Page 12 of Dead Serious Halloween Special

I leap up, rubbing my bum cheek, and look down at it. It looks normal, but it had felt really hard and sharp. Eyeing the chair next to it, I shuffle across. It’s slightly smaller but, hopefully, not as painful. I sit down and flounder, letting out a yelp when I start sinking. Grasping onto the edge of the table, I haul myself up.Gross. It was like sitting in gooey pudding. My gaze wanders to the third and final chair, which is much smallerthan the other two. Unable to help myself, I sink down onto it and let out a surprised and pleased hum.

Just right.

At that precise moment, my stomach lets out a loud grumble of protest punctuated by a sharp pang of hunger. The most delicious scent hits my nostrils, and my mouth waters. Three bowls filled with porridge have appeared in front of me. My stomach growls again and I’m hit with such a wave of longing that my hand moves without thought.

I don’t even like porridge, but I pull the largest bowl towards me and grab a spoon, then lift a huge glob of it to my mouth. The second it hits my tongue, I gag and spit it back into the bowl. Urgh, it’s disgusting, all salty and cold.

I shove it away and reach for the next bowl, which is slightly smaller. Picking up the spoon next to it, I shovel in a mouthful and then spit that out too. It’s so sweet it hurts my teeth. Pushing that bowl away, I reach for the third and take a bite. Just right, the perfect temperature and consistency and the exact amount of sweetness.

I gobble it up, barely stopping for breath. It’s insane. I’ve never been this hungry for something I usually can’t stand. I’m about halfway through the bowl when I hear a loud splintering sound. I pause, loaded spoon in one hand and bowl in the other, and then feel myself drop. The way-too-small-for-me chair gives way. I tumble backwards and hit the ground, losing my grip on the bowl, which is catapulted through the air by my momentum. I watch from my prone position as it hits the wall, where it smashes loudly and leaves an ugly beige smear dripping down the once pristine surface.

Whoops.

I yawn as a wave of tiredness washes over me. Then I climb to my feet and brush the splintered wood from my legs. Without really stopping to think about how incredibly inappropriate it is,I head back out into the hallway and climb the staircase. The first room I come across is a large communal bedroom which seems to stretch the length of the house, and in it are three neatly made beds.

The first one, unsurprisingly, is as hard as a rock, the second islike lyingon a waterbed and has me fighting a wave of seasickness, but the third one is just perfection!A wave of exhaustion passes over meand my eyes close the moment I’m horizontal.

I wake with a start and sit bolt upright. It’s already dark outside, I realise as I glance across at the window. I’m trying to figure out what woke me when I hear a loud and terrifying growl from downstairs.

What the fuck was that?

Thundering footsteps sound on the stairs, and I scramble out of the bed, wild-eyed. Fuck. There is only one exit from this room, and I don’t have time to head towards it because suddenly three bears fill the doorway.

Yes, you heard that correctly. Three. Fucking. Bears.

Huge, black, furry bears with sharp claws and wicked-looking teeth, and one is wearing… a tie? I blink and sure enough, even as the largest one roarsso loudly the windowpanes rattle, I can see that he—she, it… they?—is naked except for a white collar and a pinstriped tie. Seriously, it’s like something you’d see in a cartoon. The middle bear is wearing a paisley dress and the youngest has on a pair of blue shorts.

I must be hallucinating; this surely can’t be real. But real or not, the largest one, snarling and baring his teeth, lunges for me. With a frightened yelp, I leap onto the nearest bed and bounce from one to the next and then the next like I’m trying out forNinja Warrior. I aim for the window ledge as the huge bear behind me hurls the heavy wooden beds out of the way. Fumbling with the latch on the window, I press my weightagainst it too hard in my panic, and when the latch lifts and the window flies open, I tumble out.

Fortunately for me, the porch is directly beneath the window. Unfortunately, I hit the pitched roof with a jolt and roll down the sharp angle off the end, then drop straight into a bush before flopping ungraciously onto the ground.

“Oww,” I croak, my face smooshed into the front lawn.

I hear rather than witness the bear lean out of the window and bellow furiously. Still somewhat winded, I scramble to my feet and hotfoot it down the path, out the gate, and onto the street.

“Danny?” a familiar voice gasps. I lean over, bracing my hands on my knees and trying to catch my breath, then look up to see Sam standing in front of me, his eyes wide as his gaze slowly trails over the gingham dress and the ringlets. His eyes narrow suspiciously. “Did you let Chan choose your costume?”

“B-bears!” I wheeze.

“I’m more of a snarky ginger twink man myself, but thanks for the heads-up. Everyone gets a little wild on Halloween.”

“No… bears!” I point as the three creatures appear in the doorway to the house and bellow in unison.

“Huh, not the kind of bears I thought then.” He blinks and I grasp his arm. “Wait a minute. Is that bear holding a handbag?”

I don’t answer. Instead, I set off at a run, dragging him with me down the twisting back alleys and streets until we reach the main high street, determined not to stop until I’m certain we’re not being pursued.

Sam sucks in a ragged breath. “What the hell?”

What had been a wide main road, with a bus lane and linedwith tall commercial buildings and pubs, is now covered with trees and moss and giant toadstools. The road itself looks like a goopy mess of beige, and from the scent in the air, I’d sayit’s more fucking porridge. Tons of the icky stuff, oozing down the road.

A voice rings through the air, and I look up. My mouth falls open.

“Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m?—”

I look over at Sam, whose mouth gapes as wide as mine. “Is that—” I whisper.

Sam blinks twice. “A ten-foot-tall gingerbread man running down the street? I think it might be.”