Page 38 of Deadly Storms (Sunrise Lake #3)

Shabina shook her head. “Don’t go yet, Rainier. I know you have to, but not yet. I’ll be able to deal with all of this in another few minutes. I’ve almost stopped crying. I don’t even know where that came from.”

“I didn’t say anything about leaving, baby.” His arms tightened around her. “You always demand too much of yourself. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to carry you into the bathroom and run a bath for you. Hot water will help your body relax.”

Every muscle and joint in her body felt as if she’d been hit by a truck. The idea of hot water sounded good but being away from Rainier, even for a few minutes, was terrifying. After the ordeal of the past few weeks, she didn’t want to let go of him. She felt safe for the first time in months.

Compulsively, her fingers clutched in his shirt. When she was with him, she felt she could find her strength to fight on, even if it was just for a short period of time.

He stood smoothly. A Rainier move. He was a big man, all muscle, but when he moved, he flowed across the ground, almost as if he glided above it.

Shabina never understood how he could so easily lift her when she wasn’t small.

She might be on the shorter side, but she had curves.

He acted like she didn’t weigh anything at all.

He carried her right through to the master bath and sat on the edge of the tub, turning on the taps with one hand, keeping her secure on his lap with the other.

She wasn’t surprised in the least that he knew his way around her home as if he lived there.

He probably knew the layout better than she did.

When she first moved to Knightly, Rainier refused to turn her security over to the men her father provided.

He went over the property she’d purchased, had two safe rooms and cameras installed inside and outside.

He had been meticulous about ensuring the windows were bulletproof.

He made certain she could see outside but no one could see in at night.

“I detest this, Rainier, interrupting your life the way I always do. You were with a woman, and, as usual, I managed to mess that up for you with my panic attack.”

“You saved her life, Shabina. I was just waiting for her to make her move. It never occurred to me you would call. You’ve never once called.

I used a burner, but I made certain it had the ability to patch you in if you called.

I knew she was an agent the minute she approached me.

I gave her every opportunity to steal my phone or try to kill me. She was dead either way.”

Shabina looked up at the hard lines in his face. “She was there to kill you?” She whispered the words, one hand cupping the side of his jaw. So hard, no give, just like him.

“Don’t look like the world is coming to an end.

My identity as Deadly Storms isn’t known.

This had to do with my work with Blom. It happens every now and then.

Most of the time, no one knows who I am or where I am.

I have a few personal enemies. I’ve been in this business a very long time.

She’s affiliated with a small cell that began to make noise in Colombia about eight years ago.

I was sent in. She’s a cousin in the family seeking revenge. ”

Her thumb slid along his jaw, tracing the strong line. “Why didn’t you just protect yourself immediately?”

“I thought at the time I would get information from her. Who was behind the hit, how many, where they were and how they were able to get my name and location. It would make it easier down the line when I could turn my attention to tracking them down. Also, Blom has suspected for the last few months that someone on the inside was selling information on his men.”

She pulled herself up straight, horrified. “Those two men who came here, the ones lying about being Interpol agents, what if they know who you are and were trying to confirm it by questioning me?”

“They’re looking for someone else, an assassin, not a government agent.”

Shabina frowned at him. “Wouldn’t whoever is leaking information know who the assassin is?”

“Why would they? That information is not known. Blom might suspect, but I started gaining my reputation back home before I ever signed on with Blom.”

“Your life, Rainier, is so awful. And then you have me clinging to you. You seem to be my lifeline.” She rubbed her face on his chest again. She had to give him the truth. She owed him that much. “You are my lifeline.”

“Funny thing, that, Shabina. I think of you that way. Lifeline. Destiny. Reason to stay alive. All those things. Stop looking as if it’s the end of the world. I’m here now.”

She leaned into him again. “Sometimes I don’t think I can stand one more second feeling alone, and I need you desperately.

I know that’s terrible and puts so much pressure on you.

I don’t mean to do that to you. I don’t want to do it to you.

I swear, I’ve tried to build a life and be strong, so you feel like you’re free of me.

” She couldn’t stop her confession, the words just kept tumbling out, no matter how hard she tried to remain silent.

