Page 14

CHAPTER 14

THE GANG SHOWS UP

Nadira

Y ou know who Y is.

Julian’s voice circles inside my head. Day after day, my concentration breaks whenever I hear him. I’m supposed to be planning the trap to catch whoever is after me, but all I want to do is read every letter in the room downstairs.

I’m Y.

I feel the truth of it resonate deep within my bones, but it still feels foreign to me. Yet, I haven’t reentered that room since peering into the pain filling Julian’s eyes. I’ve been Nadira for so long that I forgot the frustration-filled days when I struggled to remember who I was before Fostering Futures took me in, but the temptation to learn everything about my previous life grows with each passing day. And every time the urge becomes near unbearable, Julian’s face flashes before me.

That room and the letters were behind his initial refusal to house me. From his behavior ever since, he regrets succumbing to my demands. Despite the pristine state of his home, Julian spends every day cleaning and reorganizing every room in this forty-room mansion. It doesn’t matter if I’m in it or not. Julian cleans around me as if he doesn’t see me. He refuses to discuss anything about the books I discovered or why my reading them pushed him into this frenzy.

Even the implacable Alastair watches with concern, ensuring Julian winds up in bed when the exhaustion from nonstop cleaning catches up to him. And me? I watch as I hold Leaper close, both of us helpless and with no idea how to help him, only the knowledge that I caused of his distress.

After five days of tension from waiting for Julian to open up and discuss the significance of the letters or why they are all lovingly bound in leather, I plan my escape. Although confused because he insists upon being in my life but now can’t seem to look me in the eye, I also know my presence is a hindrance.

I wait until he and Alastair are busy reorganizing another part of the house. As I slip away, I overhear Alastair advising Julian his coping methods aren’t working and will prevent him from fulfilling the promises that have kept him going all his life.

I choke back an unexpected sob for his dilemma as I find my way off the property. Alone.

Although I wish I could bring Leaper along, my decision not to stems from a small hope her presence will do for Julian what she does for me whenever I’m struggling with something bigger than myself. Like the memories that keep visiting my dreams to tell me I don’t know who I am.

Also, other than my care, Leaper has never been more spoiled than in the hands of Julian and Alastair. I can leave her in safety while I try to rid myself of this helpless feeling inside.

Once free, I roam aimlessly. I don’t know what to do with myself, and my thoughts circle back to Julian and his relationship with Y… me. As much as I want to probe him for the missing history that seems more important the longer these dreams plague me, I can’t seem to lock my emotions away long enough to approach the task.

I end up at my office. It’s a dumb move, considering I have no plan if the people Julian works for come after me. In my defense, the office is empty because today is Sunday, and I snuck in instead of walking through the front door.

Why my office? The question circulates in my head as I trail my fingers across the back of my chair. Well, I can’t risk going to my house since whoever’s after me probably knows where I live. My friends’ homes are equally off limits, although I have to operate under the assumption that Julian’s organization already knows about them. After all, if I were hired to take me out, I would have done enough surveillance to know every aspect of my personal life before making a move.

The familiarity of the cool leather against my fingertips remind me I have more than my friends to look out for. I plop onto my chair.

With the revelations in Spain, there’s only one thing I can do that will ensure my employees’ safety. After doing what I need here, I’ll dedicate the rest of my time to safeguard my friends.

I breathe in the comforting office scent as I draft a memo informing the company of my immediate leave of absence. Afterward, I compile the high-priority projects I’ve overseen to summarize and leave directions for my number two.

The task takes less time than expected. Probably because I’ve always known that I could disappear without a trace at any moment, and I’ve religiously updated my files and processes for others to take over. With that done, I try to distract myself with other loose ends that may crop up during my absence, but nothing holds my attention. Technically, I could have done everything remotely, but I dare not sign into the network out of the office in case it has been compromised and a hacker with more experience than mine could find me.

Even now, I’ve opened myself to the risk of being found, however, I have a personal artillery at my fingertips in hidden compartments all around my office.

As I contemplate ways to safeguard my friends, the need to help Julian overshadows everything I do and everywhere I look. His pained expression. His manic frenzy. Eventually, I lose the battle to focus on my friends and search for ways to help him navigate a situation I orchestrated. At least my plans for Chelsea, Moni, Danae, and Tamara have a workable outline, and pivoting to Julian won’t compromise their safety.

I exhale a long breath and stretch my neck from side to side, hearing the satisfying popping of stiff muscles. Once I’m ready, I open a browser window on my computer. I don’t know what I’m looking for but hope I’ll stumble upon something somewhere with advice to help me navigate this odd turn in my strange dance with Julian.

