Page 37

Easton

I was sure the reality of Mom’s condition and her future had sunk in while I was at the hospital. But the second I saw Paige, it hit me like a freight train and my entire world came crashing down.

“What if it doesn’t stop there, Paige?” I ask, as if she’ll have all the answers. “What if Isaac gets sick…or you? Meanwhile, I’m here playing a game that takes me away from my family all the fucking time.”

Paige shakes her head as she walks me to the couch and pushes me to sit before making herself comfortable beside me, grabbing my hands, the warmth of her touch bringing me a moment of comfort.

“It’s your job, Easton,” she says, squeezing my hands when I try to rebut. “Lots of people have jobs that take up their time,” she continues, not allowing me to speak. “Some do night shifts and sleep all day, some travel. Some people don’t have a choice.”

“But I do.” I pull my hands away and point to my chest. “I chose this. I’m still choosing it despite having more than enough money to support Isaac for the rest of his life.”

“You’re hurting. Emotions are high. Now is not the time to make life-changing decisions. We’ll get through this.”

“We?” I ask, my heart pounding in my chest.

“Yes, we.” Paige smiles and I wish more than anything that our life was simpler. “I’m here to help with whatever you need.” She grabs my hands again and stares into my eyes, making sure I believe her.

“Even if that means letting me in?”

“Yes,” she answers barely above a whisper.

“And me letting you in?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, Paige. Are you sure? Because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, with anything in my life. I’m failing Isaac, my mom. You. I’m a mess and you deserve better than that. I can’t give you what you want. No matter how much I wish I could.”

“What do you think I want?”

“The world, Paige.” My chest tightens as I note the sadness in her eyes, and while I’d love to do anything to make her happy all the time, I don’t think it’s possible. “You want the world. And God knows you deserve it.”

“I—”

“You deserve someone who’ll stand by your side at your incredible charity events, someone that can follow you to Paris and Italy to watch you walk the runways of fashion week. You deserve someone who can give you one hundred percent of themselves without a second thought. You deserve it all.”

“You’re wrong.” She holds my gaze, her expression defiant. “I don’t want any of that. I want someone to come home to. Someone to talk to about my day. Someone who looks at me like you do even when they can’t give me a hundred percent of themselves. I want you, Easton. That’s all I’ve wanted since the moment we first kissed, but I’m terrified of what that will do to you. My life is a mess—I told you that—and I’d never forgive myself if any of it came back to haunt you.” She pauses and her face drops before she shakes her head. “Only, I don’t think I can let you go. I don’t think I’m strong enough. Not now.”

I stare into her beautiful dark eyes and process her words. She wants me. And while I’m equally messed-up, I want her too. “I don’t think I’m strong enough either, but…” I trail off. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, but I have this feeling I’m setting us up for failure when we haven’t even started. “There are some things about me that I need to tell you. Some things I’m not proud of.”

“East—”

“No, please. You need to hear it.”

“Okay.” She moves to get comfortable while I face forward, unsure I’ll get through it all if I’m looking at her.

“I’ve never been easy to live with. The asshole version of me isn’t the result of my current situation. It’s me. All my life I’ve only cared about a few things, and everything else fell into the too hard basket—something I had to do or someone I had to talk to but didn’t want to. I know it stems from my dad walking out on us. I’ve always struggled with that, and I don’t need a shrink to tell me he’s a big part of the way I am. But it’s been years and I haven’t changed.”

“You’re not like that with me,” Paige cuts in, her warm palm cupping my leg.

My shoulders drop as I sag back into the cushions. “I know, Paige. And that scares the hell out of me because I care. I really fucking care and I could easily fuck it up. It’s like I’m programmed differently. I cared about Macy too. At one point. And look how that ended.”

