Page 39

CHAPTER 39

AURIA

A fter Bowen had left me in the shower to finish cleaning the mud off myself, I’d rinsed and dressed in the clothes he’d laid out on the bed, only to find he had left the house altogether. Though it wasn’t wise, I’d gone to find him, but I hadn’t expected to find Vulcan and a white dragon standing with him in the forest clearing, too.

A closer look confirmed it was the white dragon that had saved me during the bandit attack. Somehow, my body knew it was her.

Bowen stepped toward me. “Auria?—”

I held up a hand. “No. Before you tell me to go back, that it’s not safe out here, tell me why you left.”

If there were a brow on his head, Vulcan would’ve raised it. “ Trouble in paradise? ”

I sent a glare at the monstrous beast. “You stay out of it.” Bowen opened his mouth to reply, but I wasn’t done. “You think some scars are a good enough reason to run away? That my pain is your suffering? Well, guess what, Bowen. It’s not. It’s mine , and for you to judge me because you think you have the right to take that on for me is ridiculous. You’re a king, my father’s equal in sense of rank, and you think—” But I hadn’t realized we’d drifted closer until he grabbed my wrist, halting the finger that prodded at his chest.

“I am not his equal. And if you think I’m judging you, you’re sorely mistaken. I admire you. What you’ve been through your entire life, and yet, you remain loyal to a family that only sees you fit for upping their egos and monetary gain?” He shook his head. “I could never judge you for the evidence of the hell you’ve been put through.”

My breathing was hard as I wrenched my wrist from his grasp. Rather than feel relieved by his words like I’d expected I might, they only enraged me, twisting a knot deep in my stomach. “It’s your ego that’s the problem, not theirs.”

Something like surprise passed over his features. “You’re defending them.”

“They’re all I know! They keep me safe, fed, and I’m fine!”

Our chests bumped into each other as smoke practically billowed from his ears. Gray lines crawled up his neck. “What’s happened while you’ve been out of Amosite? Huh, Auria? Look around.” He threw his arms out for emphasis. “You’re still alive. You’re fed, safe?—”

I pointed to my lip. “Do you call this safe?” My hand moved to my side, cupping my aching ribs. “This?”

Regret filled his eyes, and I hated myself for it. It wasn’t his fault, and yet he took the blame. Carried it on his shoulders like the weight was only his to bear. “That was my mistake for leaving you.”

“You can’t be by my side all the time out here. So yes, I will defend my home, because that is the only place I can expect what’s coming.” I hated the taste of the words as they passed my lips. But what did he want me to say? That he could take away the hurt, carry the burden of my past, and for what? For me to cloud his mind and distract him? He clearly had other things to do than look after me.

He shook his head, and I could tell he was disappointed. I think I was, too.

“ If the dramatics are done, ” the white dragon drawled from the side.

My anger toward Bowen’s disappearance at the house quickly dissipated as the sight of the snow dragon set in. Though still unnerving where she stood, she was less petrifying than that day in the mountains.

“This is Glacies,” Bowen said, his tone calmer now as he took a step back, almost like it was an admission that I had won. But if this was winning, I didn’t want it. What was wrong with me? Why had I blown up on him after all he’d done since I stumbled into his home?

Instantly, I missed the warmth that emanated from his body. The smoke had gone back into hiding, the lines gone from his skin. I ached for their presence to return, too.

“We’ve met,” I murmured, staring up at her. White eyelids blinked over icy blue irises as we studied one another. “You’re a lot less menacing now, though.”

Vulcan chuckled, steam flowing from his nostrils. “ The girl is good at compliments. ”

Glacies shot him a glare.

“Thank you,” I stuttered out. “For saving me.”

Glacies tapped a talon on the ground, the sharp edge digging into the mud. “ Those dregs deserved nothing but death. A few others, too. ”

Before I could respond, her tundra eyes shot in the direction I’d come from as she took a protective step forward.

Leaves rustled behind me, and I spun to find Lander stumbling into the meadow. “Lander?”

“Auria.” He gulped down air. “I heard about the attack. Are you alright?” He approached rather quickly, and Glacies’s growl reverberated through me.

At my side, Bowen shot her a warning glare.

My brows knitted together in confusion. “You heard about it? How?”

Lander stopped a foot in front of me, his eyes landing on my split lip before they trailed to the bruises around my neck. He glanced nervously at Bowen and the dragons, doing a double take on the latter before speaking. “They’re talking all about it in the saloon. Guess someone saw the scuffle. You got ‘em good.”