As the hours pass without me knowing how many, I fall into a rabbit hole of research. Most articles are about obsessive-compulsive disorders, but I’m no psychiatrist to diagnose Julian. Also, the resources are for him to help himself, not what friends and family can do to minimize the triggering events that cause him to spiral. I’m so deep in my research, I barely register the tingling at my nape.

When it finally penetrates my concentration, I glance toward the door and gasp. Julian, the always put together, neat, and composed man that I’ve never seen with a hair out of place, is a disheveled mess, glaring at me.

“You weren’t where you were supposed to be. I searched and searched, but you weren’t there. Don’t you know what could have happened to you?” He throws a basket onto my desk, adjusts it then begins to reorganize my office. “What if they found you before I did? No, I’ll never let that happen. I won’t lose you again.”

A feeling of helplessness washes over me as he mumbles about never going back to those empty days of not knowing. When he’s set everything in place for the second time, I get to him before he starts again. With my hands holding his still, I wait until he meets my gaze.

“I’m sorry I left without leaving behind a note. Next time, I promise to give you a way to get in touch with me.”

The manic light in his eyes slowly returns to normal as my words register. “You promise?”

I surprise myself by agreeing and meaning it. Beyond my suspicions about his underlying motives, I thought Julian’s efforts were a way to get me to depend on him. Now, I realize the opposite is true; he needs me.

I pull him toward my desk, and he follows with little resistance. “Will you eat with me?”

He glances around the office as if awakening from a dream. Binders stack the shelves in alphabetic order, though if given enough time, Julian would probably empty the binders to organize the contents, color coordinate the binders, and match them by size.

“Julian?”

He swings around to me and glances at the basket he brought. “I made you lunch.” He empties the contents. There is a container for everything. “It’s a good thing I prepared all cold dishes. When I couldn’t find you at the house, Alastair ordered me to find you. Of course you hadn’t eaten, so I wrapped everything up.” Julian raises his head and stares at me as if a new thought dawns on him. “Do you think he just wanted me out of the house? If anyone knows what not knowing your whereabouts does to me, it’s Alastair.”

I twist my lips, imagining the scene play out. “From what I’ve seen of that man’s abilities, I wouldn’t dismiss the idea.”

“Right.” Julian nods and finishes spooning the rest of the food out. Once he plates everything, we eat.

I allow the silence to fill the air until we’re halfway through the meal. “Julian, other than giving you ways to reach me when I’m not with you, how can I help you? I still don’t understand what caused you to clean the house…the way you do.”

Will talking about the topic directly trigger him again? I don’t want that.

“Never—”

Julian stares unwaveringly into my eyes. “I was hoping to hide this side of myself until…”

“I fell hopelessly in love with you?”

A ghost of a smile flits across his lips before disappearing. “That would be ideal, but no. I was hoping you would remember something about me from your former life. I thought it would make things easier, but I’m not so sure now.”

“But now that I have seen you, what can I do to avoid sending you on another five-day cleaning spree?”

He sinks into the chair until his head rests against the seat back and he stares at the ceiling. “I don’t have many days like the past few. It used to happen more often when everyone I cared about disappeared without explanation. Nothing I did mattered or made a difference. Not that I could see, anyway. But when I clean? I decide where things go, how they’re arranged, and if they’re needed at all. I guess, being the person moving things gives me a sense of control I never had growing up. I thought I was managing pretty well, but then I saw you reading my letters…”

I don’t refute his claim that he was managing. Based on the new placement of the things in my apartment, I’d say his tics probably started when he saw me again.

“I expected you to disappear again. And it would have been my fault.” Julian straightens in his chair to pierce me with the intensity of his stare. “If you leave, I won’t blame you, but I don’t think I can accept it either.”

I round my desk to sit on his lap. His eyes widen from my surprise move. It’s the first time I’ve initiated contact between us that didn’t start with a knife throw, kick, or punch. I cup his cheek, caressing the stubble growing on his face, knowing it’s there because he’s neglected himself while immersed in his personal hell.

“I have a proposition.”

Wary suspicion enters his eyes.

“Shortly before you reentered my life, I’ve been having these dreams. I used to have them when I was younger, but not as intense as now. Regardless, I never remember much. Snippets of conversations, never faces. But after reading one of your letters, I saw a set of the most soulful golden-brown eyes so clearly, I felt they were in the room with me. I think they belonged to your younger self.”