Paige squirms beside me, and when I look her way she grimaces. “Before you say any more, I need to tell you that she was here today. Macy, I mean. She called and I wouldn’t let her see Isaac. I’m sorry if that was the wrong decision but I didn’t know and—”

“She told me,” I cut her off to ease her mind. “You made the right decision and I’m thankful you were here. Things between me and Macy are complicated to say the least. I should have told you about it before asking you to help with Isaac, but I didn’t think. In fact, I don’t think enough when I’m caught in any situation I’m not prepared for.”

“Like your mom being rushed to the hospital? No one would think clearly if that happened.”

“Maybe not, but there have been other opportunities to talk to you. I just—”

“Don’t like letting people in. Like me.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re talking now.” She shrugs softly. “I’m here to listen. To help.”

“You are now. We’ll see how you feel after I tell you what I did.”

Paige offers me a slight nod, but I can tell she wants to argue. To defend me when she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to defend. I wish I could pretend to be the guy she thinks I am, but I can’t hide anymore. Not from her.

“I was an asshole to Macy after Isaac was born. I basically trapped her and then blamed her for it. She never wanted kids. Hell, neither did I. It’s why we worked. But then she became pregnant and I promised to support her. I convinced her it would be a good thing. That when our baby was born, something would change in both of us and we’d love our new life. And I was right. The second I saw Isaac, my entire world fell into place. It was like nothing I had done before that moment mattered. He instantly became my everything. But it wasn’t like that for Macy. Nothing changed, and she begged me to put him up for adoption. She loved our life the way it was before she was pregnant. She didn’t want the responsibility and thought I’d come to resent it too.”

I chance a look at Paige and find her eyes glassy but wide. I’m sure she’s wondering how anyone could possibly think that about Isaac, but Macy barely knew him then. Some people aren’t meant to be parents, and I should have acknowledged that. But I didn’t.

“I made so many promises to get Macy to stay and play happy family. I was convinced she just needed time. And that Isaac needed us both. For over two years, I bribed her to stay. Adoption was never an option, but I also never considered going it alone. And I should have. I was wrong. Kids see and feel everything… On some level, Isaac knew she didn’t want to be there. I can see it in their interactions together now. I hate the way Macy is treating him, and I want her out of his life. But more than that, I hate that it’s my fault we’re in this situation to begin with. And I know she’s hanging around to spite me. I’ve fucked up so much that I no longer know what the right thing is.”

“Oh, Easton. You haven’t fucked up. You’re doing what’s right for Isaac.”

“Is it right, though? Was it right to force someone to be a mother? Is it right to keep threatening her now when she doesn’t spend time with him? And is it right to be thinking about hiring a lawyer to take her rights away when I’m the reason she ran? If I’d let her go when he was first born, she may have realized she wanted to be part of his life on her own. I hate her for what she’s doing to him, but I hate myself more.”

I rub my eyes to hide the tears threatening to fall, and when I drop my hands, Paige throws her arms around me, smothering me in a hug. “Did you love her?”

“I don’t even know anymore. At one point I thought I did, but…” That was nothing compared to how I feel now.

“But then you felt real love with Isaac?”

“Yes.” And maybe even you .

“You can’t blame yourself for everything, East. Macy made her own choices. Did you lock her up?”

“No, but—”

“Did you threaten her physically? Tell her you’d hurt her if she left?”

“Fuck, no. I’d never do that and she never thought I would. Is that what you think?” My heart seizes and I can’t bear to look at her face.

“No. God, no.” She grabs my chin and forces me to face her. “I’m trying to make you see that you didn’t do this. You tried to hold your family together but the glue wasn’t sticking. And maybe it was never meant to. Have you talked to anyone else about this? Your mom or your sister? A professional?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I never wanted them to look at me like you’re looking at me now.”

“How?”

“With pity.”

Paige raises an eyebrow and leans back. “Please don’t hate me for this but…you need to suck it up.” She pauses to gauge my reaction and I laugh. Trust Paige to put me in my place.

“Go on.”

