Page 81 of Delicious (Delicious #1)

Chapter Two

Martin

S ometimes I ask myself why I even took the job and moved away. The obvious answer was the very large raise I received, but there was something else. An underlying fear that made me run away. I woke up one day and realized that I was probably going to spend the rest of my life alone. What was the chance of meeting my soulmate in a city I’d lived in for most of my life? My stagnant life of drudgery and routine – a life filled with gossip and dinners with my friends.

I needed something else, so I left Denver.

I didn’t hate the job or the money, but I came to realize something that shook me all the way down to my foundations. I missed Ryder. My life hadn’t changed. It was still filled with the drudgery of my day-to-day, but now, in my new city, I was alone and had no one to share anything with. I called Ryder. My free time was spent talking to the one person who had always completed me – my best friend for as many years as I could remember.

We had always been there for one another through everything. A bad date, a breakup, a spoiled dessert that I still ate – it was always Ryder who was there. It had always been Ryder whom I reached out to and wanted to share every little detail of my life with.

It was sobering, and I had no idea what it actually meant. I mean, he was Ryder. I knew more about him than I probably did myself, and vice versa. My family loved him, and his family loved me. His nephews called me Uncle Marti, for Christ’s sake. How many holidays had we spent with each other? How many secrets had we shared over the years?

That way lies danger. Maybe he was my soulmate, or maybe I was just lonely and too tired to try to rebuild a life all alone. But I had been ecstatic the week before my trip because I would be back with him. As soon as I could deplane, I ran out of the airport to the rental car because I couldn’t wait to see him. His arms felt so right wrapped around me as I lost myself in his hug. The smell of him alone was… comfort.

I loved him. But I would never, no matter how I felt, ruin what it was that we had. I couldn’t live the rest of my life knowing that I fucked us up by making a hasty decision based on my loneliness. Yes – he completed me. Maybe the love of my life had always been right in front of me, but the need for him outweighed anything else. Losing Ryder would be like losing my spine. I couldn't afford that.

He was all I had. Besides, he had never really thought of me that way. So…

“Are you masturbating?” Ryder’s deep voice pulled me out of my even deeper thoughts.

“Smartass. Come on in.” I sat up and pressed my back against the headboard.

The door opened, and his twinkling green eyes caused my heart to beat faster. “Did you actually take a nap?”

“No. It’s not a long flight, but flying always makes me tired.”

“It’s the canned air.”

“Are you a scientist now?”

“Yes, a nuclear one.” He raised his eyebrows and fell onto the bed. His sturdy, muscular body pressed into my legs. He raised his arms above his head and stretched. His shirt rode up, and I glanced away from the bare skin of his taut stomach.

Danger Marti… Danger.

“If you’re a nuclear scientist, then we’re in trouble,” I chuckled.

“We’re having a meltdown,” he whispered so seriously that I burst out laughing.

“Dumbass.”

“So, I guess I should start cooking if we want to eat before ten. I sat down on the couch and watched some stupid shit and realized I had taken a nap. Want to come down and join me? I could really use your sous chef realness.”

I huffed and kicked at him with my foot. “You know I burn water.”

“Not with me. I’m good at being in charge.”

“Well, you have always been bossy.”

“Says the bossy bottom.”

“Oh, you have bossy bottom energy, and you know it. Even tops can be… bossy.”

“I’m vers, so…”

“Oh, please, Mary. The last time you let someone into your cave of delight was when you were in college. I know everything, and I mean everything about you. Don’t you forget that.”

“I really shouldn’t tell you all my secrets.”

“What good is a secret if you don’t have someone to share it with?”

“That’s true. When’s the last time you… uh… topped?”

I laughed so hard that I had to catch my breath. “You don’t remember Daniel? He’s the guy who told me all night how badly he wanted inside me, and when I got him home, his legs went right up in the air.”

“Oh, yeah. That was at Momma’s Place, right? You called me as soon as he left.”

“After that, I knew my place. I was so bored. I’m strictly a vers bottom who chooses to forget all about being a vers. It makes life easier.”

“That’s why we fit so well, huh?” He rolled over and used my thigh for a pillow. I stroked his short buzzcut. It felt like velvet.

“I mean, we only tried that one time and…”

“We were very, very drunk,” he groaned.

“I think it fit.” I smiled at the memory I had replayed way too many times in my head over the last few months.

“God, that was… what? Fifteen years ago, right?”

“Or about eighty bad dates ago. Either way will work.”

“You were mortified when we woke up.”

“You were pretty freaked out, too. You couldn’t even look at me.” I took my hands off his hair.

“I wonder what would have…” He pushed himself up and looked at me. “If we hadn’t been so drunk.”

“We would have never had the courage, probably.”

“We are so mature. Look at us!” He slapped my thigh.

“Well, maturity is marching right across my face.”

“Get up, lazy.” He jumped off the bed.

“So… You’re really going to make me chop things?”

“Hopefully not your fingers.”

“I have mediocre knife skills and a fear of blood. Let’s do it.” I reached out, and Ryder pulled me from the bed with his strong arms. I noticed the way his biceps bulged.

“Maybe I’ll chop everything.” He threw his arm around me and led me to the door.

“Good. Then I can sip wine and watch how amazing you are. I mean, I could make the salad.”

“That requires knife skills.” He laughed deeply.

“Oh, yeah. I meant I could eat the salad.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

I swallowed the knot in my stomach. And before I could make an even bigger fool of myself, I patted him on the shoulder and ran downstairs. There were too many ways to answer his question, and none of them were safe.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t afford to lose him. He was all that I had.