Page 18

CHAPTER 18

A FIRST TIMER?!?!

Nadira

“ L ook at me, Julian,” I demand while I fuck him.

He doesn’t hesitate to comply, not that he has since my arrival. For all that he pushed himself into my life, he’s surprisingly accommodating to everything I want—as long as I don’t exclude him from being a part of my life.

His golden irises, raised in supplication, bare his soul to me. His utter devotion humbles me and causes me to gentle my downward thrusts. He is extremely expressive in the throes of passion. Every grimace, jaw clench, nostril flare, and darkening of his eyes enthrall me, spurring me to pull more of his reactions to the surface. This is what I missed when I buried my face between his thighs to satisfy my hunger for his dick, and I can’t tell which is more gratifying.

I clench my pussy and delight when he whimpers for me. His response intensifies the feeling of fullness in my ass and pussy, and feeds a physical and emotional need I didn’t know I had. In retaliation, he draws on my breast, lavishing one with his tongue before turning his attention to the other. But nothing he does hides the way his muscles contract, signaling he’s close to another orgasm.

With his impending release, I pull him from my breast and take possession of his mouth, taming him with my tongue. He takes the hand not in my ass and clutches me closer to him as he shudders and yells into my mouth. I delight in swallowing his cries while winding my hips against him. The action stimulates my clit and pushes me over the edge where I join him in a second orgasm.

After a lingering kiss, I extract myself and pant from lack of air. The slight shift causes me to raise startled eyes to his. “You’re still hard? But you just came, didn’t you?”

“I came and saw stars. Don’t be in doubt.” He shrugs with a sheepish grin. “I can’t help it if I haven’t gotten enough of you.”

“Have you always been multi-orgasmic?”

He wipes all expression from his face and gently swings me off him before turning his back on me and hanging his head.

“Julian?” Concerned, I touch his shoulder and feel him shudder beneath me. But this isn’t from pleasure. “Julian, what’s wrong?” I spring out of bed and round it to face him while I dig for the information I want. I raise his head until his worried eyes meet mine. “Talk to me.”

He shuts off the radio and gives me his attention. “I wouldn’t know if I’m multi-orgasmic, because you’re the only woman I’ve ever been with.”

I take an involuntary step back after his admission. “No way. No virgin could do what you did or make me feel what you made me feel. The way you handled my body…how if you haven’t been with other women?”

He shrugs. “I can’t speak for other virgins, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t disappoint you when we met again. So, I studied.”

“Doesn’t study require hands-on application?” I glare at him, while trying to understand how two opposing things can be true.

“Theoretical study. I bought tons of books written by women about how women experience pleasure, and the key message I took away from everything I’d read was all women don’t enjoy sex the same way. And although I have tons of books with diagrams and step-by-step instructions, none of them mattered. Because for my first practicum, I decided to let my desire to please you guide me.” Julian strokes my cheek while peering into my eyes with a level of devotion I’ve never received before. “When will you understand that your pleasure is my pleasure?”

I sit beside him, too astounded that—“Oh my God, I took your virginity!” I jump up as the enormity of how I treated him hits me. No longer able to stand still, I pace in front of him as myriad thoughts bombard me. Did I unwittingly take advantage of him? My previous partners would never have let me dictate our sex acts. It doesn’t matter that he’s five years older than me if I’m more experienced. I should have?—

He chuckles and grabs my hands, halting me mid-pace. “My virginity was always yours to take whenever and however you wanted.”

“But…how? You can’t tell me other women never approached you.”

He releases my hands and clams up.

I narrow my gaze at him. “Julian, what aren’t you telling me?”

“Take a number, Nadira. There’s a lot I haven’t told you, and you know this.”

I contemplate him and his odd response. The only things he refuses to talk about relate to my missing memory. “So this goes back to when we were kids?”

His reluctant nod confirms my suspicion.

“Do you think what we shared was beautiful?” I ask.

“Of course. I wouldn’t have our first time any other way.”

“And I want it to remain beautiful for me, too. For that to happen, I need to know what you’re not telling me.”

Unlike when Julian was in the throes of passion, his face gives nothing away. “In my mind, I’ve been your husband since I gave you a flower ring. What man would I be if I stepped out on my wife?”

“Flower ring?” I feel the blood draining from my face. I struggle to get the next words out, but I have to know. “Was there only the one?”

“Nadira?”

“Was there only one ring?” I demand in the face of his growing concern.

“No. You outgrew them as you got older. Whenever they no longer fit, you transferred them to a hemp necklace you made.”

“Oh, my God.” I cover my mouth as an image of a teenager with bright golden-brown eyes flashes in my head, so similar to the image of the boy I remember from before and almost a replica of the man in front of me. In what I recognize as a memory now, he’s sliding the ring on my ring finger and promising to wait for me because they’re moving him to a different facility and it was our last minutes together.

“Nadira, what’s wrong? Tell me what to do. What do you need?” Julian’s voice sounds far away like he’s underwater. He shakes me, bringing his current panicking image into focus. “Nadira!”

“That necklace… It was in my belongings when I survived the crash. I always wondered why there were so many rings and why the sizes and flowers were different.”

“I always made them based on what was in season.”

“And the last one you gave me, that happened on the day of my accident. But there was more than one that day.”

“You remember?”

I nod as tears spill down my face. “I was heartbroken when you walked away, but I tried to be hopeful at the same time. I felt like I was losing another person… Wait, who did I lose that would cause this crushing pain inside my chest?” I rub the area above my heart as if I’ve reopened a fresh wound instead of one long-healed and hardened with scar tissue.

“Do you remember anything else?”

I try, going so far as closing my eyes to recapture the memory to see where it goes. But only teenage Julian’s stiff spine as he walks away from me replays over and over behind my closed lids. With a frustrated growl, I admit defeat. “Nothing.”

His disappointment reflects mine, but his arms enclosing me in a comforting embrace eases my pain and dwindling hope. He kisses my forehead. “When you leave this place, there’s somewhere I want to take you that might help you regain other memories.”

I close my eyes and breathe him in. “You promise?”

Julian pinches my chin until I match his stare. “You said you needed this, right?”

I nod.

“Then I’ll do whatever I can to ensure you get it.”

“I need something else.”

Julian quirks his brow in silent question.

“Undress me and cuddle with me until I need to leave.”

“That sounds more like what I need.” He reaches for the laces and hooks on my bustier. When I’m naked, he pulls the covers on the bed back and reaches for me.

I eagerly join him, facing him while sharing the same pillow. I stroke his shoulder, trailing my hand until I touch the ink on his body. I trace the letters. The message takes on deeper meaning after the past few hours with Julian, but it also brings doubts. “Are you disappointed that I didn’t save myself for you?” I keep my gaze locked on my hand, afraid he won’t be able to hide the truth from me if I stare into his eyes.

But this is Julian. When I need truth from him, he delivers it whether I want to hear it. He tilts my head until his face fills my vision. “Why would you have? You had no memory of me, and I see no point in dwelling on something neither of us could control. The truth is, your body is a gift worth cherishing, regardless of how many came before me. What matters most is who we are now, and that no one else will come after me.”

I search his eyes, amazed by his conviction. “How can you be so certain of your feelings for me? Haven’t I changed since we were kids?”

“Absolutely, but all the changes endear you to me more. After all, you smile more now, and you don’t reserve them for when you’re killing people. And when I look into your eyes, there’s life there that you no longer try to hide from. You’ve always been generous with the people you take under your wing, but you rarely let them get too close. I was one of two exceptions. Now you have more. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re getting soft in your old age.”

I poke him for his little dig. “I’m still younger than you.”

“And you’re still my hero. That will never change.”