“I really am sorry, but if anyone is looking at you with pity, it’s because they feel bad about the situation you’ve been forced into. It’s not a reflection on you. This would be an awful situation for anyone . And while I’m not saying others would have made the same choices you did, there’s also no guarantee someone else would have achieved a better outcome. But no matter what, you need help. You can’t do this alone.”

“I’ve got help, Paige. At least I had it until I pushed my mom so far she ended up in the hospital.”

“That wasn’t you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Keeley texted me about a minute before you got home.”

“She what?”

“She was worried that you’d keep everything bottled up. I guess she was wrong.” Paige shrugs and I force a smile, thinking about what Keeley did. I’m pissed off until I realize she’s right. I’d normally keep it all bottled up. But with Paige, I no longer want to.

“What if—”

“No,” she cuts me off. “There are no what-ifs…”

“But—”

“No. Your mom has ALS, Easton. She didn’t get it because she was helping you with Isaac and—”

“I—”

“You didn’t make it worse .” Paige’s gaze softens, and I finally let some of what she’s saying sink in.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I believe you, but I still need to look after her moving forward. She can’t be doing as much as she was.”

“My guess is that she wants to. I’ll bet she’ll do anything to keep her life as normal as possible.”

I huff out a laugh. “That’s exactly what she said.”

“Great minds.” Paige smiles and a feeling of comfort takes over me.

“Thank you for being here today. And all the other times you’ve appeared out of nowhere when I needed someone.”

“Funny. I thought you were the one always showing up.”

“Maybe it’s both of us.”

“Either way, I’m glad I could help. I had a lot of fun with Isaac.”

“And he had a lot of fun with you. I heard all about the cookies.”

“Hope you don’t mind him being high on sugar for the next few days. There are plenty left, and I’m not taking them because then I’ll eat them all.”

“As I said, I would have been good with you giving him ice cream for dinner.”

“Thank you.” Paige smiles to herself and it’s a little infectious.

“What are you smiling about?”

“You. Isaac.”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes you’re so alike, and other times you’re not. But he’s a great kid. And he’s so smart. He’ll get through this. I know it.”

“You’re right. At least about him being smart. He told me something on the phone tonight and I laughed it off. Until now.” Until I realized how stupid and blind I’d been.

“What did he say?” Paige’s smile remains and I find myself drawn to her lips, her face, her eyes. I’m drawn to her. Have been for a while now.

“He told me he loved you,” I say with Isaac’s voice playing in my mind as if he’s saying it again.

Paige swallows and her eyes water. “I heard him,” she rasps.

“Do you know what that tells me?”

“No.”

“It tells me that he saw something in you that he trusted. That he knows how special you are. And it tells me that he’s more observant than I realize. Or maybe observant isn't right; he’s more emotionally aware. Because Paige… it took me months to realize I was falling in love with you and he’s already there.”

Paige bites her lip before her eyes lock with mine. “You’re falling in love with me?”

“I am. I can’t get you out of my head. I want to see you all the time. Touch you. Be with you. But it wasn’t until I wanted to let you in that I realized what I was feeling. This is bigger than I meant for it to be.”

“I wasn’t looking for anything more than sex. Actually, I wasn’t even looking for that. But I’m falling in love with you too. With both of you.”

My eyes widen as my heart cracks open. That means more to me than anything else. “And I think I just fell a little more.”

Paige laughs as I grab her face and press my lips to hers, sealing our confessions with a kiss. I still have no idea where we go from here, but I’m going to do anything I can do to fix my life, because I want Paige to be a part of it. And she deserves better.

Pulling away, I grab one of her hands and press another kiss to her fingers. As much as I’d love to take her to my bedroom right now, she was there for me and it’s my turn to be there for her. “Now that I’ve confessed everything, I want to know about you . All of it. The good, the bad, the stuff that makes you want to spend your time with an asshole and his son.”

Paige laughs before falling back against the cushions and resting her head on my shoulder. “I’d rather we—”

“Nope.” I press a finger to her lips to shush her. “It’s time to talk, D’Angelo. And I want to know everything .”