“You had a memory?” Julian’s eyes widen in amazement. “What else can you recall? Was there anyone else with me? What were we doing? Wh?—”

“Slow your roll, Julian. It wasn’t clear.” Before disappointment wipes out his budding hope, I continue, “But that’s where I want your help. You don’t want to tell me about my life, but maybe you can show me the places we used to go, things we used to do. More than ever, I want to know who I was.”

He curves his hand around my scarred cheek. “When do you want to start?”

I open my mouth to respond, but my phone rings. It’s the special ringtone for Tamara. We haven’t hung out since our shopping trip where she poured her heart out to me about her breakup. Guilt eats at me for failing Tamara in such a big way. “I need to take this,” I say to Julian before answering the phone. “Tamara?”

“Girl, where have you been?” Moni’s voice surprises me. “Nah, where you at right now? We finna roll up.”

“I’m in the office. I can come to you, just tell me where to meet,” I say.

“Didn’t I tell you the girl would be working?” Chelsea’s voice sounds over the phone.

“Is everyone with you?” I ask.

“Yes, and we’re about to pull up to your building. Seems Chelsea knows your habits better than the rest of us.” Moni hangs up, leaving me staring at the handset.

Shit. I haven’t put the finishing touches on my plans to keep them safe and I’m nowhere near being able to execute them. I don’t have time to think about that now. If they’re coming here, they’ll be exposed.

“Bad news?” Julian stands over me.

“I’m not sure. Considering Tamara doesn’t give up her phone without a good reason, I’m leaning towards terrible news. They’re on their way here.” I look up at him with an apology on my lips.

“I’ll let you guys talk. We can plan the other stuff later. Just… you know, let me know where you’re going to be next.”

I nod, grateful that he seems to be returning to some semblance of his normal self. “Promise,” I say while going to my secret compartments to retrieve my semi-automatic handgun and throwing knives.

He smiles and shakes his head while watching me.

“They’re for protection.”

“I had no doubt. Remember, those aren’t the only protection you have,” he says before leaving.

I release a relieved breath, not prepared to explain his presence to my friends.

Not too long after he walks out the door, Danae and Chelsea come in.

Danae, who was silent on the call, leads the charge. “Nadira, baby, you coming with us.” She takes my hand and drags me from my desk.

Chelsea gets my bag and follows us out.

“What’s the emergency?” I am still confused because no one has said anything, but the tightness in their faces and the stiffness in their gait as they rush me out tell me I won’t like what they’re about to reveal.

Before we get to the car, I demand my phone. I send a quick text to Julian to let him know I’m leaving and once I know where, he’ll know, too. He sends an emoji of two hands pressed together in response.

In the SUV, everything clicks. Why Tamara wasn’t on the phone, why everyone is together, and why the serious demeanor. Tamara hugs herself tight while sporting a black eye.

“Give me a name,” I say.

Moni twists from her place in the passenger seat. “We all want one, but she ain’t saying what happened yet. So, we about to pamper the truth out of her.”

I sit in the back row, watching Tamara for any clues, though her silence poses a huge problem. “Was it the woman who left you?”

Tamara huddles further into herself. The only indication that she hears me is the tiny head shake she gives in response to my question.

With one suspect in the clear, I keep quiet for a few miles until another question pops into my head. “Where are we going?”

“The Ritz,” Chelsea says. At my frown, she rolls her eyes. “Not everyone can afford the Luxe Continental.”

“True, but you’re with someone who can. Danae, turn this car around and go where you know they treat us right.” While she follows my instructions, I dial my preferred hotel.

The Luxe isn’t just a fancier hotel, it’s higher price comes with more security. Given my current circumstances, I won’t leave my girls open to threats when we have options. Also, I have the schematics to the place and have used it as a temporary safe house upon occasion.

When I hang up the phone, Chelsea twists in her chair to ask me, “So who was that snack I saw walking out of your building?”

Everyone’s curious eyes spear me with their interest. Moni and Danae must not have seen Julian leave, or else they would have remembered him from the club.

“My life is not the topic we’re talking about.” I blink toward Tamara. “And until we settle topic A, topic B is not on the docket.”

“Did she really shut us down?” Moni asks.

“Shut down and bridge burnt, but we’ll get her soon.” Danae’s promise causes me to smile.

When I put my mind to it, I’ve always been able to deflect their interest. I’ll do so now if they get too curious about Julian before I’m ready to put a label on who he is to me.

