Page 56 of Deceiver

If only she knew what I knew.

“That is also your choice to make, but you don’t have to make it now. Right now, you’re going to have a shower, and I’m going to make you some tea. Then, we’re going to just get through tonight.”

What did I do to deserve her?

I lean forward, hugging her tightly.

She ushers me to the shower, and I stand under it for a long time, trying to calm my racing heart. It helps, and after a while with the hot water running over me, I manage to keep it together long enough to get changed and meet Luna downstairs. She has set up the sofa with tea, chocolate, and popcorn, and is putting a movie on. I am thankful to whoever brought her to me, because she has become such an important part of my life.

“I didn’t know which chocolate was your favorite, so I got it all.” Luna gives me a gentle smile as she lifts a blanket, nodding for me to sit beneath it. I hop down onto the sofa, and she puts the blanket over my lap, then she joins me, playing a movie and handing me some chocolate.

I take it, zoning out as the movie plays.

Over and over, all I can think about is the child growing inside of me. The child that belongs to a man I’m so in love with but have recognized is not safe or healthy for me. How am I supposed to bring a child into my world, when the father isn’t going to be the man I need him to be? At the same time, how can I make any other choice, knowing that I would never forgive myself.

What am I going to do?

How do I fix this?

Do I just run away and never tell Western?

That feels wrong, even just thinking about it.

I know I could never actually do it.

So what options does that give me?

Not many that I can see working in the long run.

I feel trapped, backed into a corner.

I place my hand against my stomach, and the tears burn under my eyelids once more. A baby. I have a baby inside me. I don’t know how I’m going to cope moving forward, but the overwhelming feeling inside, the desperate need to try and love this baby, is almost crippling. Like an automatic instinct, beyond even the fear.

What the hell am I going to do now?

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