spoke, the stiffer her shoulders got. How and when did she get the ability to make my brain cells stop working correctly in her presence?

“And you thought I was going to ruin this,” Rio scoffs from behind me as Torrin leads a more relaxed Eden towards the food table.

“Shut up before I punch you,” I hiss quietly.

Rio chuckles, far too entertained by my fumbling for my liking. The sound happens to draw Eden’s attention, but he doesn’t seem to notice right away. Her eyes widen at seeing Rio truly smiling. However, the moment he catches her observing him, the smile wipes off his face, and he turns away from her.

She deflates slightly, her shoulders sagging. This is going so fucking fantastically, but it can’t get any worse, so I let it go. I can’t impress the poor witch, so I might as well be a friend. That’s all I was trying to offer. A friend, one she might need to fuck at some point so she doesn’t die, one who’s getting worked up just thinking about the possibility .

Shit.

I shake off all thoughts of what her body might look like under her comfy clothes. How her scent might compare to the way she tastes. What her voice would sound like, desperate and wanting, and the other noises she —Fuck. I curse my brain for that train of thought going right off the stupid metaphorical rails. That’s really not helping.

Torrin smirks over at me like he can see what’s going on in my head as he carries her massive plate of food over to the coffee table, setting it down gently before looking at her consideringly. “We have TV trays; I’ll grab you one so you don’t have to bend forward.” He strides out of the room, leaving me standing in the same spot I’ve been in since she got here.

Unexpectedly, Rio moves before I do, placing his plate on the coffee table and sitting directly across from Eden. He watches her with a cautiousness I hate. He’s my brother, one of the best men I’ve ever known. He’s brave and loves fiercely, but he also hates with just as much passion too. Years of hatred for demons won’t go away because the woman before him is stunning and kind.

Sweet, sassy, and gorgeous…

She moans as she takes a bite of turkey smothered in gravy. Fuck me, that sound…it could have been drawn right from my own filthy imagination, even Rio’s gaze takes on a different look as Eden chews. She doesn’t see any of our reactions as her eyes are closed while she continues to moan at her food like it’s a completely different kind of pleasure.

I swallow thickly.

This isn’t going at all how I imagined it, but maybe that's not the worst thing. You can’t ever fully plan for everything, especially not people’s emotions, even when they’re your own.

“Are you going to eat?” she asks, blue eyes sparkling as Torrin returns, placing the tray in front of her so she can reach her plate more easily. “Daion?”

Realising the question is directed at me, I force myself into motion, walking over and grabbing a plate. “If you think I’m going to let you eat all this food without my help, you’re crazy.”

“Good. Let’s eat, then you can ask me your questions.”

Torrin lifts his brow at me. ‘What questions?’ his look asks, so I shrug slightly in answer once she’s distracted by her meal again. I add my own food to my plate slowly, trying to think of things we can ask, something that’ll justify asking her to come over here. I still haven’t thought up anything good enough by the time my plate is piled high, but I shove aside the worry as I join the three of them.