The Luxe Continental puts luxury to shame with its amenities, and Tamara deserves all the good stuff considering her past few weeks. As soon as we pull up to the valet, our dedicated butler whisks us to our suite.

“You requested our Platinum package, which includes the in-room mani-pedi. Inside your suite is a private sauna, and a personal chef. They’ll be up shortly to prepare your meal. If there is anything I may assist you with, I’m at your service 24/7. Please, don’t hesitate to reach out.” After taking care of a few items, he leaves us to get our relaxation on.

I turn to Tamara. “Give me a name.”

“What do you think you can do? Look, I don’t want to cause a whole thing that puts my firm in the spotlight for the wrong reasons. Just let’s focus on making me feel better.” Tamara strolls over to the table laden with goodies. From the four-tier dessert plate, she selects a fruit tart.

Moni sidles up to Tamara, throwing an arm around her shoulder so Tamara can’t easily escape. “How you going to feel better if you not offloading what happened? Use your words. Tell us the gory deets.”

“I need names, not details,” I say with a straight face.

Chelsea stares at me as if seeing me for the first time. Or maybe the look she’s giving is of seeing someone familiar that they haven’t seen in forever and not believing their eyes. I’m not sure, but her gaze unnerves me.

“Tamara, it might be a good idea to tell us what happened. I’m genuinely concerned that Nadira will force the truth out of you.” Chelsea backs away from me to stand beside Tamara.

“Really, Chels?” I give her the what-the-fuck look.

She isn’t wrong, but I don’t appreciate her letting the other women know. She shrugs, but it seems her tactic works.

“I was on a date.” Tamara’s soft voice trembles as the first words fall from her lips until they become stronger the longer she speaks. “We decided to go back to her place. I knew she was queer, but I didn’t expect her to be bi. When we got to her place, her boyfriend was there. He wanted to have a threesome. Talking about his dick as the miracle converter because his girlfriend is bi. Then I tried to leave, and this happened.”

“Tamara, I know you’re a lawyer and words are your trade, but nowhere in that story did I hear the names of the pieces of shit that did this to you. Now, if you don’t fess up and give me what I want to hear, I won’t extend your stay here for a full week. And your pampering ends now.” I know my girls’ weaknesses and use them whenever they force my hand.

Tamara never goes all out for herself. Everything she earns, she reinvests in her company. So I don’t mind treating her or the rest of the crew when they need something to get their minds, emotions, and health right.

“But Nadira…” Tamara whines.

“Give and take, boo,” I say.

I’m also fine with blackmail.

She reaches for her phone and taps something into it. Curious, I walk behind her to watch.

When she spies me behind her, she clutches the phone to her chest. “Promise you won’t do anything rash. I don’t need my name in the news.”

“I’m never rash. Now stop stalling.” I wait her out.

Our staring contest lasts until Moni, Danae, and Chelsea yell, “Tell her their names already!”

“We want to get into that sauna, damn.” Chelsea rolls her eyes, head, and shoulders to emphasize how fed up she is.

“Fine.” Tamara throws her hands up in defeat. Aside, she mumbles, “I need to work on not succumbing to peer pressure.”

“I wish you no luck with that,” Moni says. “I love peer pressuring every one of you into doing what I want. It’s soul defining.” She lets out a breath as if she’s cleansing her chakras.

“Tamara?” The one word from me jolts her into action.

“His name is Jadan Reales and her name is Royal Lane, but before you do anything, remember I’m a criminal defense attorney. Don’t reveal anything that will get me disbarred when I have to defend you.”

“Your concern is sweet and unnecessary.”

“So now that we got Tamara’s tea, will you tell us about that mystery dessert I saw walking out of your building today?” Chelsea wraps her arm around my waist before I can step away.

“I plead the fifth.”

“Nadira!” Everyone throws the softest object close at hand at me, and I barely dodge a pillow to the face.

“Look, I don’t know what’s happening between us. Until I do, think of him as… a new friend.”

Moni selects a bag of gourmet popcorn from the goodies table. “Does this friend dick you down? If so, I need to know size, girth, if he hits it just right…you know, everything. It’s been so long since you’ve had a man to scratch that itch that we need to know how he’s performing.”

Moni’s invasive curiosity shouldn’t surprise me. Most often I find her refreshing. But a slight flush heats my skin because Julian and I haven’t kissed. “You know better. I don’t kiss and tell.”

When I picture Julian and his devilish smile, I wish I had something to tell them. I wouldn’t. Some things should remain secrets. But with lips like his, there’s no way I’d be the same after his kiss.