“You saw them? They’re there, right now?”

He nodded, and a wisp of smoke ran up the inside of my wrist, hidden from sight as it caressed my skin. “Got a good punch in when Crass started talking, too. Came looking for you and saw you walking out here.”

“You’ve been hiding in the bushes?” I asked, my voice rising in pitch. He’d seen my argument with Bowen, then. Saw me thank a dragon . Fuck, he was seeing the dragons right now. I wasn’t sure if that’d be a problem, but it couldn’t be good, right?

His forehead creased, as if he couldn’t figure out why that’d bother me. “I wanted to make sure you were okay?—”

That tendril of smoke weaved through my fingers as my frustration rose, almost like it was trying to comfort me. My head was still foggy from the hit, and I was beyond exhausted, making my temper shorter than ever before. Gods, what was wrong with me? “Clearly, I’m fine. You didn’t have to follow me out here?—”

Vulcan’s nostrils flared as his eyes narrowed on the tree line. “ The air reeks of human stench. ”

Bowen nodded his head in the direction of Lander, as if to say, And here’s your reason .

Lander tugged a hand through his disheveled hair, his knuckles red. “Dragons, Auria? They’ll kill you just as easily as Crass or Nemin could have.” He shook his head. “Easier, even.” He craned his neck back, looking up at Glacies with fear in his expression. Fear he failed to cover up. He focused on me again. “What are you doing out here?”

His assumption that the dragons would hurt me only fueled my rage, causing me to step forward, but Bowen cut me off, getting in between the two of us. “Best to not make assumptions you can’t hold yourself up against, Prince,” he said, ignoring Lander’s question.

The two of them shared a look, a threat warring in their gazes.

“It’s been a long day for Auria,” Bowen continued, cooling his expression. He reached behind himself to set a gentle hand on my waist. “We’ll be going inside now. I suggest you turn in for the night yourself.” Though it was aimed at Lander, Glacies and Vulcan took off, beating wings blowing cool night air across my heated neck as they disappeared into the sky.

Lander looked around Bowen’s shoulder at me. “You’re sleeping at his house?”

Gods, this was all wrong. I wanted to scream. My stomach churned, causing me to flatten a hand against my abdomen. Something didn’t feel right.

“I’m walking her to where she’s staying,” Bowen clarified.

My head swam as Lander said something in response, but I couldn’t make it out over the fog. I stood there, blinking into space. Had they hit my head that hard? Did I have internal bleeding? Surely, there wasn’t any lasting damage. This felt different than in the street, like a tingling in my mind.

“Auria.” Bowen’s voice filled my head, and I shook it, clearing the haze to find him standing directly in front of me.

I searched the clearing. “Where’s Lander?”

Bowen’s brows pulled together. “He left.” A step closer, and he set both hands on my upper arms. “Are you feeling okay?”

He’d blame himself if I told him something felt off. Despite what he might think, this wasn’t his fault. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

He hesitated, not fooled by my words, but didn’t push. Already, my stomach was feeling better, but I didn’t understand the wave of dizziness or why it seemed to pass so quickly.

“Let’s get you home,” he said. Any trace of his gray tendrils was gone.

We headed through the dense brush, branches catching on our clothes as we walked. A few steps ahead, Bowen did his best to hold the spindly twigs away so they wouldn’t fling back and hit me.

“Why did they leave?” I asked.

He knew I meant Glacies and Vulcan. “They don’t like petty drama.”

“Is that what Lander and I are to everyone?” The thought that others might view us that way wouldn’t surprise me. What Lander and I were forced to do together seemed so…minuscule compared to the world around us.

Holding a particularly thorny branch to the side so I could step into the clearing that led to Deadwood, he said, “To some. It’s no secret your marriage was arranged for a reason.” Marriage slid off his tongue like one might spit out bad tasting food.

“To bring the kingdoms back together,” I offered.

“And that would benefit Torbernite?” he asked as we walked side by side between two houses, entering the town.

“What do you mean?”

“They were doing just fine with their arrangements with Sulphur and Feldspar. It’s Amosite they all have problems with.”

I tilted my head in thought. “Are you saying this was only for my father’s benefit?”

Bowen shrugged. “Perhaps the Bulars had their own reasons.”

With not a clue what those might be, I said instead, “So you’re friends with Glacies.”

A glance at Bowen showed the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile he fought to keep at bay. “I wouldn’t say I’m particularly friends with the dragon. Or any dragon, in fact.”

