Page 114 of Deceptive Vows

I would have preferred to stay inside the house and lick my wounds in private rather than be on show for all to see how pathetic I am.

The pathetic wife who got married five days ago and hasn’t set eyes on her husband since.

“No,” I mutter.

“How about something to eat? You didn’t have much at lunch. We could have dinner at that restaurant you liked last week.”

Last week, I ate like a pig because I was anxious about the wedding. This week, I’ve barely eaten a thing because I’m anxious about how the rest of my life is going to play out.

I keep thinking Mikhail is spending his nights with one of his women.

Every time the thought pops into my head, my stomach twists into knots tighter than a macramé.

It’s doing it now. Since it’s nigh on nightfall and I suspect I’m going to spend another night without him, it’s probably best I refrain from eating anything because I might throw up.

“Is it okay if we just head back. I’m a little tired.” I attempt a smile, and she places an arm around me.

“Of course, that’s no problem. I have tired you out.” She laughs heartily.

“No, it’s me.” Because I haven’t been sleeping. It’s funny. I’ve been spending my nights the way I thought I was going to spend my first few nights of captivity—alone and locked away.

The novelty of me has worn off like a new toy that’s lost its appeal.

Or in my case, I might be more like an animal that’s lost its use and been put out to pasture. Mikhail controls the cartel now, and he’s taken what he wanted from me. He has no further use for me. I wonder if he’ll go back on his word and sell me or give me to his brother.

Sophia cuts into my worries when she links her arm with mine.

“There’s a bake sale at the hospital next week. I’d love for you to attend. There are some important people you’d be interested in meeting.”

I perk up a little to humor her. It’s nice of her to spend time with me. Without her I’d probably sit in that house day in and out with the dog, the only living thing in there that likes me. The staff still treat me like shit, and the house still has that unwelcoming vibe.

“That sounds great. I’d love to go.”

“I’m sure you’ll love it even more when you meet my friend. He’s the dean at New York University. I told him about your interest in becoming a doctor.”

I can’t even muster the strength to look fascinated because going to college is not something I think I’ll be able to do.

I can’t start something I always dreamed of doing only to stop when the shit hits the fan and I either have to flee because people found out I’m not who I say I am or for other reasons.

I couldn’t do that to myself.

All I can hope for is that one day, something will happen for me to accomplish my dreams by some other means. But again, I humor her with a smile as fake as I am.

“Thank you so much. That would be amazing.”

“I thought you’d like that.” She chuckles. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

We get home half an hour later. Before she leaves, she steeps a Slovenian tea made of chamomile and lavender to relax me.

The mood I’m in, though, would most likely require a whole field of chamomile and lavender to work.

I spend the night thinking and worrying. Not sleeping.

I’m back at that place again where out of sight definitely does not mean out of mind. Seeing my enemy would give me an idea of what’s happening on a day-to-day basis.

This nothingness is driving me crazy. It doesn’t even help that I get to talk to José, because he can’t help ease my mind, either.

The next day, I leave the house at breakfast, not bothering to eat. I take food for Snow, and we spend the day in the woods. I disobey the rules and stay out until it’s late, and I don’t eat.