He brushed another kiss on top of her head, one hand testing the temperature of the water. “Who said I wanted to be free of you? I never once told you I wanted to be free of you, Shabina. I’ve never acted that way. Where the hell do you get these ideas?”

His tone was gruff. Matter-of-fact. Low and steady. So Rainier. She couldn’t always tell what he was thinking or feeling, but there was a slight hint of exasperation in his voice. Was he becoming impatient with her? She wouldn’t blame him.

“Why do you feel alone? You have friends, Shabina. I thought you were happy here. You’ve made a life for yourself.”

“They try to understand. They all try to know me, but how can they? Even Raine. She comes the closest, but only you really know. Everyone tells me how I should think or feel about what happened to me, but they didn’t experience it.

” Another sob welled up, and she pushed her fist into her mouth, refusing to start crying again when she’d just gotten herself under control.

She took a deep breath. “I’m not being fair to my friends. They try very hard to understand. When they were worried about me, they took time off work to be with me. They’ve been amazing friends. It isn’t them. It’s me. I feel so apart from everyone.”

“Why haven’t you told me this before now?”

Convulsively, her fingers tightened in his shirt.

“I know how you are. You don’t think anyone knows you, Rainier, but I do.

If you hear me whining and crying, confessing I feel alone unless you’re around, you’re going to move heaven and earth to find a way to be with me.

” She forced her stricken gaze to meet his. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

“In a heartbeat.” He trailed more kisses down her wet cheeks. “Stop crying now. You’re safe. I’ve got you safe.”

“The only time I feel safe is when you’re with me.

The only time I don’t feel alone is when you’re with me.

It isn’t fair to you, but it’s the truth.

” She lifted her head, forcing herself to look into his eyes as she made her confession.

“I’m sorry. I know that only makes things worse for you.

I swear I’m doing everything I can to learn to be okay, but I can’t seem to get there. Not without you.”

Rainier cupped her chin, his steel-gray eyes studying hers. “Do you mean that? You only feel safe when I’m with you?”

“I hate it when you’re away from me.” She was truthful.

“And you didn’t think to tell me this either? You felt alone all this time and you haven’t felt safe?” He didn’t sound happy.

Shabina shook her head. “Not for one single minute of the day. I’m not going to live with my parents, Rainier.

And I don’t want a security team here. I’ll get stronger.

I will.” She did her best to pour determination into her voice, but she didn’t believe she could do it anymore.

She’d been trying, physically, emotionally, spiritually, all of it, to build herself up.

She would do fine for a period of time, and then she’d crash and burn just like now.

This time had been the worst of the episodes she’d experienced.

Had he not come, she had no idea what would have happened.

“You should have called me right away, Qadri . We’re supposed to talk about things. You promised me you’d be honest with me.”

“You don’t like clingy women.” She tried a watery smile. “And don’t pretend you don’t mind them. I know you better than that.”

His lips ran down her wet cheek again. “You’re absolutely right, Shabina. I wouldn’t tolerate any other woman trying to cling to me, but you aren’t just any woman. You can cling all you want, and you should have been honest with me.”

Shabina wasn’t certain how best to respond to him.

His answers surprised her. Shocked her, even.

The feel of his lips on her skin sent little sparks of electricity skittering down her spine and hope blossoming in her heart.

She did her best to ignore hope. She tended to misread Rainier’s kindness to her because she desperately wanted him to care for her the way she did him.

“I want you in the tub, Shabina. We’ll talk about all this when you’re not shaking like a leaf and your body isn’t hurting quite so bad.”

Steam rose from the bathwater. Rainier believed in hot water. More than once he’d put her in a hot bath or taken her into a hot shower. He was a great believer in a cold shower as well. That wasn’t her favorite, and she didn’t want him to get any ideas. The hot water was far more appealing to her.

“I’m going to bring in your dogs. My three will be in the garden to ensure everything stays quiet. I’ve got to make certain they have water and the gates are secure and locked.” A hint of a smile touched his mouth. “Not that they couldn’t escape if they wanted to, but they’ll stay.”