“What would you call it, then?”

We walked down the main street. A few burly, drunk men were hanging around the front of the saloon as we passed.

“An alliance, I suppose. We help them, they help us,” Bowen explained.

“We, as in…”

“Fae,” he filled in. “We have a sort of bond with dragons, and Vulcan happens to be my bonded pair. He loathes being connected to anyone, but we complement each other.” With the two of them being just as intimidating as the other, I believed it.

“How does this connection work, exactly?” It’d be hard to believe they had some sort of written agreement.

“Like with a partner, your feelings grow attached. But rather than gradually, it’s instantly. Dragons have a sense that fae don’t—being able to mentally tell when their bonded fae is injured. But if the dragon gets hurt, their fae companion almost feels it like a phantom pain. It’s such an inner connection that living without your dragon… It’d be agony. The mourning never stops. Your heart breaks, day after day.” He was silent a moment as the knowledge settled in my mind, his eyes on the squelching muddied street. “Many fae choose death over the pain.”

The thought of how it would feel to be so deeply connected to a being and then to lose them only made me sympathize with the fae more. Would Bowen choose death if Vulcan were to die? He seemed too strong. Too unbreakable. The thought of something like that causing his end forced a foreign unease to run through me. I didn’t want to think of that happening to him.

“Why were they in the clearing in the first place? Did you call to them or something?” We rounded the end of the street, walking through the lined up houses.

He shook his head. “They wanted to discuss something. And I was a little…pent-up.”

“What was it?”

He looked at me with resigned eyes. “Auria…”

My lips pressed into a thin line. “I just want to help.” A purpose while being stuck in this town would be nice, but I gathered I wouldn’t find it with Bowen. Not that I should have expected to in the first place.

He faced forward again, shoulders stiff. “We don’t need your help.”

I reared back, almost as if he’d slapped me with his words. Thankfully, my house was straight ahead. I didn’t hesitate before quickening my pace, closing in on the porch.

“Auria, wait.”

As I reached the step, I spun, and he halted feet away. “No, I get it. Nobody really needs me anyway.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know that,” he defended.

As if he didn’t just say the words himself . I propped my hands on my waist and narrowed my eyes. The movement reminded me of the pain in my ribs. I’d need to find a healing vial soon. “I clearly don’t know you like I thought I did. So no, Bowen, I don’t know that. No one will open up to me about anything, and maybe that’s how it always ought to be.”

“I tried?—”

I let out a snort in disbelief. “By telling me about dragons? That’s not you.”

“It is me. It’s part of who I am. There’s a lot you don’t know,” he started.

“That’s the problem,” I muttered.

“But it’s too much for me to tell you all at once. And it’s not solely my decision whether I can tell you all of it or not. The bridge will be back up in a few days, if that?—”

“You’re going to tell me what’s too much?” I dropped my hands. I’d thought we were getting anywhere with our moment in the field. With the shower. With him helping me. I had been a fool to go to him. “Being hidden away from everything my entire life is too much , Bowen. Being told I can’t handle the truth or that I shouldn’t be told something is too much . Not being honest with me is too much . I can’t take it anymore—the deceitful people in my life deciding what I can and can’t know.”

“Yet you defend your father every chance you get,” he bit out.

I could scream . He didn’t understand any of it. A wolf could be fed by its abuser every day, and it had no choice but to love the hand that fed it, even if it was the same hand that hurt it. When you were given such few options, you worked with what you got. I couldn’t bite the hand that kept me safe. But in thinking that, was I admitting that my father’s treatment of me was unfair? That my home truly was cruel, and I’d simply lived to become accustomed to it? Maybe Bowen’s distaste toward my defending of my father was justified, then. But an outside eye would never understand the comfort hell could provide.

Doing my best to reel in the unruly emotions that refused to stop showing themselves tonight, I said, “I appreciate your help earlier, but like you said, it’s been a long day. Goodnight, Bowen.”

If he saw the hurt in my eyes, he didn’t speak of it. I stepped inside the house, softly shutting the door behind me. Truthfully, my past wasn’t Bowen’s burden. If anything, he was the only one who had given me some sort of reprieve to the silence I’d been given my whole life. My pain was not his fault, nor was the way I grew up. Maybe he was right in that I couldn’t handle all this information at once. After all, I’d only ended up upset with him each time I got a taste of this world.

And maybe, the self-deprecating thoughts spiraling through my mind weren’t anyone else’s fault but my own, too.