Page 14 of Deceiver (Soul Chasers #2)
Wilder nods. “I met a stage actress. I was living in New York at the time, and she was so talented. There was just something about her that captivated me, and I wanted to talk to her. As our friendship grew, I found myself curious and intrigued by her in a romantic sense, which had never happened to me before.”
“That must’ve been wild for you.”
“Very. I talked to her about it, and we began a beautiful affair. It was pleasant and nice, but she wanted what I could not give her, which was a happily ever after. And still, no children came.” He exhales slowly, dragging his finger around the rim of his mug.
“At that point, I was deeply entrenched in my profession, and I knew better than to bring a family into it. In fact, I don’t think anybody who already has a family is chosen to be a Soul Chaser.
The fewer human entanglements you have, the better. ”
“But does that mean you have to be alone forever?”
“There are ways around it, but they don’t appeal to me. At least, they haven’t yet. Who’s to say though. I’ll be alive forever. It could happen.”
My brain stumbles on the last part of what he just said. “You’re never gonna die?”
“No. There are ways, but I’m well versed on how to avoid them at this point, so it’s unlikely to happen to me.”
“Ways?”
“I interact with the spirit world, and there are a lot of tricksters there. You can be tricked into trading your soul, or you can really fuck up and not be able to get the Horror back to the Below. A lot of things can go wrong. But again, I’ve been doing this for over two hundred years. I know what I’m doing.”
His comment about being older than he seems is starting to make a lot more sense.
“You’re telling me with a straight face that you’ve been alive for over two hundred years?”
“That’s right.”
“And you’re not going to die?”
“Correct.”
“Okay. Okay.” I’m trying to make sense of what he told me. “I don’t want to believe you, but like you said, after everything I’ve seen recently, I kind of do.”
“Believe me or don’t. Doesn’t matter. It is what it is.”
“Don’t you get lonely?”
I notice how he seems to flinch at my question.
“I used to,” he says after a brief pause. “Especially when I had to leave Samuel and Lucy. Obviously, a great deal of time has passed, and I’m mostly over it.”
“Mostly? What happened with them?”
“I stayed in touch and they visited me often. I was even with them on their deathbeds. The hardest moments of my life, saying goodbye to the two of them and the woman in New York. Same thing. She grew old, as humans do, and died.”
He’s somber as he gazes into his mug.
“I had hoped maybe somehow she’d be given the opportunity to be a Soul Chaser, but she died a natural death, an old, beautiful woman with a beautiful life behind her.”
“This sounds really fucking sad, Wilder.”
He nods, shifting his gaze out the window. “I suppose it is.”
“Everyone you get attached to or fall in love with will just grow old and die and there’s nothing you can do about that?”
“There is, but again, it hasn’t been applicable to me.”
“What do you mean?”
He waves me off, dismissing my question. “It wouldn’t make any sense to you. Let’s just say I haven’t had a reason to pursue it yet. In my opinion, it’s a selfish choice, and I’ve never felt it was the right thing to ask of another person.”
I nod, hearing the pain in his voice, and even though I want to ask more questions about this, I don’t. I can’t imagine the things he’s had to endure, being alive for so long and having feelings for people, then watching them fade away. It must have been so hard.
“What about your family? What happened to them?”
“We weren’t close, and I left home at an early age to strike out on my own. I was a bit of a disgrace to them.”
“Why?”
“Because of my sexuality. At that time, it was criminal. You would be cast out or even physically harmed. You could be arrested. It would ruin your life and your family name, so I had to keep it hidden, but I had some indiscretions that made it hard to hide the truth. My mother and father were not kind about it, and I decided that moving to a place where nobody knew me would be best. That’s how I ended up in Salem.
It had a thriving industry, and I knew I could find work. ”
“I know things aren’t perfect for queer people, but they’ve certainly come a long way.”
He nods, chuckling. “Yes, indeed. Now we’re mostly free to do what we want, and sure, there are still some obstacles in the way, but I have faith that the community will overcome them. Things will get better.”
“I believe that too.” I sip my coffee, just absorbing everything. “Thank you for telling me. I get the sense you don’t do that very often.”
“You’re right. I don’t normally have an opportunity to talk with my targets.”
“Targets?”
“Yes, sorry. That’s what you are in my world. You’ve been targeted.”
“Right. You mentioned earlier that you think you might be able to help me with this affinity I seem to have for the spirit world.”
“I certainly hope to. I have some friends, like I said. I’ll reach out to Calliope, see what she knows and if she has some contacts. Maybe we can ask your friends, Talon and Mercy.”
“They’re not friends,” I say. “They’re mediums who did a reading for me, but yeah, maybe they would know. They seemed kind of freaked out the last time they saw me, though. I don’t think they’ve had experiences like the ones I provide.”
“Well, to be fair, it’s uncommon. I’ve only had a few cases like this myself over the years.”
“I wish I knew why.”
“That’s the mystery.” He gives me a small smile. “But I’m here to help you figure it out. One thing at a time, though. First we get the Horror back where it belongs. Then we’ll see if we can figure out this other aspect.”
As he speaks, a knot forms in my stomach, a resistance to the idea of sending my dad’s spirit back, and the weird dream I had replays in my mind.
“Do you have to?”
Wider cocks his head. “What?”
“Send him back.”
“Yeah, that’s my entire job. Listen, Keagan.
” He sets his mug down on the table and puts his warm hand over mine.
“I know to you, he’s your dad, but you have to try and let go of that idea.
He’s not the same person he was when he was a living being.
Aspects of him are still there, but it’s almost like an illusion, something the spirit world uses to stay connected to the human realm. ”
“What do you mean?”
“Like the way it’s attached to you because of the connection you had when it was alive. But that thing is not your dad anymore. It’s a shell or a shadow of that leftover energy.”
“Leftover energy.” I nod. “You mean, like, it’s almost manipulating me?”
“Yes. That’s exactly how to put it. It’s a manipulation. It—the spirit—is using your former relationship to your dad as an entry point to this world, and I know it sucks, and I know it’s hard, but you have to trust me when I say that this is not your father, and you can’t trust it.”
I nod, even as the strange interaction I had in my dream swirls around my head.
“I understand. Can they make you dream stuff?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can… can a Horror get in your head and make you dream things?”
“It’s not really a dream, as much as it’s a type of communication. It may feel dreamlike because they’ll often come to you when your defenses are down, like when you’re sleeping. Did something happen?”
“No,” I lie. “I was just wondering.” I’m not sure why I’m lying, but it feels like the right thing to do at the moment.
Maybe I’m afraid to sound crazy, although I don’t know how I could, given everything Wilder has said to me this morning over coffee.
Wilder sits back in his chair. “I want to go check on your house and see how things are going. Then I’ll call Calliope, and we can start making a plan on how we can make your house safe and get you back in there.
” He smiles. “You may have to stay here for a little while longer, if you’re comfortable with that. ”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m definitely not going back there by myself. Not until I know it’s safe.”
He squeezes my hand briefly before releasing it. “I agree with that plan. It’s my job to banish the Horror, but it’s also my job to keep you safe in the process. You have my word.”
“Okay. It’s a lot to take in.”
“I know. Make yourself at home. Shower, order food. Whatever you like. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“Am I safe here?”
“I’ll put up some more defenses before I go. It’ll be fine.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
I watch him leave the table as I slump down in my chair. My head is spinning, and I’m really starting to wonder if I can tell the difference between reality and fiction anymore.